I've been left behind. Why are they so calm :(

[sienna4]

I gave birth in January. After birth I became very aware of my mortality.
The thought of ever having to leave my baby filled me with dread and I felt an overwhelming need to protect me and my daughter.

The start of pandemic for me, like most people was a nightmare.
I've spent every day since March worrying I've either got it or I'm going to get it and die.

I have inflammatory arthritis (not medicated) and a BMI of 36 so feel my chances would not be good.

Most of my friends and family at the start were all equally as scared, but now they all seem to have forgotten about it.

A group of friends with babies have all been meeting up for lunch, my sister in law who recently had a baby, has been seeing lots of people and is happy for them to hold her baby.

No one has held my baby since March and I'm not comfortable with people holding her, not even my mom.

I haven't had anyone in my house since March and only feel comfortable with outdoor meet ups.

My husband has to return to work on the 3rd August (he's been working from home since March) and I'm petrified.
I can't sleep because of the worry of him bringing it home.

I'm genuinely worried about my future as right now all we do is go for walks and have out door meet ups.

My friends are having a girls night at a local
Pub next week but I've turned down the invite.

I just don't see how I'm ever going to get past this fear.
People I know all seem so calm at happy with this new normal, but I'm terrified and I don't know what to do.

I'm not an anxious person, so I don't understand why I've been affected so badly by this. 😔

@sienna4

There is medication you can take whilst breastfeeding (Sulfaslazine)

I too developed PsA after my 3rd pregnancy and I had no scope to tackle my weight until I controlled my arthritis.... sorry you mentioned your BMI in an earlier post.

I used Sulfaslazine whilst expressing (my 3rd child is disabled and was tube fed but for all intents purposes I breast fed her as she had breast milk for the first year) and then moved to Methotrexate.

PsA is autoimmune, chronic and progressive but medication really can help with minimising further damage, controlling the disease and pain management.

Just throwing out some ideas to help with at least one aspect of your situation

I feel like that will mask my anxieties rather than face them?

But your anxiety is your mind's overreaction to things which most other people don't have that overreaction to. It's like an alarm system whose sensors have got messed up and instead of being activated by intruders or fire, it goes off when a leaf blows past or sometimes for no reason at all. The leaf doesn't need facing - the sensors need re-setting!

I’ve never had antidepressants but OP you are possibly mistaken in thinking about medication and talking therapy/counselling as mutually exclusive. Very often - if the physical/biological aspects are ever so slightly addressed which medication it brings you to a state of calm from which you are then able to fully engage with and attend to the process of counselling/talking therapy. In a heightened fight-or-flight state of agitation as you currently are in, engaging entirely and beneficially with talking therapy may/may not come easily to you —and in that case medication may be the extra support you need for the therapy to be that bit more accessible to you. Do not think of them as a black or white, either or picture.

Mild anxiety after having a baby is nature's trick to help a mother look after her baby and help it survive, but sometimes it does go awry and become a problem that impacts on normal life. Add in a pandemic, lockdown and government scare tactics, and remove formal support such as HV check ups and baby groups, and no wonder so many 2020 mums are struggling.

Seek help from your GP. You've recognised that the anxiety is putting you out of step with society, and the actual risk in the real world which is now at odds that make buying a lottery ticket look like a good investment.