DD, shopping and 2 meters

[Jourdain11]

So, my DH took DDs (8 and 6) and DS (4) to the supermarket today. He was trying to whizz round quickly and keep the children occupied, so he was doing a bit of a "game" with DDs, asking them to go to the shelf and pick up a bag of red apples, punnet of strawberries, loaf of bread, etc. while he and DS "steered" the trolley. He had told them to be careful not to touch the other packets and so on and apparently they were being very careful.

DDs were apparently picking out the breakfast cereals they wanted (the most sugar-laden ones incidentally...this game nay not become a habit 😕) and a lady came over and told them, "You little girls really shouldn't be playing together, you know." To be fair, she probably didn't realise they're sisters - they are only 16 months apart in age and almost exactly the same height, plus don't look that similar, so she might have thought they were friends.

DD1 (apparently politely) said, "We're sisters." Whereupon the lady changed tack and said, "Well, you shouldn't be playing with the food, don't you know that you could be giving people the virus and making them very unwell?" DH came across the intervene, but before he managed to get in, DD2 began whirling her arms around and shouted, "Please GIVE ME TWO METERS!"

As you can imagine, it didn't go down well! DH apologised and got DD2 to say sorry and the lady said they were rude little girls and DH eventually got a bit fed up and snapped back at her.

On the way home, DH asked DD2 why she said that and DD2 said "because she was an annoying old bat and I bet she says it to everyone else". (Disclaimer - she did not pick up that expression from me!)

DH thought it was funny and wasn't inclined to tell her off. So - should I tell my child that shouting "GIVE ME TWO METERS?" at strangers isn't polite? I think she already knows that, but I don't want her to turn into a total brat!

And should the kids be left at home when shopping since they (quote) "obviously don't know how to behave themselves?"

[toomanyplants]

@Bridecilla I agree. OP irresponsible and child rude. Shopping is not a leisurely activity these days, the last thing I want to cross my path is stupid children playing games.

[Pieceofpurplesky]

Disclaimer - I am not the old bat!
However - I went to the supermarket and there was a man with really annoying kids who were 'helping' with the shopping. It wasn't cute it was fucking annoying as they were all over the place.

Keep them at home. He's not a single parent and you would have managed

[Jourdain11]

If me and my family sound so tedious why are you even bothering to read and reply? I am perfectly aware that my daughter was cheeky, but since she's clearly parroting what she's heard adults saying ("give me 2 meters") I'm not sure whether I gave her too much/too little ticking off. I haven't been to the shops since week 1 lockdown so I haven't really seen what it's like and it's hard to judge. My kids have had a tough couple of months and I am annoyed that this woman (who was not, to my knowledge, old) took it upon herself to have a go at them.

[Playdonut]

Jourdain you did nothing wrong. Mumsnet has, strangely for a parenting website, become one of the most anti child places on the internet! Ignore, move on and I hope you feel better soon x

[toomanyplants]

You asked if your daughter was being unreasonable... yes she was.
You asked should they have stayed at home... yes they should.
I agree, tedious.

[Jourdain11]

@Playdonut

Jourdain you did nothing wrong. Mumsnet has, strangely for a parenting website, become one of the most anti child places on the internet! Ignore, move on and I hope you feel better soon x

Thank you - and yes.

Even Victorian children were allowed to be seen!

[Mnthrowaway20202]

Children don’t need to be the ones that buy food, especially in the midst of a pandemic of a highly infectious & potentially fatal virus. Your children should have stayed at home whist one of the adults went shopping. That trumps your need for peace and quiet.

[waitingfor40]

I haven't read all the replies to your post because tbh I couldn't be arsed!!
But FAIR PLAY to your dd if a woman is rude enough to intervene in a situation she doesn't know about, then yes she should be able to take a comment from your dd to stay 2 meters away from her, if it was my dd I'd be proud of her for speaking up !

[Bridecilla]

@Jourdain they shouldn't be seen unnecessarily at the moment. Shopping is fucking weird at the minute and quite frankly my arms would have to be hanging off before I got dp to take mine shopping. Being a bit under the weather is no reason.

I'd be fucked right off if I were a key worker risking my arse and had to dodge round your naughty kids in the shop.

[NuffSaidSam]

'My kids have had a tough couple of months and I am annoyed that this woman (who was not, to my knowledge, old) took it upon herself to have a go at them.'

Did she 'have a go at them' though?

From your OP it sounds like she simply spoke to them, but 'have a go' is in the actions I suppose and not the words. So what did she do? Raise her voice?

Do you think it's possible this woman had also had a 'tough couple of months'? Possibly even tougher than your kids? Really tough. That's possible isn't it?

[Willow2017]

you know that you could be giving people the virus and making them very unwell?"

Telling an 8yr old and a 6yr old this is ok then? This applies to any adult in the shop! Did she go round them all telling them the same?
The 6yr old didnt say anything to the woman except to give her room like people on here are constantly spouting. The adult should have known this. She did it as a 6yr old but she didnt pull out an uzi!! She repeated what her gd had said in private to her mum not to the woman and this has been dealt with. Its not the first time a child parroted an adult is it?

[Jourdain11]

I think telling a 6 year old and an 8 year old that they could make people really ill is a bit harsh, yes. And DD1 said she was "shouty", whatever that may mean. Generally better to speak to the parent than the child, I would say?

And of course, I have no idea what that lady has been experiencing, lately. Just as she has no idea what they have been experiencing. But they weren't doing her any harm, to my knowledge.

[NuffSaidSam]

'Even Victorian children were allowed to be seen!'

Not in the supermarket in the midst of a global pandemic they weren't!

OP your responses are very confusing. On the omey hand you dyay you realise in hindsight he shouldn't have taken them to the shop/you made a mistake etc. Fair enough.

But then you also agree with posts saying you did nothing wrong and then insinuate that it's Victorian in attitude to keep children out of the supermarket at this time....

Which is it?

[Bridecilla]

@Jourdain11

I think telling a 6 year old and an 8 year old that they could make people really ill is a bit harsh, yes. And DD1 said she was "shouty", whatever that may mean. Generally better to speak to the parent than the child, I would say?

And of course, I have no idea what that lady has been experiencing, lately. Just as she has no idea what they have been experiencing. But they weren't doing her any harm, to my knowledge.

Telling the kids they can potentially make people ill is your job and they shouldn't have been in the supermarket

My 8 year old knows why he can't hug grandma and why he can't go shopping because we've explained it in kid friendly terms.

I honestly dont see what you're not getting here

[Jourdain11]

Sorry if I'm being confusing. Maybe I'm just confused! I just don't see it so black and white. So, yes, in hindsight, I think the supermarket trip probably wasn't a good choice. But at the same time, I don't think that it was deserving of quite such a set of vitriolic responses. Likewise, I think my daughter was cheeky. But I don't think it makes her "disgusting" or that we as parents should be "ashamed". Not so black and white.

[NuffSaidSam]

I think it's fine to speak to children actually and what she said, from your OP, I think was fine. I think even very young children have had to have the virus explained to them so the 'don't touch that you could make people ill' surely wasn't news to them? In fact DH had already told them about it hadn't he? So, no I don't think that qualifies as 'having a go at them'.

If she shouted at them then I agree that's intimidating and unnecessary. Why don't you ask DH if she was shouting? 'Shouty' from an 8yo could mean anything.

[Bridecilla]

It is black and white. 1 person per household goes shopping. One. Not 4.

People are on high alert. Supermarkets are stressful places to be at the moment. Your family have added to the stressful shopping experience for countless other people.

Woman was probably stressed to shit. She didn't have to say anything but your family put her in a more than necessarily stressful situation.

[NuffSaidSam]

OP I do agree that some of the responses you've had have been OTT.

But you were wrong and your daughter was rude (in the car not the supermarket).

[Willow2017]

Do you think it's possible this woman had also had a 'tough couple of months'? Possibly even tougher than your kids? Really tough. That's possible isn't it?
Doesn't give her the right to take it out on 2 small kids does it? What a pathetic excuse. Its not a race to the bottom you have no idea whats going on in Jourdain11's life who are you to tell her her kids havent had a tough enough time?

Being a bit under the weather is no reason.
Another bloody psychic!
I'd be fucked right off if I were a key worker risking my arse and had to dodge round your naughty kids in the shop.
I am a key worker. Ops kids were not naughty. They were taking shopping off the shelf same as she was. I have to dodge round more adults than kids every day. These ever so perfect adults who amongst other things will walk to the very edge of the plastic screen and talk through the 6" gap between the screen and display cabinet thats there to pass them thier coffee through! I wonder what they think the giant plastic screen the length of the counter is there for?

This is some parenting site! Where the majority seem to hate kids. when it suits their narrative

[Jourdain11]

It just makes me stressed out, tbh.

So today was a bit of a cop-out on my behalf. They could have stayed home. But next week - I'll unfortunately be in hospital - and if they need shopping husband will have to take them. And what's to say there won't be a round two repeat? I accept that on this occasion it was unnecessary and I/we were in the wrong, but it upsets me that people are so keen to make assumptions that everyone is taking the piss and doesn't give a toss about anyone else.

[NuffSaidSam]

'Doesn't give her the right to take it out on 2 small kids does it?'

She didn't.

'who are you to tell her her kids havent had a tough enough time?

I didn't.

'I have to dodge round more adults than kids every day'

Because people are leaving their kids at home and not bringing them to the supermarket.

HTH

[Willow2017]

'don't touch that you could make people ill'
How did the woman get her things from the shelf to her trolley Levitation? Most tins and packets cannot be taken of the shelf without touching one next to it or under it. Adults pick things up and put them back all the time. I have never seen another adult tell them not to touch things!

[Jourdain11]

I have never seen another adult tell them not to touch things!

I have, actually. And that was before Covid! 😂

[Willow2017]

Because people are leaving their kids at home and not bringing them to the supermarket.
HTH

Actually no. The one i work in hasnt banned kids ever. There have always been kids in it . ^Very^ occaisionally parents have let thier kids run around but mostly they were very well behaved kids in my experience. HTH

[NuffSaidSam]

People are not making assumptions re. the kids in the supermarket though, they're going off of the information in your OP.

If you were in hospital and DH had to take them that's a different set of circumstances and a different set of responses.

A pp put it well when they said

'think there are people who have to take their kids, so reserving others 'goodwill' for them seems the best option!'

I hope it goes well for you next week