DD, shopping and 2 meters

[Jourdain11]

So, my DH took DDs (8 and 6) and DS (4) to the supermarket today. He was trying to whizz round quickly and keep the children occupied, so he was doing a bit of a "game" with DDs, asking them to go to the shelf and pick up a bag of red apples, punnet of strawberries, loaf of bread, etc. while he and DS "steered" the trolley. He had told them to be careful not to touch the other packets and so on and apparently they were being very careful.

DDs were apparently picking out the breakfast cereals they wanted (the most sugar-laden ones incidentally...this game nay not become a habit 😕) and a lady came over and told them, "You little girls really shouldn't be playing together, you know." To be fair, she probably didn't realise they're sisters - they are only 16 months apart in age and almost exactly the same height, plus don't look that similar, so she might have thought they were friends.

DD1 (apparently politely) said, "We're sisters." Whereupon the lady changed tack and said, "Well, you shouldn't be playing with the food, don't you know that you could be giving people the virus and making them very unwell?" DH came across the intervene, but before he managed to get in, DD2 began whirling her arms around and shouted, "Please GIVE ME TWO METERS!"

As you can imagine, it didn't go down well! DH apologised and got DD2 to say sorry and the lady said they were rude little girls and DH eventually got a bit fed up and snapped back at her.

On the way home, DH asked DD2 why she said that and DD2 said "because she was an annoying old bat and I bet she says it to everyone else". (Disclaimer - she did not pick up that expression from me!)

DH thought it was funny and wasn't inclined to tell her off. So - should I tell my child that shouting "GIVE ME TWO METERS?" at strangers isn't polite? I think she already knows that, but I don't want her to turn into a total brat!

And should the kids be left at home when shopping since they (quote) "obviously don't know how to behave themselves?"

[Jourdain11]

One thing I'm a bit confused about: surely a group of four would block up the whole aisle, whereas two groups of two would be easier for other shoppers to move around?

In that precise moment, DDs were standing by the shelf picking out the cereal. They wouldn't have been blocking the whole aisle... I wouldn't have thought.

Also, I totally agree that children shouldn't be encouraged to call anyone old bats, but I don't think my 6-yo daughter's intention was to be misogynistic and ageist. I think she just picked up that it was a rude thing to say about someone when they'd made you cross. I did tell her that it's not something she should say, at no point have I implied that I condone it.

[Pertella]

If there was any 'risks' then they were caused by the woman approaching the children

[Jourdain11]

Yes, I'm fully aware that some people are anxious and worried. I'm anxious and worried too, about all sorts of things. I'm not saying it was a good decision, but neither do I think that it was the most incinsiderate and antisocial crime of the century actually.

[Willow2017]

I'd be genuinely horrified by my child describing someone as an old bat. It's an awful way to describe someone

She was copying her GD. Kids do that its not the end of the world. Op has already said she has dealt with it. She didnt say it to the 'old bats' face!
Maybe if she kept her beaknout other peoples business people wouldnt think that about her?
Of someone butted in and told you off for doing something perfectly normal you wouldnt be enamoured with them either? But is that ok because you are an adult?
Considering the stuff that gets thrown around on here as insults its hilarious that "old bat" is the crime of the century!!!🤣🤣

[Quartz2208]

I think the problem is that in moving in two groups you are doubling the risk for potential spread of the virus as well

And supermarkets are really difficult places to navigate - quite a few have directional arrows that you need to follow etc

And the rules on touching things can be extreme - have you looked into how shopping will work when things open tomorrow how long items that have been touched (shoes for example) get taken off and quarantined.

I think you made a decision based on a pre CV world forgetting how different it is and that yes taking 3 children there wasnt the right choice and he should have gone to a park and then gone later.

You then have to drill down a little into how she behaved and try and explain that it wasnt appropriate. The lady was rude yes but probably stressed. The whole supermarket experience at the moment isnt one to set up a game.

Does your DD understand why the lady was stressed

[ineedaholidaynow]

But by having 4 people doing one shop they are blocking the shelves for other people. You should move along the aisle with your trolley, the trolley is also great to help with social distancing. There is nothing more annoying at the moment than someone leaving the trolley at one point on the aisle then wandering off somewhere else.

[Tinytinytiny]

@Jourdain11

Honestly, I do think you,your DH,DD's or DS did anything wrong whatsoever.

[Tinytinytiny]

*don't

[AStarSoBright]

@Jourdain11

One thing I'm a bit confused about: surely a group of four would block up the whole aisle, whereas two groups of two would be easier for other shoppers to move around?

In that precise moment, DDs were standing by the shelf picking out the cereal. They wouldn't have been blocking the whole aisle... I wouldn't have thought.

Also, I totally agree that children shouldn't be encouraged to call anyone old bats, but I don't think my 6-yo daughter's intention was to be misogynistic and ageist. I think she just picked up that it was a rude thing to say about someone when they'd made you cross. I did tell her that it's not something she should say, at no point have I implied that I condone it.

The problem with 'two groups of two' is that they take up both sides of the aisle. One group woukd be on one side of the aisle.

Locally people don't 'move around' other people, they wait however, and this scenario, with kids picking up shopping, would be really irritating.

[Worriedmum999]

I’m just shocked at an 8 year old having such a rude attitude to an adult tbh. Surely not the first time and obviously learnt from somewhere.

[Jourdain11]

My 8-yo said to the woman, "we're sisters" when the woman told them they shouldn't be "playing" together. She thought (and I would guess correctly) that the woman hadn't realised that.

Fail to see how that was rude?

[Tinytinytiny]

@jourdain11

It's not rude to say that they were only sisters.

[Fortyfifty]

I've taken each of my teens to the supermarket once, before any restrictions were lifted, for the sake of their sanity, so they'd been somewhere after 8 weeks of being at home or local walks. We went at 7pm when there were so few others in the shop and even then I made them stay right by me, so as to not be encroaching on the space of the few other people we saw. Every time I go to the supermarket I see other people who look frightened. They're older or consider themselves vulnerable. It's really not on to take 3 small children to the supermarket unless circumstances deem it necessary. If you do have to take them, don't let them stay from the trolley thereby taking up more spaces in the aisle and making people feel nervous. Use some common sense. 6 year old say unpredictable things so I won't comment on that but you and your DH were unreasonable.

[PennyInMyPocket]

Your DH was unreasonable to take 3 children shopping and suggesting they run off and play a game, encouraging them to touch packets and foodstuffs.

YABU for stating they only touched the things they were going to buy. You weren’t there. You don’t know what they were doing.

Your DD was unreasonable for calling an elderly lady an “Old Bat”. She WNBU to ask for 2m space, although from the tone of your thread it seems likely she was trying to be ‘clever’.

If you or your DH don’t have to take the whole family shopping - Don’t take them! Kids running around the supermarkets are a PITA at the best of times.

[Quartz2208]

@Jourdain11 have you been to a supermarket recently?

So much of this does involve the current situation

some of it doesnt

[Stripesgalore]

The kids should have stayed at home.

[Jourdain11]

Alright, I wasn't there, but I don't imagine they were running around and touching stuff. We've never allowed them to misbehave in shops at all and they all understood from a much younger age that it's not nice to run around because they might bump into older people and so on. When they were staying with GPs and their gran had to take DDs shopping, she said they were well-behaved and helpful. (So I don't think it's just my parentally biased view of my children's behaviour )

DD2 can act cheeky. I always try to tell her why she shouldn't do that. For example, today I told her that she shouldn't shout at people because she doesn't know how it might make them feel. It might make them feel sad or upset, or it might make them very angry.

And no, the kids won't be going shopping again. Unless it's absolutely necessary.

[ineedaholidaynow]

OP even if they were behaving impeccably they would still be causing a problem at the moment if they weren't right by the trolley.

[Tinytinytiny]

@Ineedaholidaynow
No they wouldn't have been causing a problem.

[Shodan]

@Jourdain11 have you been to a supermarket recently?

So much of this does involve the current situation

So true.

Prior to this current situation anyone accosting a young child in a supermarket and accusing them of potentially making other people ill would've been rightly lambasted.

Now, though, it seems perfectly acceptable to a certain section of society

[LizB62A]

Why are your kids going to the supermarket - do you like risking their health by putting them in a situation where you can be fairly sure that there are people who don't give a shit about the 2m -rule- guidance ?

Just keep them at home

[Khione]

I just love that people on here can be as rude as they like to the OP without knowing her circumstances.

Demanding she explain why it was felt necessary for her husband to take 3 children with him. Who would voluntarily take 3 kids to the supermarket if it wasn't necessary.

But ok, you can be as rude as you like on here whilst criticising the behaviour of a couple of kids who were being told off by a stranger for doing exactly what their Dad had asked them to do.

Old Bat might be rude but is wasn't to her face and to be fair I agree with the child. If you have to say something find the parent don't berate the children and when you get told perfectly politely why they are together, get defensive and accuse them of something that they weren't doing.

It was never against any official 'Rules' to take children shopping just the made up rules of petty people.

[Willow2017]

even if they were behaving impeccably they would still be causing a problem at the moment if they weren't right by the trolley
You mean like all the adults who leave thier trolleys to get something off a shelf at the other side of the aisle but nobody says boo to them ?

[Quartz2208]

@Shoban because they would have been seen I think as over the top. We are very close to having to wear facemasks in Supermarkets and people wash shopping the idea that 2 young girls standing and playing a game in front of cereal panicking someone 4 months ago would seen over the top and odd.

Now though if she is an older lady coming out to do her shopping who is at a higher risk you can see her point.

@Jourdain11 taking children to a supermarket has for awhile been down as unless absolutely necessary. All of the things that marked them as well behaved dont count now with the highly regimented process that a supermarket is.

Hopefully we are coming through this. Have you explained though why the lady was worried?

[Elouera]

The OP has said several times that:

• she wasn't there, so doesn't REALLY know what happened or how far the kids were from the trolley
  
• hasn't been to a supermarket since lockdown
  
• She realises it wasn't essential to take the kids
  

What I'd like to know is what DH has to say about it all? Did he really think it was essential to take the kids? Is HE planning on doing it again? If he going shopping again, on his own, to stock up before your hospitalisation???