How selfish would this be?

[Jourdain11]

I just need a sounding board because I don't trust my own judgement any more and don't want to freak out my family and friends, many of whom are already struggling at this difficult time...

So as not to drip-feed: I'm not very health-anxious and have been coping okay with the Covid-19 situation up till now. We had a case at work very early in proceesinfa and got locked down. Husband is a PS teacher and working this week. We have been reasonably sensible and socially isolated, but of course we're all getting exposure through him!

My dilemma is this: for the last about 4 weeks, I've been really wiped out. Really exhausted, achey, weak. I've also been getting lots of nosebleeds (unusual) and people have been commenting that I look really pale and asking if I lost weight. I've actually lost about a stone, but it may be lack of appetite.

Of course, I looked up my symptoms and got worried ... so made an appointment with the GP, telephone (natch) and spoke to a GP who I've never seen before, who said this is classic anxiety, everyone is anxious, to practise breathing techniques and mindfulness, etc. He may well be right, but my issue is... I haven't been feeling that anxious. I'm generally quite a day-by-day person and haven't felt this as hard as many others.

I tried the relaxation.. but basically, I'm just concerned it might be more. And I'm now scared that if I wait till I can get a face-to-face, some time in the long and far distant future (!!!) it might be "too late". Blah blah blah. You get what I'm saying.

My GP surgery are saying absolute no face-to-face and they can refer me for IAPTs but it will be a long wait. If I think I need something quicker, I should go to the local hospital Urgent Treatment. And I'm almost at the point where I will go....... but it seems so bloody selfish to go at a time like this?

I just don't know. So please, any thoughts will help!

Yes - Go. The worst that can happen is I'll waste little bit of NHS time and piss off some overworked staff.

No - Don't go. I'm being selfish and ridiculous to contemplate it!

Thx v much à l'avance.

@Izzy24 thank you so much, it is so kind of you to reply and share your personal experience (which I'm sure you'd maybe rather not be remembering).

DD chopped off my ponytail earliee! It's actually turned out rather well, with a bit of tidying up. Pity that barely anyone is going to get to see it, but it makes me think I should have cut my hair short years ago and saved all that shampoo and blow drying!

Fab, well done DD!

She wanted to keep the hair, but I thought that was a bit morbid! 😀

@Jourdain11
You’re so welcome.

💕💕💕

FIL is coming to pick up the DC this afternoon - fingers crossed the roads will be quiet! Meanwhile, I'm waiting for another call back from the hospital - temperature is up again and I think it is the UTI again I'm just praying that they're not going to ask me to go back in. I was told that I'd have to expect to get infections during the treatment, but I think it's a bit unfair that I'm already getting them before!

Very unfair indeed!!

I’d let DC keep your hair - then again I’m weird like that and have kept a couple of my DC’s pigtails

Depending on how long is long, you might want to consider donating to Little Princess Trust - assuming they are taking donations at the moment

It is very very unfair but I’d probably prepare for going back in.

Thinking of you all. It’s a blowy but beautiful day down here in the SW - it’ll be lovely for your dc to have a safe garden to scamper around in.

Thanks for the messages! Kids are off (en route as we speak), I'm back at the hospital for more IV antibiotics Stupid neutrophils and pesky UTI!

On the plus side, husband is apparently planning to have an evening of leisurely take-away eating. No doubt non-essential, but I think he's earned it!

I did look up the Little Princess Trust but unfortunately they're not accepting donations in the current situation. It is a pity, since there was a lot of hair and it was actually in quite good condition, if I say so myself - I'm sure they could have got some use out of it!

Hope you feel better and can go home soon

Jourdain, depending on the length, you could sell it to a wig-maker via post, and then donate the money to any charity of your choice.

Little Princess Trust sells adult hair donations for adult wigs, and uses the money from it to fund making wigs for children, anyway, so it's the same process.

I've sold my own hair this way before.
www.hairharvest.co.uk

Sending you lots of positive energy. You sound lovely, OP. And you can get through this.

I’m just off to bed but wanted to say I’m glad you’re back on the IVs - and your little ones with your in-laws.

The weather forecast is very good for the next few days so they’ll have a good lot of outdoor time I’m sure.

Sounds like it’s blowing a fake out there tonight but I do live up a hill!

I hope you get some sleep 😴

A fake? Autocorrect is so weird sometimes.

It’s a gale of course!

How are things today?

I hope you’re on the mend

I have just had a drug delivery - repeat prescription couriered over from the hospital, so I’m hoping I don’t need to go near medics for a while!

Is it likely you’ll get time at home before chemo round 1?

Another one here hoping the week is beginning as well as it can for you OP, that the DC sound well and happy on the phone/video-chat and you're getting prepped up to knock this thing back a bit!

Thinking all good thoughts for you.

I would not be going to hospital just to be seen faster, especially right now. Up to you of course, but yeah it does seem selfish to me. Also a bit daft, as you are likely putting yourself (and others) at more risk, because you don't want to wait for an appointment. Yeah its shit its taking so long to do anything, but everyone is in the same boat.

Wow, given the update I just scrolled past, seems I am WAY behind. That will teach me not to read the full thread! Ignore my post...hope you are better soon.

Hello all,
Thank you for your good wishes! I'm feeling better - my temperature went down a lot quicker this time so I was allowed to go home this afternoon (I got out quicker than Boris!). So I will get a little time at home before Chemo R1, which is nice.

DC seem quite happy via video call and apparently spent a lot of today baking and playing in the garden. It's so lovely that my PIL are obviously trying to make it like a bit of a holiday for them at the moment and take their minds off things.

The flat seems very quiet without them. It's kind of restful but weird at the same time!

DH is on holiday now too, so he hasn't had to do any online learning stuff today!

Sorry I've been slow on replies. I've been very sleepy and having lots of naps! I'm not sure if this is "normal" or if I'm just being a little bit lazy I feel a bit mentally worn out, if I'm honest. The last two weeks have been such a whirlwind in all sorts of ways!

I've just been ordering little presents for the DC to arrive by post for Easter - we always do choc and a book for Easter. No doubt not strictly essential use of the Royal Mail, but never mind!

Hope you are all okay. @iVampire good news that you hopefully won't have to go near any medical facilities for the time being! And @Izzy24 thank you for the heads up on the forecast. Nice weather makes such a difference!

@BatShite don't worry! It went in a direction I hadn't expected - I hadn't imagined I'd still be wittering away on this thread two weeks later! And thank you for coming back to apologise, I think that's really kind of you (even though it wasn't your fault)

Just want to say I think you're amazing.

My thoughts are with you.

Bless you what a crazy whirlwind couple of weeks you have had op. I hope the treatment isnt too bad and you respond well and are on your way to recover soon. Thank goodness you followed your instincts and went for a second opinion.

I’m exhausted just reading what you’re going through, it’s no wonder you’re shattered 🌷

I’m glad the kids have had a nice day, your in-laws sound lovely.

It’s great DH can now concentrate on you & rest up a bit.

Order what you want, just get DH to wipe everything before it comes into the house.

When is R1?

Hope you sleep well tonight.😴

Another beautiful day in the SW.

I think the sleepiness is very normal for your current situation.

I’m about to go for my daily constitutional- we live in the middle of nowhere so are very lucky. Only a short walk up or down the lane before we are trotting along ancient bridleways. The birdsong and bluebells just coming out are so lovely.

Thinking of you Jourdain.

R1 starts on Thursday - there was a bit of to and fro confirming it because of reorganisation, originally it was going to be next Monday, but it is now definitely going to be Thursday! It seems quick to me, although I have no idea what normal time frames are like.

It has been a relaxing day. I've just been reading and sleeping and sitting on our tiny balcony to get some sun and fresh air. I still feel like I'm being incredibly lazy! I had a dream last night that I had woken up and everything about my health had been a weird nightmare, and I was so pleased because I could actually do something useful in the crisis. I woke up and was all prepared to start registering on the volunteers database or something - and then realised that it was real after all

Good news that R1 will be on Thursday.

And glad you’ve had a snoozing day with some sunshine. Not surprised you’re having a dream like that as your mind tries to process all this. Not nice though.