DD, shopping and 2 meters

[Jourdain11]

So, my DH took DDs (8 and 6) and DS (4) to the supermarket today. He was trying to whizz round quickly and keep the children occupied, so he was doing a bit of a "game" with DDs, asking them to go to the shelf and pick up a bag of red apples, punnet of strawberries, loaf of bread, etc. while he and DS "steered" the trolley. He had told them to be careful not to touch the other packets and so on and apparently they were being very careful.

DDs were apparently picking out the breakfast cereals they wanted (the most sugar-laden ones incidentally...this game nay not become a habit 😕) and a lady came over and told them, "You little girls really shouldn't be playing together, you know." To be fair, she probably didn't realise they're sisters - they are only 16 months apart in age and almost exactly the same height, plus don't look that similar, so she might have thought they were friends.

DD1 (apparently politely) said, "We're sisters." Whereupon the lady changed tack and said, "Well, you shouldn't be playing with the food, don't you know that you could be giving people the virus and making them very unwell?" DH came across the intervene, but before he managed to get in, DD2 began whirling her arms around and shouted, "Please GIVE ME TWO METERS!"

As you can imagine, it didn't go down well! DH apologised and got DD2 to say sorry and the lady said they were rude little girls and DH eventually got a bit fed up and snapped back at her.

On the way home, DH asked DD2 why she said that and DD2 said "because she was an annoying old bat and I bet she says it to everyone else". (Disclaimer - she did not pick up that expression from me!)

DH thought it was funny and wasn't inclined to tell her off. So - should I tell my child that shouting "GIVE ME TWO METERS?" at strangers isn't polite? I think she already knows that, but I don't want her to turn into a total brat!

And should the kids be left at home when shopping since they (quote) "obviously don't know how to behave themselves?"

[Pertella]

we live in a flipping democracy

Yes. One that still allows children in shops no matter how much judgemental old trouts might not approve.

So

End of!

[palacegirl77]

@pertella

I'd posted my thoughts based on the info I had. When the op clarified I wished her well. Do you need to be so confrontational?

[Weedsnseeds1]

You had the info that she was too ill to manage the children on her own and that she was being hospitalised next week, or "wanted a nap while Mr. Tesco babysat" as you kindly summarised.
Demanded to know just one example of why she couldn't have had the kids.
You were told, then had a go at her for her until she agreed to conform to your wishes.
Then begrudgingly wished her well, providing she agreed to obey you.
Nice.

[palacegirl77]

I wonder why the op asked for opinions then? Should everyone just say "yes you're right" to everyone? She asked opinion and I said in my opinion taking the kids out for "something to do" to a shop where they weren't under the father's control isn't great during a pandemic. Even with the knowledge she is ill that almost makes it worse as those kids could have picked up (any) germs and brought them home that's my opinion. How did it begrudgingly wish her well?? I meant in sincerely and said "take care". What do you actually want me to say?

[Ylostigres]

I didn't actually think children were allowed in supermarkets at the moment? Mine certainly haven't stepped foot in or near a shop since this started, and although they're both particularly sensible and well behaved, if I had no childcare, I'd first look for a delivery slot, second see if a family member could shop for us, and third as a last resort I'd take them, grill them on the rules (i.e NOT TOUCHING ANYTHING, getting in anyone's way, not straying a mm away from me) and make sure we were in and out with the bare essentials needed. I think you're dd was rude, was showing off, and thought it was funny to mock the situation. Yes, she's young so probably doesn't fully appreciate the seriousness of it all, but my dd of the same age, wouldn't think about talking back to an unknown adult in that way, and knows that we have to follow the rules in public to keep everyone safe. The lady was right, they shouldn't have been picking up and putting down random items off the shelf. Everyone knows kids can have particularly germy hands, and in the middle of a health crisis it just seems irresponsible to let them act like that.

[Jourdain11]

Sorry slow reply, but not been online today.

Like I said, happy to leave it now! I've understood re. the shop thing.

@Ylostigres well, you've obviously brought your kids up much better than me In an ideal world I'd prefer mine not to be cheeky or hurtful to adults OR other children, but it sometimes happens...

[iVampire]

Give me an example then of a situation where she was SO ILL she couldnt look after her children

OP: you are the absolute example of that!!!!

Your DH is doing a splendid job, and absolutely should continue to take your DDs with him. I know it’s a bit grim, but you really shouldn’t be in sole charge at this stage of treatment

Perhaps best to tell the DDs they need to be very careful they only go exactly what Daddy says when they’re out and about, and to remember that people don’t always see the bigger picture and sometimes make crass comments; and that it’s usually better to just go back to Dad and let him deal with it.

[iVampire]

And as we haven’t crossed on a thread recently, how is treatment going?

You are so amazingly together through all this!!

[Jourdain11]

@iVampire nice to see you again! I'm doing alright, how are you? Having to repeat the Induction chemo x 1 which kind of sucks, but hopefully it will do the trick 🤞 DC just came back from grandparents last week and we have a very involved set of cleanliness rules in place, which they are adhering to very well! DH got the go-ahead to wfh with online provision for the rest of this academic year, which was good news.

Are you making use of your newly-permitted freedoms? At present I'm not (it seems at this point more sensible...) but we'll see how it goes!

[iVampire]

That’s pants about the need for a repeat. Fingers crossed that whatever needs poisoning lies down and dies nobly this time!

I’m doing OK - fortnight until my next prescription point, so next week sees trip to clinic for bloods and then to the hospital for an ECG. Actual appointment will be by telephone, and if all OK my drugs should appear by dashing motorbike courier within 48 hours

I did celebrate the new ‘freedom’ by going out for a as run this morning, really disappointing - so many people and do little distancing (even at 07:00 - it wasn’t overcrowding, just people not applying brain about how much space they were taking up). I felt safer at height of lockdown when my Easter present to myself was a 10mile run - next to no-one about and everyone really careful to distance. I’ll have to make new plans about when/where to go, and I’m glad I’m feeling more positive as I was quite cross this morning

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

Jesus there's some nasty, judgemental fuckers on here!

@Jourdain11 you did nothing wrong in your situation (I remember you from another thread, I'm not stalking you!). Sorry you've got to repeat your treatment and I hope it goes well next time.

[TheCatInAHat]

jourdain11 I read your initial thread when the diagnosis happened and can’t believe your resilience, positivity and good humour through all this. I’m sorry the induction treatment needs to be repeated

[BackInTime]

Life is so fraught right now, I hate all the rules everywhere with everyone barking orders and tutting if anyone gets things wrong. I went to walk into a shop at the weekend and there were about 6-8 people outside in a group laughing and chatting in the street they started shouting at me 'Oi there's a queue'. There is never normally a queue at this shop so I guess I wasn't looking for it. I apologised said that I thought they were just a group chatting and they started scoffing and mumbling about 'bloody queue jumpers'. I have just had enough of it, everywhere you go is like treading on eggshells, everyone is just so angry, horrible, righteous and judgmental.

[bookish83]

@Jourdain11

The ins and outs of this situation aside (not even going to make comments as really you sound like you did what you thought was right) your daughter is a social distancing legend.

I too would like to put my arms out and ask for 2 meters and have chuckled to myself ever since I read this thread!

Xx

[Jourdain11]

I have to say, I think DH and I misjudged DD2. I thought she was being "smart" with the 2 meters thing, but apparently she has been quite agitated about it at school, chastising the other children for "not being 2 meters"! She's also made a picture with some very sick-looking people in beds (green faces and thermometers in their mouths) with an arrow pointing to them labelled "cronaviras" and the heading "KEEP TWO METERS AWAY SAVE LIFES". She sent me a photo of it! I'm not sure if I should be pleased that she's able to take responsibility, or mildly disturbed!

[Quartz2208]

OP you should be concerned - she has taken in a lot of information in a short space of time regarding your diagnosis which would be complicated in the best of times let alone alongside coronavirus.

She sounds highly anxious about it

[Jourdain11]

Yes, I know But honestly, I'm not really sure what approach to take. There's no point in saying "nothing to worry about" because it's clear that she is aware that there are things to worry about. DD1 was originally much more anxious, but being a bit older, seemed able to figure out the questions that she wanted to ask and since processing all the information, she seems much calmer. With DD2 I don't think she knows quite how much she wants to know - and we're also not sure how much it is good for her to know - and it is hard to figure out how to help her. DH has tried to explain that the 2 meter thing isn't such an issue between children because they're unlikely to catch it or get it badly if they do catch it.

[Quartz2208]

Oh it must be so hard for her and you. How much does she know relating to you and how much is due to it in general

I think she seems to be in the odd situation where she knows too much but at the same time not enough. Have you tried getting DD1 to talk to her - I know my oldest can often help with this as she has processed stuff

[Jourdain11]

She knows it is the C-word, she knows the treatment means I have to go to hospital, and she knows that the treatment is "making me better".

DD1 has been more questioning - what does the cancer do, how did you find out, how does the treatment work, how long will it take, why does the treatment make you sick if it is supposed to make you better? Etc. But I think she's now got to the point where she's happy with the amount of info she has (and she's also confident that we're not hiding things from her).

DS (Reception) knows much less and I think a lot of it is passing him by, he seems quite happy and quite accepting of what he knows.

I do feel that you're probably right and DD2 is in between the two and knows too much/not enough. I'd be happy to try DD1 talking, but that seems like a lot of responsibility to put on an 8-yo

[Jourdain11]

About the virus: both DD1 and DD2 were told A LOT about it at school, more than I would have wished for tbh They know that I'm more at risk of getting sick and that they have to be careful. They also know that they shouldn't go to close to other people because everyone is trying not to spread it. But DH and I have both tried to make a big point of telling them that it's not necessarily a dangerous illness. Argh - hard to find a balance!

[TheRainbowCollection]

Hmm from your last update I can see that this thread has turned somewhere along the line but I just came on to say that I laughed a lot at your DD2 presumably pointing out the 'old bat's' hypocrisy with her 'two metres'!

It sounds like one of those situations where someone has worked themselves up into a righteous fury, fallen flat on their face when presented the facts ("we're sisters") and scrabbled around for something else to be annoyed about in the mistaken belief that it will make them look less ridiculous. I shouldn't worry about it.

But yes, probably far less stressful not to take them out shopping if that is possible!

[Jourdain11]

It sounds like one of those situations where someone has worked themselves up into a righteous fury, fallen flat on their face when presented the facts ("we're sisters") and scrabbled around for something else to be annoyed about in the mistaken belief that it will make them look less ridiculous.

Have to say, that was my reading of the situation too!

[Quartz2208]

@Jourdain11 yes it is so difficult - has she talked through the stuff the school taught her

Each child is different DD (11) hates not knowing - my Grandmother died at the start of the year (pre all of this) and her anxiety sprang from not knowing and thinking we were keeping things from her. In the end I had to be honest and tell her I didnt know when it would happen but that everything I did know she knew. That did make her feel better

DS is much easier.

I think it is too late now to go back on the knowing too much as she cant unknow so I guess it seeing what she needs to know (which is difficult at that age)