I've been left behind. Why are they so calm :(

[sienna4]

I gave birth in January. After birth I became very aware of my mortality.
The thought of ever having to leave my baby filled me with dread and I felt an overwhelming need to protect me and my daughter.

The start of pandemic for me, like most people was a nightmare.
I've spent every day since March worrying I've either got it or I'm going to get it and die.

I have inflammatory arthritis (not medicated) and a BMI of 36 so feel my chances would not be good.

Most of my friends and family at the start were all equally as scared, but now they all seem to have forgotten about it.

A group of friends with babies have all been meeting up for lunch, my sister in law who recently had a baby, has been seeing lots of people and is happy for them to hold her baby.

No one has held my baby since March and I'm not comfortable with people holding her, not even my mom.

I haven't had anyone in my house since March and only feel comfortable with outdoor meet ups.

My husband has to return to work on the 3rd August (he's been working from home since March) and I'm petrified.
I can't sleep because of the worry of him bringing it home.

I'm genuinely worried about my future as right now all we do is go for walks and have out door meet ups.

My friends are having a girls night at a local
Pub next week but I've turned down the invite.

I just don't see how I'm ever going to get past this fear.
People I know all seem so calm at happy with this new normal, but I'm terrified and I don't know what to do.

I'm not an anxious person, so I don't understand why I've been affected so badly by this. 😔

It wont make the risks go away, but it will help you to asses them more rationally, and calmly which will make life easier for you. Your anxiety is at an all time high and you're struggling to process your thoughts rationally which is why you're so frightened and you feel like you're never going to get past this, but you will I promise!!

It sounds like post natal anxiety of some sort, I was diagnosed with post natal OCD and I thought I'd feel like that forever, CBT has helped me so so much I would recommend it to anyone

I had postnatal anxiety. I didn't think I'd find therapy useful, but it really helped.

I didn't thin kit would be useful because the things I was worried about were very legitimate. What the therapy taught me was that whilst my fears and anxieties were legitimate, the time I spent catastrophizing was not and helped me get out of that pattern.

I definitely recommend it!

I know we don’t know everything about this virus yet, but here’s the actual list of risk factors from the NHS as it stands at the moment: www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/people-at-higher-risk/whos-at-higher-risk-from-coronavirus/

It sounds like you have depression brought on by lockdown, it's so common and so many are suffering.
Perhaps look at your weight, it will put your mind at rest and be healthier for you if you were within your healthy weight range, and improve your arthritis. My dsis completely went once she lost enough weight. You'll enjoy your baby as an active toddler if you can keep up with them.

I had postnatal anxiety too when DS was tiny and I recognise a lot of the emotions you describe, OP. It’s so hard to rationalise when anxiety is driving your thoughts. A lot of people I know are struggling with MH issues just now so you are definitely not alone. I took a low dose antidepressant and did CBT counselling through the NHS - both helped so, so much. But speak to your HV or GP and you will find what works for you.

Could you take practical steps to improve your general health like change your diet and take more exercise? Both would likely also improve your mental health.

I agree you should talk to your health visitor or GP. But we've all been bombarded with scare stories and given conflicting advice by people who should know better. So it's not surprising people are anxious. Hope things improve soon.

Bless you, I really feel for you! Anxiety is awful, I’ve just started some medication today. I feel the same as you, I feel everyone else is moving on and getting with it now whereas I am still so wary and nervous about the thought of getting back our there. People want to come round, we’ve been invited out, people offering to baby sit, I can’t do any of it 😔
Have you called your GP for some advice? Or your local mental health service? Could you afford some private sessions for a bit of therapy? I think you have to go into it positively though and not thinking that it won’t help you. Remember it’s still very fresh. There will be more and more treatments the further down the line. There has been some good news recently about potential treatments etc.
Have you met people outside? X

Your risk of catching it is tiny. Your risk of being hospitalised with it is even smaller and your risk of dying from it is miniscule.

OP - I was not an anxious person at all until I got post-natal anxiety after having my second child. For me it took the form of health anxiety (triggered by my having had dangerously high blood pressure in pregnancy, which I'm still medicated for 12 years later). I dread to think what I'd have been like if that had all happened during a pandemic!
I didn't go to anyone about my anxiety, but looking back I should have done. It dragged on for ages. I'm fine now, and have been pretty chilled out throughout lockdown. Definitely see your gp!

Please talk to your gp and follow their advice. What you're doing now - that's not living, it's existing. You need help, please take it, it's there.

I do hope you start to feel better about things soon. GP!

It’s going to be a real problem this, otherwise smart together people too frightened to step out of their front door because the government thought they had to scare the shite out of people to ensure compliance. I’d have hoped they’d have learned from those bloody awful AIDS adverts I am old enough to remember, it seems not.

Just go out and take sensible precautions and maybe a word with the HV too x

I totally empathise and as an RA sufferer, think l that you should assess your risk along with your GP and consultant.

www.rheumatology.org.uk/Portals/0/Documents/Rheumatology_advice_coronavirus_immunosuppressed_patients_220320.pdf?ver=2020-03-24-171132-407

This is the document on the NRAS website. But I did see the deaths under 40 even accounting for underlying conditions were around 600. That made me feel better.

I also realised reading along this post that I too have developed this overwhelming sense of my own mortality and fear since my little one was born. I tried brief cbt then lockdown happened and haven’t had time but think it may be of help looking at the posts on here and am going to re try it myself as I thought it was just going to “me” now. Thanks everyone for sharing experiences and OP really hope you can feel better, but I totally understand the sentiments and feelings as I literally feel terrified and media news doesn’t help I think.

Thank you everyone.

Will the GP give me medication?
I feel like that will mask my anxieties rather than face them?

OP, nobody knows what the GP will suggest. We aren't doctors, we haven't seen you. You really need to get out and go there yourself.

Will the GP give me medication?
I feel like that will mask my anxieties rather than face them?

Having had PND I think the best way to think of it is this.

PND is caused by chemicals changes in the brain following pregnancy, it’s not your fault and they aren’t really related to reality iyswim. It makes the fears feel real, because the messed up chemicals are causing that. It’s real it your brain. But not in the real world.

What the medication does is reset the wonky chemicals. Once they are reset and working like they should, THEN you can actually take a,proper look at the things causing the anxiety.

In my experience the THING that was such an all encompassing problem actually became very manageable. It was still there, but i could think clearly about it. The insidious thing about anxiety is you absolutely feel rational. But that’s just the chemicals.

I think that the GP will go with what you want and not make you take anything if you are not keen. These days they tend to try other things first, as they are aware, in some people, coming off meds is not so easy. In case that helps

Totally, the GP won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. I expect they will want to work with you to find the best approach - in my experience the GP I saw was lovely and kind - just talking to them made me feel better. They know how hard it is looking after a tiny baby - don’t worry - it will all work out!

How old are you?

Your GP may suggest medication but you can work through that with them and be honest when you discuss how you’re feeling.
I had horrendous post natal anxiety, I honestly nearly had a breakdown. The fact that you say this began in January makes me think that if it wasn’t the pandemic, it would be something else. That’s not to say you have no reason to be worried or anxious. Even the most robust among us have been knocked sideways by the last few months. I guess what I’m saying is, you remain stuck in the very worst part of anxiety and you need some help to get your fears and actions in proportion with what your risks are.
I am an anxious person by nature. The start of the pandemic was extremely difficult for me to cope with. But the CBT and other strategies I’ve learnt have helped me get things under control. I am still the most cautious out of everyone I know, but I am starting to find ways to get back out there again and not let fear win.
You have a beautiful baby and you deserve to experience the joy that brings. As a pp said, parenthood does bring worry. But so so much more. You have nothing to lose by speaking to your Dr and asking for help. Wishing you all the very best.

@sienna4

Have you been officially diagnosed with arthritis? Why are you not medicated?

Hiya

I gave birth in Jan 2020 too - but not recognising any of your super difficult feelings at all. My DD turned 6 months this week and whilst the lockdown was hard I’ve been making the most of the lifting of restrictions and making precious memories with her before joining my career back FT next month. However - my work is in the area of perinatal mental health and I absolutely recognise your feelings from the women I spoke to professionally whilst on maternity leave who also reported such debilitating anxiety. The pull back of HV during lockdown caused more harm than anyone knows. You can entirely bypass queuing and GP by self referring yourself to the local IAPT services - there are loads and offer focused cognitive behavioural talks therapy and as a perinatal woman you will be prioritised. Just google “your county/town name IAPT”. And inform your GP and health visitor.

Please take this from another woman who also gave birth in January 2020: it doesn’t have to be like this. What you are experiencing isn’t normal though sadly happening to many new mums and it’s robbing you of joyful memories. But there is help, it’s free and it’s focused. Please self refer to your local IAPTS and make sure you self refer to a few different ones to see which ultimately suits.

[quote Crunchymum]@sienna4

Have you been officially diagnosed with arthritis? Why are you not medicated?[/quote]
@Crunchymum yes. I have.
Psoriatic arthritis.

I chose not to be on medication during pregnancy. I'm now breastfeeding and in agreement with my rheumatologist I'm not in medication.

@Trinketsfor20

Hiya

I gave birth in Jan 2020 too - but not recognising any of your super difficult feelings at all. My DD turned 6 months this week and whilst the lockdown was hard I’ve been making the most of the lifting of restrictions and making precious memories with her before joining my career back FT next month. However - my work is in the area of perinatal mental health and I absolutely recognise your feelings from the women I spoke to professionally whilst on maternity leave who also reported such debilitating anxiety. The pull back of HV during lockdown caused more harm than anyone knows. You can entirely bypass queuing and GP by self referring yourself to the local IAPT services - there are loads and offer focused cognitive behavioural talks therapy and as a perinatal woman you will be prioritised. Just google “your county/town name IAPT”. And inform your GP and health visitor.

Please take this from another woman who also gave birth in January 2020: it doesn’t have to be like this. What you are experiencing isn’t normal though sadly happening to many new mums and it’s robbing you of joyful memories. But there is help, it’s free and it’s focused. Please self refer to your local IAPTS and make sure you self refer to a few different ones to see which ultimately suits.

Thank you so much. I've just done this.