Am I wrong to allow my boyfriend to move in for lockdown?

[Serendipity44]

Boyfriend of 2 years, doesn’t live with me but stays 2-3 nights a week usually.
My children like him and we have all been on holiday together and that went great.

His job means that he hasn’t had to work since before the lockdown was announced so he has limited social contact since then.

I made him wait at 10 days after finishing work and then said he could come and stay here for the duration of lockdown. It seems silly to be apart when he’s been in contact with no-one.

Family members have told me I’m being stupid and selfish. I feel terrible. Were we wrong to do this??

You do realise there are millions of people still going out to work everyday? Thousands of kids still at school?

@definitelygc

Yes I do realise this, and this has happened because we need certain people at work (and therefore childcare for their children) in this crisis. The whole idea is to minimise risk as much as possible and we all have a responsibility to do this.
Shall I just go out for a pissup with my mates because thousands of people are still at work?

And you're worried about someone moving their partner into their house?

I'm worried about the combined effect of many people doing this, which is definitely happening with these lax attitudes. You should be too.

I genuinely would like some more perspective on the view that this is dangerous. I’m struggling to understand, possibly because of my limited knowledge but if when he comes over, the door closes and everybody isolates together then I don’t understand how that creates a massive risk. Slight, possibly but not major. I am genuinely asking though, I’m not giving an opinion.

However on a more pragmatic note, if he will be vacating his property and nobody else is there, perhaps he could offer the space to an NHS worker to help them stay away from their family during this time? I think anybody who has vacant property could help with this right now.

@TheHonestTruth100 take it up with medical experts like Jenny Harries then as she said it's ok. It's amazing how many people on MN have suddenly became epidemiologists and now think they know better than all the experts.

@LuciLuci

Slight, possibly but not major.

Ok, so we agree, of course the risk is not huge. The point is there's still a risk, and the more people who do it the more chance of infection there is and the more chance of someone dying. The point is, there will be virus transmission as a result of households combining that would not have happened if these households did not move in together. The cumulative effect of reducing any risk will save lives.

I’m struggling to understand, possibly because of my limited knowledge but if when he comes over, the door closes and everybody isolates together then I don’t understand how that creates a massive risk

It doesn't because the maximum number of people that it could be spread to are the people in the household. The point is to break the chains of transmission. If everyone in that household self-isolates once they move in together then any viral infection will run out of hosts and die out.

@definitelygc

take it up with medical experts like Jenny Harries then as she said it's ok

Maybe you didn't read my previous reply.

Dr Harries said yes you can do this, but ideally you shouldn't, because of the increased risk of transmission.

People seemed to have blanked that part of her response out of their memories.

Why do people keep acting like this is the plague unless you live will elderly people then go for it.

@agentstarling

A six week old baby died from it near me this morning.

And a 27 year old with no health conditions died near me

@TheHonestTruth100 ah okay thank you for clarifying. Out of interest, do any of the PPs hold weight regarding there being less of a spread once it becomes only one person going out for shopping instead of two?

I didn’t see the part where she said ideally not.

And no, I’m not using lock down as an excuse to move my boyfriend in! I was perfectly happy with our situation as it was, but given the choice between seeing him a lot or not at all for 3 months, i thought he may as well just stay with us.

And yes he came a week after lockdown started but that was because I wanted him to have distanced from his work environment first.

@definitelygc this is what my default thinking was but I’m guessing the panicked people are thinking this could still potentially cause another case for the NHS to deal with? I don’t know. This is all melting my brain tbh.

I do understand that ideally all adults should distance themselves from all other people if at all possible.

And it’s only the vulnerable being told to self-isolate. The rest of us should be practising social distancing.

Out of interest, do any of the PPs hold weight regarding there being less of a spread once it becomes only one person going out for shopping instead of two?

I can understand this point of view. Thinking out loud: If a singular person who lived on their own went shopping and caught it, then if they were following the rules and only going shopping infrequently, then they'd likely get symptoms before their next food shop and be able to stop the spread to anyone else. Similarly, someone in the household of say 3 could have caught it on a shopping trip with the same result of the entire household being infected.

If the singular person moved in with a group and was the only one to go shopping, then if they caught it they'd still be at high risk of infecting the entire household. So the end result is still likely to be the entire combined household infected.

I'm not sure I see the benefit. It's a hard one to guage, but can understand that point of view to some extent.

@Serendipity44 the vulnerable and those with symptoms have been told to self isolate. The rest of the UK has been instructed to only leave your homes in very specific, limited circumstances. The days of just social distancing to manage all of this have sadly passed x

@TheHonestTruth100 I sincerely appreciate your responses thank you, they seem to make more sense in my muddled brain

@LuciLuci sorry yes I meant the rules we have been given. That’s not self isolation though.

@Serendipity44

I'm not trying to bully you I really am not. It's been done now, he has moved in. There's no point questioning it now. You should all technically self isolate to minimise risk of transmission elsewhere, including not going out to buy food. Can you get someone else to drop shopping at your door or find one of those magical mysterious delivery slots online?

I'm not trying to take things out on you. The general attitude here is just incredibly frustrating.

@Serendipity44 I get that this is all confusing, it’s difficult to go from having a fully automated life to one where we have to justify every movement, however necessary. I think the real scary thought for me are the people who are making much bigger decisions like this and not checking with anybody about the dangers of it. You know, the really selfish ‘rules don’t apply to me’ people. I’m actually dealing with somebody like that right now but that would be a topic for a whole other thread 🤦‍♀️

There is a possibility he will bring the virus into your house because he had had contacts you haven't at the shop etc. If you are ok with that risk then I'd go ahead. But you and your kids should stay home for 2 weeks after to be sure.

Agree with others it could reduce risks as now only 2 of you goes shopping etc.

Too many of the posters on these threads expect boyfriend/girlfriends to (not) lie back and think of England when most of those people no doubt are married and wouldnt consider bring separated from their own husbands 'for the greater good'

There is a lot of these threads. Have you put people at risk by doing it? Yes you have

Who though, other than the people in her own house and him? I mean personally I don’t agree she should do it as it’s against the rules, but parroting that she’s putting people at risk doesn’t make it true either. He’d have gone to the shops and out for his run anyway presumably, both permitted activities.

I can’t believe we are 8 weeks into this and some people still don’t understand the term “isolating”.
You are not isolating if you are going for a run.
You are not isolating if you are shopping.
You are not isolating if you are going to work and back again.
You are social distancing.

@MigginsMrs
Social distancing carries the risk of infection. On your run. At the shops.
Who are they putting at risk? Other members of the household.
The emergency services. People who may need to treat them.
I can go on.

But he doesn’t need to isolate @TheHonestTruth100 unless or anyone else in his house has symptoms or he’s shielding because he’s vulnerable.

Why do people keep making things up re the government advice and then berate people for not following their made up version? Be it on self-isolation, who’s allowed to go to work, buying non-essential items. It’s totally tedious now!

Social distancing carries the risk of infection. On your run. At the shops.
Who are they putting at risk? Other members of the household.
The emergency services. People who may need to treat them.
I can go on.

Please don’t, you’re tedious enough.

How does him moving from his home to the OP’s put any additional people at risk, other than the people in OP’s home? Unless he’s done it on a bus, a taxi, walking past loads of people, as opposed to hopping in his car.