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Original poster

No furlough and no holidays allowed!

154 replies

Fuchsake · 17/04/2020 09:29

I’m parenting small DC on my own - DH is still working 8-6 and all childcare is closed. DH’s employer has furloughed most staff but won’t furlough him because he’s covering for everyone. I’ve asked him to book holiday leave because I can’t cope with this relentless childcare much longer.

DH’s employer has said no, the whole point of not furloughing him is because they need him, so he can’t take holiday. So his colleagues are sitting at home watching Netflix while DH (who actually needs to be off work) has to continue working.

Now they’re scheduling projects for May/June when they expect everyone to return to work. So everyone will return refreshed from furlough and holidays won’t be allowed because it’ll be full steam ahead. But DH hasn’t had a break and will be expected to plunge into these projects with everyone else. DH has just said never mind, he can cope without a holiday till later in the year - but his holidays aren’t just for him! His holidays are for me to have a break from DC while he does the parenting!

AIBU to think that if he isn’t being furloughed then he needs to be allowed to take holidays when everyone else comes back? It’s not fair to say “you’ve all been furloughed so you don’t need holidays for a few months” when DH hasn’t been furloughed!

OP posts:
lemonsandlimes123 · 17/04/2020 10:27

Seriously! You are looking after your own children. I presume this is a joke or a spoof because no one surely is this ridiculous.

dreamingofsun · 17/04/2020 10:28

people at my place are expected to work from home and look after young children. they are allowed some slack on when they work, and we are all getting used to noisy kids in the background on conf calls. why are you complaining about just looking after your kids?

GeorginaEstonia · 17/04/2020 10:29

It’s hard work op, people are being mean. You’re allowed to say it’s hard without wanting a medal ffs. Horrible comments. Lots of people are finding it difficult. Maybe you could arrange an hour a day for yourself when she is finished work?

Chloemol · 17/04/2020 10:30

YABU. Relentless? They are your children, it’s your job. I get it is tiring if you are also wfh, but you don’t say that, so I assume you are not

Give over relentless,

MNnicknameforCVthreads · 17/04/2020 10:31

Ignore some of the PPs. I am with you on this - DH should be able to help share the load of parenting.

I've asked my DH to take odd days holiday and it has really helped.

RedskyAtnight · 17/04/2020 10:31

I do agree that DH should be allowed to take his normal holiday (I'm assuming he's not a key worker) allowance unless there is exceptional business reason why this is not possible.

You don't say whether you are working from home as well as child caring, but either way, you are in the same position as many many parents across the country, so as regards looking after your children, I'm afraid you just have to suck it up for now.

TokyoSushi · 17/04/2020 10:31

What are you doing OP? Working from home? I'm in a similar situation, DH the only person not furloughed in his branch of the company and I'm WFH full time with 2 x primary aged DC (fortunately quite low maintenance) whilst he's out all day.

However, the fact that he's critical to the business means that his job is pretty secure, we're still getting full wages and as our outgoings are significantly reduced (childcare, my travel costs etc) we're saving that money for a holiday when all of this is over.

Perhaps you just need to change the way that you're looking at the situation...

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/04/2020 10:32

If you aren’t also trying to WFH then I think at the moment you just need to suck it up, as most people are having to do. As per one of my favourite Bill Burr quotes: “any job you can do in your pyjamas whilst Bob the Builder plays in the background is not the hardest job in the world.” Chuck the kids in front of the TV with some biscuits and never mind about relentless childcare.

Expecting your DH to ask for holiday during a national pandemic, when he is carrying out an essential job and many people who have been made redundant would much prefer to be in his shoes, because his DW can’t cope with looking after a couple of children indoors is a pisstake.

Original poster
Fuchsake · 17/04/2020 10:34

I’m a reluctant SAHM of one very high needs autistic child. Didn’t have a second child as planned because the first was already too much to cope with. I’m studying to return to work and normally have childcare three mornings per week. It’s unpleasant and tiring to spend all of my time on childcare, I’m looking after DC for 20 hours a day and I’ve had to stop my studies so I have zero mental stimulation.

When DH is on holiday we split the time off between us. So he has a few days rest then spends a few days with his DC while I rest. Colleagues with no children are furloughed and sitting on their arses watching Netflix while DH is still working and I’ve had to cancel my studies to take on full childcare. It doesn’t seem fair. And now they’re saying not only can he not be off work during this period of closure, he also can’t be off when they reopen.

OP posts:
ilovemydogandMrObama · 17/04/2020 10:35

These threads never go well.

happyjack12 · 17/04/2020 10:35

we need more information..

are you usually a SAHP?

are you cureently working from home, and having the children, when they would normally be with childcare?

if husbands holidays are to give you a break, when does he get one??

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/04/2020 10:36

I’m looking after DC for 20 hours a day

Why isn't your dh giving you a break evenings and weekends?

PatchworkElmer · 17/04/2020 10:36

Are you trying to wfh? Or are you with the children all day?

If you’re with the children, I’m really sorry but you are just going to have to get on with it. He can help at weekends.

Admittedly, my opinion is probably coloured by the fact that DH and I are both wfh with a toddler, working in shifts between 6am and 9:30pm to make sure that DS is always supervised as we get our hours done. It is mega hard.

My employer has asked us not to use annual leave at the moment because lots of staff are furloughed and we are needed to keep things going- I see this as in my best interests really- I want a job to go back to so am willing to work to help make that happen! They have said that we will have priority for leave when we return- I will see how things are and how I feel before I decide what to do about that.

loutypips · 17/04/2020 10:36

They are your children, why do you hate being with them? That's the real problem here.
Yeah it's hard, but everyone is having to look after their children and some of us do it alone all the time.
I find it really quite sad that so many people are hating this time with their children. Why even have them in the first place?

SinkGirl · 17/04/2020 10:38

Not surprised by the horrible pile on - people made lots of assumptions from the OP, mostly inaccurate as it turns out. I have two young children with ASD and health issues myself, without the respite of nursery it’s been absolutely brutal. I’m so grateful DH has taken some annual leave but he’s back on Monday and I can tell he’s viewing that as a break!

When will people learn that their experiences are not universal?

PatchworkElmer · 17/04/2020 10:39

Colleagues with no children are furloughed and sitting on their arses watching Netflix

Most of the furloughed colleagues I have spoken to are worried about redundancy (whether wrongly or rightly), and bored. It’s not their fault that they’ve been furloughed OP.

SinkGirl · 17/04/2020 10:39

They are your children, why do you hate being with them? That's the real problem here.

Maybe RTFT before you make statements like that. Hope you’re proud of yourself.

NoMoreDickheads · 17/04/2020 10:39

Childmindera etc are still able to work especially if it's for a child with SEN etc. Might be worth looking for someone to give you a break sometimes. This is more justifiable legally if they have an EHC apparently.

louise5754 · 17/04/2020 10:40

What usually happens 8-6? Are they usually in school or nursery?

What about the school holidays? Easter break? Do you usually look after them?

My DH has gone away to work so I'm home 24/7 and it is hard being on your own. Especially if they aren't home for 5/6 to help with bedtime.

LillianGish · 17/04/2020 10:40

I think you need to get some perspective here - these are exceptional times. It's not easy for anyone. Your DH still has a job which sounds as though it will still be going strong when this is over. A lot of people who have been furloughed are by no means certain they will have a job to go back to at the end of this. Neither of you is having to juggle working with childcare - you just have to give him some space to work at home. In your position I would be counting my blessings - which seems to be what your DH is doing. Get over yourself - enjoy this time with your DCs and stop whingeing.

NoMoreDickheads · 17/04/2020 10:41

If you'd mentioned one of the kids had SEN in the OP it would've come across better. xx

Sirzy · 17/04/2020 10:41

If he is a high needs autistic child do you not have an ehcp in place? In which case some sort of provision st a school should be able to be arranged

currentlychilled · 17/04/2020 10:41

I'm sorry but you need to suck it up. The whole world is suffering. Your oh needs to give you a break in evenings and at weekends. That much clear

Chienloup · 17/04/2020 10:41

How old are your DC, and how many do you have? Parenting is relentless, it just is. When mine were very young, I had to keep to a timetable to keep things moving in the day. So, no matter we went out for a walk everyday at ten o clock. Lunch was always at 12. Nap at 1pm. Then I'd set up some play stuff, which used to take us to tea time, followed by baths. It helped the time to go past and helped me to focus on the day in smaller chunks.

It's hard at the moment - I have three children (10,9, and 5) at home, whilst DH and I are working full-time from home. My eldest and youngest have additional needs, which adds an extra element, especially as the 5 year old really needs 1-to-1 at all times, due to her additional needs.

To be honest though, I'd love to be in your position and not have work to worry about work on top of looking at and educating the children.

Fairenuff · 17/04/2020 10:43

Your dh is working 8-6 so why are you looking after the child 20 hours a day?