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Rape survivors being castigated for not wearing masks.

94 replies

HeIenaDove · 10/08/2020 17:26

This young woman has waived her anonymity to talk about this after receiving no response from her MP.

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/aug/10/survivors-say-they-are-being-stigmatised-for-not-wearing-masks

Rape survivors say they are being stigmatised for not wearing masks
Campaigners say survivors are being castigated despite fact that covering face can trigger flashbacks and panic attacks

When Georgina Fallows even contemplates putting on a mask, the flashbacks to her rape can be overwhelming and debilitating. She is not alone.

Rape survivors are among those voicing deep concerns about the stigma and ensuing “mask rage” attached to not wearing a face covering in shops, on transport and in other public places, prompting calls for better recognition of legitimate reasons why people are exempt.

A number of rape and sexual abuse survivors have told the charity Rape Crisis they are so scared of being confronted and verbally abused for not wearing face masks that they are avoiding places where they may be challenged.

“A significant proportion of rape survivors had their mouths or noses covered, or were choked or smothered, as part of the abuse and violence they experienced,” said Kate Russell, the national spokesperson for Rape Crisis England and Wales. “Covering their face and nose now can trigger flashbacks, panic attacks and severe anxiety.”

Severe distress is recognised by the government as a reason for a legal exemption from the mandatory use of face coverings. But rape victims still fear they will be castigated.

Russell said: “There’s a lot of assumptions that people who aren’t wearing face masks are behaving that way because they’re selfish, stupid, careless or a combination of all three. This lack of awareness is creating legitimate anxiety among rape survivors that if they go out and about they might not be met with empathy and care.”

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Fallows, a 29-year-old solicitor, suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and cannot bear to have her mouth covered, years after her experience of rape.

“For part of my rape, he had his hand over my mouth. As a result, anything over my mouth – even an oxygen mask – can trigger a flashback. And that is hugely distressing. Physically, it feels like I’m back there again and he’s raping me and I am dying,” she said.

The distress she suffers amid flashbacks can be so severe that paramedics have felt it necessary to call the police to hold her down so they can sedate her. “It’s absolutely horrendous. I would like to be able to wear a mask, not just for my own health, but because I don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. But even the thought of putting on a mask makes me very, very, very panicky.”

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When she tried to get her hair cut after lockdown, another customer interrogated her about her lack of a mask, refusing to accept Fallows’ reply that she was exempt.

“She told me that was ridiculous and said I had no proof. I cried all the way home. She truly believed that I was a self-centred, ignorant girl who didn’t give a shit about anybody else. I felt completely worthless.”

Since then, whenever she has tried to go to an enclosed public space without a mask, she has been challenged. She is now avoiding all shops and public transport which, since she has no car, is severely restricting where she can go. “I can’t see my family, who live two hours away. If I want to go anywhere, I have to walk.”

She fears this could leave her vulnerable to another attack – she was dragged off the street by her rapist – and so spends a lot of time alone in her bedroom. “I’ve tried so hard to rejoin life again, as it were. But it feels like it has all been taken away again

She contacted her MP, local councillor and mayor to urge them to mount a public awareness campaign about the legitimate reasons for mask exemptions, but received no response.

She has waived her right to anonymity to raise awareness. “People feel like they have the right to challenge you, and that is awful. You wouldn’t look at me and know I’d been raped, but I was, and it’s a huge problem for me. I spend most of my time trying to forget what happened to me. I don’t need to be challenged about this three or four times a day, just trying to live my life. All it does is remind me of something I’m desperately trying to forget.”

Rape Crisis wants shops and public transport companies to display signs and remind customers there are legitimate reasons people may not be wearing masks, which may not always be visible or obvious, and discourage customers from challenging each other.

The Oxfordshire Sexual Abuse and Rape Crisis Centre has compiled a list of ways in which some survivors of sexual violence have found it possible to wear face coverings.

“The list offers support and advice for survivors around face coverings and how they can perhaps make the experience of wearing a face covering less traumatic,” said Russell. She urged any survivor who is distressed or concerned about wearing a face mask to get in touch with Rape Crisis nationally or a local service.

OP posts:
ancientgran · 21/08/2020 12:17

@HotPatootiebootie exactly right, doesn't matter what the reason is, none of their business.

countrygirl99 · 21/08/2020 12:25

@ancientgran exactly right.

SockYarn · 21/08/2020 12:38

Why did you tag me in this?

No idea. I am very much of the opinion that people need to butt out of other people's business. I won't be challenging anyone not wearing a mask, none of my business and why should anyone have to explain themselves to me?

user14562156358 · 21/08/2020 12:40

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ancientgran · 21/08/2020 13:29

@user14562156358 PTSD is not a weakness, it's not a character flaw, it's not a choice, and it is frequently untreatable and incurable. Regardless of how many years a person spends in therapy.

Only the seriously ignorant think that having PTSD is something to be ashamed of and that you must therefore be upset for receiving concern and consideration from others, protesting "I'm not like those PTSD victims who can't wear masks, I'm better, don't lump me in with them, they deserve their suffering but I don't". There is nothing shameful about being traumatised.

Do show me where I said it was a weakness or something to be ashamed of or even where I said anyone should be upset about others showing concern.

You must have a serious chip on your shoulder to read it like that. Me seeking to get help so that a rapist couldn't still influence my life is something I consider a positive, if it is incurable at least I'd know I'd tried to deal with the consequences as much as humanly possible. Do you think a rape survivor should be denied the protection of a mask because of something that wasn't their fault.

If you are accusing me of being ignorant kindly be specific and I will report your post as I'm not being ignorant, I've worked with rape survivors and therapy can and does help many or perhaps you'd like people to just accept being a victim.

HeIenaDove · 21/08/2020 14:56

Fair enough @AldiAisleofCrap i probably overreacted Flowers

OP posts:
HeIenaDove · 21/08/2020 14:57

The one good thing to come from the pandemic is that some previously forgotten people, like homeless people and rape survivors, become important because they could infect the already important people (older white men). So housing and PTSD are in the news suddenly

THIS!

OP posts:
HeIenaDove · 21/08/2020 14:58

I just thought you might be interested to read the thread Sock

OP posts:
Violabrit · 21/08/2020 15:04

Could I ask what people who can't wear mask due to PTSD do if they have to go into hospital and wear an oxygen mask? Would you have to be sedated? This is a serious question. I understand not everybody can cope with a mask, it must be anxiety inducing for them when going out.

countrygirl99 · 21/08/2020 15:38

@Violabrit the person I know would have to be sedated. He is for dental check ups. He would not have a procedure if he had to wear a mask unsedated because it would be a waste of time, he wouldn't be able to cope. He also refused to wear a mask for dusty jobs which we used to think was macho bravado until he broke down to a family member terrified at the prospect of being challenged for not wearing a mask to shop.

PennyDreadfuI · 21/08/2020 15:38

@Violabrit

Could I ask what people who can't wear mask due to PTSD do if they have to go into hospital and wear an oxygen mask? Would you have to be sedated? This is a serious question. I understand not everybody can cope with a mask, it must be anxiety inducing for them when going out.
I imagine that in a hospital setting there would be access to sedation if required, yes.
OntheWaves40 · 21/08/2020 17:25

@countrygirl99 you made is about sexism not me. I suggest you reread your original post as it seems to have got lost in your ODFOD comment. If you want to make a valid point I’m sure you can do so without resorting to ridiculous comments like that.

hoodathunkit · 21/08/2020 17:31

I have PTSD and am a rape and trafficking survivor.

I have been rape and violently assaulted while my assailant held his hand over my mouth and I have also been strangled, on more than one occasion but the worst time burst the blood vessels in my eyes.

I cannot of course, speak for other rape survivors or people with PTSD however I have felt extremely traumatised recently on public transport by people not wearing masks as it puts me at risk of the virus and i need to travel on public transport in order to get to a place where I can exercise.

I find it really difficult to wear a mask but I always wear one because I could not bear living with myself if I infected other peopl on the bus with the virus.

Where I live people very often wear masks when they get on the bus but then pull them down the moment they sit down.

They seem not to understand how dangerous it is to travel on the bus withut a mask.

I am genuinely interested to know whether the people who feel they cannot wear masks disbalieve that the virus is a serious threat to the health and lives of others?

Do they believe that their right to travel without a mask is more important than putting the lives of others at risk?

I am less concrened about shops as I only go to the shop when it is quiet but I sometimes have to travel on the bus when it is busy and it is making my PTSD worse as I have to choose between putting my health at risk on a bus or putting my health at risk by not exercising

genuine questions

plantlife · 21/08/2020 17:48

@hoodathunkit I'm the same as you. DV and rape victim, including being suffocated with a hand over mouth.

Same as you, I find lack of mask wearing far more traumatic. My health isn't good and after surviving (sort of) abuse I don't want the virus to kill me.

I have no problem wearing a mask. I actually like it. It helps me feel more invisible, which after trauma is very welcome. I understand a small minority of PTSD sufferers might find them difficult but I'm actually quite upset to feel PTSD is being cited as a blanket reason not to wear one The way some people are speaking about it as if all rape/DV/trauma victims won't or can't wear masks. It's upsetting. I don't think me and you are the only PTSD/trauma victims who might have poorer health and who feel traumatised by the lack of masks.

plantlife · 21/08/2020 17:51

I'm actually still in a DV situation. I have several barriers to leaving but one big issue for me is how to safety leave. I can't drive so would have to risk some form of public transport. It's still terrifying but public mask wearing makes me feel slightly more reassured about the risks. DV and rape victims shouldn't have to choose between abuse and the virus.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 21/08/2020 18:08

Same as you, I find lack of mask wearing far more traumatic. My health isn't good and after surviving (sort of) abuse I don't want the virus to kill me.

I'm the opposite. I don't care if I die of it but I'm privileged enough that I can avoid all mask wearing scenarios atm. Sahm with a car so don't need public transport, dh does the shopping and we're focusing on outdoor attractions for the kids. However given that I cannot function in a mask (nearly got sectioned earlier this year trying to desensentise myself), if I needed to go somewhere I.e. hospital my choices are don't go (probably my preferred option) or go without a mask.

I ask what people who can't wear mask due to PTSD do if they have to go into hospital and wear an oxygen mask?

No idea, hopefully I'll never need to find out. I was really ill with some sort of respiratory illness in march whose symptoms matched covid but I never got tested. I put in writing that I didn't consent to a ventilator or oxygen but after one night where dh stayed up all night listening to my chest thinking he'd need to call an ambulance, I rallied.

hoodathunkit · 21/08/2020 18:08

This reply has been deleted

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hoodathunkit · 21/08/2020 18:15

I'm actually still in a DV situation. I have several barriers to leaving but one big issue for me is how to safety leave. I can't drive so would have to risk some form of public transport. It's still terrifying but public mask wearing makes me feel slightly more reassured about the risks. DV and rape victims shouldn't have to choose between abuse and the virus.

I am really upset to hear that you are still in a DV situation Flowers

Have you contacted Women's Aid?

Please, please get some help. You deserve so much better than to be in such an awful situation

Sending you love

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 21/08/2020 18:40

I can't drive so would have to risk some form of public transport

When I still worked we had a lot of DV cases and Women's Aid and/or the Police would help them leave. Not sure if that's an avenue you could look into?

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/08/2020 20:10

some previously forgotten people, like homeless people and rape survivors, become important because they could infect the already important people (older white men)

That’s a racist statement. What the fuck does whiteness have to do with it? You must not know that most homeless people in the UK are actually white men?

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 20:16

@Violabrit

Could I ask what people who can't wear mask due to PTSD do if they have to go into hospital and wear an oxygen mask? Would you have to be sedated? This is a serious question. I understand not everybody can cope with a mask, it must be anxiety inducing for them when going out.
When I went for surgery at Christmas they gave me sedation and knocked me out with stuff in the cannula.
Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 20:19

@hoodathunkit

plantlife

Thanks for your posts

It helps me feel less lone with this

I do understand that it can be difficult to wear masks for some people for various reasons.

I can understand how, is someone believes that this is a "scamdemic" that they may feel entitled not to wear a mask.

However if we accept that the virus is a serious threat to health (and I believe it is) then why is the government allowing people to travel without masks on busses?

I find the current situation re public transport extremely stressful and scary.

It seems not unlike the situation with trans rights where

  1. the welfare of a tiny minority are prioritised over the safety of a much larger group
  1. The rights of the tiny minority are then claimed by a much larger group of people for all kinds of reasons
  1. feelings are prioritised over reality

This virus kills people.

For some people it leaves them seriously ill for a long time afterwards - possibly for the rest of their lives.

Where I live it is extremely unusual when travelling on a bus to not have several people either not wearing masks or, more commonly, wearing them to get on and then pulling them down.

I have been threatened and abused by people (almost exclusively older men) when I have pointed out to them, very politely, that their mask has slipped down.

How can this possibly be OK?

Under legislation I am protected from discrimination on the grounds of my disability.

That also means I can’t wear a mask.

I’m not taking rights away from anyone else.

I socially distance. I am scrupulous with hand washing and sanitising.

I try not to use public transport and I’m staying at home as much as possible.

I have a lanyard and a card on it.

What more.am I supposed to do?

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 20:21

I can’t wear a mask due to ptsd as a result of abuse and assault and rape.

I have never claimed that is the same for anyone else it isn’t. But the govt allow me an exemption. Am I not supposed to avail of that?

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 20:26

Sedation for oxygen mask, then as soon as they could the tubes up my nose. And for the surgery was knocked out with white stuff in the cannula.

hoodathunkit · 21/08/2020 21:14

Under legislation I am protected from discrimination on the grounds of my disability.

That also means I can’t wear a mask.

I’m not taking rights away from anyone else.

I socially distance. I am scrupulous with hand washing and sanitising.

I try not to use public transport and I’m staying at home as much as possible.

I have a lanyard and a card on it.

What more.am I supposed to do?

I appreciate that you have a laynard and have rights that mean you can, if you wish, travel on a bus without wearing a mask.

I have asthma and PTSD and could also travel on a bus without a mask if I chose to.

I choose not to use my entitlement as I do not want to put other passengers at risk of serious illness or death.

I am sorry you have a disability. We all have different situations and disabilities. I have EDS and am in pain pretty much all the time. Thank you for being scrupulous about hand washing and hygiene and for avoiding public transport if you can. Many people do not take the same trouble as you do.

Would you feel comfortable travelling on a bus if it put others at risk of death and serious illness?

I wouldn't.

I didn't get the exercise I need to stay well and healthy (mentally and physically) for the first few weeks of lockdown because I did not want to put others at risk. I am still regaining fitness and I become very unwell without exercise.

When lockdown eased I wore a mask on the bus before it was compulsory. People kept saying "but you don't have to wear one until such and such a date". They seemed to not understand that it is the responsibility of every citizen to look out for others.

People seem confused as to the fact that just because they have the right to do something does not cancel their responsibilities to others.

Personally I do not believe that, at this point when there are still so many unknowns and when we know that public transport is very high risk, that anyone should be permitted to travel by bus or train without a mask.

It places many people at risk, not least of all the person who is not wearing the mask.

I was on a bus 2 days ago and a man who had gotten on with a mask on had pulled it down so it rested just under his lower lip.

I said "excuse me Sir I think your mask has slipped down". I was very polite.

He got up and stood over me waving his finger in my face and pulled out a card with the local police force logo on it that said "I AM AUTISTIC". He stayed there shouting at me angrily for a couple of minutes before sitting down again. I couldn't make sense of anything he was saying but he was clearly vulnerable and also believed that being autistic meant that he a) didn't have to wear a mask properly and b) could invade someone else's space.

He then pulled his mask down again, blew his nose on a hanky, then rubbed his nose with his fingers before grasping the hand rail in front of him.

He then raised his mask for a few minutes before lowering it again, blowing his nose again, rubbing his nose and eyes ith his fingers and gripping the rail again.

I am on the spectrum myself and I do appreciate that some people have special needs. Some for physical illnesses, some because of mental illnesses or other for other reasons.

It does seem to me though that the current situation re busses is completely insane.

The autisitc man on the bus was putting man other people at risk and was himself at very high risk. He was not a bad person, of course, but he lacked the mental capacity to assess risk to self and others.

I do believe that we should provide better support, including travel, for people with special needs and disabilities. It seems extremely dangerous for all concerned for the current situation to be the way that it is. I do not believe that you should have to risk travelling on the bus until we know more about hte virus and how to protect everyone.

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