Kids playing together

[SunshineSally46]

I have seen no end of photos on social media lately of people allowing kids from different households to play together. Although the rules state we can now meet up outside I thought the 2 meter distancing rule still applied yet these kids are hugging and playing together in paddling pools and things like that. It's not ok yet is it?

My dc would love to see their friends but even though they are older I can't guarantee they will all keep their distance when excitable and playing so I haven't let them yet. Have you?

@Ouchy maybe, but if the R rate increases nationwide lockdown will just ramp up again. My children have been lucky enough to access childcare all along while I hold the hands of people dying a horrible Covid death without their families so I'm quite personally invested in keeping the infection rate down.

My son has played with my friends toddler, he is in reception so if I sent him to school he would be playing with another 9 4/5 year olds. If a small class of reception kids is safe one toddler is safe.

I don't think a couple of children in the park keeping their distance the best they can is an issue but I think once some people see groups they then think it's ok for bigger groups to get together, play dates inside etc.

We're being purposely risk adverse because my children are in school/ nursery.

Some people have taken the piss that I know, mixed families in cars, play dates inside etc. That's frustrating.

In what way are people assessing that their children are suffering without playing with their friends?

Not being goady, I'm genuinely curious.

Sounds like you’re a key worker @NerrSnerr in which case thank you so much for your role in supporting the Coronavirus drive. I’m glad your children have been able to access the childcare and I hope they have benefitted from it? Other children whose parents aren’t key workers do need their mental health and development to be given some serious thought though in the context of lockdown and if the government aren’t giving them sufficient consideration then parents naturally have to take that into their own hands as children are vulnerable too and need looking out for, even if they aren’t particularly vulnerable to covid 19.

Surely a responsible society can’t allow children to suffer isolation from peers for an indeterminate amount of time which is now heading on to 3 months, with no clarity on the roadmap ahead for children. @NerrSnerr i know you’re not personally advocating that, I mean that as a general observation about what society can reasonably condone in relation to the impact on children’s wellbeing (especially only children without siblings)

My nursery hasn’t opened much to my annoyance. My 4 year old had a taster session a new one today and she was so happy. I nearly cried seeing her play and be normal again. She didn’t want to leave and it did her the world of good. I knew she had been struggling during lockdown but you could see the instant boost she had. I can’t even really describe it but it was just lovely to see.

@Ouchy did you read my latest post. Reasonably socially distanced outside playing is ok by me if that's all it is- even though we don't choose to because we're trying to reduce our contacts as all 4 of us are out the house in 4 places every day. It's that it's so much more for many which is frustrating as they're not even trying to reduce the risks of transmission.

In what way are people assessing that their children are suffering without playing with their friends?

My friend has a 6 year old child and both she and her husband are working from home. Between 9-3 their daughter is pretty much alone bar 30 minutes of interaction when her parents get their lunch break.

As an only child she has been so lonely and miserable without being able to see her friends for 10 weeks.

Over the last few weeks she has started having nightmare every night, waking up 2-3 times a night, convinced that the virus is going to get her and she is going to die. She became petrified of the outside/world because she knew there was something out there that meant she couldn’t leave the house and she couldn’t see her friends.

My friend was so so upset by it all - understandably so.

Thankfully her child went back to school this week and after just one day she saw a massive improvement in the happiness and mental health of her child.

When we do school drop-offs and pick-ups the children seem to be so, so happy to be back with their friends - and there’s a reason for that. Children need socialisation and normality.

@Lucindainthesky children need to play with peers as part of their development, and social interaction is a need for all ages. That’s why there are so many concerns for the mental health impact on people of all ages from lockdown, including the elderly and the young.

Children who have no playmates will suffer the kind of mental health repercussions you might if you were forced to live only with your parents and have no other contact with people your own age for a protracted period. Zoom/Skype doesn’t really work for littlies.

This will be minimal impact for children aged say 2 or under for whom parental interaction is everything, but for any children 3 or above that will be a very lonely and joyless existence. Also children (age dependent of course) cant understand that this is temporary. All they may understand is that they don’t have the fun they used to with those other fun little people who also enjoy playing dolls/trains whatever.

That’s just my position on it but child psychology does back it up

@NerrSnerr totally get what you wan about people who are being irresponsible etc. And agree with you. Thank goodness it’s mostly been sunny recently so the outdoor interaction has been achievable.

@Lucindainthesky - my dd (7) has been increasingly worrying about little things and losing her temper over the last three or four weeks. She has burst into tears several times and told me she is really missing her friends. She often reminisces about games they played together (she has regular facetime with friends but she says she really wants to play with them). She met a friend for the first time this week (outdoors) and we'll be doing one or two meet ups a week from now on (just with closest friends). I believe that she absolutely needs this for her wellbeing at this stage.

In what way are people assessing that their children are suffering without playing with their friends?

Mine kept randomly bursting into tears and telling me he missed his friends. Not much assessment required really.

Well I suppose I COULD send the 5-year-old off to queue up at Ikea or play golf or go to Costa to get herself a cappuccino or have a socially distanced barbecue where she stays sat 6ft apart from all other participants, but come on, these are not activities designed with a 5-year-old's need in mind, are they?

But children have an equal level of freedom to do variants of those things that are fun for them. Since restrictions lifted my 6 year old has:
had a mini sports day organised by my 13 year old for 6 year old and 3 of her friends.
had a campfire with stories instead of singing and their own marshmallow sticks (not that we'd share those in normal times, I guess!)
had a picnic with 2 of her friends and their mums

All very interactive and good ways to reconnect with friends without breaking the guidelines.

I do think her mental health is important. But it isn't so important that it puts her above the rules and above the safety of other people.

Wish I could break the rules and somehow magic the nurseries back open so my DS could socialise with his peers and we could get back to a full household income. But go ahead you selfish lot, the more you break the rules the longer it will be for my kid to have access to the same thing you have already decided yours are more worthy of.

can't believe what I'm reading on this thread

Me neither

There are lots of children and adults whose lives will be severely affected by this for a long time to come.

But it's not going to be a case of 'those that were allowed to break the rules and play in the paddling pool with their friends will be ok but those who had to stay 2m apart will not.

It will be those who had to stay in tiny flats with no stimulation (and, in the case of some older children, no company at all) all day, those who lost family members to either Covid or something else that couldn't be dealt with properly due to it, those who witnessed violence, conflict and emotional distress, those who went hungry and those who had their safety nets pulled from them and were left adrift.

A few parents of those children might be on this site. But, by and large, the children of mumsnetters will be ok. Putting the health and safety of the country as a whole ahead of the safety of our individual children is not going to hurt most of our children long term. They would have more fun if they could play unrestrained, for sure. But it's not going to scar most of them to stick by the restrictions we're currently under.

There are probably some children of parents on here who are exceptions due to a range of circumstances and needs and who do need to be 'allowed' to break the rules. But it isn't going to be the majority.

I have no proof of this but I think the 'average' mumsnetter has

1. a garden or nearby public park
2. enough money to feed and shelter their children
3. both the will and the means to stimulate and entertain their child 4) the social contacts to enable them to see and interact with other children.
4. a strong enough relationship and connection to their child to make them feel loved and secure, despite lockdown.

I know that won't apply to everyone. That's why blanket rules always have exceptions.

I don't disagree that children need normality. But the example of the child having nightmares that they will die - that is anxiety they have picked up rather than being a direct result of not seeing other children.

Of course children will be unsettled, their lives have been turned upside down, routines have disappeared, schoolwork is different, they haven't been doing the same things or going to the same places.

So being unsettled isn't all down to not seeing friends and I'm not sure it warrants the risk to other families when they're back in school in supposed bubbles. Especially if they have siblings or are old enough to facetime etc.

Fair enough if you only meet up with one other family, both families are very low risk ie nobody works outside of the home, neither go into shops, you both clean your shopping just to be sure, you both strictly socially distance from strangers and neither family is meeting up with anybody else whatsoever from another household. If that genuinely applies to anybody then crack on.

In what way are people assessing that their children are suffering without playing with their friends?

As others have said, DS (8 and an only child) is getting increasingly emotional about all sorts, but when we talk about it, it always boils down to him missing his friends. He has a weekly Zoom call with his teacher and a few classmates. For the last 3 of these, he's burst into tears when they ended saying how much he misses his teacher and friends. When lockdown started, he was Facetiming his friend regularly but the calls got shorter and less frequent and now neither of them want to do them. They say they have nothing to talk about.

This week we met up with his friend and the boys cycled on ahead while I chatted to his friend's mum (distanced!). The boys were naturally pretty distanced due to being on bikes but we didn't worry too much if they occasionally cycled close together. They were chatting away happily; Facetime just seems to unnatural to them I guess, whereas with the distraction of cycling it was much easier for them. He loved it, hasn't stopped talking about it and can't wait to go again.

My best friend's daughter is 4 and usually very chatty and confident. When lockdown started, she loved the novelty of having the whole family around and being able to play with her older sister lots. But after a couple of weeks she became quieter and less interested. Fast forward to now and she's incredibly clingy. She not only wants to be in the same room as my friend all the time, she insists on being in physical contact with her constantly. Whenever they go out for a walk, she cries for about 20 mins first as she's so scared about the virus.

Great post @manicinsomniac

I echo other concerns... the more people don't socially distance until it is safe to do so, risk a second lockdown and this whole thing going on longer than needed. Please think bigger picture.

Nersner

We weren’t doing play date when dd was in nursery because she was having socialisation there. Now she isn’t we are going to get it another way. I would have preferred it at nursery because of all the protections that offers - names lists of who met with who rather than a family who might have met with another family etc but now we can’t do that I am not going to potentially screw up her development for ever by keeping her away from all other kids for any longer

@manicinsomniac but 4 on your list is breaking the rules...unless i strap down the preschooler she isn’t going to maintain a 2 m distance when I have friends with other preschoolers in the garden

Not keeping my kids locked up for another 3 months No way

Not cleaning shopping ffs

My kids are out and about with other kids

Stay inside if you like it

My kids are out and about with other kids

They are not wee animals to be locked up

@NannyPear who is exactly is breaking rules here..... majority of us have said our DC have played outdoors not Indoors. 6 people can mix outside including in the garden. Small gatherings outside with small numbers Is allowed I'm not aware this was exclusive to adults only.

Really? I'm sure they would if it was explained to them. Unless they're 1 or 2 in which case they don't have the psychological need for peer company that 3+ year olds do.

We met a friend of mine who has a 3.5 year old and a just turned 2 year old for a walk last week. The 3.5 year old was absolutely fine and understood very well. We still had lots of fun in the woods. The toddler was on reins most of the time (controversial I know. Maybe not ideal. But it did the trick for a short term, emergency situation).