Employer wants me to WFH looking after 1 yr old FT?

[PopandFizz]

Hi,
I'm due to return from maternity in September and had a catch up call with my boss last week and he said that we will all be WFH for the rest of the year to ensure employee safety. Fair does.
But then when I said I dont think I can get a nursery place there is no provision for this. Simply that I'll have to look after my 1 year old whilst WFH. My job is very detail based and I'm baffled at how he thinks this is an option.
Am I naive from being on mat leave to think this is wrong? Is this what people are doing?

In my house DH is doing more than me too. I have sympathy with why you want to 'protect' the higher earning job, OP, but I don't think you can expect your employer to. I also think that if all kids are back at school in September (very likely) and nurseries have been open for months then a lot of the current goodwill around WFH with children will evaporate, it won't just be your boss.

Furlough will be at the end in September, and childcare provision will be in a much better place than it is now. What would you like them to do? You could reduce your hours, but they don't have to agree to it and it can be hard to then ramp back up to full time. Many people have been doing this for months, and yes, it's hellish.

Feminism isn’t taking a step back in my house. I am the higher earner, DH is doing most of the childcare.

Isn't feminism about equality? I mean if that works for you great and it's not an issue, but so many women are in your DHs position and complain about it, that I wouldn't be proclaiming yay feminism because his job is evidently seen as lesser because it's lower paid; like many women who then get lumbered with the majority of childcare.

Life in September won’t be how it is now OP- start making enquiries with a childminder and other nurseries. Good luck

But by 'protecting' your partner's job, what you're expecting is for your employer to take the hit while his gets to carry on regardless. You also pointed out the problem with this yourself re sexism. Can't he ask for say 2 days working from home? Then each of you has some time also responsible for your child. Is he really content just to let you suck up the problems with this and not even ask for a compromise?

It is awful and we’re having similar issues. Our nursery isn’t open and hasn’t said when it will. It means we’re in a really awkward position as there is an assumption there is childcare available but there often isn’t for the babies at the moment. I’ve found I could get a temporary place for my 3 year old but not my 1 year old- partly because of the prioritisation guidance from DFE but also because a lot of settings don’t want to or can’t go through the usual settling in process.

Why is it your employers problem? You have 3 months to arrange childcare. The nurseries reopened yesterday here. A childminder might be a good option or hire a mother's help (cheaper than a full nanny as you are in the house eg a school leaver)

Your employer can’t solve your childcare issues.

You’ll have to look into other solutions.

Could you get a nanny or au pair?

Have you though about hiring a nanny OP? Or perhaps a baby sitter because you can be around to supervise? You might end up spending a lot more on child care this year, but you’ll keep your job and once the Covid thing is all over, you can transition her to a nursery?

Have you tried local Childminder’s? My childminder was absolutely lovely with my twins were young.

I would just start looking for childminders and nurseries over the next few weeks like you would have planned to do anyway. Also, your parents might be able to help out come September because the shielded groups have been given new advice that they can go out, although it's very limited. It's only the start of June though so there's still 3 months until September starts.

If you can't get a nursery and parents can't help, having been on maternity leave for 8 months of the year come September, you should have about 20 days annual leave to take upon your return plus you will accrue more once you're back? You could realistically take 2 and a half days a week off, meaning you just work a half day each day, over 2 months which will bring you to November where things should be a lot more settled and you can get a nursery place/parents help. It would be a lot easier to work 4 hours per day with a baby rather than 8 hours per day

He earns substantially more than me so if we are 'protecting' someones career it would be his.

What a surprise.

It’s shit OP, you will need to get a childminder I reckon.

And yet again we see a woman stressing and trying to find a childcare solution.....
It doesn't matter how much your DH earns he's still the child's dad and needs to play an equal role in finding a solution.

This whole thing of ‘it’s not the employers problem’ ignores that it may be to the BENEFIT to make their employees feel valued and to facilitate their continued presence

Redolent what should the employer do for the op?

Yes this is a joint problem, I don’t care how much he earns. Why are you the one running around, stressing about this with your job under threat.

If nursery doesn’t suit then you could consider a nanny? Especially if DH is a high earner.

You then don’t worry about doing all the pick ups and drops offs to nurtsery(as you will have to do them) and also you won’t also be the default parent they call when your child has a temperature for the third time that week...

Bitter experience.

No backwards moves for feminism here either. I am a key worker (massively less well paid than DH) Im at work everyday and he is wfh long hours and doing all the childcare/home schooling. I pick up the online shop and most ofbhe cooking. We split everything else

Get a nanny. If your daughter is vulnerable you're far better off with a nanny.

I'm confused do you not want to send your dc to nursery because of the previous operations (totally understandable btw) or the nursery place you originally sort is no longer available? If its the former then you have no option but to wfh with a baby if you want to remain employed if its the latter you have 3 months to source alternative child care. You can apply for unpaid parental leave or extend maternity if you haven't already had the full 12mth but even then there will be an end date to both where you will have to return to work (either office or home) or resign. You have my sympathy if you do end up wfh full time with a young baby, im doing it now with 3 school age children and it is sooo hard and unsustainable long term.

The working from home is irrelevant here really. You’d have this problem if you were due to go back into work too if there are no nursery places. your only issue isn’t the childcare and if you can’t get childcare You have to decide whether you can work from home around your child (evenings, weekend catch up, nap times) or whether you will have to say you can’t work, which is what you would have done if expected back in the Office 🤷🏼‍♀️

He earns substantially more than me so if we are 'protecting' someones career it would be his.

Why is that though, if you take time to care for your children your promotion prospects are impacted - why does his promotion matter more than yours. The whole “he earns more” thing perpetually leaves women taking a hit on their career and income, if men were expected to carry their share of childcare responsibilities they would soon find a way forward that meant no one took a hit.

As it stands it’s more equal for you both to take a hit on your career prospects rather than widening the career/income gap even more by supporting him to forge ahead while you keep the home fires burning. It’s not Covid setting feminism back we women do that all by ourselves.

Even before coronavirus childcare and working presented huge problems for many people. Of course it is worse now but nurseries ext will open again and people will be required to return to their places of work. If you were among workers who can't work from home, nurses, teachers, shop workers ext you would have had to return to work after your maternity leave finished or leave your job. Sadly the reality is that if you can't arrange childcare, share it with your husband, or manage the job with your child around then your only option is to leave. When the government stops the furlough scheme there are going to be many redundancies because of the losses to the economy through this virus and there will be lots of competition for jobs.If you can't or are unwilling to use a nursery maybe your best option will be to ask for part time hours and pay. Expensive for you but you will be saving on nursery and it could be a compromise which will help you keep your job. One thing is certain, no company is going to pay full time for part time work for very long, especially in the working market place which is coming. Good luck
with whatever you decide.

What do you expect tour employer to offer OP?

your

Genuine question but what do you expect your employer to do? What do you think the solution is?

I'm wfh 33hrs per week, doing a full time degree, doing all the shopping for my shielding parents and have a 2-yr old at home. DH has had to also wfh so we can manage everything between us. We're all struggling.

Far too many people treating this as an extended holiday and expecting to be paid for sitting at home just because the alternative is difficult.