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I know IABU but I am totally fed up of lockdown

802 replies

detachablehoof · 28/04/2020 00:18

So. I know I have an awful lot to be thankful for. My family are all in good health, we have no change in our income (yet), my husband is able to work from home, we have a big garden and had plenty of nice weather to enjoy it. There's just us two and our toddler in our house. We're a lot more fortunate than many.

But... I quite honestly don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm grieving our old life, missing my parents so much, and finding it SO HARD to keep my toddler occupied at home.

I just want to go back to normal 😭 and it doesn't look like there will be a "normal" for a while. It's all just so uncertain and indefinite. It feels like there is nothing to look forward to any more and every day is a chore.

Anyone want to offer some solidarity?

OP posts:
Cam2020 · 29/04/2020 18:58

I feel the same! My 3 yo has spent most of the day yelling at me and getting annoyed with everything I do. I know she's just bored and frustrated and today has been a horrible day weather wise, so we've been stuck indoors. It's not natural to be so cooped up all together.

Stressybetty · 29/04/2020 18:59

Getting a bit fed up of every day being the same routine, get up, let dogs out, tidy round then WFH on laptop watching DH constantly pace back and forth to the window. He can't settle to anything and we still have so much sorting out to do after moving here in Feb. Also the constant underlying feeling of worry and stress not to mention nightmare NDN. Can't finish re-decorating and marketing late DF's house and had hoped for it all to be done and in our own place by now instead of still renting. Feeling like we are in limbo

garbagegirl · 29/04/2020 19:01

Not unreasonable at all. You are absolutely allowed to feel thankful AND hate the situation at the same time. I do. It's OH being at home that I am finding a test. I think what has become apparent throughout all of this is that I think he is an absolute wanker and I don't like spending time with him. Considering we have weeks of this and my income has died leaving me in the red with no way of leaving him when it' all over, it's a bit unfortunate really.

My kids have been absolute stars to be fair but I just want everyone to fuck off back to normal (and out of my face 24/7), I want to go to a starbucks and buy a frappuccino and drink it in silence and I know it makes me sound like an arse but I'm not even sorry.

OH refuses to leave the house AT ALL. So that means that I am solely responsible for going to get food and for exercising our kids. There is no reason for him doing this other than he doesn't want to go out. I really resent him for making me the only acting adult despite me having a loopy immune system (I have an auto immune condition but not on medication) and him being a relatively healthy human. Resent actually feels like too soft a word for how I feel actually...

I haven't seen family since all of this started because I have been following the rules. It is starting to grate that others aren't although for the most part I think they are, the media is skewed.

powkin · 29/04/2020 19:03

@detachablehoof hey old friend, no it’s not just you. I’m exhausted. I have had mental health issues for a long long time before DD, including PTSD, and honestly not getting any breaks whatsoever is sending me very close to the edge. The toddler tantrums and screaming have begun and some days I’m just awful and I hate the sort of person and parent I am and I know I must be making things even worse for DD and my DH. I’m so fucking tired of cooking and cleaning over and over again, not having one snack at a cafe or my days “off” at work. I feel completely broken right now and don’t feel any hope for the future as I feel like such a shit mum. If I can’t cope now how am I going to cope as the tantrums ramp up more and more as she becomes a toddler proper?

I’m “lucky” my husband is freelance and not working, we have universal credit now and he’ll get the bailout at some point, but I have to try and work 2 days a week with her screaming in the house. Work keep doing online training and events that I can’t attend and I’m the only one with a child this age at work so feel very left out and alone with it. My boss has a 3 and 9 year old so don’t feel I can add to her load right now.

Feel hopeless about being a parent, a partner and even getting my career going. I’ve lost all my confidence. To be perfectly honest a lot of the time I feel my partner and DD would be a lot better off without me.

JFM27 · 29/04/2020 19:05

I so agree and so do most people i know.i live alone,own flat ground floor,pleasant garden,im retired,but have reasonable pensions so i know im better than many but i normally sit my friends dog whilst shes at work,shes working from home,shes fed up too,done it since a pup.love him like my own,miss him so,i have a busy social lifemnow nothing,o yes we stay in touch with friends online etc but it isnt same as seeing people is it,socialising,etc.i miss stupid things like getting on a bus having my nails done,my beautician is a friend,i miss her to,ive been going to her for 20 odd yrs,my hairdresser is a friend to,i miss just ambling round city shops i walk into city to M&S twice a week just to feel normal..Another friend tells me shes finding home schooling hard,she just couldnt fathom out the work the school sent her son who is 10,shes a older mum 50,she said it meant nothing to her,im not a teacher she said.

This cant go on we need hope,im sick of fools who want this lockdown to go on indefinitely,the virus isnt going away we have to manage and live with it,not lockdown for months,it wont disappear,and those who prattle on we musnt want "pleasures" when people are dying,wanting our normal lives is all we want or some semblence of it and i feel,angry in 21st century,a bloody virus can mess our lives up this way.Lockdowm isnt because the government care who dies,its because they have ruined the NHS to a level it cant cope,im a cancer survivor,now fit and well,i want others to have same chance,it isnt only the virus that kiills people is it,its cancer,mental illness, domestic violence etc,the virus seems to be excluding everything else.

So dont think you wrong,you feel like many of us.we need to not be treated like kids but we need to have hope when this will start to end but with this shower in charge,will,that happen.planning seems beyond them.

Elsie1966 · 29/04/2020 19:06

It's turned into groundhog day for me Confused

EducatingArti · 29/04/2020 19:07

It is amazing that you are all keeping on keeping on and it is still really important.
I bumped into ( not literally, we were socially distanced) a chaplain from my local hospital yesterday. She was saying that things were calming down a little and not so stretched in the hospital however staff were anxious and worried as they saw more people out and about and start to not take the distancing rules so seriously. They are really worried that they will start to see an increase in cases again in a couple of weeks because of this.
By continuing to keep to the lockdown everyone really is still supporting the fight against the virus. You are helping frontline staff not have to worry about getting in such a stretched state again ( even the chaplains have been working 50 hour weeks).

Talulahoopla · 29/04/2020 19:17

I hit a wall today too. Lost all motivation to exercise and I normally do it six days a week, salary being cut for up to a year, stressed at work covering for furloughed colleagues, meant to go on holiday this weekend but cancelled, birthday in lockdown, live in a flat so no outdoor space, it's pouring today which is actually worse than being stuck inside on a sunny day, missing my NHS working family and probably be unable to sell our house and buy the forever home any time soon like we'd planned. Actually at the stage where I can't look at the tv any more never mind take anything in. As time goes on, there's less and less happening so nothing to talk about other than coronavirus and Boris and all the things that aren't happening/have been cancelled and how many rule violations you spotted at the supermarket! Give us strength!

Upherefordancing · 29/04/2020 19:17

Upherefordancing · 29/04/2020 19:19

My hairdresser posted this today as it's on a lot of people's minds...

I know IABU but I am totally fed up of lockdown
missfliss · 29/04/2020 19:23

I'm really low today.

I just feel like there is no glimmer of hope.

It's Groundhog Day.

I'm still working FT at home ( reduced salary) . ASD DS (8) Is back at his school and missing his best friend so badly who is still at home.

Evenings are spent managing meltdowns.

We are living with a half finished loft conversion

I'm sorry to be like this when so many have it worse but I'm trapped in my own head today.

I have no energy today. Very low.

Emmabenjamin13 · 29/04/2020 19:27

Hi guys I'm new on here but been reading all of your messages and feel so much better that I'm not the only one feeling the strain of the lockdown oh my gosh it's bloody awful i have 3 dc all young ages,and at first we was ok home schooling seemed easy but now I'm struggling so much to entertain them,bored and feeling down dh is trying but not doing much to help i feel like I'm loosing my mind sometimes, miss my parents had a bad day yesterday cried all day trying to stay strong for the kids but its hard to even crack a smile. Sending all hugs to you all xx

Graceambrose · 29/04/2020 19:29

No, imaging catching the virus and being transported to hospital gasping for air! Could you think this better than trying to live with your loved ones for hour after hour?

CillianMurphyfanclub · 29/04/2020 19:29

Yep, I agree. There’s me, my DH and kids aged 16, 12 and 5. Up to now we’ve actually the slower pace and quality time, but this week is suddenly difficult.

Stellamboscha · 29/04/2020 19:35

YANBU -it is ridiculous that the whole country is paralysed and expected stay under the duvet and (that ghastly term) 'stay safe'
I can't believe that people are still parroting this 'stay safe' snowflake mantra.

IvinghoeBeacon · 29/04/2020 19:36

Graceambrose Certainly all my loved ones are kinder, more compassionate and able to think in less black and white terms than you are, so that’s certainly something to be grateful for

Emmabenjamin13 · 29/04/2020 19:40

Yes very true and understend we sound like we are ranting on about staying home etc, it's just hard work and would hate for anyone of us to catch the virus was only saying we was doing ok just the past few days it's been more of a strain

missfliss · 29/04/2020 19:45

Well said @IvinghoeBeacon

powkin · 29/04/2020 19:47

@Graceambrose of course loved ones being alive is better than being dead ffs. Everyone is doing their bit to stop that happen and hey, sometimes it’s HARD, that’s the whole point of the thread. Doesn’t mean we are going to stop doing what is necessary. And you know what, doing all this on top of worrying about my parents and sister and friends is EVEN HARDER.

CountryGirl1234 · 29/04/2020 19:52

I’m feeling down, seems no way out of this virus except through it. Unlikely it will die out, feel like I’m waiting to run the gauntlet with pre existing health conditions and an under 2 daughter I worry about her. Partner helping take her for a few hours as we’re both home. We’re hugely lucky with where we live, I have miles of open countryside, no neighbors in sight and can walk for hours and see no one.
No one at all. Hardly ever, even outside of lockdown. Plus truck issues pre lockdown meant the car was used by DP for work 6 weeks before lockdown started, so I’ve really be stranded here 12 weeks. Done lots in the garden and been out with the dogs and on bike. Both furloughed and making ends meet thankfully. Feel terribly down about the loss of life I’m seeing and others with no means of helping. Hold no hopes for vaccine as they can’t even tell if natural immunity works! I worry for my family, parents and my little one not having any social input from anyone but myself and dp.

Tommo75 · 29/04/2020 19:55

I feel ok most of the time because I try not to think ahead. When I think to how we will look back on this wasted year I feel so fed up. I have spent winter looking forward to all the things we could do in the summer yet the freedom has been taken from us. We'll be free again and weather will be crap. Grrrr

TopBitchoftheWitches · 29/04/2020 19:58

To those saying this is ridiculous, try working in this. You would have a different attitude.

Saraleast · 29/04/2020 20:03

Ditto

grifffendor · 29/04/2020 20:14

we not all in the same boat but we are all riding the same storm , lockdown has similar feelings that is similar to being in prison .
I personally can't see government posing social distancing forever not when going to stop grandparents hugging the grand kids , stoping kids interacting with each other in school , stoping families different mixing together from different house old .
having stricter rules about isolating when you sick would be better , even cold or tummy bug can make valuable person really sick and end up in hospital fighting for thire lives .
flu has so much more deaths but even now its never brought to people attention as much as this virus .
my view is once restrictions are over and it moves away from the media people will carry on as normal , it going to impossible to stop them . pandemics though out history never changed humans behaviour in a big way despite how badly it effects them .

lockdown for me been like a kick in stomach.
I just had so many plans and so much to look forward too in the next year or so but those things I am going to have to do when restrictions are lifted its not like its going to be forever , my child got ASD lockdown having negative impact its been hard to support his needs with the lockdown.
my thoughts go out to those in abusive relationships , those dying at home , those who got friends and family in hospitals and not able to see them , those dying alone in hospital , those got elderly family members in homes , those who are struggling and the 500 million people who going to end up in poverty due to lockdown across the world .

remember that we will live though this together and come through the other side together, there is so much to look forward to and plan once the lockdown lifted , we may not have vaccine by then and might have learning to live with this threat intill then and take that responsibility of own lives and the responsibility who we love . I have good faith in the world that we see this through and be free again. remember when faith and hope is low but it is hard to kill.

IvinghoeBeacon · 29/04/2020 20:19

My mother works on the “frontline” in the NHS. I speak to her daily. I am fully apprised of what it is like thank you. Fortunately some of those who are working in this, as well as some of the rest of us, manage to have compassion and sympathy for more than one group of people at a time. We can comprehend that what is protecting one group is putting another in danger, and that there isn’t an easy answer to any of it.