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Sick of DH working from home. . .

110 replies

CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 11:58

DH is self--employed. Was working from a shared office, but gave it up when lockdown started.
We have a 'posh shed' at the end of the garden (previously TV/sofa/ gym equipment - mine and teen sons' hangout, basically). DH announced he would make that his office and gym equipment was moved to tiny boxroom upstairs where there is hardly any light and not enough room for me to do stuff on a mat Hmm.
Basically teens no longer able to use it for friends/ gaming etc during day (and it's lost some of its evening appeal, as now has an 'officey feel').

DH positioned his desk in the shed looking back up the garden towards the house. I now feel constantly watched during the day, and I feel uncomfortable sitting out on the terrace or having friends over with DH staring up the garden. He's made the occasional comment about 'how nice to have the time to read during the day etc' Hmm.

Anyway, for the last couple of days he's started setting up his laptop in the KITCHEN - spreading himself and his paperwork over the breakfast bar (which is also the main prep surface for any meal), taking and making phone calls and commenting on everything and anything - what time the teens are getting up/ what people are eating/ suggesting tasks he thinks people should be doing.

Honestly, it's doing my head in! Surely he's being unreasonable -he can't take over the whole house?
WIBU to tell him to p*ss off back to the shed, or give us our gym/TV room back? Grin

[P.S. I appreciate this is a first-world problem, and we're lucky not to be in a one-bed flat etc]

OP posts:
Allgirlskidsanddogs · 30/07/2020 16:05

It’s time he picks a room and vacates the others, the kitchen is not a place to choose to work while others are home. I’d start accidentally mucking up and moving his paperwork, unplugging laptop etc, to encourage home to move on. He’s already usurped the teenager in the holidays, I think DH should have her choice of the box room or the downstairs workroom, give the teen back the garden room and the kitchen back to the family.

chatterbugmegastar · 30/07/2020 16:08

What does DH say when you talk to him about all this @CornflakeMum ?

How has he reacted to your pov so far?

CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 16:14

Thanks for supportive feedback - I get stuck in the middle, because the DSs come and complain to me about him!

Anyway, he has just announced that he is taking tomorrow off and said "does anyone want to come and do something with me?" meaning a day trip etc.

DS1 pointed out he is working
DS2 has a driving lesson in the middle of the day
And I have a get together with a girlfriend which has been in the diary for at least two weeks (as it is my day off).

He is now in a huff Confused

OP posts:
BackwardsGoing · 30/07/2020 16:17

It's all about him isn't it? Hmm

Devlesko · 30/07/2020 16:18

Get him told, anyone would think he has the right to do what he wants, regardless of the family.
Is he always such an inconsiderate selfish twat?

Devlesko · 30/07/2020 16:20

It's a man thing. My DH is exactly the same. It has to be either the shed or the kitchen. He can't have both.

No it isn't, people just set their bar low.

CornflakeMum · 30/07/2020 16:22

@chatterbugmegastar

What does DH say when you talk to him about all this *@CornflakeMum* ?

How has he reacted to your pov so far?

Oh, he says some of the arguments on here:
  • it's his house, why shouldn't he sit in the kitchen
  • he'll move at mealtimes (which he does - onto the table we normally eat our meals off!)
  • he's 'not really working - just doing admin'

But he doesn't contribute in any way whilst in the house.

  • He doesn't answer the doorbell, despite being the closest to it (everyone else on upstairs floors/ back garden)
  • Today we had a shopping delivery and he sat on his arse while we unpacked it out of crates around him!
OP posts:
SugarHour · 30/07/2020 16:25

He needs to get over himself! Plenty of people work from kitchens, a corner of their bedroom, their living room etc and would LOVE a boxroom to dedicate as their office!

TokyoSushi · 30/07/2020 16:27

This sounds like a nightmare OP!!

Since lockdown, I've moved to permanent work from home, forever! We had an unused box room. I've made it into a beautiful office, no work/home separation issues and I don't bother anybody.

Is there anything that you could do to make the box room more appealing so he wants to be in there?

MactheRover · 30/07/2020 16:29

Selfish sod. Men are very inclined to take any space in the house as their own and my solution has been to be very firm indeed until they move their shit into the appropriate place - give him no fucking peace until he buggers off to where he should be working - also - tell him to shut his criticising Cakehole.

Quartz2208 · 30/07/2020 16:30

It isn’t his house though. It Is everyone’s house

AFireInJuly · 30/07/2020 16:31

YANBU. I work from home full time now, since the lockdown started. I think it's OK for him to have the nicer room to work in, seeing as he has to spend most of his time in there, but he can't spread out all around the house too. It's selfish. Other people have to live in it too.

areyoubeingserviced · 30/07/2020 16:32

He’s being a selfish arse.
He is fortunate to have a box room and a downstairs room , but still insist on getting on everyone’s nerves.
This would really piss me off
He needs to go back to the box room

allfalldown47 · 30/07/2020 16:34

Dh is working from home, horrendously long hours too. I work in education so am literally lounging around most afternoons and not once has he made any comments.
He's in the box room, which is small but big enough for his desk & chair etc, he wouldn't dream of invading any areas that the rest of the family use and is thankful he's got somewhere peaceful to work.

Maybe show your dh this thread! He's being unreasonable!

pickingdaisies · 30/07/2020 16:38

You unpacked around him? Have this on me "Move your arse."
You're welcome.

MrsJasonIsbell · 30/07/2020 16:39

I agree with your DH, it would be lovely to sit and read or have friends to visit during the day. If he is sitting watching you do very little while he works, I'm not surprised he has the odd comment to make. You sound very spoiled.

Yesterdayforgotten · 30/07/2020 16:47

Oh gosh yes but we dont have the luxury of a summer house so DH is in the house! Me and the dc having to creep around like ghosts and god forbid I hoover or have a shower as it disturbs him! I'm hoping once toddler goes to nursery things will improve and we wont be quite on top if each other so much. I also get frustrated as dh will sit down and expect drinks and food and doesnt ever get up! I have no idea what he does in the office and how he gets drinks as he can't seem to manage it at home and argues he is too busy! I wouldn't have thought it was great to sit down for so long without stretching your legs!
Meanwhile I rarely sit down with baby and toddler and attempt to drink third cup of tea that has gone cold. I must admit some days I want to swap with him and feel abit jealous!

Pelleas · 30/07/2020 16:48

I must admit I have been nudging my husband to do more in the house since I have been WFH. In normal times he only works part time (a couple of hours a day) but he's currently furloughed - I work full time - so the arrangement is that he does 90% of the housework.

I once jokingly threatened to complete a time and motion study on him if he didn't get off his bum and stop reading the newspaper for half the morning. He got off his bum.

Timmytoo · 30/07/2020 16:52

Mine thinks he's my secretary 😳😡. He goes through whatsapp group asking of I'd seen this from this colleague or if I'd finished a piece of work etc. Why was I taking so long to finish something, why I was working till x time. When will I start the next project as times marching on!!! I think he thinks he's helping as I have ADHD bit geez it's doing my head in. I shouted at him the other day telling him he's not my manager grrrrd!! He's a stay at home dad with our first baby. He also can't understand why I can't help with parenting during work hours.

Yesterdayforgotten · 30/07/2020 16:53

People will also say oh it must be great having your dh working for home..
Eh nope just more frustrating for us both.

iswhois · 30/07/2020 16:53

Why can't he use the box room instead?! Then everything can go back to normal!

Yesterdayforgotten · 30/07/2020 16:55

@Timmytoo that hilarious! You should tell him you weren't aware you'd advertised for a PA but if you need one in the near future you'll let him know! Maybe he is a little bored and missing working and adult interaction?

Timmytoo · 30/07/2020 16:59

@Yesterdayforgottenje does miss working. Also doesn't help I'm in SA where we've had full lockdown. We couldn't go out for a walk nothing. Not even allowed to sell alcohol. Plus we are currently living in a bed sit waiting for my tenants to leave my flat. So
onky a separate kitchen or bathroom to escape. He's now asking why I've been on the loo for so long as I promised my boss I'd finish something before 6. 😡

Happynow001 · 30/07/2020 17:03

[quote Timmytoo]@Yesterdayforgottenje does miss working. Also doesn't help I'm in SA where we've had full lockdown. We couldn't go out for a walk nothing. Not even allowed to sell alcohol. Plus we are currently living in a bed sit waiting for my tenants to leave my flat. So
onky a separate kitchen or bathroom to escape. He's now asking why I've been on the loo for so long as I promised my boss I'd finish something before 6. 😡[/quote]

I think I'd have to murder him. I'm sure provocation during C19 would be taken into consideration...

Yesterdayforgotten · 30/07/2020 17:03

@Timmytoo oh that sounds tough and not being allowed a walk even must be suffocating, I cant imagine how hard thay would be! Also being in such a small space with a baby will be so hard. Maybe give him some little tasks to do to occupy him and he might leave you alone hopefully!