How are people so calm about Covid?

[BumbleWumble]

I have written several posts now and been told my reaction is not normal and that I need help for my mental health as I am suffering from health anxiety.

But how do you come to terms with coexisting with this disease, possibly forever if no vaccine is found? A highly contagious disease that you run the risk of catching everywhere you go and might kill you. Even if it doesn't you might be left with severe incapacitating organ damage. Or you might get the long haul version that goes on for months at least. Since the disease is so new no one actually knows if people with this form actually ever get better.

This doesn't seem an equivalent risk to say driving a car. It seems that eventually most people will contract it. True, many people would have a mild version then recover, although even the mild version is supposed to be a nasty experience. But a vast number of people would either die, be left with terrible lasting damage or be ill for months, possibly permanently. Also it's not known whether lasting immunity is conferred, so you might initially get a mild version then get a more severe version at a later date. And as well as this, there is the constant fear of loved ones getting it and that you might pass it on to them. Or that you might unknowingly infect any one.

In addition to this, our quality of life will be awful. As well as the threat of the actual virus constantly hanging over us, social distancing will remain necessary and we will never be able to freely interact with other people ever again. People will not be able to be close with family and friends. There will be no proper socialising, no events where people gather. There will be fear every time an indoor space has to be shared with others. Indoor workplaces especially will be a major risk forever more. As will public transport.

We will just lead a terribly bleak existence knowing that at some point we will likely catch the disease regardless with a relatively high chance of a terrible outcome. Or if not us then a loved one.

I don't understand how people aren't more concerned about this and put it on a par with other daily risks such as driving a car. It is so terrible the whole world has come to a halt over it, and if no vaccine is found quickly, is going to have a catastrophic impact on humanity as a whole as far as I can see.

I realise there will be no choice but to get on with life, but I do not know how to do this without an ever present sense of anxiety and dread. I can think of little else and if this is to be the future then I fear the rest of my life consisting of terrible fear waiting for it to get me and loved ones.

I feel utter despair and terror. It's like a nightmare with no end.

Current levels of community transmission are very very low (unless you’re in Leicester!). For the majority of people, it is a mild disease. My friend recently had a positive antibody tedt. Only symptom she’s had all year was 1/2 of a slightly elevated temperture and a couole of days of tiredness. Definitely ‘mild’. I’m taking all precautikns obviously - social distancing, only going out when I need to, washing hands, face mask in shops etc - but I won’t let this virus control my life.

A vaccine WILL be found. All of the collective brains of the world are working on this. People keep saying ‘but they havent found a vaccine for the common cold yet’ - but that is because there is no economic reason to spend billions of pounds researching a vaccine for the common cold. However, there is definitely a reason to throw as much money as it takes into finding a vaccine for Covid

Because as a society we already have terrible diseases that kill, this is just an addition to that already existing pool.

Nature is brutal, it’s is designed around the survival of the fittest. With medicine we can negotiate with Mother Nature, but we all die at some point and that is natural.

Calm down OP. You are acting like Covid is Ebola.

Think about all the other illness that can affect our mortality

there are a great many we will all die of something one day.

Dementia
Cancers
Heart disease
Strokes
Pneumonia
Sepsis
Allergic reactions
Flu
Kidney disease
liver disease
Drowning
Car accident
Fall of ladder

I could go on forever

Do you live in fear of those happening to you to the point of crippling fear ?

I'd imagine the above has a much greater chance of mortality per person than covid has.

I also believe the mortality for covid is massively less than the media make out once you add all those people with no symptoms to the mix.

It's scary but read up on research Many positive things are happening out there and be careful.

That's all we can do really.

Why do people keep blaming health anxiety for everyone who feels anxious about this??? It’s literally changed everyone’s lives in a matter of months, people have lost jobs are losing their homes can’t see family and friends as before can’t do all the things we used to do freely. It’s not just about health it’s about everything! I was told off for telling OP that it was normal to feel anxious and that it was “damaging”. But honestly, I think the most damaging thing is to tell her that it’s basically wrong to feel like she is. Yes, I 100% think some therapy may help but the first thing I think you should do OP, is step away from mumsnet cause I don’t think you’ll find the answers you’re looking for on here.

Also why do people make out they’re superior because they “quite like the distance thing”. I quite like my parents so yeah I miss cuddling them, I miss my two year old being able to snuggle them on the sofa, actually I miss being able to cuddle on the sofa with my dad whilst watching Harry Potter! I miss being able to cuddle my friends when they’re sad, I miss being able to go to work and be able to comfort my colleague when they’re down or cuddle them when they have good news. I miss being able to see my extended family and have parties and celebrate birthdays and get close to them. I miss being able to hop on a plane to visit my family in Italy and kiss and cuddle them like we naturally would do because it’s been months since we’ve been together. So please stop making people who miss physical contact with people feel stupid and dramatic.

I'm baffled by the OP. The chances of it killing you remain very small.

I look at the statistics and that gives me perspective. If this virus acted like the one in the film 'Contagion' say, then I'd be living in fear.

I'm lucky I've been able to work (from.home) throughout. It's been manic, but at least it's a distraction.

Also, the longer you abstain from shopping, exercise etc. the more you withdraw and the scarier the world becomes, so if you can, try to do something normal. Go round to a friend's garden or visit a park, but please don't lock yourself away worrying.

A 13 year old boy died by me during his family lockdown walk. He was run over at the start of lockdown. I think about this and it gives me perspective.

I can understand someone that’s mid 60’s with a bmi of 30 and diabetes worrying like the OP, because they aren’t the epitome of health.

We know the risks are higher if you’re obese, but being obese often goes have in hand with diabetes. The good thing is, they say type two diabetes can be reversed in some cases.

So if people try to eat better and lose some weight then they’re proactive steps to help minimise individual risk. If someone has a medical condition that means they can’t lose weight, before someone points it out then that’s obviously different!

We also know the risk increases with age, but that’s something that could be said for anything really.

The majority those over 80 wont fair as well in recovery, after an operation for eg, as a 40 year old. Even get a cold would be worse potentially for them than someone younger.

The very fact the people get it without even knowing it, tells me that the risk to me personally is extremely low.

I also take a huge amount of comfort knowing children are barely affected at all. That makes me so happy and put it in a completely different league to anything that affects and kills the young.

The top and bottom of my thinking, is we are all going to die at some point. The longer we live, the better, however with that luxury of prolonged life, comes the increased risk of death, in circumstances that wouldn’t have affected them years earlier.

If I’m lucky enough to live until I’m 85, then I will have had a good shot of life. It won’t come as a shock to me that I won’t be able to fight off things the same way I could have 40 years earlier.

So it’s not that corona virus is a ‘deadly‘ disease to all..... it’s absolutely not, hence why many people don’t show symptoms. That’s the case for the flu within the elderly population or the vulnerable group.

Also, getting in a car is taking a risk. It’s a calculated risk of course but as is everything we do. There will be someone that does in a car crash today sadly but we can’t worry to the point we’re scared to go out incase it’s us.

What kind of existence is that?!?!

If you’re not the minority OP then the above is why your rationale for worrying excessively is skewed. I hope some of these replies bring you some comfort.

I dont know if this has been said as I havent read the whole thread, but peoples fear of dying always surprises me. If I die, I die. I wont know about it, I'll be gone with no thoughts or feelings on the matter. My affairs are in order and the people left behind will be taken care of. They'll be sad but not the first or last people to loose someone. The thought of someone I love and me being left behind is terrifying but I think if I'm dead then what does it really matter anyway as I wont be sad about it?!

I am calm about it because the alternative is pointless.

Being calm doesn't increase my risk of catching Covid, it doesn't increase my risk of serious illness or death as a result of catching it.

I mitigate the risk as much as I can by using the appropriate PPE, social distancing where possible, handwashing/sanitising when appropriate.

How have you spent lockdown @BumbleWumble ? I have found that those who have been outside the home, working through out it, for the most part, are less anxious than those who have spent the majority of time at home.

I am sure most of us were anxious at the start, I know I was, but it is difficult to maintain a high level of anxiety if you are facing something you fear every day without any ill effects, over a period of weeks and months. Quite quickly your brain files that fear in a 'to do later' box.

I wonder what you are hoping to achieve by posting @BumbleWumble
? Are you looking for help in dealing with your anxiety or hoping people will validate that anxiety ?

@Cusano34 the OP has started multiple threads about this and they are, frankly, hysterical. it is obsessive and it is highly anxious. not totally surprising given the circumstances and that most of our lives were upturned dramatically but it will do OP no favours to downplay how serious her anxiety is, health and general.

I am certainly not going to feed into it and she has got the answers she needs - they are calm, collected and rational about the overall risk. they are just not the answers she wants

@Quarantimespringclean that makes sense and applies to a friend of mine.

Op not sure if this will make you feel better or worse but my dp caught meningitis a few years ago.. meningococcal septicaemia! He is very very lucky to be alive! You risk the chance of catching anything if you go outside! As awful as it is life isn’t a box of chocolates and I don’t want to scare you more but there is so many more serious things you can catch than this and you still went out before! It’s hard and I was scared after dp got meningitis but you do have to just get on with life

I learned to embrace my mortality at the age of 11 shortly after my dad died unexpectedly. I decided to (as would be said on the yet to exist social media) to live my best life cringes

I am 100% guarenteed to die. Hopefully not for a long time, and hopefully with a fantastic funeral with a big party where people have a great laugh while talking about how wonderful and dumbshit I was Until then, I want to get on with life. Accept sensible risks because the pleasures outweigh the tiny risk of harms.

We accept the risk of driving a car because the benefits to us far outweigh the risks of accidents and we can ignore our tiny contribution to environmental damage.

We live with what is usually a temporary inconvenience from flu. It does claim tens of thousands of lives per year, mainly in the very elderly and very vulnerable.

The average age of Covid deaths is about 80. Within a year or two, that's average life expectancy. Even people in their 80s and 90s have decent chances of recovery.

Anxiety can be utterly consiming and that is a medical need too.

Poor OP, she perhaps has no other outlet for her feelings. Feel free to message me and we can chat. Its a lonely life.

I agree that if you’ve been at home this whole time, it’s much scarier. I was at home for a few weeks when schools closed and then Easter hols etc. When I went back to school on a rota I felt very anxious but after a day, it all just lifted. Other parts of life take over as you concentrate on your job. I’m sensible, no intention of going to a pub right now but I am getting my roots done next week and will adhere to the salon’s request to wear a mask etc. I have shopped in a supermarket every week, cleaned my trolley etc. I’ve always washed my hands often(schools have lots of other illnesses doing the rounds) and I’ve always washed my fruit and veg.I have been tested every week too via work and everyone has been negative for 6 weeks. After that it’s all out of my control.

I am completely calm about covid. I know ONE person who has had it - a woman of 50, a smoker, who didn't even realise she'd even had it until she had a test. Literally know nobody else and I live in a large city.

It has been completely blown out of proportion at our expense. People not seeing friends and family, children missing out on their education, people losing their jobs, all for a virus where the vast majority of us will be fine. There will be massive aftershocks of this for years to come - mental health issues will rise, debt, obesity, addictions.

The only people who should be concerned are those who feel they or their loved ones are at risk. Those people can isolate until the end of time if they like - nobody is stopping them. The rest of us want to crack on and get back to normality.

Also those who haven't been to a supermarket since March will be left with the images of them looking ransacked.

Sure, there's often a little queue to get in now, and a chance to wipe the trolley diwn, but the supermarkets are well stocked and orderly and feeling 80% normal.

In early lockdown when getting out was strongly discouraged, I found the supermarket very grounding for connecting myself back with the world.

OP- there are SO many cognitive distortions in your post I hardly know where to begin.

You are catastrophising to the point of madness, its no wonder you feel anxious all the time. You really need to seek help- these thoughts are not "normal" or productive and they are causing you deep anxiety.
I really recommend you seek out a CBT therapist. I think it will really help you.

this virus is so horribly contagious and so awful.

I could reverse your points OP, and say why are you so invested in something that almost no one has had (so it can't be that contagious) and almost everyone survives without terrible problems (so not that awful). Like other said, why be so worried about something that probably won't happen to you & you can't control anyway.

I still maintain that people who get very anxious are getting some kind of benefit from that anxiety. Even if it's just a kind of comfort from sustaining a very familiar feeling that feels normal and safe to them; they are addicted to the anxiety. So imho, whatever that payoff-process is, is what drives your feelings, rather than your response being rational.

I think we have got so complacent and used to feeling 100% safe, which is not actually normal at all. Throughout history all species live with daily threats - pandemics, starvation, floods, war, volcanoes, fires - you name it. Co-existing with peril is a totally normal experience and getting het up about it doesn't help you or anyone else. It is just part of the rich tapestry of the life we live.

Just for some perspective, my nurse friend caught it back in April.
She lost her sense of smell and that was her one and only symptom.
Her husband had what can only be described as a mild cold.
Both are completely fine now and haven’t had any long term issues. They are both ex smokers.

I think me, my DP and DS had it in mid March, we weren’t tested. My symptoms were a sore throat, a cough, which wasn’t pleasant, but I’ve had worse ones. I also had one or two days/nights of body aches, mild fever, chills. My DP lost his sense of smell and had diarrhoea.
My DS had a bit of a fever and a cough. Then a skin rash developed.

We are all fine now, although I’m quite tired out easily.

Life is full of risk. This is just another one. For some people, this new risk is a huge one. For others, less so. I cannot spend my life thinking about all the ways it could end. There are many!

I say this as something with anxiety requiring medication and CBT, your level of anxiety is so extremely heightened right now, it’s not a normal level.

I get it, I’ve been is such dark places with anxiety, CBT was like a light switched on for me, I’d highly suggest going to your GP and asking for a referral. It’s a long waiting list so it’s better to get on earlier.

@BumbleWumble you are catastrophising. This is very common with anxiety because your mind automatically defaults to the worst case scenario. I also agree that you need to speak to someone about this as your level of fear isn't normal, you can't live like this.

There's no point telling you what everyone else has said about how you're wrong. We can all see the logic that for nearly all people under the age of 70 the disease is very mild and you will make a full recovery. You don't want to read that - you want people to feed your anxiety and validate your belief that life is over and it will kill you. Or leave you permanently ill and sickly.