How are people so calm about Covid?

[BumbleWumble]

I have written several posts now and been told my reaction is not normal and that I need help for my mental health as I am suffering from health anxiety.

But how do you come to terms with coexisting with this disease, possibly forever if no vaccine is found? A highly contagious disease that you run the risk of catching everywhere you go and might kill you. Even if it doesn't you might be left with severe incapacitating organ damage. Or you might get the long haul version that goes on for months at least. Since the disease is so new no one actually knows if people with this form actually ever get better.

This doesn't seem an equivalent risk to say driving a car. It seems that eventually most people will contract it. True, many people would have a mild version then recover, although even the mild version is supposed to be a nasty experience. But a vast number of people would either die, be left with terrible lasting damage or be ill for months, possibly permanently. Also it's not known whether lasting immunity is conferred, so you might initially get a mild version then get a more severe version at a later date. And as well as this, there is the constant fear of loved ones getting it and that you might pass it on to them. Or that you might unknowingly infect any one.

In addition to this, our quality of life will be awful. As well as the threat of the actual virus constantly hanging over us, social distancing will remain necessary and we will never be able to freely interact with other people ever again. People will not be able to be close with family and friends. There will be no proper socialising, no events where people gather. There will be fear every time an indoor space has to be shared with others. Indoor workplaces especially will be a major risk forever more. As will public transport.

We will just lead a terribly bleak existence knowing that at some point we will likely catch the disease regardless with a relatively high chance of a terrible outcome. Or if not us then a loved one.

I don't understand how people aren't more concerned about this and put it on a par with other daily risks such as driving a car. It is so terrible the whole world has come to a halt over it, and if no vaccine is found quickly, is going to have a catastrophic impact on humanity as a whole as far as I can see.

I realise there will be no choice but to get on with life, but I do not know how to do this without an ever present sense of anxiety and dread. I can think of little else and if this is to be the future then I fear the rest of my life consisting of terrible fear waiting for it to get me and loved ones.

I feel utter despair and terror. It's like a nightmare with no end.

But ultimately I don’t think you want to be helped. You ask how people cope, they tell you, but you still post more of the same. Get help or shut yourself away forever. Your choice.

Look, so many things in life could kill you. You will absolutely die one day, we all will. Within months, maybe a year, people will have gone back to normal; completely normal. Because for most people, no, a life in cotton wool is not a life. So they will not live like that, not unless they are very sure it would be a big problem to catch it. That you are considering living like this forever, to avoid catching covid, IS just health anxiety.

It will become just another in the list of possibly deadly diseases/illnesses we fear. Like hepatitis, meningitis, aids etc and a myriad of others. That we live with, mitigate where we can, but do not hide at home in terror from.

Okay, you're obviously very anxious to about this, but what you are missing is some perspective.

Most people get it, feel Ill for a few weeks and are fine. Very few die, especially now we have found better ways to treat it. I'd be lying if I said it was all fine and dandy though.

We just have to be a bit careful for a while that's all.

To me the middle ground between "we're all doomed" and "there's nothing to worry about" is where I tend to sit.

Please see your GP and tell them how you're feeling. Try not to worry

This is how diseases work. Did you not know before?

I suppose I hope some one will say something to put me at greater ease.

Stop relying on other people to flick the magic switch that will change your mindset. Take responsibility for your own mental health and seek professional help if your anxiety is interfering with your general day-to-day life.

I have just been messaging with some one I know in America and he has said my reaction is perfectly normal though. That the appropriate reaction is terror ands a sense nothing will be normal again

What qualifies him to deem ‘terror’ the appropriate response? Genuinely, I’d like to know what his area of expertise is?
Stop the confirmation bias. You’re actively seeking validation of your anxiety in order to feel justified in being hyper-anxious.

We cannot control what happens on a global scale; all we can control is how we react to it. Take responsibility for calibrating your own reaction. Seek appropriate help.

OP. You can post these post over & over & over again. People will say the same thing over & over & over again. You have a choice. Go seek help & try to come to terms with the virus (& how mentally ill you are) or continue to live in terror. It’s your choice. If you want help, go and speak to your doctor. Mums et can’t help you get over this.

I mean it all very kindly. You need to get help.

There is at present a 1 in 1700 chance of catching it. Just exercise sensible precautions and live your life. That is what we all should be doing by now.

OP I am 100% certain there will be a vaccine in the next year or so. The vaccine may not be fully effective (it might just reduce the possibilty of getting a severe case) but this coupled with improved treatments for covid will make a huge difference to daily living and the need for social distancing.

As a female in your 40s you have a 1 in 421 (0.23%) risk of dying each year anyway without covid.
www.bandolier.org.uk/booth/Risk/dyingage.html
The risk of dying from covid is 0.4% for your age group so not that much higher even if you do contract it and this % does not take into account asymptomatic cases.
www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/coronavirus-age-sex-demographics/

Not sure if this might help but there is some specific support for BAME people around

www.gmcvo.org.uk/Coronavirus/BAMESupport

I think you need specific help with your anxiety because whatever people say on here you are still going to be anxious about it. You aren't going to process rational arguments.

The words you use - terror and dispair - resonate with me for different situations.

The shootings on the Tunisia beach - I would feel terror.
Watching my child be seriously sick or die and there's nothing I can do - dispair

But this virus is not those things. It's part of living. Most people will be fine. Most will have mild symptoms. We will learn about the long term effects as time passes, anything said about this now is hearsay and speculation.

You need to rationalise your thoughts a little more, and a professional will teach you techniques to be able to do that.

And your friend in the states - yeah id be worried living their too, but because of their response to the virus, not the virus itself.

The things is OP. What if you never, ever get it? What if you get it and it was that mild you barely new? What a waste of your life the months before would've been. Life is far too precious to waste on something you have no control over.

Do you know anything about Buddhism? Their Philosophy focuses on the noble truths. One of them is to accept illness and death. They are a fact and something we have little control over. Once you accept it you can enjoy the gift of life. At the start of the Pandemic, around the time of the 'take it on the chin', from the PM. I sat the DC (teens) down and discussed death, I said it was statistically unlikely but if ... and we chatted about my life insurance, money set aside for their future, had a bit if a laugh about funeral songs etc... might sound morbid, but it wasn't. I also came to terms with the fact that it would probably take both my parents. It hasn't yet, although DF has various ailments.
I'm here for a good time, not a long time ❤

I don't mean to stir up other people's anxiety. I am just so anxious it becomes unbearable in my own head. I suppose I hope some one will say something to put me at greater ease.
Then why keep creating threads and dismissing all of the rational replies?

I have just been messaging with some one I know in America and he has said my reaction is perfectly normal though. That the appropriate reaction is terror ands a sense nothing will be normal again. And that any one who doesn't feel that is the problem as they are more liable to act irresponsibly.
So one person in another country (run by a lunatic and handling cv appallingly) agrees do you're 100% right and it's the end for us all. Do you see the flaw in that?

That is not what I really want to hear. That I am actually correct to feel a sense of doom. But maybe I am simply being realistic, sadly.
Clearly it is what you want to hear because you dismiss anyone rational who points out the actual risks and how disproportionate your reaction is.

Simply because I can NOT live every day in a state of sheer panic. Its not sustainable to be walking around feeling terrified every minute of the day. I am aware and concerned about the risk of it. I also know that if I get it (which I probably will eventually) my chance of dying is 0.4%. Yes some people die or get lasting effects but more people get mild symptoms. Many don't even know they've had it. I've also always been aware that life is precarious and precious and you should live each day knowing that tomorrow is not promised. Life is safer now than it ever has been. Until modern times it wasn't unusual to due in childhood or at a very young age. Now death seems so strange and frightening. People expect to live in good health until their 80s or 90s. I've never felt like that. I've always known that life can be snatched away in an instant and that's made me appreciate life more. I had a shock cancer diagnosis when my children were toddlers. An aggressive cancer. I really faced up to mortality during that time. My life was in very real danger then but still I took each day as it came because it's not sustainable to be terrified every minute of the day. With Covid I continue to take each day as it comes and find the joy in each moment. OP - have you never considered your own mortality before? Old age isn't guaranteed to anyone.

Your anxiety is clouding your judgement.

Scores of people on this post have told you that your reaction is not normal and that you should seek help for your anxiety but you are listening to one person in America who has told you that your reaction is normal (who sounds as though they have severe anxiety themselves). Do you see the flawed logic there?

You are catastrophizing OP, assessing a situation and assuming the worst possible outcome. An extreme equivalent might be refusing to get on a bus because maybe it will be hi jacked by a terrorist who will slowly torture each passenger to death - it could happen, it might well have happened before but that doesn’t mean it’s likely to happen. But as long as you have that thought in your mind you can justify not getting on a bus.

IME people who catastrophise things like this, things that are totally outside their control, are actually concerned about other things that are within their control but they are reluctant to acknowledge those things or to make the changes that deep down they know they need to make. By focussing on COVID, something so huge and scary and outside your control you can justify not taking action in other areas of your life.

I would strongly suggest you get some counselling. A lot of agencies are offering online services at the moment. Talk to someone who can help you discover what is really going on for you.

I am being extremely cautious about COVID. I have observed the lockdown rules strictly and intend to carry on doing so. On the rare occasions I leave the house (about once every two weeks) I have been meticulous about washing hands, sanitising and observing the 2m rule. I have a selection of face masks ready for the day I start using public transport again. I have made my own risk assessment, made what I consider to be the appropriate precautions and apart from that I can’t say I give it a thought anymore than I worry about a bus being hijacked or contracting salmonella from a chicken nugget or anyone of the myriad things that could go wrong every day but usually don’t. If they ever do I’ll worry about them then.

Life is full if it’s, buts and maybes!! I used to have really bad health anxiety until I had CBT and it worked incredibly well. One course and I haven’t had the anxiety for years!!

Ifs rather.

Shit happens, and it's often stuff you haven't even considered. Worrying won't make any difference.
How many people were seriously concerned about a global pandemic this time last year?

This bit of Baz Luhrmann's "sunscreen" sums it up for me

"...Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday..."

I'm not overwhelming worried about Covid. It's a factor in my decisions now, one of the concerns of life, but it's not the only one.

I'm not going to explain to you why, because lots of other people have done that and it isn't helping.

I agree with other posters that you are experiencing anxiety. One of the hallmarks of anxiety is that no amount of reassurance will help. That's why you keep coming back and asking the same questions. That's why you're ignoring the rational points that are being made by others and only able to see your anxious thoughts.

I think it would be wise and helpful for you to seek support.

OP everyone born during or after the 1960s has a 50% chance of getting cancer. There - something else for you to worry about and a distraction from Covid 👍.

Haven't rtft, but from the outset your misapprehension is there plain to see OP. It isn't nearly as dangerous as you think. So far there have been approximately 40k deaths from covid. A few years ago seasonal flu killed 35k. So it's been a very bad flu season.

Additionally you mentioned that even mild versions are bad. No, they're not. The overwhelming majority of people who have had covid haven't even realised. Idris Elba for instance had confirmed covid with no symptoms. Most people who get it will suffer mild symptoms and be done. If you are under 14 you are more likely to be struck by lightning than die of covid.

In terms of risk management, driving a car is about as risky, with 30,000 killed or seriously injured last year from road accidents. Given that covid was a novel virus, and it has now flushed through the UK population, I would expect it to stick to normal flu levels next year (or near normal).

There is an interest that the government has in keeping you scared of covid- it makes you more compliant with lockdown rules. At the end of the day governments love control and power and money. Literally every worst instinct that humans have, entirely untempered by love or mercy because they're making policies about numbers rather than people. I'm not saying that this was planned or intended, I'm just saying that given that the government thinks it has to fix this, it does it by scaring the population into obedience. And so it makes it seem worse than it is. It's a very bad flu season. It could have been worse, and it likely will get better as years progress. There will be other pandemics in the future (apparently they happen roughly every 100 years).

Right now my 5 year old DD tells me about how she has to stay away from her friends because of coronavirus. About how they all swing their arms to maintain their social distance. To protect then from a risk lower than being struck by lightning. It makes me desperately sad. She just wants to play with her friends; that's it. Covid mania is so depressingly senseless. But of course if we want to challenge the mania, the school just responds with 'if you don't want to comply with social distancing then your child won't be coming to school'. Indeed we've had emails telling us that if the school believes we're not following social distancing then our children won't be coming to school.

So OP, I don't know if you're suffering from anxiety or any other mental health, but probably you're fine and just scared. Get a grip- it's a flu. Not really that bad, worrisome if you're in the vulnerable categories, but otherwise much of a muchness. Every year the flu kills hundreds of thousands worldwide, and I take it you don't feel this way about the normal flu?

What do you want to hear. I get the impression you are on a spiral so you want to hear that your feelings of terror and doom are correct.

But what is normal - having lots of people shoved into small enclosed spaces?

Even your health factors certainly doesnt spell out certain doom

Because I've experienced terrible things before, and I have a sense of perspective.
People who panic over a virus when we've already spent our whole lives living amongst potentially deadly virus and illness clearly have lived a sheltered life. Good for you if this is the worst thing that's ever happened to you.

I feel sorry for OP, constantly worrying and on a loop. This is a highly stressful situation and the freeze/flight/fight response affects us all differently.