Dh wants tobacco but is being shielded.

[MoonBaby1]

He is on of those to receive an NHS letter in the post advising him due to his medical condition he needs to practice shielding (like Uber isolation). He is running very low on baccy and wants some.

Whilst being not a fan of smoking I’m not unfeeling and understand addiction is addiction, however we are all isolating and haven’t left the house for over a week. He is understandably nervous/embarrassed to ask the amazing family members who have been dropping off shopping and meds.

Without it turning into an anti smoking bum fight what is the best outcome? He’s putting himself in grave danger of addiction gets the better of him and he ventures out, does he bite the bullet and ask someone or will I have to share close quarters with an already anxious, grumpy smoker going through nicotine withdrawal? (End game would be smoking cessation which would be wonderful but unlikely).

It’s lose/lose really.

You can buy tobacco in Tesco deliveries 😊 if you're lucky enough to get one.

@MoonBaby1 - I thought all those that were to receive the letter should have received them by now What is his medical condition as I think I am confused over who is vulnerable and who may be at high risk.

If he has to ask someone, ask a smoker. I don't think it's on to ask a non smoker who is putting themselves at risk to get his shopping! It seems pointless to even bother shielding if he cares so little about his long term health to not give vaping another go even in this situation. If he won't now, then he never will give up.

Completely agree with @CremeEggThief
I have bought tobacco for bil.
Hopefully people will understand. I loved loved smoking.
Now I love vaping
I hope everything works out. Just ask. This is not the time to give up imho.

I converted to a vape a while back, they are good.

However I've started having the odd one with all of this.

Yes smoking is not clever at the best of times let alone now. However it's also not a great time to try and quit.

Ask the people who are buying to get the tobacco and order a vape online. The tobacco flavour ones are best when you first changeover.

reddiamond he received it a couple of days ago but I’m sure they’re still sending them out. Are you worried you haven’t received one? Dh also had a called from his consultants PA saying he’d get one.

Another idea might be to get a GP phone appointment and ask for a champix prescription.

Maybe have all three in the house (champix, NRT and tobacco) and try to wean down gradually. Maybe vape too, although that also has drawbacks for lung health.

That way he will have fewer “supply problems” getting tobacco, alternatives on hand and his lungs will have half a chance if he does contract COVID.

I'd get someone tobacco or cigerettes if they asked and I was going to the shop for other stuff for them anyway.

However I've started having the odd one with all of this.

I gave up smoking 6 years ago. I still have an emergency supply of nicotine lozenges in the house. They’ve been thoroughly dipped into this week and I’ve added some more to the click and collect ship I finally managed to secure.

It really does take the edge of the sudden “I need a smoke now” feeling when things are tense.

it’s not me saying no but I want him to ask them. I draw the line at being his conduit.

Yeah, as a smoker who stopped for a very long time who is now smoking again (and forming a plan to quit soon), this is important.

He needs to own it. You aren’t judging him but you shouldn’t facilitate him. Let him ask the helpers in place for his Shielded status for fags.

They probably won’t judge outright, most people don’t in real life. When I started smoking again my children weren’t pleased but I didn’t secret myself away and lie to them. Own what you do. If he’s embarrassed or ashamed then maybe he can think about that and maybe it will motivate him some day. Who knows.

But no, don’t abet him in this. “DH, I’m not judging you, but I’m not going to make this happen for you. I love you. Do it yourself.”

This might be an opportunity to cut down, ask a friend to pick up a pack but it has to last x length of time. Whilst I'm against smoking I think this is preferable to him going out but also gives his lungs slight relief.

PLEASE don't let him ask people to get baccy, regardless of whether they are already getting supplies. Look at it as this 'Hi even though you are risking your health doing this for us, can you also stand at a counter and pick up baccy that will have to be handled by a staff member and then passed to you'

🤦🏻‍♀️

If there was a good time to quit it would be now! I quit over 4 years ago before having children.. thank god!

Anyone who’s had any form of an addiction, or even can’t go without drinking every weekend, shouldn’t judge anyone else. If people are going shop for you I would just add it to the list and say ‘hope you don’t mind, he is an active smoker and is cutting down but of course can’t just stop and is crawling the walls right now’

i stopped smoking after a failed operation in january where they couldn’t keep me safely oxygenated under anaesthetic.

i smoked rollies with a menthol filter. i’ve got a vape (just a simple one, cost me £15, i don’t understand the bells and whistles ones) and i have a menthol juice.

i’ve not had an actual fag for 2 months now. i know the jury is out on vaping and health, but my local NHS smoking cessation service recommends it.

my smoker’s cough has completely gone, and i was starting to sound like my Nan. i use the Halo menthol blast juice and it gives a hit like smoking a cigarette so i’m happy. plus, i can do it indoors (i live alone).

i’ve been smoking since i was 12. now 46, feel so much better for swapping to the vape. it’s worth a try, especially if access to tobacco is proving tricky. i use ecigarette.co.uk and they have next day delivery.

Please help him quit. This virus is much much worse for smokers. Patches and gum maybe? If he doesn't quit now, then when?

My local newsagents will deliver ciggies if you ring and ask. They also deliver milk, bread, magazines, chocolates and other newsagent things. Is that an option for him?

Just ask the friends to get it for him. If he is embarrased you could maybe have a chat about using the time to cut back but its not really the time.

I am married to a smoker and I hate the money that goes on fags even if he mostly normally gets them duty free (not at the moment so it REALLY hurts paying our prices.

We can't afford for him to be ill, and after being in iso for 14 days then lockdown I have been doing all shopping and having to get them, I wouldn't dream of cutting him off and nor should friends - just ask nicely sure they will be fine

Get them online

Thanks again for all the useful suggestions. I had no idea you could get them online from Tesco. If I can find a delivery slot !

We’re only in our thirties so quitting at some point is a much hoped for possibility but I just can’t see it happening for him at this time.

I’m sweating over going to buy my neighbours a tin opener tomorrow as theirs is broken

Honestly you can’t expect anybody to do this, and I speak as a ex smoker

I would just ask family or friends to get him some. I gave up smoking many moons ago and I remember it caused me to be really anxious for a couple of weeks. I would say if he’s not ready to give up then now is not the time to force the situation. It’s hard enough at the moment as it is, let alone adding an extra stress to your / his plate x ps. My friends in quarantine and I just had to go on an alcohol run for her - friends won’t judge him for wanting tobacco!

'He needs to own it. You aren’t judging him but you shouldn’t facilitate him.'

I think this is the best advice.

I'll admit, I do judge. Someone who's vulnerable to a poor outcome of coronavirus, having other people get his shopping for him and carrying on smoking and risking exacerbation of that poor outcome. We're all having to do things we struggle with currently. He can't be an exception. OTOH I smoked on and off for two years in my dim and distant youth and when I decided it was time to stop (finals coming up and didn't want to be relying on it) stopped with no trouble whatsoever, not because I'm so amazing, but because I was clearly lucky enough not to have become addicted. Therefore, not having had the experience of addiction (I can take or leave an evening glass of wine as well), it would be inappropriate for me not to rein in my inner judge. At the same time, your dh does need to take some responsibility. I wouldn't be solving this problem for him.

Cares enough about his health to isolate but still smokes. Couldn’t make it up really!

'I’m sweating over going to buy my neighbours a tin opener tomorrow as theirs is broken'

?

What do you mean?

I’m a non smoker but even I can see that now is not the time to try and tackle the addiction, frankly. If I were the person picking up his shopping I’d be ok with picking up cigarettes for him. It’s not ideal and he really needs to stop but I’d try and exercise a little compassion.