DD, shopping and 2 meters

[Jourdain11]

So, my DH took DDs (8 and 6) and DS (4) to the supermarket today. He was trying to whizz round quickly and keep the children occupied, so he was doing a bit of a "game" with DDs, asking them to go to the shelf and pick up a bag of red apples, punnet of strawberries, loaf of bread, etc. while he and DS "steered" the trolley. He had told them to be careful not to touch the other packets and so on and apparently they were being very careful.

DDs were apparently picking out the breakfast cereals they wanted (the most sugar-laden ones incidentally...this game nay not become a habit 😕) and a lady came over and told them, "You little girls really shouldn't be playing together, you know." To be fair, she probably didn't realise they're sisters - they are only 16 months apart in age and almost exactly the same height, plus don't look that similar, so she might have thought they were friends.

DD1 (apparently politely) said, "We're sisters." Whereupon the lady changed tack and said, "Well, you shouldn't be playing with the food, don't you know that you could be giving people the virus and making them very unwell?" DH came across the intervene, but before he managed to get in, DD2 began whirling her arms around and shouted, "Please GIVE ME TWO METERS!"

As you can imagine, it didn't go down well! DH apologised and got DD2 to say sorry and the lady said they were rude little girls and DH eventually got a bit fed up and snapped back at her.

On the way home, DH asked DD2 why she said that and DD2 said "because she was an annoying old bat and I bet she says it to everyone else". (Disclaimer - she did not pick up that expression from me!)

DH thought it was funny and wasn't inclined to tell her off. So - should I tell my child that shouting "GIVE ME TWO METERS?" at strangers isn't polite? I think she already knows that, but I don't want her to turn into a total brat!

And should the kids be left at home when shopping since they (quote) "obviously don't know how to behave themselves?"

[BamboozledandBefuddled]

Gave up reading the comments on page 3 - I could feel a Gloom Cloud descending on me. OP, if I'd been there, I would probably have given your DD a round of applause and called the woman an interfering old bat to her face.

[Jourdain11]

Oh wow! Happy to put my children's health at risk? That is a bit below the belt!

I did explain to DD that the woman is probably nervous about shopping and keeping distance. She said that the woman can't have been that scared because she came right up to them. Hard to press the point when the other party involved has done their best to invalidate it.

And no, they won't be going shopping again and DH agrees. He'll do the shopping when they are at school (where they are being "happily sent off" to) if needed, even though it'll have to be when he's supposed to be chained to his computer..

[ineedaholidaynow]

@Willow2017 I do huff very loudly if someone is doing that!

@Tinytinytiny it is a problem when you have multiple people with one trolley moving separately round the aisles, as they are taking up more space and making social distancing much harder. If the DC were at the cereal bit and say the dad was at the biscuit bit, no-one else could access either area, and you would have to wait for them all to finish and or to get past them. Different rules apply at the moment, and only one person should be shopping at a time unless it is absolutely necessary to take someone.

Also if a shop has a limit of how many people can be in, a family of 4 take up 3 other shoppers' places.

[Barbie222]

Why not just one of you shop? It's a stressful time and three children won't help matters.

[HollySideEyes]

Unless it absolutely cannot be avoided I think the lesson to take from this OP in this current climate is keep young DC at home, especially if you have the luxury of a partner or family member to help you out, many don't.

[Spied]

Your DH really needs to give his head a shake.
Sending two little girls on a supermarket sweep game during a world pandemic

[Jourdain11]

The idea was to keep them occupied. And speed up the shopping.

[Herja]

@Willow2017

I'd be genuinely horrified by my child describing someone as an old bat. It's an awful way to describe someone

She was copying her GD. Kids do that its not the end of the world. Op has already said she has dealt with it. She didnt say it to the 'old bats' face!
Maybe if she kept her beaknout other peoples business people wouldnt think that about her?
Of someone butted in and told you off for doing something perfectly normal you wouldnt be enamoured with them either? But is that ok because you are an adult?
Considering the stuff that gets thrown around on here as insults its hilarious that "old bat" is the crime of the century!!!🤣🤣

If your young child called someone a stupid old bitch, would you be horrified @Willow2017 ? Even though they'd overheard it in school, or from A another? What about a stupid P* or N*** ? I agree that the OP spoke to her child. I agree, it is highly unlikely her child intended it to be mysoginistic or ageist.

None the less, if my child said that, they would soon understand why that is not an ok thing to say and would not be saying it again. I would certainly not be questioning if I was wrong to say anything to my child and I would be upset that my husband (presumably an adult and old enough to know that it is indeed ageist and mysoginistic) found it funny, rather than dealing with it more promptly. Not asking if the woman was in the wrong and trying to justify it.

The woman was out of order to approach children (as far as we know) behaving and tell them off. She was certainly in the wrong to be within 2 m of the OPs children. Yet still, yes, the child was incredibly rude and should not have said that. The OP (and her husband) should be able to separate the two, and be able to recognise that her daughter was definitely also being out of order.

[Jourdain11]

Just to be clear, she didn't say "old bat" to the woman. She said the two meters thing. I'm more upset with her for shouting at a stranger in a shop and I think she needs to understand why that isn't a good idea.

I do think it's weird that nobody thinks there's any single situation where a sick parent wouldn't be able to look after their children, either. I mean, some people drive 260 miles just to make sure that doesn't happen

[Herja]

I did get that! I fully accept that we have very different views on the description 'old bat', just I'd be (personally) upset if my child said that about someone after, in private too. In exactly the same way as if they'd privately complained to me about the 'fat bitch' in the shop for example.

I agree with you broadly, I think your DD was rude in the shop, but understandably so, because the woman was also rude. I also agree that there are definitely times the children may need to go shopping too - I'm a single parent, so fully on board with that!

I just found it sad that that insult is just considered a non problem. It's not, it's offensive, and the way children learn to not say offensive things is to be taught it's not OK, not to have a parent (DH, not you) thinking it's funny. And as I said, sad that my DH - should I still have one - found a small child saying that funny.

I'll shut up now though, I've definitely laboured my point enough, and actually, I'm on your side other than the Old Bat bit.

[RedskyAtnight]

I think the problem is that even if OP's children were impeccably behaved for normal times, this isn't good enough for current times.

They were clearly far enough away from DH for them to have a whole conversation with the woman without him hearing e.g. some distance away. Assuming this is a supermarket with a one way system they would therefore have to pause for him to catch up, thereby blocking the aisle for other people, or go against the one way system. And tbh if I encounter lone children in the supermarket these days, I don't know whether they are impeccably behaved and understand social distancing or whether they are going to suddenly walk towards me and expect me to dodge them. So I have to assume the latter.

If DH had to take 3 children with him, they should all have stayed together. The supermarket in current times is not somewhere to play a fun game. So my gripe would be with DH for not realising this.

And, for next week, why not shop in advance of going into hospital and just buy more than normal?

[Jourdain11]

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'd rather she hadn't picked up on that phrase/said it. I also don't like people saying "fucking stupid" and "bloody kids" and "covidiots". There are other ways to make a point.

[palacegirl77]

@Elephantshoe

@palacegirl77
that's a lot of assumptions you're making there.
I've had Covid, there's no way I could have watched my children for an hour or so if their dad had to get essentials.
You don't know if they live rurally and this is their only option. You don't know that mum wasn't working.
You don't know that the kids were "potentially contagious".
For all we know, old lady was contagious?!
That's a lot of high horse leaping you're doing.
Mum was ill, but did NOT say anything about symptoms. it could have been anything. Stop being so narrow minded

1. She didnt have Covid.
2. It was in a Tescos in London. Not rural.
3. At the moment we have to assume everyone is potentially contagious - thats why we are social distancing!
4. The old lady may WELL have been contagious! Absolutely! So why would the OP want her anywhere near her KIDS who clearly dont know how to socially distance.
5. Having hyperemesis I was crawling around vomiting on a regular basis when expecting my second child. It was grim. But I still looked after my older daughter. And being that ill wasnt even a contagion issue.
6. If im leaping to conclusions its because I was going on the original info.
7. Its a global Pandemic. Keep your kids out of shops. End of.

[Shodan]

4. The old lady may WELL have been contagious! Absolutely! So why would the OP want her anywhere near her KIDS who clearly dont know how to socially distance.

The woman approached the children. The OP's DD DID understand social distancing, hence the request for the woman to give her two metres.

5. Having hyperemesis I was crawling around vomiting on a regular basis when expecting my second child. It was grim. But I still looked after my older daughter. And being that ill wasnt even a contagion issue. Bully for you. Still doesn't mean that the OP couldn't have been suffering with something that rendered her unable to look after her THREE children.

End of. This has never, in any sphere of communication, been the final phrase of authority that its user fondly imagines it to be.

[palacegirl77]

@shodan
How does she know that? She wasnt there. She said her husband intervened whilst they were talking....how do you know who approached who?

Bully for me? Give me an example then of a situation where she was SO ILL she couldnt look after her children, yet not so ill that she needed hospital treatment or her partner to be looking after her? You cant. She just wanted a nap whilst Mr Tesco babysat her kids via the vegetable pick.n.mix. ITS A PANDEMIC.

End of.

[yarncakes]

Either you or your DH should've went alone to go food shopping. Less numbers mean less chance of transmission and spread. Even if you was busy, was it absolutely essential that he went shopping with 3x kids in tow? I don't like being judgmental and I understand if you had no choice at all but I think it's quite irresponsible if you did have a choice to keep them at home, IMO.

[Weedsnseeds1]

Palacegirl77 she has leukaemia and is in hospital next week. Is that I enough for you?
End of.

[Shodan]

Bully for me? Give me an example then of a situation where she was SO ILL she couldnt look after her children, yet not so ill that she needed hospital treatment or her partner to be looking after her? You cant. She just wanted a nap whilst Mr Tesco babysat her kids via the vegetable pick.n.mix. ITS A PANDEMIC

Seriously? It's beyond your imagination to think of anything for yourself? You'll have read that the OP has to attend hospital next week? Why don't you try very hard and think about what that might imply.

And do stop saying End Of, there's a dear.

[palacegirl77]

Well maybe if that was in the original post I may have thought differently. Although actually if she has health issues what the heck was her OH doing potentially introducing viruses into the home??? Why didnt he go to the shop when the kids were in bed??

And I will write end of as much as I like because we live in a flipping democracy. If you want people to be sympathetic, then put the facts! which we still dont know because she wasnt there. Pointless thread.

[Quartz2208]

@Weedsnseeds1 I thought that but isnt that on the list of shielding - why on earth would you send 4 family members to a big Tesco shop

[palacegirl77]

Her own words:

I accept that on this occasion it was unnecessary and I/we were in the wrong,

Why is it so bad that people agree with this? She said it herself! Kids sleep, go to the shops when theyre asleep. If theyre too old to go to sleep early (teenagers) theyre old enough to look after themselves if dad nips to tescos!

[Jourdain11]

It is practically impossible for the kids to shield. I am shielding from the rest of the family as much as possible, but actually it's up to me and us as a family what risks we take and the kids would find it very, very hard to stay home the whole time (no garden). They are super aware of touching and washing hands and taking off outdoor things before coming into the house. We are doing the best we can. This all happened post lockdown so we had no plans or anything in place.

Anyway, I accept the shopping trip was misguided. It was a spur of the moment thing. The kids were going nuts inside, DH was fed up, I wasn't feeling well. Not going to happen again.

So let's leave it there, if that's okay?

[justasking111]

Shodan give up. Some folk can start an argument in an empty house

[palacegirl77]

Much sympathy for your situation OP. And for your health, glad youve come to that conclusion. Kids going nuts? (Husband) take them for a walk. Dont take them somewhere they can bring back viruses.

Shops are open late. Send husband later.

Take care!

[User8008135]

Well your dd was cheeky saying the old bat comment but the old lady was in the wrong. Having a go at kids about the virus risk while ignoring social distancing.. well done dd pointing it out