Is it just me, or is this working from home with children completely unsustainable?

[Lovemyphone]

I'm terrified that the schools will remain closed until September.

I'm wfh with two dc. Youngest is 4, as the weeks go by it's becoming more and more unbearable and I can't do it much longer. I'm on my own because dh is still out at work. My employer have been pretty good and taken a 'just do what you can when you can' approach. But the work is picking up again, at the same time the dc are climbing the walls now.

I can't even make a phone call or do an online meeting without constant "mummyyy", or one of them hurting themselves, or asking for snacks, or trashing the house.

Surely it's neglect to essentially leave your children unsupervised for 7-8 hours a day? Which is essentially what you're expected to do.

Is anyone else in this position and just cannot possibly see how this can go on?

Lone parent here of a 5 year old, trying to work s 40hour week from home, home school and survive.

I feel like I'm juggling burning hot potatoes! If one is concentrated ok the other is neglected, I can't get phone calls done professionally, I cant homeschool effectively.

I am at breaking point, I cried most of last week through frustration and exhaustion.

Some of the replies on this thread are heartbreaking.

Yup agree agree agree. No family nearby to help either.

This country has Victorian ideals of motherhood

Completely unsustainable

And it's getting harder, the kids are getting more fed up [probably because they are being neglected] [more guilt] and behaviour is deteriorating.

And I am getting more and more stressed and exhausted.

They are supposed to be opening childminders from 29th June for essential workers here (Ireland) (We're both essential workers) which will be great if it happens. But it's not the same as school, and there will hardly be camps.

There's been nothing said about the safety of minding children while working. Even the HSE said if HSE staff can't work due to no childcare..they are expected to be available to work from home .

There have been 3 tragic accidents involving under 15s in our area this year...maybe not related to lock down, but so hard to effectively mind children while having to focus on work. Zero deaths from Covid in this age group.

But a lot of teachers don’t want to go back to school. It’s all very well Boris saying he will reopen them, but if their union backs strike action, not sure what will happen?

My kids are older now but I can say with my hand on my heart that I couldn’t have stayed at home to work with them in the house. It’s still a challenge now.

I just don’t see what we’re expected to DO.

Can’t get furloughed
Can’t get paid time off
Can’t afford unpaid time off for more than a week or two
Can’t have grandparents nearby watch DC even in ‘bubble’ situation as they’re over 70
Can’t send to childminder
Can’t send to holiday clubs
Can’t afford nanny

Oh but no worries, I saw a government advert on Twitter today aimed at parents that said “now you’re safe to stay at home, why not bake something with the kids?” Ha haaaaaaa.

DS is 7. I'm working 40 hours a week. DH is also wfh, but how he deals with stress is not good. The last day I tried to get him to help, he threw his phone in anger not far from DS when it rang.

DS is a very quiet studious 7, but is starting to rebel. I'm just having to leave him to it because given the circumstances I'm very keen to not be made redundant and therefore dependant on DH. Except right now DS really needs that time and support. I feel very guilty.

Yep I'm a lone FT working parent of 2DC and it's an absolute nightmare.

I'm getting it in the neck from work because I'm behind, getting it in the neck from the DCs teachers because they're behind with their school work. The DC are getting the short end of the attention stick because if I lose my job we're all absolutely fucked.

Shopping is horrendous because I have to leave the DC at home alone to do it. And I somehow have to organize everything to go into hospital for an op next week. I just feel like crying.

And I feel like crap for feeding them sandwiches for dinner tonight.

Ft lone parent. Only way I can get my work done is to literally ignore my children all day and usually they get unlimited screen time to keep them quiet. Targets and expectations from work remain as high as ever. Had to choose between keeping my job and my finances and making sure my children were educated. Had to choose the former. Anxiety and stress is through the roof. The situation is indirectly discriminating against women as they are hearing the brunt of this and can’t compete with child free employees who can put in long uninterrupted hours on lockdown.

I am worried that the only national conversation that’s happening around children is whether they’d infect loads of people if schools opened. Nothing about nurseries or other childcare, nothing about their mental health and development, nothing about how on earth parents are meant to just keep WFH indefinitely, that’s all totally invisible

This. There is such a huge gap between "we're all this together" and clapping on bloody Thursday to the stark reality of mothers having mental breakdowns and children feeling neglected. I read a post from a teacher complaining that school work wasn't being done and how disheartening it was... This thread provides just a keyhole look as to what is really happening.

I’m the same, trying to work ft at home with a newly turned 4 year old. Partner is away for 10 weeks. I feel like a hamster on a wheel, barely managing to make all meals etc by the time she’s in bed I’m so tired I usually just sit and cry. I’m also 31 weeks pregnant, but feel like I’m trying to cling onto having a job at the end of all this.

@PippaPegg thank you. I will enquire re parental leave. I thought unpaid leave was my last resort. Was shocked when I was told that wasn’t an option.

I’m so cross that in normal circumstances you’d be told you couldn’t WFH whilst looking after your kids and yet suddenly it’s essential and so desirable!

I had a real low day yesterday and cried all day, I keep trying to remind myself that no job is worth that. But what are our options?

Also those getting childcare, I’ve been told I can’t because only one parent is a key worker.

Echo the hamster on a wheel sentiments and the reliance on Ella’s pouches. I’m grateful for Ella pouches otherwise it would be toast and pizza!

I've been thinking for weeks now how this lockdown has completely shafted women and children. And how so many men get to carry on going out to work, whilst others work from home without the expectations of childcare, homeschooling, housework, life admin and other caring work heaped on them too (obviously not ALL men but lots).

This is a site for parents, predominantly used by women and I'm so, so surprised by the amount of posters who want lockdown to continue indefinitely and say they won't send their kids back to school until it'seems safe. So surprised. Does this not massively impact them too?

Its unsustainable, discriminatory (women once more taking the brunt and facing the fallout at work) and the Government have a duty to acknowledge and help and clarify the road ahead.
Furlough is a blunt instrument.
How the government could help?

• Subsidising 50% wage up to reasonable cap similar to furlough for 2 person working household so they can go part-time to combine with childcare
• Asking employers to acknowledge and discuss this issue openly with staff affected - otherwise encourages repressed behaviour of expectations that are unrealistic
• Emphasising that companies cannot discriminate now or later based on home situation of employees
• Offering option for affected parents to return children to childcare arrangements when schools /eyfs settings first reopen (not be the last in the chain)

This situation has completely shafted women. The people at my work who have had to be furloughed due to childcare responsibilities are all women. They can't work because their 'D'H's job is oh so much bigger and important than theirs, so they're having to do all the childcare/home schooling. It's absolutely disgusting.

It’s heartbreaking to read these replies but comforting, too. I am also struggling massively and thought I was the only one - there has been so little discussion of how hard this is. I have a history of depression and I worry this is tipping me over the edge. I am being a horrible parent and a useless employee. I can’t bear it. And I can’t get away. Every night I dread going to sleep because that means I will have to wake up and face another day. And I have a horrible feeling that these are the good times - when the recession hits we will be screwed. I’m trying to hold onto my job but none of my colleagues have kids and so I am the weakest link

This is a site for parents, predominantly used by women and I'm so, so surprised by the amount of posters who want lockdown to continue indefinitely and say they won't send their kids back to school until it'seems safe. So surprised. Does this not massively impact them too?

99% of the people who post that aren't WFH with little children - they're SAHMs, furloughed (and seem to believe that being paid not to work can go on indefinitely because it works pretty well for them) or their children are much older.

I'm finding it incredibly hard. We're 8 weeks in (all dc off school before they closed and kept them home as one was displaying covid symptoms) and this week has been the hardest by far, hands down.

My employer is very understanding, has 3 dc the same ages as mine and doesn't care how or when i get the job done but i am noticing the sentiment waning a bit. He also has a wife who doesn't work whereas my dh runs a business and is under extra pressure to get through this.

I'm cancelling meetings at the last minute constantly due to unforseen tantrums / fights / someone pushing someone down the stairs / etc etc and haven't a hope in hell of keeping my 5 and 7 year olds up with the learning they are meant to be doing. 10 year old is fine thankfully.

This week I've cried every day with stress. The kids' behaviour is off the scale and i've just been asked casually to set up a new team which takes a lot of planning / meetings and actual work. No idea how on earth this is all going to play out.

Also worried about what going back to school will look like in the first instance. I'm assuming it wil be bitty and it's not exactly going to be appropriate to ask the school if they can rota my kids to all attend at the same time, so I'll have the added logistics of drop offs and pick ups maybe at different times, one of them being at school the other 2 not etc etc.

At least right now it just is what it is, i can't picture adding a version of "back to school" to it.

Golden ombré. You forgot No Flour!

I think it depends on the job you do and your children. Honestly, for us it's fine. Everyone's experience of this will be different.

Yes its very hard. Mind are older-8 and 12 so don't need the supervision as such so I can work. But the flip side is they then do no school work! They are bored and frustrated and I don't concentrate very well. It is not easy at all.

Another one here finding it impossible.

We have 4 primary aged kids at home, and both of us working full time. We are splitting the non-work stuff fairly evenly between us, but I constantly feel guilty. When I snatch time to work, I feel guilty for leaving the kids to it, and vice versus. My work is fairly understanding but my job is busy and most of my colleagues have either older kids or none at all.

Most of my friends are either working part time, SAHMs or furloughed, and they all have fewer kids (!) so I don’t feel I can have a conversation with anyone who really gets what it’s like.

@Lovemyphone

It is, as you say, unsustainable ...

Better get off your bum and start protesting about cause you're only wasting precious time posting about on here.

Regards.