The positive mental health thread part 6

[Bunnyflop]

Morning all! Welcome to the new thread!

@changemind Yes I’m in the same boat. NC with mother due to her affect on my life and mental health. Had a major wobble over it due to all this and sent her emotional WhatsApp messages last week saying I miss her but don’t know how to ever get over or forget what she has done. I was hoping, stupidly, that she could say something to make it all ok. She replied with an emotional message back saying she was terribly sorry for the past and will always love me and we should enjoy the present moment etc, and something clicked when I read that- the ‘past’ is actually very recent. She is the same person and always has been. She did terrible things only a year and a half ago. She hasn’t changed. I may love her and miss the good bits but I can’t plunge myself back in just because of the Coronavirus. Just that little bit of contact immediately threw me through a loop mentally and I started worrying about what she’d think about my home, my appearance, getting paranoid as she is very judgemental, and I started thinking how would I cope with her pushing over seeing my son, and it all became a whirlwind, and I was like nope, not having it and shut the Pandora’s box again (ie blocked her on my phone). And I could breathe again.

In short: just because there is a pandemic it doesn’t mean that relationships can be healed and ok. Just make sure in any situation you put your mental health first. I read a quote recently that has become my mantra:

‘Put your mental health and peace above all else’.

@purpleme12 I’ve had a very rough week mentally and haven’t felt like posting. Thanks for asking x

Morning all! Having a bit of a wobble-lite today - I’m glad that moves appear to be afoot to consider relaxing the lockdown, but I’m also a bit scared, if that makes sense. On the other hand, it will soon be five months since I saw any of my family in person and I miss them terribly. It’s the longest time I’ve ever spent without visiting them or them visiting me. And both my DM and DGrandma are both worrying now that DS will have forgotten them () so I keep needing to reassure them. I really want to go and see them, I just don’t want to until it’s safe, iyswim. And honestly, I don’t know if I fully trust the government to make the right call on when that will be. Sorry, that’s not very cheerful.

Grey and cold-looking today so it’s going to be a tough one with DS - it’s a lot easier when we can just hang out in the garden. Unfortunately there’s no way I can be inside but still keeping an eye on DS and I get really cold so we’re a bit stuck on days like this. Need to try to muster the energy to occupy him indoors without just sticking films on, which isn’t always easy!

Morning all!

It’s my birthday and wedding anniversary today - not the day I planned!

But DH bought me some new Stan Smiths, wrote me a beautiful card and brought me pancakes in bed.

My sister sent me some gorgeous Jigsaw pyjamas that I plan to spend the day in.

DS2 spent last night baking me a Mexican orange cake (I love all things Mexico).

My other sis just messaged me to say she’s going to bring over my gift so we’ll have a socially-distanced chat.

And I’ve already had lots of cards, messages and texts.

Lots to be grateful for.

@Bunnyflop oh no I hope Henry's been making you feel better xx

Happy birthday and anniversary @Pinkarsedfly!

Had a few "meh" days over the weekend. I was feeling a bit sorry for myself as life seemed to have become all work and no play.

I'm normally pretty resilient and don't like to show weakness - normally because I'm the one propping everyone up - but I poured it all out to my lovely sister and felt a million times better. I've also been more emotionally honest on this thread than I ever have IRL so thank you for the space.

Speaking of mothers, mine died many years ago. We had a great relationship but she did have drama queen tendencies (in her defence she was an actress, sorry, actor). Not sure how she'd have coped with all this, I think she'd have created her own Greek tragedy, chorus and all! So, as much as I miss her, I'm very glad not to have to worry about her.

MIL on other hand is Mrs Pragmatic and her only worry is running out of books and missing seeing Helpful Kittens growing up!

Oh and another positive - I finally got some flour so made a cake at the weekend.

Our local Tesco had lots of looroll on Saturday, apparently.

I don't know how widespread that unshortage is, but I hope it is all over the country, because apparently the sewerage works are having trouble processing the facial tissues, wetwipes, kitchen roll and newspaper that people have been using instead. I heard a plaintive whimper of an interview on the radio with someone who'd had to deal with what he called a newsberg (I suppose to go with fatbergs).

It gave me a new word for media hysteria about CV19, though.

"Newsberg" is brilliant in all its possible contexts!

@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime

We have been able to get loo roll for a few weeks now, I think most places have it now.

YUK at newsbergs

Not posted in here for a while, I was sad that Moregin left :( and don't really understand why. I also was so bad with my own anxiety that I didn't feel I had anything much positive to add

I have also been posting on the "dementors" threads - I think a few of you are on there too? they are our kinda people

And a very happy birthday to @Pinkarsedfly sounds a lovely day so far x

Happy birthday and anniversary @Pinkarsedfly !

Sorry to come on and find people are feeling down. However, hopefully it's all part of the "coronacoaster" and people's moods will be on the up soon.

I think the weather is due to be better soon and the chillier weather today is a one off.

I'm a big armchair sports fan and so am sad there's no live sport on atm, especially when it was meant to be the Euros in football and the Olympics. However, I've had some Sky Sports on which has been showing repeats.

Happy birthday and anniversary Pinkarsedfly! Have been for a bike ride with DD which has made me feel a lot better and has got me away from the news. All the different figures just hurt my head and make me anxious so being outside means I cant keep looking.

Happy birthday and anniversary to @Pinkarsedfly ❤️

And love to @Bunnyflopband nose rubs to Henry ❤️

@tobee, I agree, it’s no wonder people are so up and down, when our safety is so threatened. The best we can do is to be kind to ourselves

All ok here. Herbal ponydrugs have arrived and the bloody animal won’t eat them. I had to pinch a handful of oldpony’s tasty feed to get them into her. DPony isn’t meant to have tasty feed, because she’s a little fatty.
Crafty little mare 😂

and I could breathe again so perfectly apt, @bunnyflop ; I myself had felt more normal, more my self than I had since a very, very long time in the past while after distancing myself from some unhealthy relationships. The communication is building up, and nothing bad has happened. But I feel disturbed, it's almost like fear. It is very hard to describe but I suppose you would know what I mean. It's all no longer behind you, so to say. I think it is some kind of trauma issue. I feel guilty just writing this out anonymously. It is also so difficult to love someone and not really understand whether or how they really love you. It is just confusing. I am happy for you that you have kept yourself healthy. For now I am treading a very fine line and I am pretty scared of becoming someone I don't want to be ever again. It sounds dramatic but I just want to keep feeling normal. I know it is true that one's own peace of mind absolutely cannot be compromised. Thank you for sharing your perspective on this.

Had to share this pic of DS today, hugging a tree and telling it he loved it. He told every tree all the way along one side of the path. ‘Hello beech tree... I love you beech tree’.

What a charmer he is (I think, #mummyisbiased )

Happy birthday and anniversary @Pinkarsedfly!

I'm struggling a bit, but I'm getting contact from CMHT four times a week, and they've asked me to think about increasing my meds, I'm not sure yet.

Thank you for all your good wishes.

I reflect them straight back to you. Good wishes, all, and much love. Joy in the little things, hope for the big things.

Fair forward, team

What’s your worry about a meds increase, @UpOnDown (side effects aside) It is worth a try in the short term, to see how you get on?

@Spudlet lovely lovely photo! Bless. Gorgeous.

Happy birthday @pinkarsedfly!

Missing Henry @Bunnyflop. Hope you are ok.

Ok here. Working from home ok. I’ve set up a little office space on our landing and it’s working well. It’s nice and bright. Dh works in construction management and looks like he will be back at work by the end of the month. That worries me but we don’t have a choice. Hoping they can sort the distancing.

Today I let our dog spend the afternoon with my mum and dad. They have missed him so much as they are used to having him for 3 days while I’m at work. I’ve been too worried about him going there as there is discussion as to whether they can carrying this bastard virus. But they have been desperate to see him and dad who has early - mid dementia needs it. Anyhow I dropped him at the top of the drive and he ran in full of joy and tail wags- and the visit was enjoyed by all. He’s going again tomorrow for a couple of hours. Hope I’m doing the right thing.

@changemind I get you totally about the fear and confusion. Are you going through/ have you been through therapy? Take whatever road you need to take to feel the most peace and calm. You can’t change another person’s behaviour or the way they make you feel, but you can protect yourself.

Happy belated birthday @Pinkarsedfly 🍾 🎂

No bunny. The distance in itself was a good therapy I thought. I felt free of the past even though I had times of feeling upset, angry, and etcetera. But I knew that was healthy to process things from a more objective view point. I hope this is not in appropriate to ask; considering your NC is your mother, it isn't just her, is it, really. It's a past life you want to escape--or is that just me ?

@changeshermind interesting question! Let me think... I guess to a degree I wanted to escape the past and all the shame that it had laden me with, because I actually changed my name after going no contact.

But I’d say it was more that I’d had a total breakdown because of hitting my limit with how she made me feel. I was buzzing with anxiety all the time and every time she was nice I was suspicious and waiting for the other shoe to drop. She would try to hug me and I would turn to stone. I had to seperate myself to work through all those feelings and start to feel better and I couldn’t do that with her in my life. And I still can’t. I’m still working through bits of it and I can’t feel at peace with her being around.

You just have to be totally honest with yourself about how you’d feel being around the NC person, how they make you feel, could you cope with it, would it make your life better or worse etc.

Argh that was me above but under another username!

Thinking about it a bit more- yes I wanted to escape the shame. I felt totally and utterly ashamed around my family and it was suffocating and bloody miserable. I needed to not feel that any more.

Good morning all!
I'm feeling a bit crap this morning, had a few nightmares last night and when I got up, I just had a "oh no, can't take this much more" feeling. But I do also know, I am premenstrual and can usually slip into catastrophizing quite easily around that time anyway, so I'm trying to not take it seriously!I It looks like it will be a nice day, so hoping to spend it pottering in the garden and not trying to do anything constructive, just being.

I'm worried they might make me too sleepy, @Millie2013 That I might not wake up.