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Original poster

Sick of DH working from home. . .

110 replies

CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 11:58

DH is self--employed. Was working from a shared office, but gave it up when lockdown started.
We have a 'posh shed' at the end of the garden (previously TV/sofa/ gym equipment - mine and teen sons' hangout, basically). DH announced he would make that his office and gym equipment was moved to tiny boxroom upstairs where there is hardly any light and not enough room for me to do stuff on a mat Hmm.
Basically teens no longer able to use it for friends/ gaming etc during day (and it's lost some of its evening appeal, as now has an 'officey feel').

DH positioned his desk in the shed looking back up the garden towards the house. I now feel constantly watched during the day, and I feel uncomfortable sitting out on the terrace or having friends over with DH staring up the garden. He's made the occasional comment about 'how nice to have the time to read during the day etc' Hmm.

Anyway, for the last couple of days he's started setting up his laptop in the KITCHEN - spreading himself and his paperwork over the breakfast bar (which is also the main prep surface for any meal), taking and making phone calls and commenting on everything and anything - what time the teens are getting up/ what people are eating/ suggesting tasks he thinks people should be doing.

Honestly, it's doing my head in! Surely he's being unreasonable -he can't take over the whole house?
WIBU to tell him to p*ss off back to the shed, or give us our gym/TV room back? Grin

[P.S. I appreciate this is a first-world problem, and we're lucky not to be in a one-bed flat etc]

OP posts:
mosquitofeast · 30/07/2020 14:08

@NekoShiro

It IS his house aswell and he should have the right to do whatever he pleases in his house, this is only temporary, and he's right, it is very nice to have the free time to read while your husband is working, he's probably a little jealous, maybe he's spread around in the kitchen because he enjoys being around his family during the workday for once?
Agreed! It is his house! He can work where ever he likes! What percentage of the house are you and teen paying for? How can your teen be seeing friends in the shed anyway?
Original poster
CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 14:16

@NekoShiro

It IS his house aswell and he should have the right to do whatever he pleases in his house, this is only temporary, and he's right, it is very nice to have the free time to read while your husband is working, he's probably a little jealous, maybe he's spread around in the kitchen because he enjoys being around his family during the workday for once?
This sounds a bit 1950s though?

Does his right to do whatever he pleases trump everyone else's right to enjoy our home, just because he's the 'man of the house'?
I own half of it (paid for more than half of it too!)

My free time to read is on my day off (I also work) and when I'm not working I still seem to be doing a disproportionate amount of the shopping/ cooking/cleaning. His working day is now shorter (minus commute) but I haven't seen any resulting uplift in doing household tasks!

If he's doing it to be with his family then it's counterproductive, as everyone has buggered off - who wants to be in the same room as someone barking orders at them? Confused

OP posts:
askinfforfriend · 30/07/2020 14:20

It is annoying when you're working to watch someone lounging in the garden and having friends over.... Why are you not working?

Really don't understand this 1950s set up most people live in....

Original poster
CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 14:26

@Mosquitofeast - what are you on about? This is 2020, not 1950.

Agreed! It is his house! He can work where ever he likes! What percentage of the house are you and teen paying for? How can your teen be seeing friends in the shed anyway?

Don't know exactly what %, but I'd guess I paid for about 60-65% of the house, given I was the only breadwinner and paid the mortgage while he set up a business and didn't earn anything for 5 years. Also sank some inheritance into it to pay it off.

The 'shed' has folding opening doors, making it a very well-ventilated space - ideal for teen siblings and a friend to get together to watch a movie, play games etc.
But of course since DH made it his office that's not possible until the evening.

So if he's randomly now decided NOT to use it as his office, perhaps he'd like to give it back to us to use!

OP posts:
Original poster
CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 14:29

@askinfforfriend

It is annoying when you're working to watch someone lounging in the garden and having friends over.... Why are you not working?

Really don't understand this 1950s set up most people live in....

Did you miss my post that said I DO work, but like to sit outside occasionally on my day off?

Perhaps if DH turned his desk around he wouldn't get distracted and it wouldn't bother him so much?

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 30/07/2020 14:29

Send him to the box room and lock him in until he acclimatises.

WildfirePonie · 30/07/2020 14:30

Sounds stressful, have you told him that he's moving to the box room and you're having the "she shed" back?

mosquitofeast · 30/07/2020 14:31

so he pays his share into the house. How would you like it if he started telling you which rooms you can and can't use? It is HIS HOME. YABVU

The 'shed' has folding opening doors, making it a very well-ventilated space - ideal for teen siblings and a friend to get together to watch a movie, play games etc.

they cannot have friends round to play in a shed.

Happynow001 · 30/07/2020 14:36

Your husband is behaving jealousy, unreasonably, and being a dog in the manger generally. I hope you will be having a few very clear words with him sooner rather than later about how is attitude is alienating his family.. No wonder his children have "Buggered off". 🍷

katy1213 · 30/07/2020 14:36

Maybe you should start a stream of annoying chat about his work? "Well, you were rude to him on the phone, that won't go down well ... I wouldn't send in a report like that, look at those spellings ... did you see so-and-so's bookcase in that Zoom meeting, sorry, don't you like me hanging on over your shoulder? ... oh dear, is spilt coffee bad for keyboards, whoops!'

Original poster
CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 14:38

so he pays his share into the house. How would you like it if he started telling you which rooms you can and can't use? It is HIS HOME. YABVU

Of course he can use different rooms, but having commandeered the nicest, biggest and most useful room for during the week, which has required all other family members to adjust their lifestyle accordingly, don't you just think he should then stick to it?

they cannot have friends round to play in a shed.
Yes they can. Siblings + one friend = two households.

OP posts:
BackwardsGoing · 30/07/2020 14:57

YANBU and ignore the windup merchants. He needs to stay in the shed or pick one of the other work areas.

But aside from this issue he sounds unhappy and unpleasant.

Tappering · 30/07/2020 15:02

Pick a room and stick to it. You can't claim two rooms of the house to work in.

Yes I've often thought it must be nice to sit around at evenings and weekends and not be the one running about doing housework, cooking and grocery shopping.

Fruityb · 30/07/2020 15:09

Just because it’s HIS HOUSE TOO doesn’t mean he can do this. My husband has done this before - set up in the kitchen and then complained when our three year old wanted to play. I told him to bugger off upstairs. It’s his house but it’s our house too. We don’t draw borders up or say “well I pay more so I get more of the house”. That’s utter nonsense.

My husband was laid on the sofa with a blanket moaning he was ill one Saturday having been at work all week. Fine - except having not seen his daddy all week ds wanted to play. So I sent DH upstairs if he felt poorly and he slinked off. Apologised later.

Just say “right pick a spot and stay in it. If this is where you’re working then fine but we’re taking back the other rooms you’ve moved out of. Ok thanks bye! And bugger off out of the kitchen! This is a social space not a work space!”

Just tell him. My husband walks constantly when he’s on the phone or if there’s a ball in the floor he starts kicking it, or he walks up and down the stairs and his volume goes up! I have been known to guide him out of a room and close the door before today!

Beamur · 30/07/2020 15:13

DH has his office in the box room, has worked mostly from home for years. He comes out for food. Shuts the door if he's on a call.
Harmonious household.

HandsOffMyRights · 30/07/2020 15:16

Both my husband and I have been flat out wfh with kids. He's been working longer hours and still makes me feel guilty when I down tools, despite me having a demanding role too.

He was in the dining room originally, but it became unbearable due to his sense of self importance and diminishment (not sure if that's a word?) of my job.

He has now moved into our box room which is only about 6.5ft square This fits his desk AND a bed. He spends 10 hrs in there daily Hmm so not sure why your DH can't do the same.

MadamShazam · 30/07/2020 15:17

OP, just tell him to fuck off out the kitchen! He can't monopolise 3 separate spaces in the house. And especially not the kitchen, that is certainly not an office space!

StormTreader · 30/07/2020 15:24

Its the house equivalent of manspreading. He doesnt get to call dibs on each room of the house in turn without releasing the previous room.

Quartz2208 · 30/07/2020 15:33

Just tell him he needs to pick either the shed or the boxroom but not the kitchen

Tappering · 30/07/2020 15:35

PS I work from home normally and use the spare bedroom. I venture to the living room to spend lunchtime with DH and then return to the workspace. Your H is being totally unreasonable and he can't be terribly productive if he's spending time critiquing what everyone else is doing.

howfarwevecome · 30/07/2020 15:38

Manspreading! Yes! That's exactly what it is! Storm has it!

Pleasebeaflesbite · 30/07/2020 15:39

How annoying. Have you tried prepping dinner at 8:30 in the morning? Nothing like the smell of frying mince hanging around all day to move him along

LaurieFairyCake · 30/07/2020 15:43

Manspreading?

Nope

Equivalent of pissing up against everything saying "This is mine, this is mine"

LaurieFairyCake · 30/07/2020 15:45

Tell him to pick a room and stay there or you all will

And if he picks the kitchen seeing as how he's doing fuck all extra chores make sure you text him to do dinner as soon as he's finished work

Jaxhog · 30/07/2020 15:56

"I'm so glad you've finally moved back into the house, I've hated trying to squeeze into that boxroom! I'll get the teen to help me move the exercise kit back in this evening, please move your stuff back out of the exercise shed by 7"

It's a man thing. My DH is exactly the same. It has to be either the shed or the kitchen. He can't have both.