fucksake now all DD15's friendship group has arranged to meet up!!

[fuckinghellthisshit]

I have of course told DD she cannot go.

All of them (5girls 3 boys) are saying their parents say it is fine as long as they don't hug. I am really annoyed, why do people have to make everything harder.

Fucksake.

@onemorepringle

What planet? The one wear there are literally millions of teenagers who live in countries with no medical care, no real sanitation or where they are being forced to work and live in conditions that would put nearly all UK teens straight into PTSD.

There are millions of kids worldwide who would dearly love a day in a bedroom with WiFi and a phone and clean water.

What planet do you live on? Planet Mumsnet where I kid is hard done to if they can’t physically see their mates for a few weeks but are still warm, fed, clean and have more ways of keeping in touch with their friends than many in the work will even know exist.

Reality checks needed all round because Beatrice can’t attend her leavers prom.

Give this a couple of minutes of your time. I bet nearly everyone on here is in the top 15% of income in the world and that includes people here on benefits or who think they live in poverty.

My dd (16) has met up with a friend in the middle of a field on 2 occasions. First time she snuck out and I didn't notice. She stayed for a couple of hrs. Second time, I knew she was doing it and let her go. Both girls have quite fragile mental health, both had stayed at home otherwise, they (apparently) stayed 2m apart.
Other than that she hasn't left this house since the day she left year 11 on March 20th.
She has been brilliantly accepting of lockdown considering the type of person she is. (Bit of a rebel/naughty girl!!).
Last night she asked to meet another friend in a park, sometime this week.
Of course she can go. If other friends happen to be in the park at the same time, so be it.
She is desperate for some normal teenage interaction and I don't blame her at all. It is NOT normal for teens to be stuck at home with adults and younger siblings for 2 months.

She has done lockdown,she has coped but now she needs to be allowed to go out. I just hope the government allows meet ups of more than one person soon though!

She won't go but other parents not following guidelines makes it so much harder.

I've always told my children I don't let other parents my kids parent my kids or influence my decisions. Just because so and so is letting their child do whatever doesn't mean I, you, have too.

*@LilacTree1 why are you grateful to those breaking lock down?

I agree that lockdown is harder on teenagers than adults.

Take me as an example- I’m retired and normally very active. I volunteer, go to yoga 2/3 times a week, eat out a lot, do to the theatre or cinema most weeks and socialise with several groups of friends/relations. I had deliberately set up a busy retirement because I was scared of stagnating. Lockdown has made me realised I don’t need such a busy schedule. With DH and adult DS at home and the internet to keep me in touch with everyone else I’m perfectly happy where I am.
I am missing friends and other family too but I now know that seeing then every couple of weeks will be more than enough for me. When all this is over I will be happy and excited to go out again but I will be scaling back on outside stuff and deliberately scheduling quiet days at home. I have realised how important some down time is to me.

That’s fine for me as a 60yo. If I were a teenager in this situation it would be very different. Teenagers need the company of their peers. They need to get away from their parents. As a psychodynamically trained therapist I would go as far to say that it is important for their personality development. They can’t explore who they are and become emotionally independent from their parents if they are permanently cooped up at home.

That being said, I think the important word here is permanently. A 3 month or 6 month or even 9 month lockdown will be frustrating and annoying for them but it won’t (IMO) fundamentally hinder their personality development. They will catch up when all this is over. However I can see that it will drive them mad and make them very hard to live with so I can understand why some parents are allowing them to meet up. They must be as desperate to get away from the kids as the kids are to get away from them!

I think you are doing the right thing in deterring your DD from attending this meet up OP. It must be very hard for her and for you but as the adult you are better equipped to assess the risk involved here, not just for her but for your whole family. We all know how very unlikely it is that those teenagers will be maintaining a 2m distance once they all meet up! No matter how good their intentions are, the excitement and euphoria of finally seeing one another will take over.

@Givenupno I think it's you who are deluded if you think that all the children in this country have a bedroom with WiFi and a phone. And those who do may also be suffering abuse or hunger. I know that there was an appeal in my prosperous little town for a family that had literally no money and were hungry.

I assume that during the SAGE meetings, when a plan is drawn up the thick as shit element is factored in to their figures and plans are made accordingly.
In war they factored in the number of men they would need on a campaign knowing that N number would stick their head over the parapet.

I watched Givenup's video with my 2 teens a minute ago. They were surprised/disgusted at the not having clean water.

Most of their friends come from very affluent families. We live in the smallest house by far.

I assume most mn users have WiFi. Often I have to remind myself how diverse the uk population is.

i agree that lockdown is harder on teenagers than adults. Take me as an example- I’m retired

Well yes, as a retired person you presumably have an income. I'd personally say that a teenager forced to rely on Snapchat for catching up with friends is less hard done by than the millions of working adults worried about money, or trying to homeschool, or the younger children putting up with benign neglect in front of the TV while their parents try to WFH or real neglect from families in crisis and without the oversight and structure of school.

There's groups of teens out all over the place here. They've got no common sense and their parents are failing to parent. It's so frustrating.

onemorepringle
you need to travel a bit more - when the pandemic is over.

You really have no idea of the conditions some people live in other parts of the world. Again, I don't agree with the race to the bottom, I was just replying to a point made. Yes, technically people are privileged in this country.

No one is saying we should make things worst to be more in line with others.

The UK have never had a proper lockdown from the start. The terminology has always leaned towards advice rather than enforcement for social distancing.

In France the rules were clear and so were the consequences for breaking them.
In Spain and Italy lockdown was also very strict. Still some people broke the rules.
The UK government have pushed responsibility onto the public and some have accepted that and others not.
If adults are going to break lockdown it's hardly a surprise when teens see an opportunity to bend the rules and take it.

In France the rules were clear and so were the consequences for breaking them.

You could fill in the paperwork permit yourself though!

It's pointless talking about paying a higher price. It's awful for everybody.

Teenagers and children are paying a high price precisely because they are not the ones dying. The benefit to them is minimal compared to those 70+ but the cost in terms of loss of education, social development and future costs (taxes and lack of services to pay for this mess) is very high. 80 year olds will not be paying the costs of this lock down but are the ones benefitting most from it.

Teenagers and children are paying a high price precisely because they are not the ones dying.

Oh yeah, staying at home for a few weeks of so much harder compared to losing your life

I’ve been pondering about how this would have affected me/ my friends when we were in year 11 (20 something years ago, before home computers and mobile phones). It was the most influential summer of my life and we spent every minute we could together (were still like family now). I think there would have been lots of phone calls and note popped through doors. We were quite ‘good’ teens but I’m sure by now a couple of us would have accidentally bumped into each other on our walk/ bike ride. I think as someone further up said, their development won’t be too hampered by a few months of ‘isolation’ and some might find ways to improve their self-confidence.
You still parent them and stress the 2m and hand washing, I wouldn’t allow the group meeting yet but encourage the one to ones if they can be trusted to not hug!

If they live in the UK, then even if they were unfortunate enough to be orphaned and living in care (or even on the streeets) they are privileged compared to many in the world.
People seem to forget most of the world live outside of Europe/America/Australia etc
if you want to be cold about it, as they still have access to medical care, assistance for shelter and food

I was homeless at 15 in Aus
Here some facts for you
I had NO access to healthcare. I didn't have a Medicare card and no Id to get one or prove who I was to be taken off my family one. I had no money to pay the fee for a gp.
As I had no ID I had no access to centerlink, our welfare system, I also had no bank account nor could open one. Also both require a fixed address, aka not homeless.
I had to couch surf or sleep in parks, there was no foster homes looking to take on a 15 yr old. Homeless shelter beds few and far between
I stole food to eat, I stole sanity products monthly
To get employment you need an address and tax file number
I only had access to help once I met someone who took me to her youth program, I got a social worker, one that I'd never have found without my friend. It's sure as hell was not advertised or easy to find, nor funded for teens to get proper help
Privileged my ass

80 year olds will not be paying the costs of this lock down but are the ones benefitting most from it

What on earth does this mean?

Teenagers are paying a higher price though.

What? A higher price than people losing their jobs, livelihoods, homes etc?

A higher price than people losing their wives/husbands/parents/child to the virus?

A higher price than cancer patients who can't get treatment?

You're joking!

Oh yeah, staying at home for a few weeks of so much harder compared to losing your life confused

Say at home for a few weeks so you don’t lose your life vs stay at home for a few weeks, lose out on your education, pay higher taxes for most of your working life and receive minimal pension if you survive to retirement, receive very limited public services and welfare payments and have to deal with a much reduced nhs, lack of employment opportunities in exchange for no personal benefit (not to mention the impact of global warming which teenagers and young people will be hit by)

But yeah, let’s pretend the cost is only staying in for a few weeks.

Oh come on, So teenagers had to stay in for afew months, big deal !
Christ!

@onemorepringle you were instructed to fill the paperwork yourself. Including an address accompanied by id.

I don't see your point. Accompanying id would determine if you were travelling further than allowed.
The time would determine how long you had been out.

@Aesopfable

This wasn't about the future though, this was about teenagers not being able to see their mates for awhile.

Not a big deal at all

If you want teenagers and young people to comply with guidance aimed at protecting older people and vulnerable groups, to undergo significant disruption to their lives to avoid an illness that seems to pose little threat to most of them, you are probably best off acknowledging the disruption and what they are giving up rather than screeching about how they haven't suffered anything at all and should just be grateful they are not rotting on the streets of a third world country. Repeatedly telling these groups that they have nothing to complain about and the things that are upsetting them are unimportant and then also demanding they continue to have a shadow of a life to protect others seems a really poor long term strategy.