My child has lost it!

[Lockdowner13]

Is it just me or have your kids lost it at this stage of lockdown?

I have a 5 year old (reception year at school) and his behaviour is so bad at the moment. Particularly at bed.

-hitting himself in face when he’s being told off
-generally not listening
-making stupid and dangerous choices eg jumping off back of sofa
-refusing to try food
-lost all motivation in learning
-smashing up Lego sets and throwing toys at us
-refusing to sleep
-really angry but flips from being lovely and happy to being filled with rage
-stamping foot shouting No! When he doesn’t get his way

His dad is not working much at moment so he’s around (it’s hard trying to look after our two other younger kids). I’m upstairs working from home 3 days a week.

He was a little like this just before he started school. As soon as he’s started school he’s happy, gets good reports, enjoys learning. Lots of friends.

I can only think it’s the not seeing others since March that’s done it. Just before lockdown he was sick with chickenpox so we were already isolating.

My other two kids preschoolers are not like this at all. They are happy and enjoying time at home with us. I’ve noticed their talking is coming along really well and they have enjoyed more 1:1 time.

We try to keep on top of learning and reading and have done baking, exercise, art, science, lots of playing games etc. We have a garden with lots of toys. He just isn’t interested.

Anyone else have this?

6yo DD is struggling. Her temper is on a knife edge and she's very emotional. School work is a battle to the extent that we've really backed off. She just needs to see her friends. 2yo DS is fine pottering around the garden chatting to snails - it's a simple life for him!

@Redolent I was just about to say the same thing. This is not sustainable and somehow our children do need to get back to school, even if it is only for a few hours a day, or a few days a week it will be beneficial to them.

I'm also worried about my children. My eldest has started self harming and the behaviour of my other two has massively deteriorated. I dont know how much longer we can go on like this, but then what choice do we have but to go on?

My eldest is 8. She's trying to hold it together in the day but she's not sleeping well, is anxious, complains of stomach pains regularly and is just not happy.

My 5 year old is often furious and it goes on and off like a switch the same as many of you.

They desperately need some form of social interaction with peers.

You have pretty much described my 6 year old boy. I also have two younger children and they are just fine. My eldest has lost all his enthusiasm for anything other than screens. Won’t do schoolwork, won’t go to bed, is overly aggressive with his siblings at times. I got a new den making kit a couple of days ago. In normal times he would have been so excited about it. He had to be cajoled into doing it once then lost interest. It’s so sad to see. I think it’s the worst possible age to be stuck in lockdown. He is a little social butterfly at school and he really needs social interaction. I feel like he is getting some sort of depression.

My 9 year old swings from lovely, delightful and kind to raging, shouting and being rude. The last few weeks have really got me down, we are doing less schoolwork (He's getting uncooperative) and I'm exhausted with trying to find strategies to keep him motivated. All he wants to do is play on his switch with his classmates. To cap it all my elderly father has gone into hospital (thankfully non covid and hopefully quite treatable but all the same worrying). I feel like we need some normal but I'm not sure we will get any soon and from a covid point of view whether any changes to lockdown would be a good idea.
I do worry about my kids mental heath big time. Glad I found this thread it's been a comfort to know I'm not the only one.

Ds aged 6 ( yr1) is the same. Multiple tantrums per day, we never even had this when he was 2 !
I'm a single parent and hes an only child , I'm furloughed so that's made it easier for homeschooling at least. He still does to his dad's every week which gives us both a break from each other.
I've found that giving him as much physical exercise as possible helps his mood.
We sometimes walk 5 miles per day !

Given the risks are extremely low for children to experience severe illness or any illness from coronavirus, it does make you wonder if they are paying far too high a price for the lockdown?

I would imagine children up and down the country are reaching breaking point with the lockdown in various different ways, at varying times. It will come out in unusual behaviour patterns, reclusive choices, self harm, closing down. It is not normal to lock up children for this long (and it must feel like an eternity to children lets face it) and expect them to be okay.

I am deeply worried, and hope the problems we are seeing are not permanent.

My 5 year old (yr1) child is the same. She regressed into attachment for me- crying when I went to work , only I could put her to bed ect. And now she has moved onto being angry. I have kept calm and tried to help her as much as possible as I know this is awful for her and it's just not something she cant process. She is screaming at her sisters, wont do any school work, wont go to bed and wont eat.

I will say that I have really tried to carve out some one to one time at bedtime so I read as many books as she wants while cuddling in bed and this has seen a small improvement in her. I think it is difficult for her too and we are both working and school keep going on about nhs workers (of which I am but not in any way that puts me in massive risk) so I think she is now worried about me. Having to go to school and being told to stay 2 metres away from everyone is really messing with her too.

I'm hoping that as she is young all of this will be fixable.

Op. I like many others on your post are having f the sane issues. Both ds' are tag teaming from extremely good behaviour to truly awful.

Ds1 is nearly 7 and talks back, demands iPad, shouts, winds his brother up for entertainment, sloppy with his school work (even though he can do well)

Ds2 is 5 and throws toddler tantrums like there is no tomorrow. Throws, hits......i

It's like they have both regressed. And All they want to do is play on Xbox, switch and pads.

I'm hoping they allow them back at school at least morning or afternoon sessions soon as I feel they will start to hate me soon

We are having very similar here with 6-year-old DD, to the extent that I asked school for some advice. They told me that there had been a lot of similar communications from parents and that they are getting more frequent

She’s so lonely and has enjoyed some video calls with friends, but had what looked like a full-blown panic attack when she was supposed to join a class Zoom call last week. Most of the time she’s happy and lovely, but can change in an instant into a growling, shrieking horror. She’s taking it out on me physically too, hitting and kicking and pinching. It does seem to get worse when she’s had less exercise, so we are encouraging trampoline use as much as possible and getting her out for walks when we can.

Mine is refusing to go into the garden due to hysteria over flying things and has developed a new spider horror and insists I have to stay next to her if there is a spider in the bathroom. It never occurred to me that this could be a reaction to things. This has been really helpful.

OP, he would benefit from love bombing. Having a family movie night and all sleeping in the same room after would help. We bring a mattress into the family room and our 6 yr old loves it. This isn't right for everyone but we let our sleep with us whenever they want. No surprise, they have chosen to sleep with us every night. Sometimes they have fun choosing which one they sleep with and the other gets a night in the spare room.

My 15yo also has a flying things phobia.

Everyone screaming that schools MUST be closed until at least September needs to read this thread. Look at the damage that is being done. Children are seen as collateral damage and their mental health as expendable.

Yep! My DD (4)had pox just before lockdown. Was Confinde to the house for almost 2 weeks, had a week of normal and then Bam! Lockdown. She has been hitting, refusing to do as asked. Questioning absolutley everything to the point I end up shouting because she won't back down.
She literally as I type this just asked me for an ice pop. I explained it's too early and she shouted at me and stomped her feet. I thought she gave up after a stern look and then she has come back demanding again. I think half the problem is we are running out of distractions and places to go and cool off.

So relieved to read this thread. My five year old (reception) has been really struggling for the last couple of weeks.

Yesterday he said that there aren't many things he enjoys doing. We tried to cheer him up by taking a very long walk to an ice cream cafe that has just reopened and started selling takeaways. We've walked past it multiple times in our walks in the last few weeks and even photographed the list of flavours painted on the wall so he could look at it at home. He spent about an hour choosing what to have (mint choc chip). When we got there, they weren't serving in cones (not sure why cones are more contaminated than cups) and he just lost it. Very regressive behaviour, basically refused to have an ice cream in a cup (as we did), and stormed off. Our own ice creams turned to ashes in our mouths after not being able to persuade him to try them (I had got mint choc chip just in case). So we binned them and began the long walk home with him raging and running ahead.

Just another happy family day in lockdown.

God the sheer number frightened over flying things is quite remarkable really - bizarre how common that's become - is it because of that ghastly advert with the floating viruses (don't think mine has seen that) or is it the idea that flying things are outside "stuff" or something? We've now negotiated we can scream in terror if the flying thing has stripey pyjamas but at one point she was shaking in terror at the idea of sitting in the garden if a dandelion clock bit flew by.

This thread, and the working from home thread are really dreadful.
We are heading for record levels of severe mental health issues.

A generation of children being subjected to this...it is very cruel.

I think the constant talk of the virus and pictures everywhere would easily be conflated with flying insects in the mind of a child.

My 18 year old has got better over the last 10 days as I have made him come out for a 'run' with me. I don't run, I can do 25 seconds max, but he runs, then we walk and chat and I love this time with him. He's been much more part of the family since.

My 15 year old is fine, he's quite happy in his own company anyway, but he's become my nr1 gardening assistant and I keep finding 'projects' for him - today, build me a garden bar please.

My soon to be 10 yr old is the one that's breaking my heart at the moment. Joined in the class Zoom call, didn't say a word. Can't settle to do any school work and just tells me every day that he's feeling sad :-( Comes in to sleep with me every night so I go to bed at same time as him now, if that brings him some comfort as we chat with each other for an hour or so, then I'm not going to take that away from him. Whilst I am very grateful to still be working and teaching online, it takes away any chance I have of helping/supporting him throughout the day.
He is definitely the one most affected.
If things are relatively normal for the Summer holidays, I am determined to get him out and about and with close family and good friends as much as possible. It makes me so so sad to see him so sad. He won't go in the back garden either, even though he is the worlds' biggest football fan. Terrified of flying things.

Below @DownWhichOfLate. - that’s really interesting, thanks. Do you have any recommendations for further reading on this? I know a couple if kids with this issue and it is distressing to see....

Add message | Report | Message poster DownWhichOfLate Fri 08-May-20 21:29:44
Hitting himself in the face when being told off is him showing you he is deeply ashamed of his behaviour. He is hurting. I know it’s hard but he needs more love and support. Tell him it’s ok to be sad / angry etc. Give him lots of hugs.

You also wonder about the kids whose parents don’t care enough or are not in a position to post about it and ask for help.... where there is no baking or bike rides, or toys in the garden. Not saying our kids don’t matter, but if it’s this bad for us how much worse must it be for them?

I think so many kids are feeling this. I've found it helps to open the conversation and say things like "I'm really missing seeing my friends, you must be too?" But mostly, I'm trying so hard to remember how hard this is for them....and apologising for telling them off too harshly when I get it wrong.

The WHO says (I looked this up last week) that children 2-5 should have no more than an hour of screen time a day. In Silicon Valley, the people who MAKE iPhones often don't let their children use devices at all.

My 5 year old now has about 8 hours of screen time a day, some mandated by his school (who want him to watch hours of videoed lessons and for us to upload his homework to the iPad). The alternative is him having an accident while bored in the house while we work.

Way to think about public health! Either let children endanger themselves. Or have many times the recommended limit of screen time with lifelong health consequences. Diabetes, obesity, attention problems (their brains are shaped by what they do).

This is such a sad thread, and demonstrates, yet again, why the lockdown has been a terrible mistake (which anyone could have predicted).

My children are all later teens so, apart from not taking public exams and missing all the 'rites of passage' that go with the leaving school/post exam period, are coping reasonably well. They wouldn't have coped when they were primary age, though. If anyone seriously suggested locking children up with no or very limited contact with the outside world, it would be regarded as abusive.

for all of you trying to help your children through this.