How selfish would this be?

[Jourdain11]

I just need a sounding board because I don't trust my own judgement any more and don't want to freak out my family and friends, many of whom are already struggling at this difficult time...

So as not to drip-feed: I'm not very health-anxious and have been coping okay with the Covid-19 situation up till now. We had a case at work very early in proceesinfa and got locked down. Husband is a PS teacher and working this week. We have been reasonably sensible and socially isolated, but of course we're all getting exposure through him!

My dilemma is this: for the last about 4 weeks, I've been really wiped out. Really exhausted, achey, weak. I've also been getting lots of nosebleeds (unusual) and people have been commenting that I look really pale and asking if I lost weight. I've actually lost about a stone, but it may be lack of appetite.

Of course, I looked up my symptoms and got worried ... so made an appointment with the GP, telephone (natch) and spoke to a GP who I've never seen before, who said this is classic anxiety, everyone is anxious, to practise breathing techniques and mindfulness, etc. He may well be right, but my issue is... I haven't been feeling that anxious. I'm generally quite a day-by-day person and haven't felt this as hard as many others.

I tried the relaxation.. but basically, I'm just concerned it might be more. And I'm now scared that if I wait till I can get a face-to-face, some time in the long and far distant future (!!!) it might be "too late". Blah blah blah. You get what I'm saying.

My GP surgery are saying absolute no face-to-face and they can refer me for IAPTs but it will be a long wait. If I think I need something quicker, I should go to the local hospital Urgent Treatment. And I'm almost at the point where I will go....... but it seems so bloody selfish to go at a time like this?

I just don't know. So please, any thoughts will help!

Yes - Go. The worst that can happen is I'll waste little bit of NHS time and piss off some overworked staff.

No - Don't go. I'm being selfish and ridiculous to contemplate it!

Thx v much à l'avance.

Ah bless her, what a lovely friend. Well at least you have a couple of options so you can mix and match as needed. At times like this you need to think through all the possible scenarios, and make a bit of a plan, to feel like you’re in control of something don’t you.

Yes, it’s a lot to ask. And I can quite see why you might choose not to.

But you need you flip this round. It’s a big offer too, and friends who would do that are so important at time’s like this. These are circumstances where it’s ok to lean heavily on people for a while

Your hospital may want to start you with chemo ASAP once diagnosis is confirmed (the admin may be different during a pandemic, but it’s still needed).

So yes, get planning - if you do it now, you’re ready. It’s a kind of magical thinking I go in for: like taking your umbrella means it’ll stay sunny.

Yes, same! Like, "expect the worst and you can only be pleasantly surprised, expect the best and you can only be disappointed" or something like that.

I don't want to be caught short with no plans, basically

Sorry - posted before I finished writing!!

• because the nurse said to me that, yes, with this diagnosis chemo begins very quickly (although I forgot to ask why this is, but I guess it is important). She also said it's unlikely that this situation would cause a delay, unless there are a few days given over to reorganisation.

I'm a nuse and the I'm not sure that this is just anxiety. Your doctor has your notes and is more qualified than me to say for sure.
If you become concerned there is something going on call your loral minor injuries to do your observations.
They are brilliant. I often take my own patients round there from next door if I'm not quite sure whether they have sepsis or not. I do a clinic next door.

Apologies I didn't read the whole thread. Bless you xxx

No need to apologise! And thank you for the advice, even if it is not needed now - because I did more or less do exactly as you recommended and it was the right thing to do. So thank you!

I stumbled across your thread.

So sorry about such shit news, but it sounds like you’re coping really well so far! Once you know that it is then you can face it guess on.

On a practical level, the treatment for this is so good, but it can be gruelling. I would give serious thought to the DC having a holiday with family if you can, it will lower the risk to you and shield them from some of it.

If your DH can consider special leave etc. he should as the treatment knocks out your immune system and will leave you vulnerable to him bringing bugs home from school, not just Corona.

for you.

although I forgot to ask why this is, but I guess it is important

Very important - untreated AML will kill you. Even when they are rescheduling many cancer treatments, the initial stabilisation of this one is an urgent matter.

The good news is that there are some new targeted drugs which improve outcomes enormously, especially in patients as young as you

Have you worked out what’s best to tell your DMum and when?

I guess they were trying not to say that! They just said it's very important that treatment starts quickly for AML and that it would not be delayed, or only for a very short time for logistical reasons. It is a bit scary and makes me glad that I went back, when I might easily have left it a bit longer....

For now, I just told my mum that I'm doing self isolation because I feel a bit unwell. I think she assumes I mean virus unwell, so she is not bothered! I will tell her after getting the results back.... or I might tell my stepfather, since he tends to be more level headed and less overdramatic!

DH called up to the hospital (as advised) because my temperature has gone up and I'm waiting for them to call back. But to be honest, I'm feeling ok... just a bit hot and shivery. I think it might be a UTI.....

Ringing in when you have symptoms of just about anything will be a long term feature of your life now.

The one silver lining is that I don’t have to tangle with 111, but go straight to the haem 24/7 number and they sort it out.

Being issued with the 24/7 number was my ‘oh shit this is real’ moment

BTW if you are running a temperature, they may want to admit you, so worth having a hospital bag packed. Remember to include phone chargers and an extension lead (as plugs are never where you want them to be)

Did you say DH is a teacher? Is there any chance he can take some leave at the moment? I know not all schools are using all their staff right now (I know that some are!).

They said to come in - temp is still up and it definitely feels like a UTI. It feels so overdramatic to be rushing to hospital for something I wouldn't usually even change my routine or activities for! But it is what it is

DD7 is in a massive state. Crying her eyes out, poor thing. I feel awful that I can't comfort her properly but I've promised that I will facetime later and answer all her questions.

Thanks for the tip on the bag packing, which I am doing right now - although I hope it won't be needed!

Need to go but thanks again for the advice, support and general kindness- cannot say how much I appreciate it!

Good luck Jourdain11

Do you want the voice of goo about what I’d probably going on?

Or as I would be guessing, would you rather wait and let matters unfold?

goo = doom

(Even though that sounds like I have got two chocolate puddings muddled up, which would be a much more palatable option)

Best of luck

Good luck Jourdain xx

Thank you - I have arrived and been through Security!

iVampire I'm very happy for you to give me your predictions! I always like to be a bit prepared.

It feels like a UTI.... I had one after the other in my second pregnancy and I've got all my telltale symptoms now (burning feeling, lower tummy ache, aches and shivers, needing to go to the loo every flipping 5 minutes......!).

I’ve only just seen your thread, what a whirlwind! You poor thing, as if it isn’t all difficult & stresssful enough at the moment.

I’m really pleased though, that you’ve had such good, quick & attentive treatment from them all.

Poor DD, hopefully being at Granny & Grandads will be comforting and talking to you tonight will hopefully reassure her.

Obviously it’ll be best if they can stay there, but it depends if your in-laws are up to a long stretch with them?

Your DH sounds lovely, he really needs to get signed off work/WFH so he’s not risking bringing anything into the house. I know it’s not it’s easy, but it is important.

If your in-laws can’t cope, take your friend up on her offer, if she wasn’t up for it, she wouldn’t have offered. I’m massively worried about getting it, but in this situation, I’d have my friends kids. Af far as the virus goes, it’s no different than kids moving between houses of separated parents.

But for today, just try to relax, DH has this covered & the Drs will have you covered 🌷

I have found E45 cream surprisingly good for my overly washed hands. It’s not fun, it’s not funky, but it’s helping.

OK - you have neutropenia, you are running a temperature, you are at significant risk of sepsis.

They will do another full blood count and cultures. And they will very probably put you on IV antibiotics which is an inpatient treatment. To which you should respond rapidly, but you’re likely to be in for a while

Hope you're ok.
I would definitely send the kids to GPs.
You may feel unwell with the chemo and if you are neutropenic you will be very susceptible to infection so minimal contact is best.
You will qualify as vulnerable for shopping delivery as well (on a practical level)
Take books and an iPad etc in case you have to stay in and sadly most hospitals aren't allowing visitors at the moment.
I would tell your Mum , as a Mum I'm sure you would want to know xx
Good luck x

Hello again,

iVampire your predictions were 100% accurate! They are keeping me in for IV antibiotics because of the risk of sepsis with the neutropenia. It's a UTI so I was right about that. Not very comfortable at the moment because I'm getting really bad bladder spasms (this happened when I got lots of severe UTIs when pregnant too, and it was always horrible) but they've just given me some Ditropan which should help.

Not sure how long I will be in for, but no visitors (as expected). I'm so glad I packed some stuff and took books, iPad, etc. Spoke to the DC and the younger two were quite chirpy but DD1 is still very teary and upset. I feel incredibly grateful that I'm getting such good and swift care in this time, but also I feel guilty that I'm taking up a bed and putting my family through all this. And at the moment I'm feeling generally under the weather, which probably isn't massively helping my mood. But must try to stay positive!

I forgot to say too, DH has already got the go-ahead to WFH as of tomorrow. He was originally only supposed to be one of the teachers going in because we live close to his school and didn't have a childcare issue, as I was supposed to be WFH in my job. Obviously that didn't work out as planned!

Haven't decided yet what to do about the kids' "holiday". Today makes me realise even more how the current situation could go wrong at any moment! My friend messaged me today and reiterated her offer, also said that her husband is really happy with it and their kids will enjoy it, etc. etc. The big plus is that they've all had it (and verified, as they had it early and were tested) and therefore the risk of DC passing it on is nil, while the risk of them getting it is much smaller.