Is it just me, or is this working from home with children completely unsustainable?

[Lovemyphone]

I'm terrified that the schools will remain closed until September.

I'm wfh with two dc. Youngest is 4, as the weeks go by it's becoming more and more unbearable and I can't do it much longer. I'm on my own because dh is still out at work. My employer have been pretty good and taken a 'just do what you can when you can' approach. But the work is picking up again, at the same time the dc are climbing the walls now.

I can't even make a phone call or do an online meeting without constant "mummyyy", or one of them hurting themselves, or asking for snacks, or trashing the house.

Surely it's neglect to essentially leave your children unsupervised for 7-8 hours a day? Which is essentially what you're expected to do.

Is anyone else in this position and just cannot possibly see how this can go on?

It's completely unsustainable.

Same situation here. I keep wondering what is the solution or is there one - NOT people summoning up magical nannies out of thin air or breaking lockdown to use GPs. These aren't options for lots of us. Something structural in society needs to be fixed but how? I genuinely don't think this issue is even on global governments' radars right now?
They don't know what they can't see but one way or the other a massive bite in the arse is coming.

Oh yes, totally not sustainable. Not with two full times jobs and an 18 month old toddler.

Unsustainable, benign neglect describes it well as PP suggested. I have locked myself in my room and forgone a meeting because I can't do looking after and homeschool and also work, it was okay to start, but I am stepping closer to the edge, I can hear a ringing in my ears now

In any other situation, if you got hired in a new job and then said “oh btw, I have no childcare so I’ll be bringing my young children along to the office with me but no worries, I can be just as productive while supervising toddlers” every employer would tell you to jog on because it’s impossible.

Whoever said childcare is thought of as a luxury, yes I totally agree. See all the “parents whining because they have to look after their own children” comments that come up all the time. Sigh.

I was absolutely at the end of my tether up until a week ago..my husband is in public sector and had to still go to the office every day meanwhile I was at home with my 6 year old and trying to manage a full-time very pressured job whilst attempting to entertain and school her. She was literally in tears everyday as I was in back to back zoom meetings and project work and literally had no time to do anything with her.

Thank god the schools here opened again and everything is relatively back to normal now (Perth, Australia).. Not sure that I could have kept going much longer. Completely and utterly unsustainable

I'm furious about it. I think government just went 'oh well, women will do it' like with most things.

I don’t even think it will occur to them.

I did an academic survey about use of time during lockdown. It had various options - eg work, prepare food, leisure, training etc. No option at all for childcare!!! Which is a huge chunk of so many people’s say right now.

*day

I don't even know what to say about it, it makes me want to weep.

Right now I feel like I've been shit on from a great height.

I can see how it might be manageable with an older child who can work independently.

The first few weeks I thought ok, it's an emergency, let's just get through it, but as the weeks roll on with no respite in sight I'm getting angrier and angrier.

If it's not too late, for anyone who has let their dh with a less tolerant employer have the study or spare room, I'd say insist on at least trying to share that desk or room out as equally as possible. At least get them to acknowledge that that should have been the starting point.

It's like the assumption that mums will be the ones to take time of work for school plays and dentist appointments - after a while it's so easy to fall into the habit of never even asking if the other person can do it, and take on appointments like that as just your problem, not a joint one.

For instance a dh who's been allocated the study all day could balance that out by taking most of the responsibility for preparing for the next day for the other partner.

He could be doing all the rotating of toys and books for variety, lining up all the clothes, doing lunch prep in advance, finding the educational stuff, choosing an afternoon film for them to watch, writing things like treasure hunts - basically taking on a full share of responsibility for planning the next day's child entertainment.

How to get both people's work done should always be a jointly solved problem, not two individual ones. Whoever gets the jackpot of a quiet place to work away from children in office hours doesn't get to stop thinking about how the other person will work, until that problem is solved too.

I’m a single parent and ft working and have also hit a wall this week ( 8 and 5 year old). Eldest has some SEN and challenging behaviour and can’t work unsupervised. Feel like he is falling behind even more and also our relationship is being damaged. Youngest as a result just being largely ignored. I ended up crying in the shower this morning thinking about the fact that even though it’s a bank holiday tomorrow will be just the same as there is never a break from work and trying to catch up. At the same time I’m watching my career disappear as colleagues without kids/with helpful partners can achieve so much more whilst simultaneously feeling guilty they are having to carry me.

Even if only one of them was in school for a short time it would be more bearable. I’m so short tempered as well which doesn’t help. I have a small amount of savings that I’m wondering if I should use to take unpaid leave before I lose my mind ( and I know I’m lucky to be able to). Also worried about whether after school clubs will even be open come September

And September, if that's when things open, is 4 MONTHS away. We've only been on lockdown for 7 weeks. Another 4 months before children can access some education and people can focus on work is awful. There won't be any summer break or nice summer activities to break it up if it's 'not safe' for schools to go back. I can see us being 'encouraged' to stay in until September.

I've had a better week because I took some time off work. Just a few hours a day but enough to pay attention to them and actually help when they're stuck with their schoolwork.

It's literally, totally unsustainable. I took time off because the week before was such a nightmare. I don't know what will happen when I run out of time off to take.

Agree OP. It’s bloody tough with two parents at home so hats off to the single parents doing it.

We’ve recently relocated and part of the deal was a nanny. She was due to start a few weeks ago but we’ve delayed (she’s being paid) but she starts Monday. It will be such a massive help to us.

Hugs to all those struggling at the moment.

I've mentally broken down and I'm off this week due to mental health issues. The situation is completely unsustainable and I can't cope.

I have a very difficult 6 yo son, his behaviour has deteriorated in the past few weeks. DH is NHS so super busy, my employer says best efforts but I'm also due on hours of Zoom meetings per day. I work in a senior professional role, good output is expected.

I'm hoping for some even part time announcement about schools soon. For both my and my sons' mental health, he'll be going into school.

It's utterly utterly unsustainable.

We both work full-time, and I quickly noticed my DH automatically slipped into the "I'm busy in the office on work calls all day long" routine (meaning I have to do all the home schooling) but I called him out on it and drew up a schedule so we take turns now at helping the kids. I still do more to be honest, but it's much fairer now.

What @eeeyoresmiles said, with bells on. The guardian did a piece on it with a quote about how men automatically get the office and not because they're important but because they've got so much bloody crap and giant record collections and SHIT and women get the kitchen table.

We're sharing the box room office but we're not really compatible desk sharers. We're lucky enough to have a big bedroom so if this goes on a while I'm going to embrace student lifestyle and make a little work corner that's just MINE.

It is totally unsustainable I agree. It highlights once again the disparity between men and women. How important men's careers are compared to women. How women bear the brunt of housework and childcare. How women's jobs and careers will suffer because they can't do all the extra hours their male colleagues are currently able to do.

Anyway, we are in the same boat. I was very firm with DH at the start that the split would need to be equal, mainly as I only returned from mat leave the week of lockdown and so couldn't be slacking from the off!

OP is there any option for some days of annual leave to ease the pressure? Maybe on Wednesdays so you can catch up half way through the week? Any way to work opposite days to DH (so using weekends)?

It's so tough right now.

Can’t you use a playpen for little ones? Surely you could for short periods. Put some toys in, put on a story or nursery rhymes and leave them to it for a bit. It won’t do them any harm,

@EYprovider

I’m confident a working day doesn’t fall into the definition of “short period.”

My son who can climb out of his playpen with relative ease with the help of a well placed toy. He does this head first.

Also - do you not think we’ve tried everything with it being the sixth week. If it was as simple as popping them in a play pen with a nice toy we would all be rejoicing at the saving in childcare and not, instead, spending the childcare budget on gin.

Please tell me you are not really an early years provider EYProvider. Just no words...

I've told work if nurseries don't open soon i'll need to move onto special paid leave as working with toddler around can't go on much longer.

I'll probably end up down at 50% work / 50% paid leave.

I have a 8 year old and a busy full time job in banking and I've been working from home for 7 weeks now. My husband is a Supermarket Manager so he's out most of the week.
At first I was trying to get her to do some school work every day, not much I'll admit but a maths worksheet, an English worksheet and some reading.
It was hard as 1. she didn't want to do it so it resulted in arguments and 2. when she did do it I was struggling to find the time to help her due to the constant demands of my job.
Week 7 and I do feel like the neglectful mum now. She mainly watches TV, will go outside a little or do some drawing in her room. I try to do the odd bit of school work but haven't got the mental strength to push it anymore. It might be frowned upon by some but leaving her to her own devices allows me to do my job and avoids us yelling at each other. She seems happy enough so I take comfort in that!
I think we all have to focus on the fact that most of us are in the same boat, they are fed (more snacks than they should be probably!), loved and this is hopefully going to be a one off with no ill effect on them.
Our mental health wise is a different story, I can not wait to go back to the office! I miss the routine (and other people looking after my child) so much!