Any other shielded people having a rough time.

[BanKittenHeels]

I have now been in the house for 80 days on the advice of my rheumatologist. I then received my shielding letter with the first wave.
I am grateful to have my children with me but my husband is medical, so has been living in a hotel since March. Which is good because he had Covid - thankfully he is now ok.

I had a letter not too long ago to tell me the date for shielding was extended until 30th June but speaking to both my rheumatologist and my respiratory consultant and being a HCP myself, it looks likely I’ll be shielded until the end of the year.

I’m really low, really, really low.
I’m not coping at all.
Social media and the press are full of people almost celebrating, as if this is somehow the end and here we are, just rotting.

And we’re not doing this to save our lives. We are doing this so that other people who are more likely to survive have beds and access to treatment.

No one gives a shit.

@0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h

No, fallen, I didn't.

Do you have anything supportive to add? How about a clear request to all these people who are letting the shielded down? What would it take not to feel forgotten? What would be helpful?

My only request from the general public is to have some empathy. When someone posts a thread clearly struggling and in need of support they don't need people who have no clue what they're going through jumping on talking about how it's a choice and everyone is struggling anyway.

Now, from the government there are many requests I have but I'm not sure you can help with that.

@0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h you're really beginning to annoy the op hasn't said she expects people to do anything, she's come here for a moan and some support as shielding is bloody tough, especially if like me you live in your own or like the op who's husband has had to move out.
We have another month of being shielded and have not been given any indication of what is to happen pass this point.
Yes it's a guidance and not mandatory but what's the alternative signing your own death certificate??
The lockdown as been tough for many people in many different ways but for some people there is now a little bit more light at the end of the tunnel, for us the tunnel is never ending

I think the government is asking us to do it for two reasons.

• First because we are clinically vulnerable
• Secondly to spare the NHS the burden.

I am able to agree with those two things and yet still find staying at home for months really, really difficult.

People seem to understand that all of us (the country) partially staying in (because that’s what lockdown was) helps save lives - and indeed some shielded lives - but they seem not to be able to see that the shielded staying in also takes the strain away from the NHS, in huge numbers. We didn’t get a daily walk, we were told to open a window.

There are many on MN who have told me (not on this thread but I think in March or April) that the lives of the shielded are not as valuable as the economy.
That the lives of the people who didn’t die because they had access to beds we shielded were likely to take up, are not as valuable as their mortgage.

I’m not saying the shielded are morally superior, I’m not saying we are amazing but I am saying we have largely complied with this because we knew that flouting it would be dangerous not only for us but for the general population.
Many people seem to think we only do this for ourselves and that those subject to lockdown did it for everyone else.

I have seen people told time and again on this forum and across social media that the shielded should be “so grateful” to those who locked down and “ruined their lives” to save the shielded lives.
Our lives have been ruined too. Jobs lost or all but lost, children also kept out from school, bodies ruined by lack of exercise. It isn’t just those not shielding who have lost those things.

The nation made huge sacrifices, the shielded continue to do it and it is hard. My consultant suggests I am unlikely to leave my home this year. I will comply with what my doctor says 1 because I don’t want to die 2 because I don’t want to take up resources , it doesn’t make it any less hard.

Mumsnet users switch between telling the shielded to stay in - a 20 min walk once a month in the country is so selfish.
But they also say - well hey it’s a choice, you made it.
I know Mumsnet isn’t a hive mind but we are damned if we do and dammed if we don’t.

The government have failed to decently communicate with us. If you ask 1.5 million people to stay at home, you must send them more than a terrifying letter. You are asking them to isolate completely and only offering one letter or in some cases texts, that is unfair and unreasonable.
They have failed to work with councils and engage volunteers in many areas.
They haven’t offered any form of mental health help.
They barely mention us or indeed what will happen to us, during the daily briefings. We are a short sentence, at most a paragraph. For weeks brushed over completely.

People have forgotten about us “oh yeah, the shielded” “Iforgot about them?” “Aren’t they just old people who will die in a year anyway”.

The way the shielded have been treated in this country is revolting.
My day job is in an emergency department. Shielded people haven’t been afforded any real professional dignity, the likes of which I would offer a patient. I wouldn’t treat a dog like this.

I'm shielding with/for Dh. And my two adult children are too.

It's absolute bollocks to suggest that healthy people are in lockdown to protect the vulnerable. That doesn't even make sense! They are in lockdown to protect themselves, so the "well" don't overwhelm the health service. If the shielded didn't exist the "well" would still need to lockdown.

I'm very much sympathetic op. The government have basically ignored the difficulties of the shielded because it's too difficult and the government don't do difficult thinking.

I think the hardest thing is the fact that there seems to be no time frame, no end point to aim for currently. I've been existing as if there is basically no such thing as time. Just being. But the thought of the real world jumps at you every now and then and it feels bleak. Dh has definitely got the feeling of "what's the point of being alive living like this?" every now and then. But we can't come up with a workable answer right now.

I think lots of the general population imagine that those shielding are all 99 years old and bed bound. If they think about the shielded at all!

My dad has had just the one letter, telling him to shield in the initial wave of letters. I did not realise until this week that he had June 15 marked in his diary as the day he would be 'freed' and had been working towards that. He is really down to find out that the website date is now 30 June, but that nothing is likely to change then. He doesn't have a smartphone but there has been no other contact from anyone official all through since the initial letter.
He is the carer for my mum with dementia, so they have recently been going out for a little drive or little walk each day as the alternative just is not tolerable. They don't touch anything or go where there is anyone else.
This week, he got the appointment for his methotrexate check up and rang the hospital to tell them he wouldn't be coming in. They said they 'especially' wanted to see the shielded people so he must come. He is now worried that after all these weeks of such a limited life, he will catch it in the hospital.
I do get it. It's awful. And I don't see an alternative. But I do think there should be better and more regular communication.

If anyone else feels the need to say "it's only guidance, you can ignore it if you want" please can you add "even though you have a very high risk of dying and leaving your family if you catch it" because that is the fucking reality of this

Which is why the guidance is there.

And I came here for a bloody moan but you’ve dragged loads of stuff out of me so you can bloody pick, pick bloody pick.

I am really happy to see my friends going to the beach or for hill walks.
It would be great if when the nation do that or get back to their garden parties that they don’t say “god I’m lucky that I’m not shielding”.

If the shielding had disobeyed their orders in the numbers that those who disobeyed lockdown rules did then those who with covid who needed a bed would have had a much harder struggle to get one.

My shielding letter doesn't say I can't leave the house. I can go in our garden. I'm not locked in. It sucks, seriously sucks and there is no end in sight to my knowledge. I'm shielded until the third week in July. Single parent of three children who are stick at home with me. I don't see any choice in the matter like others are suggesting. My children need meal I'm not prepared to go against my GP's advice.

it would be great if when the nation do that or get back to their garden parties that they don’t say “god I’m lucky that I’m not shielding”.

Typo “that they could say”

I can't stand the idea that anyone thinks it's the fault of the shielded that everyone had to have lockdown.

We didn't write the policy. We had to have lockdown because the pandemic planning was poor, they had to abandon test and trace early due to lack of capacity.

We are following the advice and it is a stark choice to go out when we have been told we will very likely die if we get it.

Personally I am going out for walks carefully.

I am fit and well and just happen to have a rare condition. I need to exercise and see my dcs and dh.

I would love a bit a research to look at the risk of being 5m away from people so we can socialise outside.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/how-citizens-advice-works/media/press-releases/lack-of-protections-for-shielded-workers-is-major-missing-piece-of-furlough-scheme-says-citizens-advice/

Do people not realise how little support and even less protection the government has offered us?

I received three letters telling me to shield at the beginning of April. I have registered three times on the government site - I received a "we have got your registration you don't need to do anything" one of these three times. Nothing further at all. I tried to ring the helpline and it says my NHS number is not valid and ends the call (it is definitely correct) I cannot get any supermarket slots (apart from Ocado which is £££). I have had ZERO support or even contact from the government. NONE. My shielding letter advised me not to go to the fucking outside bin as it was too risky yet my DH is having to go out to shop as we need to eat and out to work as we need money. There is no legislation or obligation for employers to do anything to protect their shielded staff. (My DH's HR dept didn't even know what shielding meant FFS).

Zero support. Nothing. I have written to my MP. No reply. What support do people think I, and many many others who are in the same position have?

And we come here to express how hard it is and how difficult we are finding things - and people post in reply saying it's our own choice and expecting fucking gratitude from us and tell us they are sacrificing jobs and lovers and education personally for our sake - and say you're welcome in a mean sarcastic way.

Do people genuinely not understand the situation or do they understand and are just being dicks?

I can't stand the idea that anyone thinks it's the fault of the shielded that everyone had to have lockdown.

This^

I actually can’t stop crying at this thought.

Amy I really don't give a damn if I do annoy you.

OP I understand a bit better. I have family in the shielding category who don't see things this way but that may be because they haven't experienced anyone suggesting they should be grateful/matter less/shouldn't leave the house to free up resources for others. It seems like a horrible debate to get sucked into. I have also been appalled by the way so many people have suggested lives don't matter as much as the economy, and implied those who are vulnerable don't have much living left to do. I think it's absolutely nuts and very offensive. However I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater-if the idea of staying home to protect others was not present at all, I doubt the lockdown would have been complied with as well as it was by anyone. That says something good about society whichever way you look at it. There are many MN posters stating that they aren't worried themselves but happy to stay home until the risk to others is less. That's really not the same thing as being forgotten. But I can see that we wouldn't know the ways we were forgetting-such is the nature of forgetting!

If you could outline what you would like in terms of support, I will happily sign a petition and, on a personal level, incorporate it into the way I treat the people I know in RL who are in your position-it does affect my own circle and I don't see my own lockdown ending any time soon either. I don't feel grateful to you but nor do I expect you to feel grateful to me. I feel grateful to our HCPS and that's where the sacrifice is, in terms of risk to life.

@BanKittenHeels Please don't get upset (I'm too late I know) Could you hide the thread, at least for a bit, and offload to someone you know in RL who genuinely understands? Lots of us here understand and are in the same situation, please take comfort from that - you are not alone and not everyone is an unkind mean spirited dick.

This is from my shielding letter that came from my GP.

"7. Looking after your mental well-being
We understand that this may be a worrying time and you may find staying at home and having limited contact frustrating. At times like these, it can be easy to fall into unhealthy patterns of behaviour, which can make you feel worse.
Simple things you can do to stay mentally and physically active during this time include: • look for ideas for exercises to do at home on the NHS website
• spend time doing things you enjoy – reading, cooking and other indoor hobbies
• try to eat healthy, well-balanced meals, drink enough water, exercise regularly, and try
to avoid smoking, alcohol and recreational drugs
• try spending time with the windows open to let in fresh air, arranging space to sit and see a nice view (if possible) and get some natural sunlight. Get out into the garden or sit on your doorstep if you can, keeping a distance of at least 2 metres from others"

Apologies OP if I've missed you saying you don't have a garden and can't do this. There might be slight differences from GP practice to GP practice but I wouldn't think it would vary so much as to say no garden if others can go out in the garden. However your consultant might feel differently and your living situation might mean it's not possible if you can't keep away from others in your garden.I've included the rest of the section in case it's helpful.

I'm trying not to think too far ahead at the moment. My birthday is soon and our weekend away is no longer taking place which is disappointing but so far we are all coping ok. If I knew I had to shirks for the rest of the year it would be a different story.

You think someone let down by their government and fellow citizens can’t turn a moan into a rant when pressed?

This country has let down the shielded and continued to pat themselves on the back week after week.

You think I might have at some point in the last 80 days exhausted nearly everything of use to me in my house and garden?
You think maybe I’m not just a little bit fucking stressed and your patronising tone is the final straw?

Dh got a "sorry but no" email from Ocado when he said he was shielding for some reason. Tesco, on the other hand, have a number you can ring. We rang at ten o clock one night. 24 hours later we had access to priority slots. Wasn't particularly a fan of Tesco before but love them now and will feel loyal to them. No contact from any other supermarkets. No priority from them. No idea why. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can’t do any of this anymore.

"I’m really low, really, really low.
I’m not coping at all"

"you came here partly to moan (neutral), partly rant bitterly against people who weren't the offenders but just happened to be reading mumsnet and naturally wanted to know what they were being accused of."

Wow @0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h is that the manner in which you conduct conversations in real life? What a lovely person you are.

You're not fucking helping and your faux naive/sympathy now is embarrassing. I won't interact with you any more and I see someone else has already said this - and people have said you are upsetting them. Perhaps you could show some real sympathy and if you genuinely want to help perhaps you could do as you have been asked, stop posting here and upsetting people?

@BanKittenHeels

I can’t do any of this anymore.

Please ignore anyone who is on this thread just to pick apart your posts. You have every right to feel however you feel and please know that you are NOT alone in feeling this. I have good days and bad days and days where I hate everyone who is "healthy" not because they've personally done anything to me, but because it's all so shit sometimes.

Oh my fucking god. There are some nasty cunts on this thread. Maybe you could make a voodoo doll out of playdoh, write some of the user names on this thread on it and then stick pins into it? Sorry I don't have any actual helpful suggestions but after you have spent this long at home there isnt really much left to suggest x