Is it just me, or is this working from home with children completely unsustainable?

[Lovemyphone]

I'm terrified that the schools will remain closed until September.

I'm wfh with two dc. Youngest is 4, as the weeks go by it's becoming more and more unbearable and I can't do it much longer. I'm on my own because dh is still out at work. My employer have been pretty good and taken a 'just do what you can when you can' approach. But the work is picking up again, at the same time the dc are climbing the walls now.

I can't even make a phone call or do an online meeting without constant "mummyyy", or one of them hurting themselves, or asking for snacks, or trashing the house.

Surely it's neglect to essentially leave your children unsupervised for 7-8 hours a day? Which is essentially what you're expected to do.

Is anyone else in this position and just cannot possibly see how this can go on?

Anyone have a husband who doesn’t notice this? Mine is some times at home on my work days and he does his own thing, meaning I have to do everything for the kids as well as work.

This can include sitting on his arse reading magazines. Or doing something useful, but taking all day. I think he just thinks I’m better at the child stuff. Anyone can make bloody sandwiches.

I have to donut because if I didn’t, he wouldn’t.

do it

I was told by my reluctant boss that I could work from home but "it's not childcare" fabulous so I'll just shut my child in a cupboard then ?? I've ended up having to reduce my hours temporarily so I'll be short of money for a few months not a great situation at all. There needs to be more understanding from bosses about how hard this is for working parents.

Key worker here, and have put my children in school for the odd day here and there, even though DH is not a key worker and working from home. My basis is, I can’t do my job (niche and fairly specialised) with kids about, if DH doesn’t work then we don’t pay the bills, so the kids go to school, as little as possible but so they don’t overhear calls about mortality rates and I can get my head down and get some work done.

School are fine with it and frankly it’s a greater loss to everyone if I couldn’t work. DH fretted about not wanting to put kids in school, but shut up when I told him the alternative was him looking after them :/

We are all feeling it here too. I have 3dc but only the youngest (8) needs attention through the day. My eldest has been brilliant with him, she agreed to get up before 10.30 and come down and help with his school tasks and generally keep him distracted.

Problem now is, the novelty has well worn off, dteenager is mightily fed up, dyoungest is teary and absolutely hates doing school work at home (loves school though). He said to me last weekend "mum I hate Sunday nights now". He's got the Sunday night dreads and he's only 8

I'm just about managing, work is OK but i'm not being able to concentrate on the kids schooling. I can't keep this up long term though. I am hoping the children will be able to go back to school even if part time or my parents will be able to help (they live 1 1/2 hours away though).

I'm so glad to at least find my tribe. I am so tempted to hand in my resignation next week as the stress from my work coupled with homeschooling 3 young kids is completely unbearable . It is quite something feeling constantly that I'm failing at work and home simultaneously. Is quitting now bonkers'? I just feel that I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown...

Another one WFH alone with an 8yo and a 3yo and a husband out of the house as a keyworker. My employers make all the right noises but I'm still expected to work 9-5 and the other day they were asking about all the training I'm supposed to be running. I mean, how can I consistently run 1 hour training sessions when the kids are around? They're so bored now that even telly or tablets won't keep them definitely amused for an hour.

The thought that this might go on for another few months just pushes me to the edge, I can't stand the thought. I was talking to a friend the other day in a similar situation about the summer holidays, we both normally rely on grandparents and clubs, we're just praying that by the summer there's some mixing of households so we can at least share the pain around and get some time alone to concentrate on work.

I hate, hate, hate how some working parents have just been thrown under a bus. Yes I know it's an unprecedented crisis but even some sodding acknowledgment from the government that so many people are fucked at the moment and theirs and their kids mental health is suffering badly would be good.

I lost it the other day when my eldest's school announced their weekly achievement certificates and the child in my DC's class who got it for doing amazing work, I know they are an only child at home with a parent who isn't working. Not my finest moment I know, but I couldn't help thinking, of course they're doing good school work, they're not being ignored and left to their own devices half the time!

And then I hate that lockdown is turning me into that sort of nasty, jealous person.

Better get off your bum and start protesting about cause you're only wasting precious time posting about on here.

Tone deaf empathy and reading comprehension failure of the day. The day is early, sure, but it’ll take some effort to beat @Weetam68.

Yeah, totally uncalled for.

Also, Ann, I can’t believe your school did that.

Yes @AnnSmiley handing out achievement certificates in the current circumstances is totally shit.

Ignore Weetam68 I saw them posting crap on another thread last night being nasty, I’m pretty sure. Clearly have nothing better to do, so let’s not give them the reaction they obviously want.

I wish I could get you all in a room and hand out hugs and wine.

Dh and I have acknowledged that in 12 hours per day we can do 1 1/2 full time jobs between us. Currently I’m doing about 0.6 (negotiated with clients as I’m self employed so paid at 0.6). Dh is doing 0.8 fte using paid holiday.
We each get 4 hrs a day in the (my) office to get quiet.
It’s not ideal but it works. Dhs employers are talking about wanting him in a day per week. To make that work he’ll need to work shorter days from home on other days so I can make up my hours as I cannot do my work if I’m alone in the house with ds, it’s impossible and inappropriate.

Yup... 3 dc. Youngest is 2 and in Ireland where schools aren’t back until September...or actually they “might” be back in September.
I seem to live on a different planet to most plp around me and everyone I know here seems to be loving this lockdown etc . We are finding it so hard tbh , I’m freelance so work when I can and I get that it’s easier than a lot in that respect but dh out of the house ft 6 days a week but then the less I work the more money we are losing. It’s almost impossible to work with a 2 year old while they are awake.
I know lockdown was necessary but really feel families are so unrepresented at the moment . I honestly don’t know how so many in Ireland are going to do this until September..

I have found my people (although I'd rather I didn't need to). The endless FB posts about important quality time, how we only have to stay home, let's definitely extend lockdown, etc. And I wake up yet again and I already want to cry and I don't even have work today (other than a bit of catching up). Daughter is lonely and keeps telling me she wishes she had a sibling (ouch). Work are being ok but I'm meant to set an example so feel I should be showing I can cope. School work hideously behind whilst other parents post endless "today we studied geology and the formation of rocks". I feel awful. Mentally I am on a knife edge and I just want to hear some kind of acknowledgement from government that there is a huge group of people dealing with this, and what they will do to help us. And shove your fucking baking advert up ya arse.

Of course it's unsustainable long term. It's been a necessary evil to get us through this initial period of lockdown but things need to start getting back towards a normality with childcare/schools.

It is simply impossible to work effectively at home with small children around. You can't split yourself several ways and be an effective mother, worker, teacher all at the same time. Even if there are two of you working at home.

I work from home on a permanent basis, self-employed. My children are older but usually I have those 6 hours between 9 and 3 when the house is quiet and I can crack on in peace. Now I have a husband and three children clattering around the house demanding food, making tiktoks or just being noisy. It's impossible.

We've had 8 weeks of home tutoring here in NL now. Monday kids primary age go back parttime and won't go back fulltime until Sept earliest. Until then....the struggle continues, WFH is set in stone till 1 Sept too. Sigh.

My tribe!

And I am so lucky because DH is doing his half and work are very understanding (helps that I’m a specialist and they can’t tell how long anything actually takes...alongside a good history at the company). But we will break soon. Both are ‘key workers’ but can WFH. DSs are 4 (nursery) and 7 (Y2).

Oh wait. An 8-page project needs to be handed in on Monday. We'll wing it Sunday afternoon. Until then....

I have so much sympathy for everyone here and the situation you are in. I am so lucky because I have DH at home distance learning during lockdown, and combined households with my DM and DSis so I can work without supervising the kids. (They all have work commitments but there is flexibility and I can prioritise work when I need to) Even in this situation I have been sobbing frequently.

The DC are unmotivated, all ways on a screen, doing almost no schoolwork. I don't care about this too much because they are Y6 and should be having a really fun time at school this term with a big music/drama production, cricket matches and the like and instead they've got this version of hell. Without their usual routine their behaviour has deteriorated beyond my ability to manage it and they don't want to do anything. Neither will sleep on their own, waking in the night with anxiety or awake till late and so they've been sleeping in our room or our bed in a cycle that I can't see anyway out of. And then they will be expected to go to a new school in September that they won't be able to visit again this term, so I can see the anxiety going on for a long time.

Even with DH in charge I often have to stop working to break up fights or be the bad cop. On top of working there is planning and shopping (online) and cooking meals which seems completely relentless and cleaning. I asked DH why he hadn't done any cleaning and he said because he didn't like it! I don't like it either but someone has to do it. He does do his share but it's a bone of contention between us, which is why we got a cleaner in the first place- our relationship is better when neither of us have to! All this family time is bullshit. The kids don't want to sit at the kitchen table one minute longer than it takes to eat and family bike rides are one big long whingefest. Despite the whinging we've insisted on exercising outside every day this week and that has improved everyone's mood a bit, but it's such a tightrope everyday.

Sorry that was long. But cathartic!

@BighouseLittlemouse sounds like it would be beneficial if you can afford to take a week off just to catch up on some sleep and spend some quality time with your DC. Alternatively would you be able to reduce your working hours for a while eg do 4 day weeks or shorter days .

Same would apply to anyone else who could afford to do this.

to everyone who is struggling