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So so SO fed up and bored by home schooling and domesticity!!!

180 replies

pjsgalore · 03/06/2020 07:34

I feel terrible saying this....obviously big love for my two DC, BUT...I'm sooooo sick of having them at home 24/7. Anyone else feeling completely over it?? I quite liked the break from the school run and the general rat race in the beginning, but now I feel utterly trapped by it - and ill at the thought the kids may not even go back in September!!! Pleaes tell me I'm not alone.

I try to count my blessings...(I actually have started saying them out loud in the morning like a mantra!! I have two healthy, happy children, I am grateful we have plentiful food, a nice house, we're not sick, we're okay for money etc etc etc. And I know there are so many people out there in an awful and scary situation...so I feel spoilt and selfish. BUTTTT.

I despise the home schooling thing - I find it a horrible mixture of tedious and stressful), I hate having zero time to myself EVER and the constant noise of my two DC (9 and 6) and the endless making of and cleaning up after food, and the always clean dishwasher.

I'm a freelance writer and am so lucky I've been able to not HAVE to work during this period - but I miss doing something with my brain so much. But if I try to take something on I then get super snappy with the children and feel guilty and stressed. So although I'm bored of the drudgery - I find the WFH thing impossible too!!! And I'm also in the middle of trying to write a book - but my creativity has gone awol and I have NO TIME. As my bottom heads for the chair it's like a homing signal for the children - MUM can we have a snack! Mum how do I do this sum, MUM MUM MUM MUM. ARRGHHHHHHH.

Please please someone moan with me!!!

OP posts:
CanWeComeIntoTheOutNow · 04/06/2020 11:56

I had a stern word with myself this morning and tried to get them to do some work. Two hours has produced four lines of writing from my 8year old and a brief letter (accompanied by endless whingeing) from my 5 year old.
I've told them no lunch until the 8 year old produces a paragraph. He's arguing the toss as to what constitutes a paragraph but I've dug in now so we're here for the long haul. FML.

Orangeblossom78 · 04/06/2020 12:32

I have a friend with no children, she just asked me what will I do with myself when they go back part time next week. She is a lovely friend but has no clue what it has been like and how desperate I am for some time!

pjsgalore · 04/06/2020 15:16

Thanks so much for all your replies - I hate that you're feeling bleak too, but it is like balm to the soul to know I'm not alone. I really think this is having a disproportionate effect on mothers. it SUCKS big time. SAHMs and working mums.

And really made me Lol thegrump - your day 'off' at A&E. It reminds me of when DS1 was a newborn and I used to fantasise about getting something non-life-threatening (like a broken leg or something!) so I could go to the hospital and have a night's sleep!!! In fact this situation reminds me of the kind of gloominess I felt in those first early weeks of babyhood - stuck in house all day while DH was at work. HORRIBLE.

And I'm sorry you're feeling borderline depro "canwecomeintotheoutnow*. Stay strong lovely lady. I empathise. This is just such a shitshow!!!

Big love to all of you!!!! And a huge virtual hug!!!

OP posts:
Ahundredpercentthatbitch · 04/06/2020 16:14

I could have written your OP word for word. Even down to the freelancing and the ages of our children.

I feel exactly the same as everyone else on this thread.

My DH is lovely, and gives me a 'break' whenever he can. But he works in the pharmaceutical/medical industry and is really busy doing important stuff that's literally helping to save lives, so we barely see him until the evening. And having to keep the kids occupied and quiet while he's on constant conference calls is a massive added stress. I feel envious that he gets to use his brain and have interesting conversations with other clever adults, and I feel resentful that so much of his time is taken up by work that he can't help with cooking, cleaning, sorting the kids, etc.

When lockdown started I attacked it like a project I had to manage. I had a good routine. I went to bed early, I got up before the kids to do some exercise or get out of the house, I managed to stick to a good timetable of homeschooling, I even set up some learning tasks for my three year old. I was doing pretty well. But over the weeks all that has fallen by the wayside. I've lost interest. The kids have lost interest. I don't bother going out for exercise in the morning any more - I'm so bored of our local area and doing the same routes each time. Even though we're lucky to live near some gorgeous countryside, I'm sick of going to the same places every day. I tried to mix it up this week and we drove somewhere for the first time in 10 weeks, but it was heaving with people and I just felt super anxious about being there and the three year old was totally ignoring all social distancing rules, then they had a tantrum and didn't want to leave...

I thought I'd hit a few walls over the course of lockdown and homeschooling, but yesterday I hit THE wall. I was so exhausted, I felt a deep sense of despair and emptiness. My body ached and I felt physically drained, I couldn't do the most simple of tasks. Even making a cup of tea felt so fucking pointless I would give up bothering half way through. I was genuinely scared at how bad I felt mentally. I ended up putting a film on for the kids and getting DH to work downstairs so I could go back to bed for the afternoon. And all I did was lie there and sob into my pillow. I managed to nap for about an hour and felt a bit better when I woke up, but fucking hell, I need this to be over now. I need to get back to normal. I need some space and time to myself.

What a PP said about having the radio on and the house to herself really resonated with me. Our house is not very big, so when DH is upstairs working and the kids are downstairs doing school in the kitchen or screens in the front room, there is literally nowhere in the house that I can go to escape. All the rooms are taken up by other people who are using them for their needs. I just sort of float aimlessly between them all, sitting down wherever I can find space. And I am NEVER ALONE. Of course there's zero chance of me being able to put some headphones in and watch something on my phone - one of them always needs something, or they will start fighting, or the three year old will do something dangerous. It's a cliche, but I can't even use the bathroom in peace. Almost without fail one of them will need a poo and be banging on the door as soon as I sit down on the toilet. I hear the word "mummy" so many times a day it makes me involuntarily flinch now. This isn't normal or healthy. None of this is normal or healthy.

I stay up way too late at night - even after DH has gone to sleep - just so I can be in silence on my own.

Last night DH was tentatively suggesting I start pitching for freelance work again soon, to give me something to do. But of course, we will have summer holidays in the UK again in just over a month's time (or will we? Who knows?!). Plus DSD is not back at school at all yet, and is here 50:50, so I just can't see myself having the time to pick up a work project. I'll still be doing 100% of all the cooking, cleaning, washing and school admin for 3 x children, so why would I add to my stress by trying to delivery quality work for a client? Talk about setting myself up to fail.

I am so very aware that we are luckier than most. Health, money, jobs, family all safe, roof over our head, garden, green spaces... I am grateful, honestly. But it's the mental side of it which grinds you down. I'm so bored, yet so stressed all the time. It's awful.

Anyway, I'm rambling now. But just wanted to post in solidarity. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!

pjsgalore · 04/06/2020 16:24

oh ahundredpercent I'm with you. Thank you for posting in solidarity. Fucking nightmare!!!! I also started off well - and was all cock-a-hoop thinking I was handling it so well. Exercising. Meditating. Being 'present' with the children. HAHAHA - and SOB. That's a distant fricking memory!!

I wish Covid would just fuck off!!! I also wish I was alone on a desert island with an endless supply of cocktails, a good book and a hammock!!

OP posts:
wobblywinelover · 04/06/2020 16:26

So pleased it's not just me! the whole situation is driving me mad now to the point where I just find everyone and everything irritating.
My teenage ASD son is struggling to keep up with the workload and needs 1 to 1 help with most of his lessons so it's almost impossible to keep up with any of the household drudgery. I have no husband or boyfriend. I spend all week cooking, tidying, teaching, scanning work in, teaching myself stuff so I can teach him, we don't seem to have time for daily exercise or getting out of the house. The highlight of my week is when I go to the supermarket on my own as I can leave my son for an hour or so getting on with some of the easier school work.
I spend my time wistfully scrolling through social media at any break I get, marvelling at how my teacher friend is enjoying camping out in the garden, sunbathing, going for walks etc. All childless friends seem to complain about being bored or go for lovely walks. My cousin tries to facetime me several times a week as he is 'bored'. To top it off after a week of being a teacher, I have to go and do nightshifts at the weekend as a frontline worker in a stressful job. It's no fun and like others have said it's like groundhog day. I'm thinking of sending my son into school for a couple of days so we can keep our sanity.

I do feel shocked at the poster on here who said her husband is a teacher yet does naff all to help with home schooling. That's disgusting. There are loads of men slacking off and it adds to the resentment. My son's dad is not interested in helping whatsoever.

pjsgalore · 04/06/2020 16:35

wobblywine ugh you poor thing - that does sound absolutely bloody relentless and crushing. Big virtual hug. I absolutely think you should send him in for a couple of days - I would if I could, even though I understand if it's scary. But in terms of mental health it will do both of you the world of good I'm sure.

OP posts:
WearyandBleary · 04/06/2020 16:41

Same here. Every morning I wake up and check the news on my phone and part of me thinks maybe it will all be over!!!

Then up and drudgery.

purplepandas · 04/06/2020 16:47

Ooooh yes, I am so fucklng done. I have asked my line manager if I cna go to work on Sunday (alone) and jus get my head down to work in peace. Working FT with school age kids (not in school) is a sidding nightmare. If one more person says 'oh, the schools are back' I will not be bloody responsible for my actions. Honestly, the idea of working flat out at work in peace on Sunday feels like a bloody spa day now.

Homeschooling is minimal on a good day. Work can fuck off (they want more, I care less as am so tired) and I am hugely resentful that my husband continues to leave the house each day and absolve himself from argument and one child who cannot manage her emotions well. I am done with organising everyting, with being fucking responsible.

Oh to be in a coffee shop alone. I am booking myself into a hotel for the night as soon as I am able. I think DH thinks I am joking, I am not. The space and solitude is something I dream of.

purplepandas · 04/06/2020 16:48

Sorry for typos, that's appalling! Dragging my heels about cooking them something for tea...

purplepandas · 04/06/2020 16:49

On another thread, I did see a poster say her DH had lazy bastard syndrome, seems more prevalent. Mine is not lazy in some ways but promises to take the kids out and then does not. It drives me mad. I need some head space. Rant over.......

Squeekybummum · 04/06/2020 16:52

Same here, I have gave up on the home schooling these last 2 weeks but I need to give myself a kick up the bum, start again on Monday 😴
I have 3 children, oldest has adhd and my youngest is definitely showing signs so I'm feeling the stress of trying to keep them occupied and burning there never ending energy.
I would normally have a day to myself while children in school and in off work. I can't wait to have that day back again.

chickedeee · 04/06/2020 16:59

I hear you all! Wink

Would love to lay on the sofa and watch a good film all alone Brew

Ahundredpercentthatbitch · 04/06/2020 17:13

I've even stopped drinking as much because that 6pm glass of wine or gin and tonic was just becoming so boring, and a reminder that I was stuck in an endless loop of routine!

And I've lost weight because I cannot make any food for myself without having to make it in triplicate or quadruplicate for the kids. So I don't bother. I just stick to eating at lunch and dinner times. Sometimes I scoff a packet of crisps in the garden when I'm hanging the washing out, but I've been busted doing that by the three year old (who of course had to come out into the garden to fine because I was not in their line of sight for two minutes Hmm ).

Orangeblossom78 · 04/06/2020 17:15

We gave up this pm and went out and played crazy gold and had an ice cream Smile

think maybe mornings are enough. Thing is mine get upset if they haven't done it all even when it says you don't have to

Orangeblossom78 · 04/06/2020 17:15

golf

Orangeblossom78 · 04/06/2020 17:16

I'm so bored with the cooking and clearing up

CanWeComeIntoTheOutNow · 04/06/2020 17:24

I lost my shit spec.tac.u.lar.ly today. Effing, blinding, screaming.
Not my finest hour.
But in my defence they were being arseholes of the highest order. Then I dragged them for an epic bike ride and now they're exhausted. I mean so was I, but I was tired anyway and at least I might get them to bed at a decent hour tonight. I've also stuffed them full of chips and beans. Hoping they fall into a carb coma soon.

bloodyc · 04/06/2020 17:53

Hi all,
I'm in the same boat. Lost my job a month ago but I have no money worries, 2 healthy children aged 3 and 7 (neither currently at school). I'm classed as shielded so cant send them back even if their school was open.

I'm totally bored of it all. I'm looking for a job but theres nothing out there. I had 6 years at home with the kids and had only been back at work 6 months before the job got canned (I was freelance so short notice). I loved work. I cant even see how I can return to work with no childcare.

Anyway, how are you all managing to get through it? I dont drink or smoke. I've no energy at all. My 7 year old is at a lovely school and they send 5 video lessons a day but she wont do them on her own and I cant bear to listen to anymore lessons about bloody phonics etc. I know were lucky the school are great. But I have no energy and sometimes feel i cant move, I'm so tired i could lay on the floor whilst cooking yet another meal even though i do get good sleep. I've cried a bit the last few days. I have plans of things to do even cutting the kids hair but I just dont get much done so the list gets longer We took the dogs to the woods for 3 hours today as i cant face being at home.

How are you getting through it? I need to be tougher but I dont know how. I did do another qualification but found it incredibly hard. I passed but not sure how as none of the information seemed to be sinking in. I even seem too tired to do stuff I love like study.

wobblywinelover · 04/06/2020 18:59

Thanks @pjsgalore i'm considering sending him for a couple of days, not sure what to do yet or whether I should just stick it out until the summer

Ahundredpercentthatbitch · 04/06/2020 19:06

But I have no energy and sometimes feel i cant move, I'm so tired i could lay on the floor whilst cooking yet another meal even though i do get good sleep. I have plans of things to do even cutting the kids hair but I just dont get much done so the list gets longer... I even seem too tired to do stuff I love like study

Yes! I feel exactly the same. What is it? Why is this happening? Are we depressed? I think I might be situationally depressed, but certainly not in a clinical sense. The tiredness is really extraordinary and debilitating.

chickedeee · 04/06/2020 19:44

I could scream at the prospect of this going on for three more months Sad

worzelsnurzel123 · 04/06/2020 20:20

I totally agree with pp saying how it feels a bit like the baby dark days. Feeling a bit trapped and everything being the same, no variety or freedom. I feel like I’ve not much to look forward to and starting to dread homeschooling all day long.

Treaclepie19 · 04/06/2020 20:37

You know what the worst thing is? I feel like such a failure. Ugh 😩

rockingaroundthemulberrybush · 04/06/2020 20:39

That was me @wobblywinelover, he's an arsehole. He's very little to do workwise (genuinely, I know some teachers are working hard but he's not one of them). He also doesn't respect my job and keeps interrupting teams calls or client calls or work time to chat to me about the gas bill or the recycling. I hear his whiny voice down the stairs just now and wonder if I'd care at all if he just upped and left? I wasnt in the first flush of love for him before this, but this has just brought home to me what a selfish disrespectful lazy wankerwho thinks a lot of himself he is.

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