How often are your dc going between households?

[Bigbird32]

I know this topic has been discussed lots on here but for me it is an ongoing source of confusion and worry. I think the government have essentially left the decision with families because in most cases it's the most ethical thing to do. But when we are being told to stay home and not visit others, I'm confused as to why kids visiting the NR parent is any different?

If you are a separated family are you sticking to your usual contact arrangement? Stopped altogether or changing it slightly?

My ex is still wanting weekly contact and while both households are isolating and for that reason the risk is quite minimal, I'm still not sure that I'm comfortable with it.

Would like to know other people views and try to get some clarity if possible...

DS is still going weekly for his overnight stay.
I’m an NHS nurse but with minimal patient contact at the moment and his dad works in an office and is still working in said office.

It's tough to try and calculate the risk. As none of us are key workers and we are all predominantly at home I think it's a small risk compared to some families. However both families are still shopping once a week and having daily exercise so it could technically be picked up somewhere.

I'm not sure if these risk factors are worthy of stopping contact and consequently having a huge bust up with my ex who I've finally gotten on civil terms with after many years of issues. It's all so very confusing.

I think even in countries with much stricter lockdown than us contact between children and parents has been allowed (I have 3 friend’s in Spain whose DC were still seeing their exes regularly).

Where both households are wfh then the increased risk is low.

@bigbird32 it’s really not your choice to stop contact. As long as no safe guarding or shielding issues your child’s dad has the right to see them and your child has the right to see their dad. You’re both parents and you don’t get to decide to stop contact.

@SugarSugarShimmy it's my job as a parent to safeguard them as much as possible though

In an ideal world parents would be able to come to a joint decision sensibly but that's not always easy with my ex. He has very different views and standards to me and has form for pleasing himself rather than acting in the kids best interests. Coronavirus is something everyone should be taking seriously. I don't think the wants of a parent should necessarily trump the health of a child but that's just my view.

In any case I haven't stopped contact. It's still been happening weekly. I was looking for reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and seeing what other families are doing in terms of contact at the minute.

We’re still doing contact as usual. At a time when the kids’ lives are changing a lot - schools closing, not going out anywhere, not seeing friends/family etc - it’s at least a little bit of normality for them.

DDs dad was furloughed so she didn't see him for the first 7 days as he had had a lot of exposure to the public, I'm only having to go into school for 1 /21 days and trying to only go to the supermarket on the same day. DD dad lives alone and in our house its just the two of us so not Concerned about passing it on to a larger blended family.

We are leaving it for Dd to decide on any extra time (normally she sees her dad on Wed and Sundays). We have a garden and he doesn't so on sunny days she chooses to stay here and on less nice ones she goes to her Dad's.

Both WFH so switched to swapping every four days as it's less bitty than usual arrangements.

Our contact has stopped. With agreement. But even if there wasnt agreement I would have stopped it.

'm not sure if these risk factors are worthy of stopping contact and consequently having a huge bust up with my ex who I've finally gotten on civil terms with after many years of issues. It's all so very confusing.

Surely the "risk" factors to be weighed up are around your child's wellbeing, physical v mental/emotional.

Keeping them in one family prioritises physical health but might compromise mental and emotional well being if the child has a strong bond with both parents.

It's not about what the parents want or about avoiding a bust up at all really.

Not at all. My ex decided seeing DS was too much of a risk, so he'll stay away until this is all over.

@Matildathehun77 no it's not, the main priority is keeping dc safe. But I'm trying to weigh up the risks pros and cons either way and one of the factors that comes into play for me somewhat is my exes attitude - he's been manipulative and abusive in the past and frankly I'm still a bit scared of him. Despite that I wouldn't send dc if the risks were greater - if one of us were key workers or anything like that.

So for now we have agreed on dc visiting every weekend. I just hope it's the right thing to do. In my eyes it still carries a risk because even though we are all working from home and not seeing anyone outside of the house, we are still having to shop and any of us could pick it up there at any time.