My child has lost it!

[Lockdowner13]

Is it just me or have your kids lost it at this stage of lockdown?

I have a 5 year old (reception year at school) and his behaviour is so bad at the moment. Particularly at bed.

-hitting himself in face when he’s being told off
-generally not listening
-making stupid and dangerous choices eg jumping off back of sofa
-refusing to try food
-lost all motivation in learning
-smashing up Lego sets and throwing toys at us
-refusing to sleep
-really angry but flips from being lovely and happy to being filled with rage
-stamping foot shouting No! When he doesn’t get his way

His dad is not working much at moment so he’s around (it’s hard trying to look after our two other younger kids). I’m upstairs working from home 3 days a week.

He was a little like this just before he started school. As soon as he’s started school he’s happy, gets good reports, enjoys learning. Lots of friends.

I can only think it’s the not seeing others since March that’s done it. Just before lockdown he was sick with chickenpox so we were already isolating.

My other two kids preschoolers are not like this at all. They are happy and enjoying time at home with us. I’ve noticed their talking is coming along really well and they have enjoyed more 1:1 time.

We try to keep on top of learning and reading and have done baking, exercise, art, science, lots of playing games etc. We have a garden with lots of toys. He just isn’t interested.

Anyone else have this?

I am starting to feel very very angry on behalf of our children. Really deeply angry. I supported this lockdown, I wanted to start two weeks earlier, but there comes a point when we have 4000 plus capacity in the ICUs, that children are more or less safe, and indeed most younger people under the age of 60 why we are our children are still being locked away.

CV is NOT going away. We were told lockdown was needed to help the NHS, so we agreed, we did not agree to indefinite lockdown with our children suffering to this degree with masses of capacity in our largely empty hospitals.

Boris needs to sort this out tomorrow, or people will simply end this enforcement themselves.

I don't suffer from anger very much, but when I read the posts on this thread it makes my blood boil. Our children can not sacrifice their mental health, physical well being and education any longer. Enough is enough.

Well said, biscuit.

I agree that schools can't reopen yet, but playgrounds need to reopen, even if it's monitored due to social distancing.

Not once has the government seemed to mention any plan for young children beyond schools (happy to be corrected if wrong).

Children clearly need something as it's clear these aren't isolated incidents of children struggling.

Olive hater I could've written your post I have 7 yo b/g twins girl is coping much better than boy because she is happy doing art and craft. Boys need so much more physical interaction and structure don't they

Both mine (6 and 9) are very whingey, everything a reason for a tantrum etc. Usually my daughter (6) is much better, this has affected her a lot more than my son. It's tough on them.

They say they are enjoying not being at school, but I suppose it's a bit like me and being furloughed, at first the thought was great but I'm bored shitless and missing the routine and distraction of work. Plus of course they are not getting interaction with other children, and keep either playing nicely together or having fights or taking it in turns to wind the other up.

Agree completely about playgrounds being open. And if schools aren’t able or willing to open yet, then at least childminders, playgroups and baby groups, need to be able to operate at their discretion. Children need to be socialised and some might NOT recover or be able to catch up on crucial developmental milestones, especially the under 3s, whose brains are developing so rapidly.

I’ll post this again, because it’s absolutely worth bearing in mind.

Something has to be done about just how much children are suffering in this - and then something has to be done longer term to repair the damage.. that's funding for CAHMs, funding for speech therapy (although they've all closed and redeployed the paediatric SALTs round here), behaviour support etc. Both in-school and more formally via referral.

Of course what I suspect will happen are a couple of webinars and a heck of a lot of schools who think a quick spot of "mindfulness colouring" will fix it all.

I'm just watching particularly my youngest (my eldest has always been complex and needed careful management) unravel before my eyes. As she's year 2 - she's not even deemed a priority year group to get back - even though she's facing school transition... everyone's forgotten about infant > juniors.

What I fear about is how much the services have been dismantled to cover the pandemic within the NHS (like I described with SALT before) - I don't know how much will actually get put back in place when all of this is over.

@Redolent - The problem playgroups and nurseries will have with reopening is the same problem that shops and restaurants will have - too few people will use them to make them financially viable to run.

There are lots of people on here saying that they will send their children back to school or nursery. However, a poll in The Times today suggests that 90% of parents won’t.

I own a nursery and we’re still open for the children of key workers. We have about 10 children in each day and are just about breaking even. Before the government announced the school closures, more than three quarters of parents had pulled their children out due to fears over coronavirus.

The reality is nurseries cannot run at only 25% capacity. It’s impossible, and there isn’t any financial support available from the government to enable it to happen. State schools can - they are funded. But not private nurseries, no way.

I suppose a few settings will reopen under these circumstances. But a lot of them will then fold in very short order.

I very much agree with @DominaShantotto CAMHS funding was a disaster before C19 and after a huge unexpected surge in government spending because of it, likely followed by some kind of recession, I cannot see it getting better.
Currently there is no capacity in CAMHS to do anything more than the emergency basics and often that isn't being done.

Considering it can take years to even get an ADHD diagnosis I really do not see how children are going to get the help they are going to need. I can't see the government caring or making plans either.

What on earth are we doing to the next generation. Then you have parents who are so scared they don’t let their children out at all. The media have a lot to blame for that.

Oh my god yes! Theres been several posts similar to this which makes me feel better that its not just my 5yo that has gone completely crazy. I think they are missing school family friends and a routine . They don't understand the craziness of the world at the moment and their way of dealing (or not dealing with it probably) is to meltdown.

I find wine helps and counting to 100

@EYProvider

You have to bear in mind the role that peer pressure plays. It’s a lot easier to see you won’t send your children in when everyone else is at home. But if you see that other young children are getting the benefits of socialisation while yours are at home stuck on iPads then that’s a different proposition altogether.

When I expressed my concerns near the start of this about how my just-7 year old was struggling I got told it was “a good chance for her to learn some resilience”

That’s the level we are up against (child is the most resilient person I know but is clearly and dramatically suffering)

Kids this age have a lot of energy and I would say he’d benefit from a 1-2 hr walk/running around each day

Can you go out for longer?

@Redolent - I hope you’re right, but I have my doubts.

Approximately 2% of eligible families have taken up key worker places in nurseries. In my nursery alone, there are at least five families who have turned down places that their children are eligible for.

I don’t think there will be the numbers to reopen nurseries. There’s no wiggle room in the industry - what comes in gets paid out in rent or staff wages. If there isn’t enough income to pay wages, nurseries simply won’t be able to open.

Stellar schools can definitely reopen, why not, we now know for sure that the coronavirus has almost no effect on children whatsoever, why would you keep them at home for any longer? No need at all, teachers should take precautions if they wish to, those that are shielding should stay at home and everyone needs to be back. Sooner the better if we are to limit the damage.

My son has developed a flying things phobia too! He makes me close the windows in the house since he’s afraid of stuff flying in. He stands on the step of the back garden whilst his brother plays and won’t go out. He’s constantly asking me questions about which things can sting and which can’t and why they make the noises they do. He’s obsessive over it it’s getting worrying how much he’s thinking about it. I never realised this was a common thing.

We had more sobbing and just generally looking very drawn and older than she should look from DD2 today. Our flying things obsession is really quite dramatic again - we'd got it under some form of control but now I'm getting really really worried about how distraught she is.

Class teacher is aware but the school are not taking emails via the office so there's no way to even flag her up as very very vulnerable. Don't think the Head would listen anyway.

My year 6 ds is up and down. Seems ok but has moments of just crying and saying he will never see his grandad again - he is high risk so if he gets cv it’s not good. Ds is worried my dad will catch it before we’ve had chance to see him again and that’ll be it. He won’t do any work. He’s not interested in anything apart from the PlayStation.

Dd - who is 4 - now dives out the way of anyone, even if she’s already 2m away and shouts ‘I won’t get close!’ She’s very clingy to me and has started to have nightmares and talk about monsters. She washes her hands every five minutes and talks about germs. Of the two children she is outwardly more affected but my ds often doesn’t show what he’s really thinking.
Dd is the more sociable but she’s stopped wanting to talk to anyone on the phone or FaceTime and she doesn’t really want to leave the house. Neither are tired enough to sleep in the evening.

The kids can't take much more - it's breaking my youngest completely. I can't stand seeing her suffer this much.

I'm so sorry to hear of so many children struggling. At the start of this, loads of people made comments to me about how horrific lockdown with a toddler would be, but I've worked with most age ranges and I knew the primary aged children, particularly 4-7 ish, would have it worst. As well as my almost 2 Yr old I have a preteen who is very good at entertaining herself and will happily read all day, and the baby is too young to notice any change. So far they've been fine, but if this had happened when DD was five years younger, it would have been a complete and utter nightmare. Her need for social interaction and the mental stimulation of school was at an absolute height, but her ability to process things and entertain herself was still very low. It would have been hellish. to you all

Yes, my academic bright chatty 8yr old has become withdrawn, whingey and can’t play alone for 5 mins. I wondered if it was my fault, because DH seems to think it’s my fault.

If other children are experiencing the same thing that’s reassuring. I’m so worried about the long term effects of this.

Shes a bit younger but my dd1 is nearly 3 and she was just hysterical at night for the first 3-4 weeks of lockdown. Screaming for hours but unable to tell us what was wrong. She is getting better now (though still in my bed every night) but I think it's just that she is getting used to the new routine. I'm hoping that because she is quite young she will just forget how things used to be and settle.

It's so sad. She used to be such a sociable wee girl but I imagine that will change. She was due to start nursery in September so I'm praying she at least gets to go for a few hours.

I have a rare health condition that may mean I'm at risk (though no one can tell me for sure) and I've struggled with agoraphobia for years and years anyway, so getting the DC's out and about often throughout this has been a real struggle. I told DD (5) that we would be going for a walk this morning and she completely lost the plot and started screaming that one of the ducks might cough on her and she would have to go to heaven without me .

I don't watch the news around the DC's and am always so careful discussing it around them. I'm scared I've done this to her, made her too afraid to go outside.
I was very much pro keeping schools closed before this last week (although I know it is selfish) but I think the real damage is beginning to become clear.

She's sleeping now and I am sobbing my eyes out. My older DC's are ok but starting to show signs of struggling too. I don't know what the answer is.