Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Am I wrong to allow my boyfriend to move in for lockdown?

96 replies

Serendipity44 · 02/04/2020 11:06

Boyfriend of 2 years, doesn’t live with me but stays 2-3 nights a week usually.
My children like him and we have all been on holiday together and that went great.

His job means that he hasn’t had to work since before the lockdown was announced so he has limited social contact since then.

I made him wait at 10 days after finishing work and then said he could come and stay here for the duration of lockdown. It seems silly to be apart when he’s been in contact with no-one.

Family members have told me I’m being stupid and selfish. I feel terrible. Were we wrong to do this??

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 02/04/2020 12:22

Will also mean shopping can be done by 1 person without the need to take the children with you

Gettingo · 02/04/2020 12:23

People are really losing their minds. I get that the whole virus drama is scary and creepy, but you're not putting anyone's life in danger by moving him in. Also, not really anyone else's business.

sharonmarron · 02/04/2020 12:23

Oh for God's sake it's fine. People on MN are particularly hysterical about this whole thing. It's not a holiday but neither is it a competition to see who can be the most miserable. This will go on for months so get yourself with the people you love in a house and stay there. You are not putting anyone at extra risk. No point in him sitting miserably on his own. Also if it's done now it's done- risk taken so no point in dwelling on it.

Original poster
Serendipity44 · 02/04/2020 12:25

He came to stay on Monday night.

OP posts:
sharonmarron · 02/04/2020 12:26

Also if it's not working or your kids are not happy with it then surely he can just go back home if he lives alone without any risk.

marmitepasta · 02/04/2020 12:26

It's fine.

Deux · 02/04/2020 12:29

I would do it in your circumstances in the short term till restrictions are lifted. You both get some adult company and can get some benefit in these testing times. You will also find out how compatible you really are.

I don’t see how you’d be creating additional risk though. You really just have to shrug off the views of other people and do what’s best for you and your family. People seem to have lost the ability to risk assess.

There is no government guideline that says you must be as miserable and terrified as possible though there are loads on mumsnet who are doing a pretty good job of it.

Original poster
Serendipity44 · 02/04/2020 12:29

I will absolutely send him home if it’s not working for my kids. I don’t think he would want to stay in the situation either.

I asked them before he came what they wanted and I’ve asked them again how they feel now he’s here. My son likes having a ‘family unit’ again. His Dad and I split over four years ago.

OP posts:
definitelygc · 02/04/2020 12:31

Yes it's fine. Dr Harries even said in one of the press conferences that if couples are living separately then they should either choose to not see each other for the duration of the lockdown or move in together so you're not breaking any rules.

I think a lot of people aren't understanding what the lockdown is about. The lockdown doesn't exist because every human outside of your household might kill you, it's to reduce the spread of the virus. If he's moving to yours for the foreseeable and none of you are leaving the house then you won't be spreading it. Children are at minimal risk of coronavirus so it's highly unlikely to endanger them.

I think the bigger issue is what a PP mentioned i.e. - is your relationship strong enough to put up with 24/7 together. Me and my partner normally spend most of our time together but even I notice myself getting a bit snappy with him at the moment because of the stress/isolation from friends etc.

Namechanger0800 · 02/04/2020 12:31

I think you should have done it before lockdown started - mixing households is not what we r supposed to be doing now and moving your boyf in with your kids at this point in time is irresponsible

agentstarling · 02/04/2020 12:32

Why do people keep acting like this is the plague unless you live will elderly people then go for it.

Sally872 · 02/04/2020 12:33

Yanbu. And there will be less risk to the 4 of you of and others children can be kept out of shops (I assume you would have to take them if on your own) Mental health of both adults will be better for having adult conversation and this must improve atmosphere for the children too.

TheHonestTruth100 · 02/04/2020 12:33

Do people here here not understand how a virus works? If someone comes into a household that has not been isolating i.e. has been round people in supermarkets, then they have a chance of picking it up. Hope people at least agree with that.

If they then start being in close contact with a new group, they have a chance of infecting others in that group, who then may leave the house to go to a supermarket and spread it to others.

Literally as simple as that. How do people not think households moving in together is not going to increase risk of transmission?

People also seem to be listening what they want to hear in terms of the government advice about moving in with partners. In the conference one of the first things the lady said was "if you are two individuals, two halves of the couple, currently in separate households, ideally they should stay in those households "

Why do you think that is? Because there's an increase risk of virus transmission otherwise.

You can all think I'm batshit crazy, but people will die as a result of all your combined lax attitudes. We've been told this repeatedly. Go ahead and choose not to believe it.

Deux · 02/04/2020 12:35

Of course isn’t not irresponsible. How ridiculous. He’s been there since Monday already.

kilisibird · 02/04/2020 12:36

Dr Harries even said in one of the press conferences that if couples are living separately then they should either choose to not see each other for the duration of the lockdown or move in together so you're not breaking any rules.

This means that moving him in during the 'lockdown' IS breaking rules.

It says don't see each other or stay together for the duration - not move in part way though.

kilisibird · 02/04/2020 12:37

Why do people keep acting like this is the plague unless you live will elderly people then go for it.

Because people don't want to fucking die.

It's not difficult.

Even after all the television coverage people are still trotting out this shit Hmm

dementedpixie · 02/04/2020 12:38

It's done now so what's the point in debating it further? Hope all goes well OP

champagneandfromage50 · 02/04/2020 12:38

So you have used lockdown as an excuse to move your partner into your kids home? Not really the appropriate time to trial a move given your all going to be stuck in the house-

definitelygc · 02/04/2020 12:39

This means that moving him in during the 'lockdown' IS breaking rules

She said this after the lockdown was already in place because she was asked a specific question about it. The point she was making was you've got two options: move in, or don't see each other. You cannot go back and forth from household to household.

kilisibird · 02/04/2020 12:39

My son was asking for him!! He prefers him being around...

My son likes having a ‘family unit’ again. His Dad and I split over four years ago.

This alone would be a reason to say no for me. Nothing to do with the virus. The last thing you want is to encourage and intensify your sons need to have your boyfriend around.

kilisibird · 02/04/2020 12:40

She said this after the lockdown was already in place because she was asked a specific question about it. The point she was making was you've got two options: move in, or don't see each other. You cannot go back and forth from household to household.

Apologies. That wasn't clear in the post.

kilisibird · 02/04/2020 12:41

So basically it doesn't matter that we have been told not to mix households etc, she is telling people it's fine?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 02/04/2020 12:42

the army sent hundreds of newly qualified people home last week. Lots like my friends son had to travel on public transport to all different parts of the country. That makes no sense to me

definitelygc · 02/04/2020 12:45

You can all think I'm batshit crazy, but people will die as a result of all your combined lax attitudes

You do realise there are millions of people still going out to work everyday? Thousands of kids still at school? And you're worried about someone moving their partner into their house? That does seem a bit crazy to me. We need to have a bit of perspective here.

teenagetantrums · 02/04/2020 12:48

I think it will be fine. Let's face it we all going to get it at some stage. As long as no one in an at risk group in your house it makes sense. I'm still going out working everyday in place where there is no social distancing. If you all going to be stuck in might as well be together.

Swipe left for the next trending thread