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Original poster

Aaargh! I licked an envelope

41 replies

MorrisZapp · 04/05/2020 11:43

Writing out a birthday card to send to a friend. Totally unthinking, I picked up the envelope and licked it to seal it. It's her birthday in four days.

The envelope is a very pretty colour which matches the card and will cheer her up as soon as she sees it, but is it carrying certain death?

OP posts:
TwistyHair · 04/05/2020 11:44

Absolutely is.

Sparklingbrook · 04/05/2020 11:45

Yep, you have done it now. SadGrin

ElizabethG81 · 04/05/2020 11:46

Definitely. You've just killed the postman as well.

Sparklingbrook · 04/05/2020 11:47

But your friend might be one of the people wiping all the mail down with bleach so small chance it will be ok.

Twickerhun · 04/05/2020 11:48

Hand yourself into the police ASAP

Twickerhun · 04/05/2020 11:48

Ps OP I love your user name

Twickerhun · 04/05/2020 11:49

If you get sent to jail I’ll rename to be Philip swallow in your honour

Original poster
MorrisZapp · 04/05/2020 12:08

DP says it's OK because it will 'dry up in a couple of hours'. He works in insurance so I'm pretty sure he knows what he's talking about.

OP posts:
TJH130 · 04/05/2020 12:31

Have the police been and arrested you yet for all this mass murder you’ve inflicted on the world?

GreyGardens88 · 04/05/2020 12:34

Just ask her to quarantine it for 2 days when it arrives

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 04/05/2020 12:41

Did you put money in it too? That's an awful lot of presents to send to someone all in one card! Shock

TryTry123 · 04/05/2020 12:41

Corona dies in 72 hours.

DivGirl · 04/05/2020 12:49

Ah, that explains why they've renamed it MZRS (MorrisZapp respiratory system). Fancied yourself as a bringer of mass genocide, did you?

Floatyboat · 04/05/2020 13:48

Maybe send that second class and another letter first class telling her to wear gloves when opening it?

Bimbleboo · 04/05/2020 13:50

@floatyboat that made me howl

Elieza · 04/05/2020 16:53

When the person opens them do they not just rip the top of the envelope to get the letter out rather than separate the V shape you licked?

So the licked but remains stuck, germs fully hidden.

Or is it just be that rips em open at the top..!

unfortunateevents · 04/05/2020 17:00

Surely everyone uses a letter opener to carefully slit open their post?!

Carrie7469 · 04/05/2020 17:02

There’s a possibility you’ll kill her. Why would you do that?

Saucery · 04/05/2020 17:06

Write I LICKED THIS! across the top?

HeyChief · 04/05/2020 17:11

It’s my birthday later this week. I don’t think I’ll be able to enjoy it anymore as I’ll be too busy worrying that I’m friends with MorrisZapp Shock

IAmBeatrixKiddo · 04/05/2020 17:13

Im guessing you're probably one of those types buying non-essential luxuries like milk and bread. I bet you've even let out a laugh on occasion too.

Dialdownthedrama · 04/05/2020 17:14

You've killed her. The post workers and everyone that they come into contact with.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 04/05/2020 17:18

There’s a possibility you’ll kill her. Why would you do that?

This is a joke, right?

OP - chill out. The virus isn't going to last long enough to be a danger by the time it arrives (not if our post is anything to go by!). If you're really concerned, tell her to wash her hands after opening it and binning the envelope.

Remmy123 · 04/05/2020 17:35

This has got to be a joke 😂😂😂

Ilovecats14 · 04/05/2020 17:57

You must definitely write on the envelope to say you licked it. You must protect the postman and your friend. Love this thread 😂😂