That's it I'm done

[babasaclover]

Right that's it I'm done. I've been locked in this house since January. First due to health now Coronavirus. I'm done been positive and thankful for having a garden etc - i need to MOOOOOAAAAANNNNN.

Anyone else thoroughly fucked off with it all? Never thought I would miss work and mundane stuff.

Count me in. I'm so over the keep busy, stay positive, rainbows and fecking clapping shit. I've just done my first zoom thing and it's like the emporers new clothes - breaking up, everyone talking at once, all it gave me was a headache. Awful. I hate people telling me how lucky I am and how grateful I should be, I feel ashamed for thinking how shit it is. No, I cant bloody exercise twice a day, I'm sick of counting my steps, and I cant stop drinking. End of.

Been housebound since before this lockdown from January after having meningitis. Then this. I'm an introvert so don't mind so much being home, but nearly 5 months is pushing it. And can't be healthy. I'm worried I'm becoming a bit agoraphobic and how I will adjust to 'normal' life again. I miss the simple things like just getting out for a coffee.

Oh, and my moans ? DH is an ICU nurse so is knackered, working nights, I am obsessed with cleaning and washing everything, and still my house feels dirty when he comes home. I have DD locked down here with us because if she hadn't come home she'd have been alone in a city an hour away. She's 27 and we are clashing over every little thing because basically we shouldn't be living together anymore. My mother has alzheimers and I usually clean, shop, shower her and do laundry for her, so I either do that and feel at risk from the 3 carers a day going in and out of her flat with everything they pick up from all their other visits, or I stay away and feel guilt that she is neglected. And I cant see or cuddle my grandkids which is breaking my heart and theirs too.

and to all.

Bored. Lazy. Fat. here today. Desperately craving physical affection. Drinking a lot too much. Ended up going to bed this pm I was so fed up.

Can I join?

I have had my children alone every day for the last 29 days. No help, no support and nowhere to go. Sometimes i feel like the chat and noise will just drive me over the edge. They have a dad half a mile away but he is too selfish and gets bored so easily that he has been seeing his friends so on refusing to let the children go to see him since hes not been observing the rules at all.

I miss working so much. I like my job but not attempting to do it from home between 8pm and 11pm each night. I'm work on payroll and am trying to get this whole furlough thing right for 230 employees, when I had never even heard of it 4 weeks ago.

I have massive worries about what will happen if businesses start up again but schools dont open at the same time. How will I work?

I want adult human contact so much. Even just a hug. I've had nothing in a month and that's hard to get used to.

I hate seeing Facebook groups with baggy mums showing their extensive school timetables and lesson plans. I am not a teacher. My 2 yr old doesnt give me the time to teach my 7yr old. I feel inadequate and its rough.

Thank you coronamoaners for giving me somewhere to vent. I’ve had enough too. I lost my sh!t completely today and ended up hiding in my room crying.

I should be grateful. I have a job where I can WFH but I’ve been redeployed to another team and they won’t share info. I share a home with my comparatively young parents and so I don’t have to do all the cooking but DD (15) is a slob so our area of the house always looks like a bomb site, and personal space is a myth around here - If I sleep in Father dearest pops his head in to remind me he’s up and been on the rowing machine for eleventy million fucking miles this morning. Mother can’t work out that I don’t want to play sodding scrabble with an English teacher AGAIN. And we have a lovely dog who stockpiled his own food pre-lockdown and 3 weeks later dug it up and has been vomiting, peeing and pooping on the carpet for a week. I guess I’ve at least had hours sitting in the car alone at the vet while they treat him. But I suspect the vet will be buying a Mercedes with the money I’ve spent with him this week. I can’t be bothered showering or washing my disaster of a head of hair, the waxer will need a machete to get through the overgrowth and my eyebrows put Freida Khalo to shame.
I told my best friend and he just pointed out that he is in complete isolation and has lost his job, has nowhere to live. I get that it’s hard for him, I honestly do. But I’m allowed to have a bad day too right??
And breathe. Thank you for the opportunity to get this off my chest. Now for wine.

Thank God for this thread. Sick of being at home, been ill for weeks (but thankfully not ill enough to go to hospital) with all of "those" symptoms, barely been able to get out of bed, and my chest is still incredibly painful. DH has been a prick practically ignoring me for all this time. I miss work, I miss swimming, I miss being able to see people, I miss treating myself to a decent flat white, seeing friends, I miss Friday nights at the pub. I hate video calls and hate adverts for them being shoved in my face every 5 bloody minutes. Rant over - thank you Mumsnet!!!

So fed up, just want the lockdown to end, sick to death of the learn a new language, knit, bake posts. I have got to 60 years old without learning won’t be starting now. Sick of having to brush the dogs every single day because the dog groomer is shut. Another thing what’s happening on a Thursday night started with clapping, now there’s saucepans, whistles, fireworks! My neighbour is loving it she is on 100% full pay and hopes we are are in lockdown until there’s a vaccine! I know I shouldn’t moan but it feels so good to know that others are also fed up.

There is a slight problem that the British are being more compliant with lockdown than the rest of Europe (and USA) - at least 90% of us are obeying as the state will think we all think it's fine when it isn't. They announced another 3 weeks during week 4 so that will be 3 +1 + 3 in total at least 7 weeks I believe and that would be letting it up on about 11 May but of course it could be longer too.

Xenia’s
Spain is worse than us. There you cannot go for a walk, only supermarket and pharmacy.
My friends in the Canary Islands can only go to the supermarket alone. She can’t see to drive, so he has to go , on his own, only one person in a car
Mainland Spain are dishing out fines like smarties

Hi, I’m so with you - I’ve been positive grateful and all that stuff up until last night when I last the plot! Normally read books but running out so dug out old kindle, couldn’t get it to work properly so threw it across the floor and had a proper 2 year old sobbing fit! Its frustration, anger and generally pissed of at the situation. Feel hungover this morning from it. Also dislike the bullying going on by some people, this is hard enough without other people bullying others. Plus the government threatening not to let us out to exercise because a few people won’t or can’t follow the rules. Makes me feel like a naughty child. I can’t see an end, France are a couple weeks ahead of us and are in lockdown to middle may, and even if they slacken the lockdown it’s going g to take months for any semblance of normality to return. Anyway rant over thanks for your post helps to know I’m not the only one going quietly mad with it.

I think if they tighten the exercise restrictions I’d be prepared to launch a human rights challenge. We’re rural and it would be completely disproportionate. Would be interesting!

I’m totally fed up now. I’ve been working and exercising and shopping for five different household (including ours) and I’m TIRED of it all. I can’t see my two sons. One is self isolating because of his medical condition (cf) in own home with his fiancée but I have seen them At a distance at the doorway when I’ve taken them round provisions. But my other boy is 19 with complex needs and behaviours and lives in residential care and although he cane home for an overnighter before the lockdown I now haven’t seen him for over a month. Which is unheard of. He is the centre of our lives and his families visits mean the world to him. And us. We FaceTime but he’s being really difficult for staff and he doesn’t understand why this is happening and it’s impossible to explain it to him adequately because if his learning difficulties.

Last night after a FaceTime conversation with one of his key workers (I’m starting to dread them even thought I want to see and talk to DS but one in particular always has a tale of woe for me because he’s particularly difficult for her) I got off the phone and said to DP and DD (who is 21) that I think I need to try to arrange to be able to see him on a health-related basis because he’s been so distressed.. and she said “you can’t do that.. and if you do, you’re not coming back here!!” I asked her where else I was supposed to go and she said she didn’t care and I can’t just break the rules... there are loads of families in our situation. And I lost my temper with her and said “well YOU could always fuck off!”

I regretted it almost immediately and went to apologise but she wouldn’t speak to me.

So yeah I’m done with this. I’ve been making myself run a couple of times a week - and always in a Sunday - but today bugger it. I’m not. Where’s the point. I only do it to stay healthy and today I’m past caring.

The key worker has just text me again and I’m frightened to look at it.

Can I come in? I’m bored, the kids are bored, I get no alone time, except when I’m working. Want to guess what I do? That’s right I work in airline reservations so my life is a whole world of fun. God I’m so pissed off. Oh and I’ve had to cancel my big birthday and big birthday holiday. Pissed off.

I've been ok so far. I walk the dogs, have a little run on the treadmill in garage. Sit in the garden etc.

But today I'm feeling a bit annoyed. I start treatment a week tomorrow which means I've got to be shielded and I want to make the most of my last week.

Browse the shops. Meet my friends and family. Go out for a nice meal etc. Instead stuck at home on my own as DH at work.

May treat myself to a walk to Tesco for some toothpaste and milk. Exciting times.

Oh royeastmann..that’s so sad..I’d look to see if you can have a meet up in a garden as long as you don’t touch or hug

I never fell asleep till 4 because my little catnap yesterday put me right out of my sleep pattern.

4 hours is not enough.

I shall try for dh’s sake not to grump outwardly.

Mad cat girl
I can’t think many people are booking holidays at this time
Tui keep emailing me about my next holiday..believe me I’d love to
Then easy jet..imagine yourself in the Canary Islands...yes the one we were evacuated from a month ago and the hell that was the airport. How we didn’t pick anything up, least of all cv rammed cheek by jowl with thousands of other passengers InThe hell that was the airport.

I expect you are just doing refunds , cancellations and vouchErs now

royal
I think you should go. There is specific provision for caring for vulnerable people, for this kind of thing.

The cleaning - why is it to urgent that the only thing I want to do when I am working is come home and tidy up? I hate tidying, and cleaning. It is NOT what I want and spending week after week keeping house is hideous

Royeastman-I'm a care home manager for a similar setting to which your son is in. We have had similar issues with our service users. For some seeing their family in the back garden at a safe social distance has been really helpful-I realise it might actually be more distressing in some cases-but night that be possible?

to all on here. I have been drinking too much, eating too much and sleeping too much. Have two boys who just mooch and feels I'm feeding them constantly., Have to try and home school them both tomorrow and have not even open the long emails bit I remember something about it being more serious now and exams when back etc. It is meant to be sunny all week as well. Trying to get all neighbours fussy shopping while also trying to shield DH - even though I think we had this already but who knows?

Fed up with the limbo, not knowing if we had it, what is happening next, etc as we all are as well.

Hi, might I just join for a vent?

Firstly wanna say that I know I am basically secure and better off than many and my heart goes out to everyone struggling because what matters to everyone is different and no less important as far as I'm concerned and so to everyone xxx

So my Mum's terminal ovarian cancer started deteriorating at the beginning of February - she was put on the palliative care route with Macmillan who promised home visits at hers every week and they were great in the beginning - come mid-March she had to have a drain fitted to relieve her of between 9 and 11 litres of ascites on that day which needs doing every other day now - at least a litre most times.

Two weeks ago on Thursday it became obvious that she was no longer safe at home as she was having falls, and had low sodium diagnosed. As I have been her main carer and had been visiting daily it made sense that she should move in with us as we had a room spare with ensuite for shielding etc. Macmillan said a straight no to this, because of lockdown but as I had been scrupulous about social distancing and all the precautions, I couldn't see why this would be different - I couldn't move into hers because bathroom sharing etc.

Fortunately her GP got her admitted for 24 hours for sodium drip, which the consultant who saw her and couldn't wait to get rid of her seemed to think was unnecessary, but as a result the hospital OTs and the GP okayed her move to ours. I had 24 hours to rustle up a man with van and do a smash and grab for her electric bed and chair and whatever else I could sweep up to make her comfortable. Side note my Mum is lovely but very particular about things if you get my drift, and as she's dying no request seems unreasonable.

So we have her at home with us now and I am on 24 hour call as if she wants to go to the loo she must be accompanied. Her system is not working efficiently if you get my drift without TMI and causes her horrific pain - quite bizarre to be dosing my so straight anti-drug Muvva with morphine.....

She is bed / chair bound - my life is one long round of fetching her the little bits of food she can tolerate as her taste buds are shot and everything, no matter how savoury turns sweet in her mouth and she is on a low residue diet ...... egg mayo in a pot (Only Tesco's in town not the one from local Sainsbury's which means my son who lives close to Tesco's is bringing it every few days and also spending a few non contact minutes with her - yep, we're those selfish people but she probably only has a few weeks at best so bite me). One particular brand of yoghurt. Occasional bacon. That's it. She has tried Complan which made her nearly physically sick which is not good.

My housekeeping in her room is so OCD it hurts - the rest of the house can moulder into dust as far as I'm concerned.

I combined necessary trips to the pharmacy with another raid on her flat to grab things to make her room more "hers" - she feels more at ease now. She has started to phase in and out, her legs are swollen and leaking and keeping a brave face is really FUCKING hard.

DP is helping as much as he can but has massive panic attacks and is worried about his job which is his main raison d'etre. He is coping by drinking and sleeping and social media - I can't bear to look at SM and it's a huge effort to message anyone without just typing AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Currently waiting for the distrcit nurses -e very other day I just have to wait and wait until they come as they can't give a time but they are good about ringing just before so I can open the door for them.

Our housemates (yes we live in a shared house long story) will only do their own fucking washing up as a point of principal which is really just fucking me off as I will happily clear the decks because it's just helpful..... and they are vegans so we are awash with fruit, veg and pre-prepared healthy food of theirs while I am eating crap and drinking vodka and chain smoking and just want to slap their sweet, meditative yoga faces (not really because they are very sweet about it all and sincere and understanding but younger than us and still full of ideals which I have given up on).

ironically if we weren't in lockdown and I was trying to run my non-essential actual shop this would be much harder but it still SUCKS!!!!!!!!! And after 6 weeks of zero activity in my ebay shop two fuckers have bought something so I have to go out and post them
tomorrow and that's without the person who bought something last week and asked me to send it to a different address to the paypal one which I declined and refunded and then she asked me to put it back on and I told her my whole sorry life situation and she went very quiet so I feel guilty because it's not her fault.

And I'm angry with the government, and everything and if either my Mum or my DP asks me if I'm okay one more time because I have resting bitch face I may just lose my shit - so if I may - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

But i aslo know this too will pass - fingers crossed, touch wood, etc etc etc........

Thank you for providing a safe space to confess my lockdown sins and moan - my own FB is a vipers next of Stasi so I've gone radio silence and people think me and DP have problems but sod 'em.

These strange and interesting times can go fuck themselves.....

Oh Queen..what a story.
Just brought tears to my eyes
Even without this covid carry on, it was hard enough.
My heart goes out to you.., your DP and your lovely mum.
I wish I could say something to help but there are just no words.
Please vent away as much as you need to and you do whatever you feel you have to to make yourself and your mum as happy and as comfortable as possible
My friend confessed to me that she went to physically see her old mum of 84 too. She didn’t need too...I fully support that we need that link to our parents and they need the link to their children.
It’s cruel to suggest otherwise.

She won’t be the first and she certainly won’t be the last.
I really hope she doesn’t suffer any more and just goes peacefully in her sleep.

Big hugs to you x

Just had the worst argument, tears and shouting because my 8 year old daughter doesn't want me to sit on the doorstep and get some sun !! We don't have a garden but have a little bit of a covered porch which is a nice sunny spot. She said she's worried about the wind and bumble bees! She got hysterical when I took the chair out so I gave up and I'm now sitting in our tiny flat. When will this nightmare end ??

I’m so fed up and tired. Worked all day, got home to my Dc and then had a phone call that I’m actually working the night shift too and I had forgotten.

Exhausted and tired 😩