I've been left behind. Why are they so calm :(

[sienna4]

I gave birth in January. After birth I became very aware of my mortality.
The thought of ever having to leave my baby filled me with dread and I felt an overwhelming need to protect me and my daughter.

The start of pandemic for me, like most people was a nightmare.
I've spent every day since March worrying I've either got it or I'm going to get it and die.

I have inflammatory arthritis (not medicated) and a BMI of 36 so feel my chances would not be good.

Most of my friends and family at the start were all equally as scared, but now they all seem to have forgotten about it.

A group of friends with babies have all been meeting up for lunch, my sister in law who recently had a baby, has been seeing lots of people and is happy for them to hold her baby.

No one has held my baby since March and I'm not comfortable with people holding her, not even my mom.

I haven't had anyone in my house since March and only feel comfortable with outdoor meet ups.

My husband has to return to work on the 3rd August (he's been working from home since March) and I'm petrified.
I can't sleep because of the worry of him bringing it home.

I'm genuinely worried about my future as right now all we do is go for walks and have out door meet ups.

My friends are having a girls night at a local
Pub next week but I've turned down the invite.

I just don't see how I'm ever going to get past this fear.
People I know all seem so calm at happy with this new normal, but I'm terrified and I don't know what to do.

I'm not an anxious person, so I don't understand why I've been affected so badly by this. 😔

I think it's worth taking to you HV or gp op, this lockdown has exacerbated pnd for lots of Mom's, and I don't think that's suprising really, esp for a first time mom

Sounds like you’re suffering from anxiety post birth.
It doesn’t matter if you have never suffered before. A lot of people’s anxiety starts directly after having a baby. Mine included.

Get some help for it and be kind to yourself, it’s probably just coincided with the pandemic.

What kind of help do you think I would need? I'm definitely open to receiving help, but whilst the pandemic is ongoing I'm
not sure how effective this would be.

My risks and Covid wouldn't change. It would still be there and I can't imagine I would feel any less worried about it.

I would try and find as much support as you can , so can you talk to your mum , or HV or contact GP. I had severe anxiety and PND following the birth of DD2. I'm not suggesting you have pnd , but I can't imagine how I would have felt giving birth just before a pandemic , considering it can make a lot of new mums anxious anyway . The thing to remember is that this will pass, it will all pass .

I think you need to speak to your HV or GP to get some help with your anxiety.

You can't live like this forever and unfortunately the virus isn't going to disappear overnight.

I just genuinely don't know how I'm ever going to get past this feeling, even with some help.

The virus will be around for a long time, my fears and my risks aren't going to go away.
I just don't see how.

Honestly I don't.

It may help you assess the level of risk to a more normal level.

Cases are low in many areas now. Statistically you are probably unlikely to catch it and if you do it would probably be ok.

Stick with the facts. The media and govt had to 'scare' people so they would comply with lockdown. March was the the most unsafe period so far.
The one negative about becoming a parent is it brings a lifetime of worry.

But... it is worth it. Illnesses and death are a fact of life, many people suffer anxiety due to worrying about it. A chat with your HV is vital, they won't be able to tell you all will be ok but they will hopefully signpost you to agencies that can help you assess and manage worry.

The far greatest risk is age. and being male or BAME. I have seen a few posts from mums of babies and wonder if it does make you feel more vulnerable.

The help wont take away the risk, or make you blasé to risk, it will just help how you are feeling about it, make it liveable. Anxiety is not unique to coronavirus, it can be for many people around many issues that cannot be "fixed"/ or end. So the help could help you, as it does help others. I suggest CBT, it can be done by phone in some areas, or online, maybe talk it through with GP or HV?

My risks and Covid wouldn't change. It would still be there and I can't imagine I would feel any less worried about it.

Well no, you can’t imagine feeling less worried about it at the moment because you’re absolutely drowning in a sea of anxiety. It’s hard to imagine yourself feeling any better. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t feel better, as your friends already do.

As others have said it’s very common to struggle with anxiety after a baby even at the best of times. Please speak to your GP or HV.

@sienna4

I just genuinely don't know how I'm ever going to get past this feeling, even with some help.

The virus will be around for a long time, my fears and my risks aren't going to go away.
I just don't see how.

Honestly I don't.

It's natural to worry that it's not going to get better, but it will. There's lots of support available, have you spoken to your DP?

I agree with everyone else; talk to your GP or HV. I suffered from post natal anxiety; it was the worst few months of my life and that was without a pandemic to deal with as well. Be kind to yourself, it's an incredibly tough situation and it's not your fault that you feel this way.

In terms of what help you can get, different things work for different people. My GP arranged an online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) course which I did in my own time and some one-to-one sessions with a counsellor. My HV also rang me regularly and just talking through my concerns helped. CBT isn't for everyone but it was actually the thing that helped the most for me. The next step would have been medication, but the CBT and counselling were sufficient for me.

I'm in the same place, my baby is the same ags. I'm not in the UK and where I am has a very low incidence of coronavirus but all my friends are starting to meet up again and I just can't.

I don't feel overly anxious about it but it just seems too risky. Almost no one has met my baby, which is sad.

I had similar thoughts to you when my DC was born pre pandemic. It sounds like post natal anxiety. I would speak to your HV or GP, and be very truthful. Dont play it down. Speak to family, to your DP. It's very normal and logical to think like this. It makes complete sense. But letting it keep you up at night is it getting a little too far. CBT can help if you can afford to pay for some private sessions, as they may be a bit slow to facilitate them through the NHS at the minute.

The main thing is be easy on yourself. Many people feel the same. It's hard to switch it off. But, it doesnt have to be like this. The fear doesnt have to be this crippling.

The anxiety you feel is out of proportion and so speaking to your gp and maybe starting some meds might help you feel better.

Ask yourself-
Do you live in a densely populated area?
Do you live with lots of people coming and going from your house?
Are your family and close friends symptom free, and practice good hygiene?
Do you wear a mask in shops etc?
Do you wash your hands?
How many people do you know. (Not a friends auntie etc) that have had it and a)survived b)been hospitalised c)died.

All of the above can be used to help you measure and mitigate risk so you can start living your life. Albeit with changes.

OP I saw some research that those with arthritis or on drugs for it did not have a higher risk. Will try and find it for you

creakyjoints.org/living-with-arthritis/coronavirus/autoimmune-disease-patients-not-hospitalized-more-covid-19/

A recent case series published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that compared to the general population, people with autoimmune diseases (psoriasis, rheumatoid arthritis, psoriatic arthritis, and inflammatory bowel disease) had a lower rate of hospitalization. The patients were also more apt to be hospitalized if they had co-occurring high blood pressure, diabetes, or chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). What’s more, the researchers determined that “baseline use of biologics [in people with autoimmune disease] is not associated with worse COVID-19 findings.”

Your risk will stay the same, but I think you need to understand that your risk is low, and probably isn’t relative to the anxiety you’re feeling.

Please seek help from your HV

I’ve read a few posts from you saying the same thing OP, and really think you need to act on the repeated suggestions that you get some help.
Your HV or GP is probably the best person to contact in the first instance.

CBT might help you and they should be able to provide it, and support.

You haven’t been left behind - you’re leaving yourself behind thanks to your anxiety

See your gp

Obviously I’m not trying to armchair diagnose you or anything but I’m saying this because not everyone realises. PND doesn’t always start immediately after birth. Is it possible that this stress has triggered PND for you?

agree with PP, sounds like it may be PND. Speak to your GP about it. Not sure what they may suggest. maybe CBT, maybe antidepressants (I was on them for a while following the birth of DD1 as I developed severe health anxieties which the GP thought was actually PND). There is help out there. Please make an appointment.

Also suggest speaking to GP. Anxiety meds help by calming the receptors. The covid won't go away but your brains response to it can be altered iyswim?

Also how about trying some cbt type techniques. One thing this teaches you is to rationalise.

There is available data online if cases in each area. Perhaps if you knew how small a risk it is (if you are in a low risk area) you can help yourself rationalise the fear.

Hmm, well I'm in a similar situation to you in as much as I'm very overweight (similar BMI to you) and I have currently untreated autoimmune disease. I'm also pushing 50, so probably older than you too, which is an additional important risk factor. Oh and I'm asthmatic too, and have hypertension.

I'm aware of the risks to me, and I'm sensible. This means socialising outside only, socially distancing, wearing masks, washing hands, but honestly nothing more than that. I'm living a reasonably normal life, but with these sensible precautions.

I'm able to assess the risk to me, and whilst it is absolutely higher than many people's, the actual chances of me getting Covid, and then going on to die are actually pretty small, as long as I am sensible. I'm not unduly worried or anxious.

I sympathise with your situation, but I think you are being overly anxious bearing in mind the level of risk, and it's becoming problematic and having a negative impact on your life. I'd suggest you visit the GP who may be able to arrange some counselling for you. Understanding your additional risks and taking sensible precautions is important, but your anxiety is disproportionate to your level of risk.