How are people so calm about Covid?

[BumbleWumble]

I have written several posts now and been told my reaction is not normal and that I need help for my mental health as I am suffering from health anxiety.

But how do you come to terms with coexisting with this disease, possibly forever if no vaccine is found? A highly contagious disease that you run the risk of catching everywhere you go and might kill you. Even if it doesn't you might be left with severe incapacitating organ damage. Or you might get the long haul version that goes on for months at least. Since the disease is so new no one actually knows if people with this form actually ever get better.

This doesn't seem an equivalent risk to say driving a car. It seems that eventually most people will contract it. True, many people would have a mild version then recover, although even the mild version is supposed to be a nasty experience. But a vast number of people would either die, be left with terrible lasting damage or be ill for months, possibly permanently. Also it's not known whether lasting immunity is conferred, so you might initially get a mild version then get a more severe version at a later date. And as well as this, there is the constant fear of loved ones getting it and that you might pass it on to them. Or that you might unknowingly infect any one.

In addition to this, our quality of life will be awful. As well as the threat of the actual virus constantly hanging over us, social distancing will remain necessary and we will never be able to freely interact with other people ever again. People will not be able to be close with family and friends. There will be no proper socialising, no events where people gather. There will be fear every time an indoor space has to be shared with others. Indoor workplaces especially will be a major risk forever more. As will public transport.

We will just lead a terribly bleak existence knowing that at some point we will likely catch the disease regardless with a relatively high chance of a terrible outcome. Or if not us then a loved one.

I don't understand how people aren't more concerned about this and put it on a par with other daily risks such as driving a car. It is so terrible the whole world has come to a halt over it, and if no vaccine is found quickly, is going to have a catastrophic impact on humanity as a whole as far as I can see.

I realise there will be no choice but to get on with life, but I do not know how to do this without an ever present sense of anxiety and dread. I can think of little else and if this is to be the future then I fear the rest of my life consisting of terrible fear waiting for it to get me and loved ones.

I feel utter despair and terror. It's like a nightmare with no end.

Don't worry about something you cant control, its completely pointless and a waste of time to do so.

The virus will only stop you from living a nice life if you let it and sit around worrying about it. I personally intend to meet my friends in the park tomorrow for a well deserved 1m distanced bottle of wine to catch up. Then DH and I are going out to lunch with our beautiful daughter on Monday. I will be careful, wash my hands and use handgel etc, after that I do not intend to worry about it.

You might consider speaking to your GP to see if you can get some help with this. Living with this much anxiety must be very stressful and no fun. Good luck x

But how do you come to terms with coexisting with this disease, possibly forever if no vaccine is found? A highly contagious disease that you run the risk of catching everywhere you go and might kill you

Very easily, life is full of risks day in, day out. I have been told by medical professionals in the past and again this week that if I get it the outcome will be "very bleak". My immune system is shot to pieces through an illness I have and the medication I take.

So what do I do, stay in my house and never go out, not have a life in any shape or form? That to me is not living and I may as well be dead. I already know my life will be shorter than normal, so there is no way I will waste my time worrying over some virus I have zero control over.

I'm completely relaxed about this virus and always have been. My take on life is that there is absolutely one guarantee and that is, you are going to die. You don't know when you are going to die, I don't know when I am. It could be today, tomorrow, 10 years time, who knows?

What I do struggle with is understand how people can be "terrified" of this. Is it because it can possibly kill you? If so, don't you spend your whole life terrified, as you are going to die at some point.

I understand completely what you’re saying and I’m sorry so many people on here are trying to lecture you out of your anxiety. This is more about their own coping mechanisms than about you, I feel.

This virus has done terrible things, including to everyone’s mental health. Some people will cope by insisting it’s all overblown (denial), some will be stoical and do the best they can with what they have, some will seem broadly ok but not remember the last time they slept well (me) and some will dwell on the possible outcomes (you). You had a coping mechanism hardwired into you by a mix of nature and nurture and how this mechanism is coping with this specific situation, is what you’re facing now.

We read a lot in the papers about the worst case scenarios. If someone relatively young, and relatively fit, gets it badly it will be in the news but this is because it is rare. Lots of people who have it are completely asymptomatic.

I have family members who work in pharma. They counsel against getting too excited about a quick vaccine (seen too many drugs which seem to be a breakthrough fall at the final hurdle) but suggest the likely way forward is an arsenal of helpful drugs - some new and some existing, that doctors will have at their disposal.

Have you tried the Calm app? I find it very helpful.

The thing is, humans have always coexisted with nasty diseases. Plague, measles, smallpox, influenza, many more. They flare up, they kill some people, people adapt. Some have lingering effects, some barely notice.

This one is so bad, right now, because it's new and the world is so mobile. It has run rampant through the population, but it will eventually slow down and subside and it will be just another disease we live with. We'll learn to treat it, hopefully eliminate it.

Long term social distancing isn't practical or realistic in the current world. We will adapt some practices and revert to others. But we will be able to live normal lives again. Maybe wash hands more and go on fewer unnecessary trips, but really those are good things to come out of this.

This virus has done terrible things, including to everyone’s mental health.

Everyone's? I can assure it hasn't done terrible things to everyones.

We've happily cracked on here working from home and going out. And I can think of quite a few others who are the same.

Reasoned logic about why others aren’t that worried isn’t going to work because you have health anxiety - and I really don’t mean that to be taken as me being nasty.

I do not have health anxiety therefore i don’t feel like you

I have however struggled with anxiety/ ocd at various points in my life about other things so understand the somewhat irrational and obsessive thought processes involved . Please contact someone for help because it’s no way to love op

*live not love

I am not scared of coronavirus. There are many other horrible diseases out there that I could possibly get and I don't worry about them every day. Coronavirus is NOT deadly for the majority of people. The majority of people will get it mildly.

I'm also quite pragmatic about death anyway. I'm of the opinion that we all have to die of something and when it's your time to go it's your time to go. If I'm one of the unlucky ones, so be it.

@IDontDrinkTea

I work for the nhs. Since we’ve begun testing basically everyone, we’ve had lots of positive results for people with no symptoms, or people who’s symptoms are so mild they’ve put it down to hay fever and not even considered they have Covid. I think if you’re young and healthy, the risk is so minimal that I am not at all worried about getting back to normal. It is the at risk categories that perhaps should be slightly more cautious

I'm 47, had TB 17 years ago and there is still slight pain when I inhale deeply and I have had high blood pressure for about 12 years although this has come down to a pretty normal level since adopting a healthier lifestyle. I'm also half South Asian. I'm not sure I really fancy my chances with it.

OP, please be kind to yourself and contact your GP to get help with your anxious thoughts. It isn't Cv-19 but your anxiety that is a threat to your wellbeing right now. Take that first step. CBT can help, your GP can prescribe it.

This is the first time in human history, as far as I know, that life has been put on hold to try to prevent illness and death.
In earlier times, people just got on with what they needed to do (though in earlier times there weren't such vast numbers of people, and they didn't bounce around the planet the way they do now)
I'd be surprised if the social distancing remains in place for very much longer.
I also wonder if it really is so awful and deadly and contagious, why so many of us don't even know anybody who had had it. If you look at the data, you see tiny percentages of people have tested positive, and even though there have been fewer people going out and about, I believe that there have been enough doing so to spread it if it was so highly contagious.
There was a lot of social media hysteria about 'stay home' and it seems to me that those who could and did were unaware that many of us were out and about doing the things that still needed to be done.
We need to get our heads around the fact that we simply cannot control everything, much as humans have tried.
Life itself is a risk, but in general we have better living standards and life expectancy than ever before (in the UK anyway)

It is difficult, it is stressful, but if it's causing very high anxiety, I think it is worth getting some counselling (many practitioners are working via phone or video) It won't mitigate the risk of covid, but could help put them in perspective, and offer support around fears re loss of control, dying, the worry about every person/surface/air particle being a vector or disease, etc.
I'm sorry you're finding it so difficult @BumbleWumble

Personal risk assessment, like with everything in life. At the moment approx 1:2200 of the population carry the virus. At the moment I am seeing about 4 people, and my child is at nursery in a bubble of 15. I feel comfortable with those figures.

We are more likely to be killed or seriously hurt in the car on the way to nursery than catching covid19.

I think you need some CBT for your anxiety.

If you’re not getting help for your anxiety then please do.
I am shielding. I am vulnerable.
But I don’t believe this virus is the extreme and catastrophic “end to all life as we know it” that you perceive it is.
Treatments will be found. Maybe a vaccine.
The virus may weaken or die out.
My kids will go back to school. I can go back to book group!

I'm not trying to lecture, I'm answering the question OP asked She wants to know how people live with such a threat, I answered as to how I genuinely live with things. None of the risks are untrue, but living with risk is part of life. I think we are sheltered from the effects of disease these days so it can be a shock to be bombarded with stark and frightening stories/images about this one just because it is new. But it really is no worse than plenty of other things which already existed. Luckily we have vaccines for some of the worst ones.

The only part of the OP I don't think is realistic is the paragraph about quality of life being awful - I think we will stop social distancing and go back to having events, etc. I can't see any reason for restrictions to continue indefinitely.

Sorry if it came across in a "lectury" way. What answers were you looking for/would be more appropriate?

It's genuinely not normal op. You need to accept that whether you choose to seek help not not. Cv-19 doesn't have a particularly high morbidity rate and the infection rates are fairly low, your reaction is disproportionate to these facts.

Yes there's a chance most people could catch cv-19 just like any virus, but most wont die or be forever ill. The chance of being seriously ill or dying is small, even people with risk factors are not guaranteed death.

Life will return, vaccine or no vaccine, humans have always lived with disease and it's only very recently we've had vaccines.

I don't liken it to getting in a car - I liken it to the common cold, which is something that has always been around with no cure. I have underlying health conditions which mean if I catch one it hits me hard and takes weeks to recover. The common cold never stopped me living my life - and neither should this - although hopefully with everyone being more careful I'm less likely to catch either!

I would hate to live with that level of fear and doom and gloom. You've got to let go and accept life. You can't control everything. Things are slowly getting back to normal. Nothing lasts forever.

I think you need to go back to Chris Whitty’s original message OP. Right at the start. For 80% of people it is a mild illness, much like a cold or the flu. Of those people some will never even know they’ve had it.

OP your response is not normal. It's a symptom of the scaremongering that the government and media had to do in order for everyone to comply with lockdown.

People seem to forget that lockdown was to help flatten the curve so as not to overwhelm the NHS. Which is what happened. It worked, which is great. We did not lock down because this virus is hiding around every corner and everyone will die from it, so we must all stay home forever. Our social responsibility now is to help mitigate the spreading of it, with social distancing for a while longer and masks etc. If I wear a mask in a shop it's not because I am afraid of Covid, it's because I have a responsibility as a citizen to help reduce any potential spreading of it to someone who may be vulnerable.

Hi OP

Why have you created another thread on a highly similar note after your super recent one that’s already running here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3957134-Is-Covid-just-going-to-overwhelm-the-whole-world

Are you thinking this thread will lead a to a different response?

You’ve been told that the degree of anxiety you are feeling needs professional support - but you don’t seem to like that answer. Creating thread after thread to run simultaneously like this will serve what purpose for you?

Have you also considered the impact this sort of fear and doom mongering might have on people at a point in time when we all must remain evidence led, calm and doing our best as much as we can?

My grandad had TB, he had to isolate in a sanatorium for 10mths so I can get where you're coming from OP. But by contrast I know 3 people who've tested positive for COVID, and have isolated for 14 days. So it's not necessarily a one size fits all.

Op people have x answers your same question on your other several posts as well as this one.

I really implore you to read them. The vast majority are offering excellent reasoning and advice but you seem unwilling to accept it.

As many others have suggested, getting help for your extreme anxiety will be helpful.

You obviously have health anxiety and it sounds awful to live with, so I really feel for you OP

We are all tuned to pay attention to the negative things and risks, it’s a well known psychological fact that negative news is 5x more powerful than positive news. But most people are able to rationalise their way out of this propensity, eventually.

Perspective is one way people do that, which is what people are trying to give you on this thread...comparing risks means it puts the risk of Covid into perspective. In 1999/2000, 60,000 people died of the flu. You probably don’t feel like this every year when flu season begins?

24,000 people die every year of the entirely preventable type 2 diabetes, but does that stop people eating sugar because it is likely to kill you? Rarely do people quit sugar.

100,000 elderly people fall every year increasing their likelihood of death because of slippers.
Do we stop buying our elderly relatives slippers at Christmas and be outraged and judge if someone does? Rarely!

Perspective is really needed here. There is definitely some level of mass hysteria that has been whipped up with Covid, the press have been vile. There are rational people though who are looking at the data and the disease and putting it in perspective

Dr David Spiegelhalter is good to do this. He’s a statistician from Oxford Uni and explains the data well and clearly. And is horrified about how the risk of Covid has been presented.

If you have perspective, you actually become quite cross about how this is playing out. Our children haven’t been to school for FOUR months! People are losing their jobs and their homes....for what?!!!

Also, getting a perspective on death is really useful. You are going to die, you don’t know when your time is up, none of us do. But you are going to die. This podcast is fantastic at explaining the perspective knowing this gives you...and I mean really knowing that you are going to die.

samharris.org/podcasts/the-lessons-of-death/

Sorry OP I have just looked at your posting history - you really really could do with some professional anxiety support. Reading or creating these many threads on these lines is not helping you at all.

I have anxiety and I’m more or less calm about the COVID situation now. I was extremely worried in the begging but these last 4 months have been pure hell, it’s taken it’s toll on me and my family and I’ve had enough! Don’t get me wrong I’m still adhering to guidelines, I have no interest in going to the pub or to other enclosed crowded spaces. We are all being as cautious as we possibly can and I refuse to live in this misery any longer.