Can’t cope any more with two kids

[Napqueen1234]

I’m so so sick of this lockdown it hurts.

I know the reasons and am not and will not flout the rules.

But I’m exhausted. A 15 week old teething and 4 month regression and demanding 2.8 year old. We are isolating with my parents since the start and my DH is incredibly supportive. And I’m still not coping at all. I cry every day and lie in bed awake even when the baby is asleep thinking of ways to kill myself. I don’t think I would? But I find it reassuring to know that’s an option. I have never ever had a mental health problem before or felt any anxiety really.

Breastfeeding has not worked out which I berate myself for constantly to the point of tears.

I also feel guilty as we are in a house with a garden and I have Lots of support. So many people are in far far more difficult situations and are coping far better than me. I’m trying but I just feel cold and numb inside with no hope for the future.

Does anyone else feel the same?

Bless you OP. So much of what you have written resonates with me. I have 1 yo and 2 yo DSs and honestly I'm counting down the hours until bedtime every day. I have found things difficult since DS2 was born but survived by going to lots of playgroup's, toddler groups etc. Lots of walks, visiting granny as well. DS1 was in pre-school 2 mornings a week during term time so I had a bit of a break with only DS2 then as well.

This is so, so hard. DS1 is on edge all the time. He wake up at about 4am every day which means he's exhausted and tired mid morning and asleep on the sofa by lunch ( he's napping on me now). Then it's pot luck whether he'll go to bed or not. He's an insanely fussy eater and has got so much worse since lockdown. He has a speech delay (and I suspect autism) so was meant to be having speech therapy right now. Obviously that's all on hold and his speech isn't improving which makes life hard work.

DS2 is teething which is disturbing his sleep and making him grouchy. He's a clingy baby at the best of times but at the moment he just want me to himself all the time. He usually eats ok but I think his mouth is sore so he just throws everything on the floor. His nappies are horrid because of his teething so now he has a sore bottom despite plenty of sudocream etc.

I feel like everything's falling apart. All the progress we made with speech and food for DS1 has been undone. I just boomerang from one rubbish day to another.

I can't imagine how hard it must be with a small baby OP. This is really crap. Don't beat yourself up about breastfeeding, I struggled with both of mine too. Reading your post has made me feel less awful about my own situation. Obviously I don't want you or anyone else to be feeling like this, but I don't feel quite as alone now, so thank you.

@istheresomethingwrongwithme sorry to hear you’re having a tough time too sounds so hard. I spoke to the HV earlier who was lovely and is emailing me some resources and going to refer to the mental health support service (not quite sure what it is but an assessment and then 6 week programme)

That's smashing OP. Take her advice and use the resources. And keep talking with her, she'll be happy to support you.

I did a similar program when my two were younger, it was a CBT course and they kept the children in a crèche for the duration, which was the main reason for me agreeing to it at the time to be honest! I did actually find it really helpful at the time so good luck.

I'm in a very similar situation, I have a 4 month old and a nearly 2 year old and I am finding it so hard, I have also thought about how I could disappear just to escape feeling like this. I was doing ok before lockdown so hoping I'll get over it once I can see people again. I don't really know where to turn for support either, but just wanted to say I know how you feel.

Tamtam do reach out to your HV or GP like the OP

There's less than 2years between mine. It was hell at that age and I was out every day meeting others. God knows how I would have coped now. Read out to on line forums of people in similar positions and speak to GP re PND ASAP. And don't give BF a second thought. No child will remember if bf or not...