DD, shopping and 2 meters

[Jourdain11]

So, my DH took DDs (8 and 6) and DS (4) to the supermarket today. He was trying to whizz round quickly and keep the children occupied, so he was doing a bit of a "game" with DDs, asking them to go to the shelf and pick up a bag of red apples, punnet of strawberries, loaf of bread, etc. while he and DS "steered" the trolley. He had told them to be careful not to touch the other packets and so on and apparently they were being very careful.

DDs were apparently picking out the breakfast cereals they wanted (the most sugar-laden ones incidentally...this game nay not become a habit 😕) and a lady came over and told them, "You little girls really shouldn't be playing together, you know." To be fair, she probably didn't realise they're sisters - they are only 16 months apart in age and almost exactly the same height, plus don't look that similar, so she might have thought they were friends.

DD1 (apparently politely) said, "We're sisters." Whereupon the lady changed tack and said, "Well, you shouldn't be playing with the food, don't you know that you could be giving people the virus and making them very unwell?" DH came across the intervene, but before he managed to get in, DD2 began whirling her arms around and shouted, "Please GIVE ME TWO METERS!"

As you can imagine, it didn't go down well! DH apologised and got DD2 to say sorry and the lady said they were rude little girls and DH eventually got a bit fed up and snapped back at her.

On the way home, DH asked DD2 why she said that and DD2 said "because she was an annoying old bat and I bet she says it to everyone else". (Disclaimer - she did not pick up that expression from me!)

DH thought it was funny and wasn't inclined to tell her off. So - should I tell my child that shouting "GIVE ME TWO METERS?" at strangers isn't polite? I think she already knows that, but I don't want her to turn into a total brat!

And should the kids be left at home when shopping since they (quote) "obviously don't know how to behave themselves?"

[Willow2017]

I have, actually. And that was before Covid

Would loved to have seem thier faces!🤣🤣

[Willow2017]

She didn't
Telling them they were going to make people ill is not a nice thing to say to anyone never mind young kids. No.need.

[NuffSaidSam]

'The one i work in hasnt banned kids ever. There have always been kids in it'

No supermarket has banned kids, they've just asked people to keep numbers to a minimum by, if at all possible, just sending one member of the household to the shop.

Lovely that the kids you've seen have been well behaved though.

[ineedaholidaynow]

Whilst queuing to go into a supermarket yesterday there was a mum and her child who would be about 6 or 7, in front of me. He was moving around and touching all sorts of things like the benches, displays etc and then put his thumb in his mouth. I did cringe but his mum didn’t say anything to him. Probably not hygienic at the best of times but certainly not now. If I didn’t have to take children shopping I certainly wouldn’t be taking them at the moment.

[IHateCoronavirus]

You admit you made a bad call op re the shopping. I took me 2hrs to do the family food shop and shop for my parents today. Half of that was spent waiting outside. Shopping is grim at the moment. People are either scared or fed up or both. It is not really the place for children if they don’t need to be there.

I do think your daughter was very rude and I think her language was derogatory. I think you DH should have pulled her up on it and the fact that he didn’t and was amused by it would suggest that his tolerance for poor behaviour is higher than perhaps it should be. Going off that, perhaps the behaviour he thought ok, would actually have been below the expectations of other people hence the lady feeling the need to step in. It is not something I would have done myself and is also a little rude but stress levels are high.

[Jourdain11]

Thx. The point is, you don't know though, do you? I mean, for all I know, the lady who spoke to them could have a really unwell husband at home or a health condition herself, maybe she felt very anxious and she snapped. But she didn't know that my husband wasn't a single parent or whatever. Nobody knows the things they can't see and that's what makes me frustrated. That's why I didn't say, f.i., in my OP, that DH took the kids shopping because I was not well - because it's not relevant and in RL nobody would be able to know that just by seeing a man and 3 children shopping. And I wasn't after anyone's pity or whatever - although, I'm happy to accept that it's not an excuse anyway.

Anyway, I'm tired and waffling... and probably making no sense. But I am sorry if this has made anyone more stressed, upset, exasperated, bored, or whatever. That was truly not my intention.

[Jourdain11]

@IHateCoronavirus

You admit you made a bad call op re the shopping. I took me 2hrs to do the family food shop and shop for my parents today. Half of that was spent waiting outside. Shopping is grim at the moment. People are either scared or fed up or both. It is not really the place for children if they don’t need to be there.

I do think your daughter was very rude and I think her language was derogatory. I think you DH should have pulled her up on it and the fact that he didn’t and was amused by it would suggest that his tolerance for poor behaviour is higher than perhaps it should be. Going off that, perhaps the behaviour he thought ok, would actually have been below the expectations of other people hence the lady feeling the need to step in. It is not something I would have done myself and is also a little rude but stress levels are high.

He did make her apologise, though. He's usually stricter than me about messing around in public, so I doubt they were running riot.

[IHateCoronavirus]

Apologies I read this in your OP...

On the way home, DH asked DD2 why she said that and DD2 said "because she was an annoying old bat and I bet she says it to everyone else". (Disclaimer - she did not pick up that expression from me!)

DH thought it was funny and wasn't inclined to tell her off

... and understood that as him tolerating the behaviour.

[Jourdain11]

I think he was amused because of the expression, which he just didn't expect her to say and didn't know where she'd picked it up from. He had told her off for shouting and made her apologise to the woman. I don't think he felt inclined to continue "telling off" the whole afternoon. I told her that it isn't polite. I'd be more upset with her if she'd said it to someone's face, obviously.

[NuffSaidSam]

But the woman not knowing the backstory about why they were there isn't relevant because what she did (assuming that she didn't shout at them) wasn't unreasonable. Maybe a bit nosey, maybe would have been better if she'd spoken to DH, but really in the grand scheme of life what she said, as reported in your OP, was fine.

Just like your DD shouting about 2m was fine. Would it have been better if she didn't shout and wave her arms? Of course, but fundamentally fine.

The backstory is relevant to this thread because you asked 'should they have stayed at home' and then told us the circumstances so we could make a judgement.

The empathy is relevant to your daughter's comments in the car and you posting this thread. We're all less than perfect in the moment, but this is hours later. It's now that you should be thinking about the woman and why she said that and maybe having a bit of empathy.

If she had posted a thread about this 'I saw a man with 3dc in the supermarket' she'd have been told that she didn't know your backstory and maybe he had no choice etc. Etc.

It's the difference between what happened within a minute or so in a supermarket, heat of the moment actions and how you think about it hours later, when you've had time to reflect.

[TW2013]

To be honest I would look into doing online shopping next week. There is more availability than there was a few weeks ago and in your situation a click and collect would mean that the children don't have to go shopping and can do something fun rather than going around a supermarket. I hope it goes well in hospital.

[Inkpaperstars]

Who has grandpa been calling an annoying old bat would be my first question?

[Nixen]

Whether your kids are going back to school on Monday is kinda relevant as you could have used a bit of sense and your husband could have gone to the supermarket then!

[Weedsnseeds1]

Some people just have to interfere. It's a form of showing off "look how wonderful I am, I will police everyone for the common good, give me a round of applause".
3 children, one with the trolly and two picking an item off the shelf and putting it in the trolly? I couldn't get excited. Round here people are sending young children ( not 4 and 6, but certainly 8 upward) to the shops on their own to buy non-essential items like a cold drink or an ice lolly.
Nobody seems to mind.
Also whoever it was asserting that all children of ill parents should be locked in a room with a TV to control the contagion, for as many weeks, months or years as required. People can be very ill with diseases that aren't COVID19 and aren't in the least communicable. Cancer, CFS, brain tumour, EDS, dementia spring to mind.

[LivinLaVidaLoki]

Whether your kids are going back to school on Monday is kinda relevant as you could have used a bit of sense and your husband could have gone to the supermarket then!

Which would be super helpful if they had no food in. So yeah better to just not eat.

Tbh as long as the children are keeping their distance, which they were, not walking round touching everything then I don't see why they cant be in a shop. I have seen adults behave much much worse. But of course they're allowed, it's only children that seem to be seen as plague ridden right now.

Also the "if you're ill you should be isolating" when you've no bloody idea why OP is ill. Not every sickness is covid.

[SiaPR]

Better to speak to the parent than the child, I would say? where the fuck was your husband then? While your children were dicking around in the aisles and touching all the food? You are both really selfish.

[Sally872]

3 children should not have been at shop as you now realise. This has been the case for a long time now.

DD2 saying 'give me my 2m' because someone is coming too close is fine. Saying it in response to someone raising concerns about them playing together/touching stuff and is therefore not likely to be within 2m is cheeky. Hard difference to teach but dd2 was rude.

Old bat comment not acceptable. Wether grandpa says it or not she should be told not to say it again.

[Weedsnseeds1]

Except they walked to the required location, picked up one item without touching the rest and walked back to the trolly?

[itsgettingweird]

I think describing them picking up the items needed as a game has made this difficult for you. Everyone thinks you were messing. But you having trolly and list and kids putting items in is just normal family shopping!

As long as people are just picking up what they need.

As long as when choosing cereal they were just looking and not picking up every box then they were fine.

And she's right. If the lady came within 2m to play Miss high and mighty she needed to be reminded the rules apply to everyone.

The stupid bat comment is rude but wasn't said to the lady. It no different to what most of us would mutter under our breath!

[Jourdain11]

@SiaPR

Better to speak to the parent than the child, I would say? where the fuck was your husband then? While your children were dicking around in the aisles and touching all the food? You are both really selfish.

Is that necessary? As I've said, I couldn't swear to it because I wasn't there. But I don't see where in my OP I said "dicking around in the aisles and touching all the food".

[Jourdain11]

@itsgettingweird I think you're right! The aim was to speed things up and make it fun/give them a sense of responsibility. "Game" didn't in this instance mean "playing around".

[ineedaholidaynow]

It’s just not that children can be a nightmare in a shop, they can be really well behaved, it is that shops are limiting the number of shoppers who can be in a store at one time, that is why couples shouldn’t shop together either.

At this time you should stay with your trolley, so much easier to social distance then, not have your trolley in one place and you, your partner or your children walk up and down the aisles getting the items you need. It is just social distancing etiquette to stay with your trolley. Or you could be like the idiot I encountered the other day who was just stood in the middle of the aisle staring aimlessly at some items and then proceeded to walk up and down the middle of the aisle so effectively blocking it for everyone else.

[LaaLaaLanded]

Now is not the time to give your children a sense of responsibility in the supermarket. Get them to change their own sheets and make their own sandwiches.

I can't believe they let you in! Five of you.

[Jourdain11]

4, not 5. It wasn't busy, there was no queue. I'm guessing that if it had been having they would have abandoned the trip. We're talking on foot shopping trip to the large Sainsbury's Local for essentials that had run out (3 bags in total), not a 2-hour massive shopping trip.

[LaaLaaLanded]

Sorry, four.