Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Am I wrong to allow my boyfriend to move in for lockdown?

96 replies

Serendipity44 · 02/04/2020 11:06

Boyfriend of 2 years, doesn’t live with me but stays 2-3 nights a week usually.
My children like him and we have all been on holiday together and that went great.

His job means that he hasn’t had to work since before the lockdown was announced so he has limited social contact since then.

I made him wait at 10 days after finishing work and then said he could come and stay here for the duration of lockdown. It seems silly to be apart when he’s been in contact with no-one.

Family members have told me I’m being stupid and selfish. I feel terrible. Were we wrong to do this??

OP posts:
TheHonestTruth100 · 02/04/2020 11:11

There is a lot of these threads. Have you put people at risk by doing it? Yes you have

Original poster
Serendipity44 · 02/04/2020 11:16

I couldn’t find any other threads like this, that’s why I started one.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 02/04/2020 11:16

Living together for who knows how long without putting a lot of thought and several serious discussions about it? You say he’s had limited social contact but also that he’s seen no one. Which is it??

Coming across as stupid and selfish to me too.

MaxNormal · 02/04/2020 11:17

I think it's fair enough, he isolated first and now it's no different to if you'd already been living together.

esjee · 02/04/2020 11:20

Yes, of course its fine. Use your judgement instead of listening to hysteria

Original poster
Serendipity44 · 02/04/2020 11:22

I mean he has gone out only to run and if he needed to go to the shop for food.

OP posts:
TheHonestTruth100 · 02/04/2020 11:35

So he didn't self isolate. People keep saying things like this are fine because they "self isolated" yet going to the shops mean they didn't self isolate.

Original poster
Serendipity44 · 02/04/2020 11:43

I didn’t say he self isolated, I just wanted him to have been away from work for a length of time before he came to stay. Even though he had been staying regularly before lockdown.

The public health Dr said it was ok for partners who don’t live together to move in, just don’t switch between houses.
He was here the weekend before lockdown, he was already a part of our household, albeit on a part-time basis.

OP posts:
Frownette · 02/04/2020 11:51

I'm not sure why you started the thread if you're quoting the public health Dr saying it was ok!

If he's already there then it's for the duration of lockdown now.

Pentium85 · 02/04/2020 11:51

I would do it

TheHonestTruth100 · 02/04/2020 11:53

The whole idea of this is to have as many humans separate from eachother as possible. Obviously in households you're already in contact with those people.

I know I'm being blunt, but if any household moves in with another, you're increasing the risk of infection to yourselves and the rest of the population.

I'm seeing many shall I bring my adult child home, shall I move in with my partner posts. The answer in the best interest of the nation is no. It's really as simple as that. Many people are prioritising their own wants over the bigger picture in this instance.

Most of the population has been staying at home, wfh, only going out for exercise and to get food. Shall we all move in together?

JKScot4 · 02/04/2020 11:53

At least if you get fed up he’s got his own house to go back to, it’s a trial run.

Honeyroar · 02/04/2020 11:56

From what you’ve said, I’d let him.

sofato5miles · 02/04/2020 12:03

I would do it, as per the public health doctor's advice.

Imstillskanking · 02/04/2020 12:06

I know you must miss him but I wouldn't move him in, especially since you have kids. Too much pressure. It might not go well and then you're all stuck together

SpillTheTea · 02/04/2020 12:10

I wouldn't move someone in at a time like this. 2-3 nights is nothing compared to 24/7 on lockdown. Your kids may like him, but you don't know what they'll think of him being constantly there and unable to leave.

Original poster
Serendipity44 · 02/04/2020 12:11

I’m asking because I thought it was a reasonable thing to do, but other people are making me feel like I’m irresponsible.
I’m not one for flouting rules, I want to do the right thing 😕

I’ve been close to tears for the last 24hrs because of others disapproval. I don’t even know what to think anymore.

It’s interesting that the people who have disapproved are not in a position to move their partners in... one is in a very new relationship and the others wouldn’t survive lockdown strains, I suspect!

OP posts:
Original poster
Serendipity44 · 02/04/2020 12:13

My son was asking for him!! He prefers him being around... although I’m mindful that this is a strange situation and has the potential to be stressful.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/04/2020 12:13

Yes you have

What? How’s she put people at risk?

Op ignore some of these answers, if he’s been isolating and complying with the rules then neither of you are putting anyone at risk.

TheHonestTruth100 · 02/04/2020 12:14

if he’s been isolating and complying with the rules then neither of you are putting anyone at risk.

@Bluntness100 but he hasn't been isolating....

dementedpixie · 02/04/2020 12:15

You either move in together or stay apart, it's that simple. If he's there now and you're getting on ok then it's fine for him to stay.

dementedpixie · 02/04/2020 12:16

How long has he been at your house? Sounds fine to me tbh

dementedpixie · 02/04/2020 12:18

If it doesnt work out he can always go back home again on the understanding that once he leaves he cant come back until lockdown is over

MereDintofPandiculation · 02/04/2020 12:18

Arguably it's less risk because the shopping need is for one household not two. Easier not to waste stuff, and less likely that you'll feel the need to take the children to the shops. But if he's leaving his own property empty he'll need to tell his insurers.

Quartz2208 · 02/04/2020 12:19

From a lockdown perspective as you say it is allowed

From your childrens perspective yes it was a very rash move, they are already having their lives turned upside down I dont think this was the best time to do so