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Original poster

Sick of DH working from home. . .

110 replies

CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 11:58

DH is self--employed. Was working from a shared office, but gave it up when lockdown started.
We have a 'posh shed' at the end of the garden (previously TV/sofa/ gym equipment - mine and teen sons' hangout, basically). DH announced he would make that his office and gym equipment was moved to tiny boxroom upstairs where there is hardly any light and not enough room for me to do stuff on a mat Hmm.
Basically teens no longer able to use it for friends/ gaming etc during day (and it's lost some of its evening appeal, as now has an 'officey feel').

DH positioned his desk in the shed looking back up the garden towards the house. I now feel constantly watched during the day, and I feel uncomfortable sitting out on the terrace or having friends over with DH staring up the garden. He's made the occasional comment about 'how nice to have the time to read during the day etc' Hmm.

Anyway, for the last couple of days he's started setting up his laptop in the KITCHEN - spreading himself and his paperwork over the breakfast bar (which is also the main prep surface for any meal), taking and making phone calls and commenting on everything and anything - what time the teens are getting up/ what people are eating/ suggesting tasks he thinks people should be doing.

Honestly, it's doing my head in! Surely he's being unreasonable -he can't take over the whole house?
WIBU to tell him to p*ss off back to the shed, or give us our gym/TV room back? Grin

[P.S. I appreciate this is a first-world problem, and we're lucky not to be in a one-bed flat etc]

OP posts:
Duchessofealing · 30/07/2020 17:10

I’m really surprised at people thinking YABU - you are not. I’d tell him it isn’t working for you and he needs to be in the box room. I’d also make my phone calls in the kitchen if he decides to work there and move his stuff out of the way. Me and DP are both wfh - I see him at lunchtime and if one of us makes a coffee in the day, that’s it. If he’s watching you read on your day off he isn’t working hard enough Grin. Just because it’s his house too does not give him the right to sit where he wants and get in the way, it’s unnecessary and disruptive.

GoldenOmber · 30/07/2020 17:16

If he doesn’t want to use your shed can I have it? Sounds lovely. I’ll even give a hand with unpacking the shopping Grin

Chickenkatsu · 30/07/2020 17:16

4 Eggs? I think that he's got point.

SingingGoldfinch · 30/07/2020 17:20

I've not had a chance to read the whole thread but as someone who has been working at home rather than the usual office since start of lockdown I do have some sympathy with your dh. My dh and I have both been working at home - no home office set up so we're both sat at the dining table - every single day. Before end of term arrived kids were also with us doing school work. These are exceptional times and we all have to adapt and be realistic about expectations. Perhaps you dh is taking up more than his fair share of space with his working arrangements and inconveniencing you a bit in the process but honestly, I would count yourself very lucky that you have 'posh sheds' and box rooms as options! It could be a lot worse!

Original poster
CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 17:21

@Chickenkatsu

4 Eggs? I think that he's got point.
Ha ha. I'd tend to agree, but quite normal for 6ft 3 teenage body-building son.
OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/07/2020 17:30

I would tell him as he's not using the shed you'll have it back and he can use a mix of the box room and wherever else he fancies.

I would also start a wall chart of how much leisure time you each have to prove he is doing f*ck all of his share around the house...

Does he think your his staff???

Original poster
CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 17:34

@GoldenOmber

If he doesn’t want to use your shed can I have it? Sounds lovely. I’ll even give a hand with unpacking the shopping Grin
I KNOW we are very fortunate and have more than enough space etc. However it's the 'posh shed' which is the bug bear in all this.

I thought it was going to be a waste of money and argued it wouldn't get used enough, but was persuaded by the gym/ tv hang out argument.
It IS really nice - with proper heating, decking, bi-fold doors etc. It was perfect for the teens to have some independence from the house and play their movies and games as loud as they want. And I enjoyed doing cardio on the cross-trainer and/or a workout video.
However, we reluctantly agreed that it could become DH's office, which, at the time, seemed a fairly temporary thing

Now, of course, the DSs play the TV loudly in the house which disturbs me when I'M trying to work. (I'm not sitting around twiddling my thumbs as some posters seem to think?)

So I think, having turfed all the other members of the family out, DH should now bl**dy use it!

OP posts:
MissHemsworth · 30/07/2020 17:35

Wow so he had the choice of the shed, the box room or DS's old study room yet he chooses to spread out in the kitchen getting in everyone's way! I feel your pain OP DH is also WFH & has claimed our bedroom as his own (not a desk, no, he likes to spread out on the bed). I feel like I no longer have a bedroom. He is completely oblivious to how this impacts anyone else. Yet we live in a small 3 bed so no other alternative. I wouldn't tolerate it if he had other options!

RandomMess · 30/07/2020 17:40

Where do you WFH?

Swap with him and you have it as your office and gym...

GoldenOmber · 30/07/2020 17:44

I would say reclaim the shed as it sounds like you’ll all make better use of it than he is, but hogging the kitchen table and then managing what everyone else is doing would drive me so bonkers I’d be dragging him back to the shed myself. And then putting blinds up in it if he started making comments about anyone reading in the garden.

commentatorz · 30/07/2020 17:45

hahaha If I was him I'd be off

TwentyViginti · 30/07/2020 17:47

Equivalent of pissing up against everything saying "This is mine, this is mine

Its the house equivalent of manspreading

He's pissing AND spreading!

elastamum · 30/07/2020 17:54

Your DH is being unreasonable. Both me and DP WFH and during lockdown we had 7 adults in the house. So we allocated everyone a workspace and no one was allowed to take over the kitchen or the living room. This means that there is always somewhere that whoever has a moment can get a cuppa, do lunch, watch TV etc. Suggest you have a chat about finding an arrangement that works for everyone

YorkshirePud1 · 30/07/2020 18:05

I feel your pain, my husband has completely taken over the kitchen. As much as I love him I feel like he's completely ruining my maternity leave just by being here ALL THE TIME. He's so loud on his work calls and when I go in the kitchen to sort out a bottle for the baby or make myself some lunch for e.g. I have to be quiet when he's on the phone. Plus his stuff is just everywhere and the mess is driving me crazy - I like a nice tidy kitchen. He's moaning that he thinks his boss is going to call them back into the office soon - I make sympathetic noises but secretly I hope it's sooner rather than later Grin

SuzieCarmichael · 30/07/2020 18:15

I know this thread is at least a bit lighthearted but on a serious note OP this really doesn’t speak well for your marriage. Do you feel there’s an underlying problem here? He doesn’t sound respectful of you or the family. Have you tried talking to him about that? Not the practicalities of the working situation - which he sounds very rude and dismissive of - but the underlying lack of respect? Have you tried being very firm with him? Have you told him that his behaviour is disrespectful and he’s damaging the family and your relationship? Because, from what you’ve said, it sounds as though that’s what’s going on.

OneStepAheadOfTheToddler · 30/07/2020 18:19

I'm amazed you haven't patio'd him yet...

Sounds like not only is he getting in everyone's way (in what sounds like a big enough house to give you all some personal space if you're respectful of each other!) but also that he won't let you and the DC just be...Hmm.

You don't interfere with his routine, why should he interfere with yours? Nothing worse than an interfering busybody who won't let other people relax in peace.

Quartz2208 · 30/07/2020 18:29

@CornflakeMum just take it back for yourself and the teens

dudsville · 30/07/2020 18:33

When he's in the kitchen and you go in to cook out the radio on. We're all having to make do. He can have the box room. There's no need for him to have the shed.

EBearhug · 30/07/2020 18:47

it's his house, why shouldn't he sit in the kitchen

That's a reasonable argument only if he lives alone. He doesn't. Therefore, he needs to make compromises so that everyone's needs are catered for, not just his. It won't be perfect but such are the times we are living in, and it can be better for more people than just him. I agree with those saying he's being selfish.

chatterbugmegastar · 30/07/2020 21:48

- Today we had a shopping delivery and he sat on his arse while we unpacked it out of crates around him!

I just don't understand why you'd put up with this

I absolutely wouldn't

He sounds very entitled. And you're enabling him

tobee · 30/07/2020 22:18

@MrsJasonIsbell

I agree with your DH, it would be lovely to sit and read or have friends to visit during the day. If he is sitting watching you do very little while he works, I'm not surprised he has the odd comment to make. You sound very spoiled.

Seriously? I mean seriously? Op sounds spoiled? But not her dh spreading his work stuff everywhere while his family have to fit round him? Sitting about while everyone else unpacks shopping? Good grief some people just can't but slag off an op! Hmm

AnneElliott · 30/07/2020 22:25

I feel your pain. We've been sharing the office at home and it's driven me to distraction!

I've got some annual leave soon (he's got some after me) and I know he'll be making such a drama about me being off - getting in my way, wanting to be involved but moaning about work.

Cannot wait till I go BACK to the office!!!

Mumofteen77 · 30/07/2020 22:30

@SuzieCarmichael

I know this thread is at least a bit lighthearted but on a serious note OP this really doesn’t speak well for your marriage. Do you feel there’s an underlying problem here? He doesn’t sound respectful of you or the family. Have you tried talking to him about that? Not the practicalities of the working situation - which he sounds very rude and dismissive of - but the underlying lack of respect? Have you tried being very firm with him? Have you told him that his behaviour is disrespectful and he’s damaging the family and your relationship? Because, from what you’ve said, it sounds as though that’s what’s going on.
Exactly this. I don’t think he sounds very nice at all.
bigchris · 30/07/2020 22:38

What strikes me is you don't seem to like him very much

Do you enjoy his company outside of working hours?

bellabelly · 30/07/2020 22:54

@ProbableScam

He should be using the box room as an office. It is extremely selfish to make everyone else's life uncomfortable.
He should be using the box room as an office. It is extremely selfish to make everyone else's life uncomfortable.

Just this. Grrr, I feel really cross on your behalf, especially all the snidey comments.