fucksake now all DD15's friendship group has arranged to meet up!!

[fuckinghellthisshit]

I have of course told DD she cannot go.

All of them (5girls 3 boys) are saying their parents say it is fine as long as they don't hug. I am really annoyed, why do people have to make everything harder.

Fucksake.

Nobody is repeatedly telling them anything. It's a discussion on Mumsnet. I have 2 teens myself and I talk a lot to them about what's going on and I acknowledge how hard it is for them. I would never dream of telling them it's not difficult or that others have it harder. Their feelings are valid. That doesn't mean that they have it harder though. It means I understand how to make my children aware that I appreciate what they are doing, what's they have given up.

I think everyone has their own challenges to face and pitting groups against each other in age groups is absurd. A large family with a 6 bed house and 2 acre garden are far better off at any age - 8, 18 or 80 than anyone cooped up in a flat with no outdoor space and shared bedrooms.
My DD has missed an awful lot and been very good about it, she will understand but I find it hard that some parents are so desperate to be 'cool' they cause big problems for other families.

Technically it’s okay no? As long as they stay two meters apart and there’s only one from each household

@BubblyBarbara it's 2 people total, one from each household.

So if you meet one person from one other household and they’re two metres away, how many metres away would someone from a third household have to be?

Are you sure? My kids always begin with "everyone else is allowed" and normally that is not true. It is their opening gambit.

Dillydallyingthrough

OP I agree my DD (also 15) has had a row with me tonight as all of her friends are meeting up! She won't go but other parents not following guidelines makes it so much harder.”

Are you sure though, that their parents all know?

Perhaps an “are you aware of/ok with this?” text.
Might just make one or two think again?

@Iwalkinmyclothing agree for teenagers, but think your point could also be made for much of the under-40 population. A very large chunk of the population are extremely low risk, despite the massive fear usually raised on MN. Most of these people are still trying to do the right thing to protect the vulnerable, but doing so is meaning losing jobs, exhaustion from trying to manage WFH with small or homeschooled children, missing out on medical treatment for themselves or children, and many other issues . It's not a competition and we all have different struggles, but teenagers are certainly not among the hardest hit, just some of the hardest to manage.

I’d usually agree about some families making things harder for other families with children, like when you take your kids to a restaurant and tell them they have to sit nicely and have no screens at the table, but then others let their children move about where they want and have an iPad on loud.

But this is about teenagers that have to be allowed to make some choices for themselves, it’s not the same. I don’t think this is other families making it harder for you, it’s just a hard situation already. Fair enough if you don’t want your dd to go, but it’s up to you to get across your reasons for making a different choice, rather than blame other parents.

@firstimemamma
The mum says "oh we follow the rules where we can" complete with wink and laugh as if you say "we are doing whatever we want".

When she really mean 'where we can be arsed'

Shocking isn't it?

You've got a load of parents who are returning to work over the next few days, leaving teens alone to do school work.

Some will follow rules, even though they do realise it's not any benefit to them and others won't. There's not point lying to a bright 15 year old that they are staying in to keep them safe, it's pretty clear to any who are able to access the news media that they are staying at home to keep other people safe as it's about as likely to kill them than the flu, and you don't keep them off school when there's a case of the flu.

In the same way you could argue that a 15 year old should just be told not to have sex, many parents would rather say, if you are going to, this is how you do it safely.

You'll probably find that some parents have taken the view that if they can't keep their kids indoors and can't be sure they aren't going to meet up with friends/ boyfriends/girlfriends, then it's better to have a chat about how to do it safely - outdoors, staying at least 2 metres away, more if downwind. Not touching anything the others have touched, so eg it's not ok to share a packet of crisps if one person puts it down then steps away while the other one takes a handful. Ask them to wash hands and change clothes when they come back indoors.

15 year olds shouldn't be smoking, drinking or having sex. It's against the rules for everyone to take drugs. Lots don't. Many do. Lots of those who do, have parents who think they don't. Let's discuss risks and how to do things as safely as possible.

Sorry, but teenagers ARE still parent's responsibility.
Yes, we encourage teenagers to make choices on their own - in preparation for adulthood, but that is still under out supervision.

This is a national emergency. We don't knowingly let teenagers make decisions that risk lives. That is different that a teenager making a choice in the absence and it being a very very bad choice.

The lovely platitude of letting a teenager make their own choices has no place in a national emergency. Parents can't sit back.

“I don’t think this is other families making it harder. Fair enough if you don’t want your dd to go, but it’s up to you to get across your reasons for making a different choice, rather than blame other parents.”

Yes it is.

They’re not OP’s reasons. She/he is trying to adhere to Government rules. The other families aren’t. It’s very straightforward.

and you don't keep them off school when there's a case of the flu.

But you ARE supposed to keep them off school if they have it.
If others have it, not you'd not keep them off school, because the flu victim is supposed to stay home.

I don’t think this is other families making it harder. Fair enough if you don’t want your dd to go, but it’s up to you to get across your reasons for making a different choice, rather than blame other parents.

I do understand that sentiment, but other parents are facilitating a peer pressure situation.
Firstly, such a meeting should not be taking place full stop - and if other parents are aware that such a meeting is going to happen, they should be intervening, not letting it happen.

Chances are, some of the kids is claiming to their parents that it's a 'safe' limited hello at the park, while actually it's a far bigger group get-together with social distancing out the window.

It's what many kids do (and always have done), and what most parents are wise to.
Plenty of parents happy to turn a blind eye to it too.

@VerticalHorizon it's shit isn't it. She's joined in with the clapping a fair few times though as it's something she fancies doing and suits her.

I watched a news item about a couple that hadn't seen each other since lockdown began, she has a brain tumour and has a very short time left on this earth. Finally her Husband was given pemission to visit her but he is not allowed to touch her, so he sings to her. Can you imagine not being able to see your dying spouse or sitting in a room not being able to comfort your dying loved one ?
Teenagers cant see their friends, i get that but please dont tell me they have it harder than anyone else.They will get to hug their friends one day in the future, that poor Husband and Wife will never get that chance again.

Sure.. with sex, you have limited set of consequences... STI's or Pregnancy, between the two involved, and you try and teach them how to avoid both and be sensible.

But if you knew they were going to get into a car whilst drunk, you'd intervene then right?

it's not the teenagers fully though is it, it is the parents allowing them out.

To be fair to the parents, most teens are big enough to just walk out the front door without being stopped if they set their mind to it.

Good for them. I would let them go tbh.

*Chances are, some of the kids is claiming to their parents that it's a 'safe' limited hello at the park'

Chances are some of their parents are the "lift the lockdown lot" who think healthy non-vulnerable people should be allowed out, and vulnerable should stay home. I can't see those parents having much of a problem with the gathering.

You cant just lump all teenagers together! Yes my 14 year old DS is bored at home, he wants to go out and play sport like normal. But he has school work and still plays footy outside with his dad.

18 year old Dd has missed her entire last term of college. She is applying for apprenticeships but the applications are going nowhere because everywhere is closed. She's worried about what she will do in September. She had 2 part time jobs, neither of which she can do at the moment. She's lost her prom and her first holiday with friends. So I think thats fairly rubbish really! And most of her social life revolves around sport and there is no prospect of that returning any time soon. She hasnt really complained either.

@VerticalHorzion - yes, that would come under conversations about "if you are going to drink, this is how you do it to avoid risking your own health and other people's." and "if you are going to drive, this is how you do it safely to avoid risking your health and other peoples" - the policy of just saying "don't meet you friends. Now I'm off to work, leaving you on your own from 8am - 6pm and trust you'll do as I've told you." is really the same as saying "well drunk driving is bad, so I'll tell my children it's against the law for them to drink until 18 and that'll avoid me having to have conversations about details like the dangers of drunk driving."

You can't assume you'll be there to intervene. Are parents of teens insisting they only do their excerise walk/bike ride/run with their parents to supervise?

@givenupno

So your point is nobody in first world countries should ever feel hard done by or sad or angry about their life?

@BubblyBarbara

So if you meet one person from one other household and they’re two metres away, how many metres away would someone from a third household have to be?

However many meters away their home is!

It was an easing of legislation to allow people struggling with their MH to meet up with someone in person.

It was NOT for all & sundry to schedule as many meet-ups as possible FFS

THIS is exactly why a) the general public should not be alllowed any wiggle room in the guidelines and b)why BJ shoukd NIT have been the one explaining the slight change to the guidelines.

I despair, I really do

@fuckinghellthisshit. Well done for staying strong - it's not easy 🌷