I could have written your OP word for word. Even down to the freelancing and the ages of our children.
I feel exactly the same as everyone else on this thread.
My DH is lovely, and gives me a 'break' whenever he can. But he works in the pharmaceutical/medical industry and is really busy doing important stuff that's literally helping to save lives, so we barely see him until the evening. And having to keep the kids occupied and quiet while he's on constant conference calls is a massive added stress. I feel envious that he gets to use his brain and have interesting conversations with other clever adults, and I feel resentful that so much of his time is taken up by work that he can't help with cooking, cleaning, sorting the kids, etc.
When lockdown started I attacked it like a project I had to manage. I had a good routine. I went to bed early, I got up before the kids to do some exercise or get out of the house, I managed to stick to a good timetable of homeschooling, I even set up some learning tasks for my three year old. I was doing pretty well. But over the weeks all that has fallen by the wayside. I've lost interest. The kids have lost interest. I don't bother going out for exercise in the morning any more - I'm so bored of our local area and doing the same routes each time. Even though we're lucky to live near some gorgeous countryside, I'm sick of going to the same places every day. I tried to mix it up this week and we drove somewhere for the first time in 10 weeks, but it was heaving with people and I just felt super anxious about being there and the three year old was totally ignoring all social distancing rules, then they had a tantrum and didn't want to leave...
I thought I'd hit a few walls over the course of lockdown and homeschooling, but yesterday I hit THE wall. I was so exhausted, I felt a deep sense of despair and emptiness. My body ached and I felt physically drained, I couldn't do the most simple of tasks. Even making a cup of tea felt so fucking pointless I would give up bothering half way through. I was genuinely scared at how bad I felt mentally. I ended up putting a film on for the kids and getting DH to work downstairs so I could go back to bed for the afternoon. And all I did was lie there and sob into my pillow. I managed to nap for about an hour and felt a bit better when I woke up, but fucking hell, I need this to be over now. I need to get back to normal. I need some space and time to myself.
What a PP said about having the radio on and the house to herself really resonated with me. Our house is not very big, so when DH is upstairs working and the kids are downstairs doing school in the kitchen or screens in the front room, there is literally nowhere in the house that I can go to escape. All the rooms are taken up by other people who are using them for their needs. I just sort of float aimlessly between them all, sitting down wherever I can find space. And I am NEVER ALONE. Of course there's zero chance of me being able to put some headphones in and watch something on my phone - one of them always needs something, or they will start fighting, or the three year old will do something dangerous. It's a cliche, but I can't even use the bathroom in peace. Almost without fail one of them will need a poo and be banging on the door as soon as I sit down on the toilet. I hear the word "mummy" so many times a day it makes me involuntarily flinch now. This isn't normal or healthy. None of this is normal or healthy.
I stay up way too late at night - even after DH has gone to sleep - just so I can be in silence on my own.
Last night DH was tentatively suggesting I start pitching for freelance work again soon, to give me something to do. But of course, we will have summer holidays in the UK again in just over a month's time (or will we? Who knows?!). Plus DSD is not back at school at all yet, and is here 50:50, so I just can't see myself having the time to pick up a work project. I'll still be doing 100% of all the cooking, cleaning, washing and school admin for 3 x children, so why would I add to my stress by trying to delivery quality work for a client? Talk about setting myself up to fail.
I am so very aware that we are luckier than most. Health, money, jobs, family all safe, roof over our head, garden, green spaces... I am grateful, honestly. But it's the mental side of it which grinds you down. I'm so bored, yet so stressed all the time. It's awful.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. But just wanted to post in solidarity. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!