Kids playing together

[SunshineSally46]

I have seen no end of photos on social media lately of people allowing kids from different households to play together. Although the rules state we can now meet up outside I thought the 2 meter distancing rule still applied yet these kids are hugging and playing together in paddling pools and things like that. It's not ok yet is it?

My dc would love to see their friends but even though they are older I can't guarantee they will all keep their distance when excitable and playing so I haven't let them yet. Have you?

[manicinsomniac]

And if that wouldn't be the case for your child and their peers, don't do it. Itfoesnt mean it's breaking rules for those children who can do it. For children who find it harder, walks and picnics in parks, playing in bigger, open spaces might be easier?

[Tinyhumansurvivalist]

Yes and no... We have met up with friends and had social distanced picnics since the rules changed. Dd has played with her friends and as the lady above said they have not had physical contact but have been closer than 2m.

Both dd and I have chronic asthma, according to asthma UK we should both be shielding but as the government have seen fit not to issues either of us with a letter and I am a key worker I am not able to fully shield.

Dd has been as shielded as possible whilst still seeing her dad and childcare provided by my parents who thankfully are not in any at risk group. However, as she was dismissed from school 10 days earlier than everyone else she has also been isolated for longer. As practically an only child for 80% of her time whist she is with me and her half siblings not having been going to their dad's as often she has had zero peer group level interaction and her mental health has been severely affected.

I have honestly been very concerned about her. I made a decision that the risk to her and the other kids (incidentally all from 1 family) was massively outweighed by the benefit of protecting her mental health.

I for one am not apologising for that.

[Natsku]

I started letting DD play with one friend since her school started back 3 weeks ago (not UK), now with no new cases in my area in over a week (my town itself has never had any cases) I've said she can see any other friends although its only been one other this week. No hugging but not keeping 2 metres apart.

She was suffering really badly with insomnia which went away the day school started again so I'm sure seeing her friends made a huge difference.

[Redolent]

@manicinsomniac

Really? I'm sure they would if it was explained to them. Unless they're 1 or 2 in which case they don't have the psychological need for peer company that 3+ year olds do.

We met a friend of mine who has a 3.5 year old and a just turned 2 year old for a walk last week. The 3.5 year old was absolutely fine and understood very well. We still had lots of fun in the woods. The toddler was on reins most of the time (controversial I know. Maybe not ideal. But it did the trick for a short term, emergency situation).

But that’s not really play in the proper sense of the word. It doesn’t involve collaboration, cooperation discussion, problem-solving, genuine interaction.

[Myfriendanxiety]

My 3 year old met up with a friend for the first time yesterday. He doesn’t understand staying 2m apart and so we didn’t enforce it. However we did insist on not touching each other, no hugging or holding hands, no paddling pools or things like bubbles wands etc that they would blow through and share. We went for a walk and they played football, talked as they chased each other and stood next to each other looking for bugs. All fairly low risk activities.

[Myfriendanxiety]

@RC000 it will never be fully safe to do so. There is always the risk of flu, chicken pox etc to pass on. Safe from Coronavirus will only happen when there is a vaccine, or we are 100% confident there are very very few cases in the Uk including people who are asymptotic. This isn’t going to have in the foreseeable future.

[manicinsomniac]

I agree with that, definitely Redolent It's a long way from ideal interaction. But it's better than not being allowed to see friends at all. And it's enough to make them happy and excited after weeks of nothing. I think the half way situation that is permitted in the guidelines is a good compromise between looking after children's interests and protecting vulnerable adults/the NHS.

[NannyPear]

@Uhoh2020 yes I understand the rules. Plenty of people here have said their children haven't been keeping their distance from each other. You can have small outdoor gatherings but must remain 2m apart. Looking at my neighbours garden gatherings it's clear you aren't the only one who has decided to forget this part!

[Napqueen1234]

My DD (almost 3) went back to nursery this week and since then has met a couple of friends she spends all day 3 days a week (not socially distancing) with at nursery. I can’t see how that’s any different to an extra day in nursery- adults stay well apart. The way home from her first day back in nursery she was buzzing and just kept saying ‘that was so fun, it was so fun please can I go tomorrow’. We have a small baby at home so I’ve done my best but can’t play with her all the time and am certainly no replacement for friends.

I’d rather never meet another adult or go to the shops (we do a farm box delivery and 2 weekly click and collect) and allow my child to play with friends. She’s in the middle of developing her social awareness and it’s so so important.

The risks are low and to be honest my child is more important than anyone else to me now. I was happy to lockdown for so long for the greater good but we can’t do it forever.

[Uhoh2020]

Older children can and probably will stay apart to a degree younger ones definitely not so much but its unlikely there will be as many gatherings of younger ones especially in multiple numbers or with different sets of children. I didn't make my ds SD with my neice because they are in the same bubble in school anyway and we will have to inevitably mix our households going forward anyway.

[changeofname890]

We've bought the children a huge paddling pool and my nieces came round to play in it with my lot last weekend. We used to see them everyday. I'm not keeping them apart any more. My youngest who is nearly 11 is getting so down I'm sorry, but we are seeing friends and they are playing together. Not coming in the house because it's been too nice, but don't have a problem with it. My children's mental health is far too important

[JassyRadlett]

In what way are people assessing that their children are suffering without playing with their friends?

Lucinda, from your posts I don’t think any response will be acceptable to you. However here is my experience of two very different children: one who has coped ok, and one who has not.

The 4yo has been fine. Behaviour not great, frustrated and angry about the restrictions, but ok. Doesn’t like FaceTiming his friends, he finds that form of communication really frustrating.

8yo has not been fine. He is unbearably lonely, even with his parents and brother at home. He cries at bedtime because he misses school and his friends. He has insomnia. He hates living in times that will be in the history books. He is working so hard and applying himself and getting increasingly little back from school. This week he was crying asking me why the school didn’t care about him any more, because they have reduced provision and contact with children still at home. He gave up FaceTiming his friends quite early in lockdown because he said it made him feel even more sad.

Guess which one of my kids got to go back to nursery/school.

We both work full time in jobs that are both busy and precarious in the current climate. I considered going back to my awful previous job just so my son could get a key worker place. We are both cobbling together as much time as we can for him directly and, this past week or so to allow him to see friends 1 to 1. The latter has help. I won’t promise you that in his bike ride with a friend or walk with another that he stayed the blessed 2m apart at every second, or that I barked at him every time he transgressed.

Please trust that parents know their children, as you know yours. Your sneering and diagnosis of the problems of other people’s children is pretty rude.

[Pootle40]

We are allowed to meet a household outside so yes my 10 year old has been to a friends garden and went out with for a cycle on another day with a different friend. So no I don't need to wait for a scientist to tell me it's ok. I also refuse to have him see no other child after almost 3 months. There is no school here for another 9 weeks. If anyone thinks he wouldn't see another child for 20 weeks they can forget it.

[polkadotpixie]

My sister and I let our DC (3 and nearly 2) play in the paddling pool together last weekend. They needed it and the joy they showed playing together was lovely to see

Neither of them had seen anyone but their parents for 10 weeks and are both normally very sociable children so they have really missed that social interaction

My sister and I both felt the benefit outweighed the (small) risk so we went ahead and very likely will again

[RC000]

I really sympathise. I have a 4yo and 1 yo. But it seems like everyone can justify anything with mental health/'my children deserve it' reasons. It is unfair when others are following guidance to keep the R down.

[manicinsomniac]

Pootle That's not against the guidelines? You haven't done anything wrong at all.

polkadot if we all decided that the small risks involved in allowing our own children to do the things they most like to do were worth it for the benefits to our own children, the country would be in an even bigger mess that we already are.

[MynephewR]

Yes my DD has spent the day at her friends house. Not making her suffer anymore. We aren't sticking to the "roolz" anymore, couldn't care less what anyone else thinks.

[Lucindainthesky]

Perhaps my child is coping better than others because as an only child, we don't have constant playdates during the summer holidays and she is used to going periods of time without playing with other children?

Ironically she is having far more social contact than she would normally during the holidays. Usually there would be a handful of meet ups but nothing inbetween. Now they are emailing every day and face timing every couple of days.

I also wonder how much children are picking up on what their parents are projecting. DH is vulnerable and so we have been happy to isolate and fortunate enough to be able to do so. As such she doesn't hear us talking negatively about lockdown or not being able to see people. I guess this won't be the case in other homes.

[Nonotthatdr]

Manicinsomniac

That’s exactly what I said unless I tied her down (reigns/pushchair) she isn’t going to stay 2m away at all times. I tried a 2m walk with an adult friend Following the guidance so one in front of the other not side by side - you have to be so far apart that you almost cannot carry on a conversation. For a preschooler it would be very hard to have meaningful interaction in that manner.

I will encourage her not to touch the child we meet up with but play of the type needed for development- small world pretend type stuff cannot be done from 2m apart with no cross over of toys - like you think “shop” is good as one of them stays behind something but then then pass over stuff to each other... as they pay with bits of bark or whatever- it’s still better than “doctors” or ”babies” which seem to involve climbing all over someone. So the guidance doesn’t work for preschoolers - as an adult I can have a meaningful chat with another adult from 2m away in a park or my garden which is great for my mental health but it’s not useful to for DDs, and she is of an age where she desperately needs this peer interaction for her development

[Nonotthatdr]

Like nap queen i would sacrifice near everything else - shopping, pubs, adults meeting even at 2m if my kid could have some normal free play with other kids - and this appeared to be the government plan with opening nursery’s (had she been able to play at nursery I wouldn’t be doing play dates) but as my nursery has gone crazy and wants to put her on a marked spot on the playground and in the classroom so no free play there I’m going to have to make it up myself.....

[Uhoh2020]

You dont need to talk about not being able to see people it's perfectly bloody noticeable for most children that things are different. Also not sure how you can put a positive spin on schools and parks closing and not seeing family and friends for months on end. The guidelines do allow for some interaction outdoors now but if you want to deprive your child of that thats your choice too make.

[Ylostigres]

I haven't sent my reception child younger sibling back to school/nursery, as I don't agree with the social distancing measures being expected of young children. (Also, the fact they have to socially distance themselves whilst in the classroom, but are allowed to play closer than two metres apart outside, is conflicting and would be confusing for them.) So in light of this, we've been meeting up with a couple of parents and children from DDs classes, who have also chosen to keep their children off, and yes, we're letting them play normally and naturally like kids should be able to. I'd much rather they had normal interactions with a smaller group of friends, with no pressure to remember strange rules, than be forced to spend all day having abnormal interactions with a larger group of 15 children, in an environment more likely to cause spread of illnesses. If they were going back to school, no I wouldn't let them socialise with children outside of school hours, as I feel that would be disrespectful to the other children and families in the school bubbles.

[Drivingdownthe101]

My 6 and 4 year olds aren’t stupid, they’re perfectly able to realise that they haven’t been to school, or gymnastics, or ballet, or swimming, or seen their grandmother who they usually see twice a week, or see any of their friends for the past 11 weeks without us talking about it in front of them. It’s pretty obvious!

[RainbowMum11]

No not at all - DD(7) is stricter about the distances than I am and would need the risk to be absolutely minimal before she would allow herself to be too close to anyone other than me or her Dad (we aren't together so she is already going between our 2 houses but we are both being incredibly careful).
XH is in a vulnerable category and is more cautious than I expected him to be (he can have quite a cavalier attitude at times).
So whilst there is a small risk of DD becoming seriously ill with Covid, she is very able to spread it (we call kids super spreaders, in every setting).

[JassyRadlett]

I also wonder how much children are picking up on what their parents are projecting. DH is vulnerable and so we have been happy to isolate and fortunate enough to be able to do so. As such she doesn't hear us talking negatively about lockdown or not being able to see people. I guess this won't be the case in other homes.

Yes, I thought so. Blame the parents. No children could legitimately be struggling with having their worlds turned upside down.

Not that I need to justify myself to someone so sanctimoniously judgemental, but DH and I have been incredibly mindful of the need to put a good face on this for our kids. To find the positives, accentuate and enhance the things we’re getting to do that we wouldn’t otherwise. And one of my kids is fine (really enjoyed the first six weeks or so, in fact) and one isn’t.

What we aren’t doing is pretending that their feelings aren’t real or valid, or asking them not to talk about those feelings.