Anyone not actually miss seeing their parents ?!

[ishouldnotsayit]

Pre lockdown my parents visited once a week, they have done since I had my oldest DC who's coming up 4. I'm a SAHM and I've recently had a new baby. I just don't miss them visiting. It's actually so nice not to have the pressure of them coming around ! They just moan about everything from my basic biscuits to the layout of my house ( we bought what we could afford.) They are very critical and whilst I certainly appreciate parenting is damn hard they weren't good parents. I feel quite free because of not seeing them.

I send them a few snapshots pics of our day now. Although I'm finding I don't even want to ask about theirs. If I venture into "the how are you" territory it's all doom and gloom. They are fine, no at risk
medical issues and not actually even 70. My mum has always had a bit of a depressive air to her. She was always I have it worse if you ever mentioned a worry or concern to her when I was growing up.

I have occasionally video called my mum since lockdown ( which is painful because she can't seem to follow anything or answer when I call her. She's always making the lunch/ having/ lunch/ thinking about making dinner/ making dinner/ eating dinner / tidying up from Dinner ) So maybe she feels the same huh?! We live quite far away so maybe this will be the end of weekly visits ?

Anyone else not miss their wider families ?

Am very relieved to read this.

I miss my friends way way more than my parents. It has really highlighted how sttained and difficult the relationship is. I ring every day to check they're ok and have sent some nice food deliveries to them.

Seeing them is difficult. Their relationship has become strained. My DF is a carer for DM and clearly resents it. DM pretends all is ok inatead of accepting her failing health. Plus they are very different to me and quite negative. My DF has terrible Shaudenfrued (sp?) when in a bad mood, it can be so negative hearing which neighbour he has fallen out with now! He can be fab when in the right mood bit he has cha hed a lot with old age

No I can’t understand it either! Admittedly I did live abroad for 10 years so rarely saw my family, but even now that I’m back I don’t see them very much, and I don’t really mind.

I FaceTime around once a week, but my mother chipped away at any relationship we might’ve had starting when I was about 8 or 9, so it’s hard to come back from that.

I have zero idea what it would be like to miss them tbh!

I don't miss my parents at all and I haven't heard from them since this pandemic started, even though they live 5 mins drive away and I'm on my own still having to work. Not so much as a text or email to see how I'm doing. She didn't bother to return my last call either.

I've never got on with my mum and this whole episode has made me realise I think I can finally cut the cord. My brother forwards me on memes via text but I'm missing my friends and goddaughter far more.

A thread I can relate to! I ring her most days because she's on her own and feels better if she thinks someone cares. She doesn't though. She goes through the motions, but doesn't actually care about other people. She has no understanding of relationships at all, complains about not having friends and how her family don't seem to want to be with her and how she puts everyone else first- it's tripe! Utter tripe!

@supercee the final nail in the coffin for me was when her actions made me realise that I don’t need her for anything (I don’t mean financial or physical, just for anything). I was at peace after that.

I desperately miss my friends and other family members.

Thanks @Laaf80 I think I am at that stage. I don't actually need her for anything.

She's never been there for me emotionally, always made me feel different and unloved (in comparison to my two siblings), and if a pandemic can't make you be a decent person and reach out to your child then it's never going to happen is it?!

The only person I've got to rely on is me, and do you know what, that's ok.

Thoughts to everyone else lumbered with emotionally absent/shit parents. Like a PP, I get baffled too by posts from people desperately missing their parents. That must be such a lovely feeling.

I dont miss anyone! I'm happy to talk on the phone/zoom call everyone. I don't see my parents loads anyway as they live 60 miles away. I just miss normal life and going to shops and restaurants.

@supercee liberating isn’t it.

I wish you the best.

I don't, but I've lived 150 miles away from home since I was 17 so I'm used to it. I'm phoning a bit more often though.

I do miss some of my colleagues though!

Me! My parents have always had a habit of turning up unannounced at any time, and peering through the window to see if I'm in. It drives me round the twist. I've asked them to at least text first, but they said I was being totally unreasonable and it caused a big fallout so I just gave up. We have never really seen eye to eye, we are completely different people and we just don't really get on. They think because I'm their daughter they have a right to tell me what to do, how I should live etc. During the lockdown, knowing they aren't going to turn up at any moment and sit on top of me for ages has been bliss 😂

I’m glad you started this thread as I feel exactly the same and worry I’m not normal somehow! I don’t miss anyone either. As long as I have DH and the dc’s I’m fine.
My dm usually visits every single week and I’ve been fantasising for years about just saying “this is too much for me - can you just come once a month or something”? But because I’m a sahm I don’t feel like I have any excuse. There’s nothing wrong with her as such but I just feel a bit resentful as she was very selfish when I was growing up, she was all for her partner and always has been. When my dc’s were little she never lifted a finger to help and won’t ever babysit them/have them over. Now she’s getting older I feel like she’s being more needy - her dp is very sick and it feels like she’s trying to get closer to me because she knows she’s going to be on her own soon. She also has never made the effort to live her own life, find hobbies etc she relies on myself and my siblings to give her something to do in the week. She can be emotionally manipulative.
She texts saying she misses us/loves us but whilst I do love/care about her I don’t miss her and I’ve actually been enjoying her not coming. I always used to get a bit wound up before she came. We have quite different views on a lot of things and I find myself getting annoyed at things she says (she’s very, very passive).
I do feel guilty though and keep thinking I must be a bad person.

I have friends who are very close to their Dp’s and are finding it really hard not seeing them and I always wonder - what was the difference between their childhood and mine? Or is the problem with me?

I get on with my mum and I take food over 2/3 times a week but pre lockdown I had to see her virtually every day to set out admin etc as she has memory problems and lost my stepdad last year. Actually I think lockdown has improved her confidence in being alone and looking after herself and given me a bit of a break!

anoiseannoys I often think the same, ‘is it me?’ It makes me one of those over thinkers who worries about how I’ve come across to people, and makes me really, really worried about how I am with my own children. I feel absolutely awful if I shout at them and then overcompensate to try and make up for it.

I think it does really change your personality, especially knowing that you have no one to rely on to support you emotionally (or at all in fact!)

I didn't realise so many people had problems with their parents, mainly mum's it seems. I don't miss my mum she was a bully and has said things to me I will never forget, she didn't care to spend to much time with my dc anyway so no loss for them.

My DM phone's more now than ever before but it's the same stuff, and I never have a relaxed conversation with her as I am still worried about saying/doing something to set her off. In some ways not much has changed as I could go weeks without seeing her. My DF though is the best and I do miss him, we have lovely conversations and I did used to regularly see him.

Not sure if other people find this but, when we have family parties I really struggle to kiss or hug my DM. It is something I feel I should do for show as everyone else is doing it, but when I hug her it's so forced and uncomfortable. Writing this down has made me see how bad things are with my DM and that they will never change. It is too late but I ensure I do not repeat these mistakes with my DC.

Although this is a sad thread it has made me feel that I am not alone or that different.

Nah I don’t miss anyone. The people I would miss I live with. However I’m anti social as hell anyway. I’d rather be on the sofa watching a movie than a family gathering.

I’ve refused to hug her ever since I went to her in crisis as teen and she pushed me away.

I read the Susan Forward Toxic Parents book in my early 30s and that’s when I realised that it wasn’t me.

Still took a few years to stop hoping for approval, but after years of no support and rejection various events of a few years ago freed me.

I’m truly sad about it. Especially after I had my child but there are strong boundaries in place.

Others would say I should cut her out but I do want my child to have grandparents and contact is very rarely unsupervised.

My DP know only what they need to know about my life. And I’ve built a village of support over the years (both friends and other family).

My step dad is fantastic but her enabler (think Richard from keeping up appearances).

@MrsMonicaBing oh god, my dad used to do the peering through the windows thing when I lived nearer to him. He’d also drive by my house countless times a day to see if the car was in the drive.

We had new neighbours move on once who called the police on him thinking he was up to no goood going round all the down stairs windows, climbing over fences to have a look in.

My DD misses her granny more than I do. Not seeing the in laws is like a mortgage holiday for family 🥳

I would like to see them but I'm not a pathetic mess like some adults I've seen/heard about. I find it odd that people can't cope without mummies and daddies for a few weeks when technology is so amazing. But everyone's different

I’ve felt a sense of relief reading this thread, though I’m obviously sad for people who are unhappy with the way things are for them.

I’ve been missing my mum my whole life, so nothing’s changed. Now I just don’t see her.

So glad it's not me! Love my parents but I don't see them that often. My MIL is toxic so the lockdown has been a great excuse not to see her. DH suffers from FOG and feels sorry for her as she is on her own but all she does is moan and complains "woe is me". Thank god we don't have to see her! I do miss my friends though.

DDIJ you are not allowed window coverings? Even now? Does she live with you?

Not allowed window coverings? By whom?!

We just moved house and I was dreading my mum coming and pouring criticism over everything. Now she can't and we've settled in and enjoy and appreciate it:) If she can ever visit again it will be brief!

We don't usually see Mum and dad more than once a month anyway, and last saw them for Mother's Day so it doesn't feel like I'm missing them yet. If it carries on much longer I might!

I'm probably speaking to them more than usual, regular WhatsApp messages, weekly zoom chats with them and my brother ( who I can go months without seeing/hearing from) and today we're doing a Zoom Quiz