My child has lost it!

[Lockdowner13]

Is it just me or have your kids lost it at this stage of lockdown?

I have a 5 year old (reception year at school) and his behaviour is so bad at the moment. Particularly at bed.

-hitting himself in face when he’s being told off
-generally not listening
-making stupid and dangerous choices eg jumping off back of sofa
-refusing to try food
-lost all motivation in learning
-smashing up Lego sets and throwing toys at us
-refusing to sleep
-really angry but flips from being lovely and happy to being filled with rage
-stamping foot shouting No! When he doesn’t get his way

His dad is not working much at moment so he’s around (it’s hard trying to look after our two other younger kids). I’m upstairs working from home 3 days a week.

He was a little like this just before he started school. As soon as he’s started school he’s happy, gets good reports, enjoys learning. Lots of friends.

I can only think it’s the not seeing others since March that’s done it. Just before lockdown he was sick with chickenpox so we were already isolating.

My other two kids preschoolers are not like this at all. They are happy and enjoying time at home with us. I’ve noticed their talking is coming along really well and they have enjoyed more 1:1 time.

We try to keep on top of learning and reading and have done baking, exercise, art, science, lots of playing games etc. We have a garden with lots of toys. He just isn’t interested.

Anyone else have this?

I don't think this shows lockdown has been a terrible mistake. It has been an essential tool in slowing the virus. (Probably should have happened prior to the Cheltenham festival.)

But I do think some restrictions will need to be eased soon to allow children a bit more normality.

I also think that services such as CAMHS and general pastoral care in schools will need massive investment for a number of years to come.

Children are seen as collateral damage and their mental health as expendable.

I’ve thought this from day 1 of lockdown tbh - children and young people are basically taking one for the team in all this. The longer lockdown and social distancing goes on, the bigger the risk that we’re creating a severely damaged generation.

I’ve found it surprising and depressing that amidst all the talk of PPE and R-rates and ‘resilience’ and a ‘new normal’, particularly with regard to schools reopening, there is precious little bandwidth given to the actual physical and emotional needs of our developing kids. Up to two years of socially distanced schooling and under 10s not being able to play together while we wait for a vaccine - what is that going to do to them long term?

@bookworm14 agreed. The poor children.

The WHO says (I looked this up last week) that children 2-5 should have no more than an hour of screen time a day.

This. Funny how, having been demonised for years, tech is now supposedly the answer to all our children’s problems, and this generation are now ‘lucky’ that they have access to unlimited screen time.

FWIW DD is ok. She’s only 2, I’m a trained primary teacher and we’re fortunate to have the time and financial resources to invest in her and mitigate the situation. But we’re probably in the top 10% or so of the population in our capacity to do this, and we’re finding it a struggle at times - the days spent mostly at home are exhausting and relentless, she knows things aren’t normal but can’t comprehend why, misses family and nursery friends and constantly asks why things are closed. Every day I feel grateful that she will probably emerge from this relatively unscathed, while knowing that there are thousands of much less fortunate kids who won’t. The public health fallout of this is going to be massive.

The government at the very least, need to acknowledge the damage this is causing to an entire generation of children, not only do we need a huge investment into mental health services for young people but they need to find a way to end this for them now, before it is too late and the problems we are seeing become entrenched.

I am giving this until June at the latest, and thats it. I am not continuing any longer to facilitate this level of damage to my own children! Yes it would be just about doable if the coronavirus targeted children, but it doesn't!! And they are suffering more than anyone else.

@fascinated - I’ll find some links a bit later.

5 years old boys can experience a huge surge of testosterone at this time, my DS was vile but I did some research and it was normal. Your DS is also having to deal with the lockdown as well so it must be so hard for him and you! 🍷helps massively x

I think having read this thread that I’m going to spend the summer learning as much as I can about children’s anxiety and depression because the children coming into my class in September will have been through the wringer.
I’m also worrying it could be going to cause a lot of attachment needs in younger children as well. I do think that most children will settle back down after a little while in school, but I’m worried that school won’t be normal in September and will that just make it worse? I feel like a lot of the littler ones will be expecting school to be just the same as before, and then when it’s different it might be hard to manage.
I think once children can see their friends and teachers and get back into some kind of school routine that most of them will be ok, I think they will have a fear of illness we never had, but maybe in the same way I have a fear of planes/tube trains after terror attacks when I was little, but my parents don’t.
CAHMs and pastoral care is definitely going to have to step up like a PP said.

My 4yo is the same. He was at nursery FT. Was very well behaved, happy little boy. Would eat anything you out in front of him. Excellent manners. Generally just lovely although had his moments as all children do.

I feel like we've taken huge steps back. He doesn't want to eat anything. He doesn't want to sit at the table. He doesn't want to learn. He is kicking off at every little thing.

I am trying my best and I know some posters will be like "err well what does that say about your parenting" but I as one person at home with him all day cannot compete with the actual education and socialization he was getting at nursery.

It is obvious to me that he learns better alongside other children. I can't offer that.

We cannot carry on like this. If we do things will only get worse as I won't have a job and we will struggle to pay bills etc.

I if more exercise for the younger ones. Think how much running around they do, it’s constant at school / nursery. Busy busy busy.
Now it’s joe wicks and a walk round the block. Same way adults can take out rage and frustration in a run, so can kids.
I don’t know how to replicate playtime though

The bugs thing, there’s some great nature stuff on YouTube and wildlife trust website.

Sounds like he needs a lot of physical movement, jumping, tearing old newspaper, obstacle course with crawling, rolling, jumping etc. It is hard for them.

My youngest, who has speech problems (verbal dyspraxia - nothing to do as a consequence of "bad" parenting before anyone starts) had developed so much in terms of her speech in the last year - both in terms of clarity and in terms of being able to structure what she was trying to say.

You can see the regression in her - she's struggling to structure what she wants to say (however carefully we manage it - she's in a house 24-7 with a suspected ASD peer who talks over her constantly) to the point she's now beginning to stammer and struggle to say words. It's a terrifying and disheartening regression. We got semi over the fluttering things one by walking in the woodland under trees shedding their blossom - the pair of them had games trying to catch it, which kind of desensitised a bit to the fluttering thing terror.

The eldest very likely ASD child is just very very angry and lashing out.

This thread is weirdly reassuring (although not really because so many are struggling). My nearly 4 year old's behaviour has taken a massive nose dive in the last couple of weeks. It's like he can't manage his emotions and has become really tearful and angry. Hes also so clingy with me. He's due to start reception in September and I'm getting really worried about it.

@DominaShantotto we went into lockdown off the back of a parents evening where my sons reception teacher suggested a SALT referral to support his speech. He'd come in a lot but not as fast as we'd hoped. I can hear his regression since we've been home, having to get him to repeat and rephrase. Being with peers and non family grown ups had been helping him so much. He's not great socially either but this was improving, he'd finally asked to have a friend over for the very first tome ever and we had to cancel. It sucks. It make be essential but it sucks for our kids.

I'm getting really worried about my 5 year old. Increasingly quiet and withdrawn and no interest in anything, huge toddler-style explosions several times a day.

It does feel like they're collateral damage in all this and I dearly hope that some attention is paid to their needs once we start to come out of lockdown. We can't just put them into storage for a year.

Children are seen as collateral damage and their mental health as expendable.

I agree entirely with this. In the last week as my little remaining faith in the government ebbed, I've started to wonder: are they taking the fall because they don't have a vote and so won't be able to remove Boris and co from power? Even a demented 90 year old can vote if someone helps them to the polls.

It isn't helping that our PM, his signature bluster now gone, looks increasingly wild eyed and confused as he coughs his way from PMQ to (I hope) trying to support Carrie with baby no 6 (is it?). Given that he's also recovering from serious illness, I don't think he's fit to be in charge.

Maybe it isn't surprising that someone who won't even say how many children he has turns out to be willing to cut them loose.

My 9 year old is angry all the time, isn't sleeping and is now unmotivated. My 7 year old has autism and has taken to screaming loudly most of the time.

He's also scared of people and going anywhere but the garden. He's come on so much socially over the past few years with input from salt etc. I'm worried about how much he's regressed . They can't see their dad until who knows when as he lives in another country

Is he getting enough sleep? Enough exercise? My two used to be monsters at that age if they hadn't been active enough during the day and therefore didn't sleep so well.

Kids don't really exercise the way adults do. They need to run round with other kids. Solo exercise typically has to be organized, prodded, cajoled, adult-directed. They get bored and moan and want to go hooooome. Then they whine for screens. It takes a lot of effort on behalf of parents to force the issue. Many of us are running out of energy to do this due to our own work and financial worries. If this goes on for months on end, there will be a rise in sleep, eyesight, and physical development issues, not to mention obesity, vitamin D deficiency and autoimmune disorders.

It's shit and I will be finding low-risk ways to socialize my kids from the summer.

3.5 year old, his behaviour has deteriorated, talking back and attitude. Thinks he's 35 as it is. I'm worried about his socialisation, he needs company and kids to play with, mainly because he doesn't like company.

He's regressed badly with toileting too. Was very reliable, had to put him back in a nappy because it's every five minutes and he argues about actually going to the toilet.

I can’t see any justification for keeping playgrounds closed, to be honest.

If they can consider reopening schools and nurseries in a few weeks, where’s the danger in reopening playgrounds now? The risks are far far fewer.

EYprovider exactly, even if there’s a cap on how many people in at once. They need to open.