Is it just me, or is this working from home with children completely unsustainable?

[Lovemyphone]

I'm terrified that the schools will remain closed until September.

I'm wfh with two dc. Youngest is 4, as the weeks go by it's becoming more and more unbearable and I can't do it much longer. I'm on my own because dh is still out at work. My employer have been pretty good and taken a 'just do what you can when you can' approach. But the work is picking up again, at the same time the dc are climbing the walls now.

I can't even make a phone call or do an online meeting without constant "mummyyy", or one of them hurting themselves, or asking for snacks, or trashing the house.

Surely it's neglect to essentially leave your children unsupervised for 7-8 hours a day? Which is essentially what you're expected to do.

Is anyone else in this position and just cannot possibly see how this can go on?

Really sorry for you all struggling. It's awful. We have an 18 month old and a 3 year old. I Usually work 30 hours a week (DH full time) but 1 week into lockdown I got the option to be furloughed which I jumped at. We did a week of 2 hours on, 2 hours off and it nearly broke me. Dreading being asked to go back before nursery opens. It's completely unsustainable.

I’ve even asked to take unpaid leave and been told it’s not possible :(

I agree OP. I have a 20 month old DS and DH is a key worker WFH too. DH can’t be flexible in his shifts but they have allowed him to do admin rather than take phone calls as he did previously. He tried taking calls for a week but screeching toddler noises carry in our little house! We’re sharing the dining table at the end of our living room as we have nowhere else to set up the computers.

I work part time in an admin role so I’ve been splitting my hours over the week instead of 3 days. So I end up doing 4 hours a day and try to get them done first thing in the morning and at nap time.

DS has been watching way too much TV while we try to work and I generally feel like nothing in my life is getting my full attention. I worry that DS is missing out on developing skills, mixing with other kids and that he might develop separation anxiety which we’d avoided when I returned to work. My colleagues are openly hostile that I’m not doing my regular hours and every day I’m ignoring thinly veiled digs. My manager and the business are very supportive though so I know it’s just pettiness. Doesn’t help when I already feel like I’m letting people down. Then my house is a bloody bomb site as I used to clean at nap time and on my days off. Now I’m lucky if I get a cup of tea after he’s gone to bed before falling into bed to do it all again. I’m so glad the FB posts with people’s baking/craft creations have dropped off, they were filling me with irrational rage.

A colleague suggested I explain to DS that “mummy has to work so you must sit quietly”. I’ll get right on that!

It’s unsustainable for many.

I finally cracked this week and am now on sick leave, feeling like a failure - as a parent and as an employee.

I couldn’t focus on work properly and I wasn’t meeting my children’s needs. My dd is really struggling and our lack of availability for her was exacerbating her difficulties.

I can completely relate with you. Sorry I have no solutions but your honest post really resonated with me and in a weird way makes me feel better.

On day 3 of being back at work full-time with 9 month old. And I am absolutely bloody shattered. It is just as well I genuinely love my job as I could not do this otherwise. And we are quite fortunate, both DH and I have flexible and understanding employers, she still takes 2 naps a day and will sometimes sit in bouncer or playpen for 20 minutes or so without screaming. But still feeling all the guilts for not paying enough attention to DD, worried I am not totally on the ball with work and will make stupid mistakes, worried about her having the TV on too much and having too many Ellas Kitchen pouches because we don't have enough time to make homemade food.

DH parents live nearby and have said they are happy to take her for walks sometimes to help out. I'm sorry but we will be taking them up
on it soon, lockdown or no lockdown.

(In Ireland btw so rules will hopefully be slightly relaxed soon anyway).

I'm in Kuwait. Schools have been closed since the end of Feb and possibly won't open again until September possibly October at the latest. We normally break up for summer at the beginning of June which is testing in a normal year but at least we can travel to break it up. We can't go anywhere at the moment and can't even spend any length of time outside as it's so hot right now. There's talk of a complete curfew being implemented as opposed to the partial one we have now. ( not allowed outdoors between 4pm and 8am). I am at my wits end. I've had my salary halved by the unscrupulous bastards I work for. My kids are going stir crazy and so am I. Completely and utterly fed up.

Not sure if you are a lone parent OP.

I am a single mum of 2 at home with the 2 kids. Older daughter is autistic and younger child is toddler. I am expected to home school, work from home and watch these two.

I worked for about 5.5 weeks struggling to do the hours working during nap time and at night time no me time then couldn’t do it anymore. I requested unpaid leave and had it refused I am now on sick leave So they have to pay me.

It’s made me anxious and I needed to focus on my children instead of ignoring them due to work. Family comes first.

It's awful, definitely unsustainable.
My team have had 50% laid off and our supplier has gone to 80% hours so we are so busy, there is so much extra work to manage COVID plus usual deliverables. We're on our knees.
I had a miscarriage two weeks ago and literally came off a call, the baby came out and was back on a call 4 mins later.

My employer is pretty great, but my job is full on and time-sensitive, my kids are 8 and 4 (school/nursery) and the only thing keeping our heads above water is the ‘good’ news that DH’s work cut him to 3.5 days a week, so we both do around 5 hours at the desk than swap, and then pick up the odd email/call/whatever in our ‘kid time’. Meanwhile the 8yo’s mental health is really suffering and the 4yo isn’t getting nearly enough stimulation or teaching.

I had a complete meltdown on Monday. Slightly better at this end of the week but still looking at spending part of the weekend catching up. Suggestions of taking a day off a week don’t work for a lot of people - the work doesn’t go anywhere, it just piles up further.

I increasingly feel like a lot of people are really happy to throw kids under a bus in all of this, because we just don’t value kids’ wellbeing in this country, and they don’t give a shit about working parents either. The impact of this on my kids is really affecting my own mental health - but it seems that all the lip service we paid to mental health being as important as physical health was just 9 kinds of bullshit.

It is unsustainable.

I have three DC, an essential worker DH and am near breaking point. My work reports are near illegible and I would love to go on furlough, but work cannot spare me. Work is busier than normal too.

What makes my blood boil is that the lockdown is much more of a risk to our children, than the virus.

I pray every spare second that the government will not cop out and just delay the return to school until September. They NEED to go back to school before July.

Oh sooveritalready I'm so sorry

I increasingly feel like a lot of people are really happy to throw kids under a bus in all of this, because we just don’t value kids’ wellbeing in this country, and they don’t give a shit about working parents either.

Yeah that is what it feels like. If this is necessary in the short term then we'll manage in the short term, we'll have to, but the idea of this just dragging on and on and on because nobody really cares if children get the socialisation they need to develop or parents get to keep their jobs/sanity is just awful.

Keyworker here, not front line, but we are maintaining essential services behind the scenes. DH is self employed and desperately trying to maintain some sort of income. Work is ramping up rapidly, I can't be furloughed as public sector and I spent a good chunk of today crying in between calls. My boss is lovely but I have a very specialist role which can't just be passed on. Me and one other cover it and we are only just managing.

Just reading this makes me feel so stressed.
I can’t imagine how we would have coped when I was working with young toddlers

@TriangleBingoBongo

Have you looked at the right to unpaid leave?
www.gov.uk/parental-leave/eligibility

Yes, it is neglect. I am neglecting my toddler. He split his lip jumping off the sofa last week. I wasn't supervising him properly since I was trying to work.

Yeah. My husband and I are both lawyers working full time from home. My kids are two and five. We are working in shifts from 6am until we go to bed at midnight just to fit it all in. I am ready to throw myself off a bridge with it. I can’t bear it any longer and the kids deserve far better than this.

It is not sustainable and I will probably be getting help from the grandparents soon. We have discussed it whilst doing increasingly inadequate social distancing in my front drive. Because I just actually can't do it anymore.

A colleague suggested I explain to DS that “mummy has to work so you must sit quietly”. I’ll get right on that!
We must have the same colleague, exactly same words.

We’ll end up with loads of children being watched by grandparents I’m sure. My MIL keeps offering and we keep saying no but if this goes on until autumn with no childcare and no schools and us still having to work, something is going to break.

We’ll end up with loads of children being watched by grandparents I’m sure. My MIL keeps offering and we keep saying no but if this goes on until autumn with no childcare and no schools and us still having to work, something is going to break.

I think a lot of people will break, honestly. I really hope that those with healthy grandparents able to help will be able to let them share the burden. But I won’t hide that when that happens I will be incredibly jealous and probably feel even more alone and isolated (and yes I know that’s totally unreasonable!)

I am dreading them going with this ‘bubble’ idea as I know those I’m closest to will choose their families who live nearby. Mine are on the other side of the world. DH’s are both vulnerable and have never helped with the children anyway. So we’ll still be screwed.

Massively struggling here. 6 and 7 year old to home educate yet I'm on Zoom calls for 4-5 hrs a day. They were ok for the first few weeks, but now I'm constantly having to mute myself on zoom just so I can yell at them to shut the hell up as I"M WORKING.

Meanwhile, they're on ipads/watching TV rubbish, destroying the house (take your pick) and don't want to do any school work when I'm free.

I'm literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown and my son isn't coping mentally at all.

I am worried that the only national conversation that’s happening around children is whether they’d infect loads of people if schools opened. Nothing about nurseries or other childcare, nothing about their mental health and development, nothing about how on earth parents are meant to just keep WFH indefinitely, that’s all totally invisible.

It is unsustainable but any employer worth their salt understands this is not a situation of our making and makes allowances. You prioritise your kids and do what work you can.

We're "lucky" because DP is a key worker (police) so we can still send our kids (5 and 10) into school 4 days out of 5. Even that one day with them here is pain by this point. I don't know how people are managing all week, everyone has my max sympathy.

Hey, my first MN post. hello!