AIBU to send kids to nursery?

[MammyOoo]

Wwyd

Kids are 1 and 3. No health conditions. DH is a key worker, I can wfh. I can’t actually work while looking after the kids as they are so little and baby is Velcro. I can’t work when they are asleep as biggest doesn’t nap, baby isn’t a good night sleeper anyway. So if they don’t go to childcare one of us has to stop working. I earn shedloads more and enjoy my job more so no way it would be me.

So do we send them? Or DH quit work and take a key worker out of circulation? (He’s in food not NHS)

I wouldn't if I didn't have to, mine are the same age. I'm working from home but I'm a key worker and it's in my contract I cannot be in sole care of children whilst working. I'm strategy planning and hospital discharge, it's time critical so can't work around DH or the kids schedule.

I really wish I didn't have to send them and if we had an alternative we'd use it. But my job is very important to the COVID effort and I'll be helping loads of people by doing it so I figure I'll help more by sending them to child care than I will place at risk.

DH will be working around me as much as is possible so they'll be in for the minimum amount of time necessary (probably 2 days a week) but his job is also sometimes time critical and in distribution so also also important.

Think of it this way- you’ll be sending your child into a nursery with potentially the most likely to be infected children - the kids of keyworkers. If there’s someone at home, your child and therefore family is safer there. Am off to work in the morning to work with this particular set of kids and I’d really appreciate if you gave it a go (and anyone else who has someone responsible at home who CAN look after their own kids).

Keep them at home, obviously.

I'm a keyworker but wfh and dh is fulltime at work.

I currently have a 2 and very active 4.5 year old to look after and I'm midway preg. It is difficult. I get that.

However, the reality is, it's difficult for most of us but we have to find ways around. We need to come up with routines that fit around our children and deal with it than go with the easy option.

You work when the kids are asleep and as best you can. You don’t send your kids to nursery. The nursery staff are not risking their lives just so you can work from home. Out of order to even be considering it,

Beansandcoffee surely that relies on not having a time critical job though? I have to dial in to COVID strategy meetings and then plan with local care agencies. It's not something I can work around kids. WFH doesn't mean you can watch kids too. The NHS recognises that and explicitly states it in the WFH policy.

People are so blinkered aren't they, they can't possibly imagine a job that actually does require you to give it your full attention during daylight hours 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP is your employer really being that inflexible that they wont consider any changes to your working pattern/hours at all?

Considering peoples lives are on the line that is pretty outrageous behaviour and they need to be held publicly accountable for it.

seriously? Some jobs do need to be done during normal working hours, end of. My role is to support a team who in turn respond to queries from clients (small to medium businesses). Most of that is 8-6 roughly. I couldnt do it after 6pm or at other various times during the day/night. I expect the OP may be in a role that also relies on certain things being done at certain time of the day. It's not hard to imagine!

Government says keep them home unless you have no other option. I don't think convenience counts.

A head teacher in my county has died from CV-19. There are 194 children on roll and 23 staff. The head teacher wasn’t sick until Monday.

KEEP YOUR CHILDREN AT HOME.

www.nwemail.co.uk/news/18325965.a-huge-loss-primary-school-headteacher-dies-coronavirus/

I think you are failing to consider the well fair of your children. It might be easier financially to send them to nursery, it might be easier for your lifestyle to send them to nursery but the reality is that you will be sending them into a group of children who are high risk in terms of likelihood of exposure to the virus. The children of NHS workers who are at the coal face fighting the virus and saving lives as far as possible. Sadly this means they are risking their own and that of their families everytime they return home running the risk of the virus travelling with them and their children contracting it. Whilst it is true that children generally seem to have some immunity to COVID 19 getting only mild symptoms the virus is mutating constantly. Just because children have not been hit severely doesnt mean they wont be. Is your job satisfaction really more important than your children's wellbeing? How will you feel if your child contracts COVID 19 knowing you could have avoided it by keeping them home? What if, heaven forbid, it happened to be your child to die from it? Would your job satisfaction still mean more than your families wellbeing. The opportunity to send children to nursery/school is intended for those who genuinely have no choice. It's for those parents who are critical to the fight but despite doing EVERYTHING possible simply could not work and look after their child, not to prevent inconvenience to those who can work from home. Your lack of social responsibility is frankly disgusting.

@oblada what would happen if these clients had to wait a bit longer for their queries to be answered?

Now, try to equate that to what would happen if we had to go into full lockdown and the schools couldnt even stay open for any bodies children. Because this is what will happen if businesses keep exploiting the currently vague keyworker designation and refusing to make any changes or allowances for the biggest public health crisis in decades.

Anyone who thinks they can get a decent amount of work done at home with small kids is deluded. We are in this for the long term. Either we use the options available to us or we end up resigning/unpaid for a long period of time. It’s not selfish to worry about the long term ability of your family to keep a roof over their heads! I doubt that the majority of people posting you are being unreasonable will be trying to juggle preschool (& that is massively different ballgame to school age kids) and a stressful ft job so are in no place to judge.

THIS ^

@Itsarainysunnyday @AnotherEmma @oblada thank God for some voices of reason.

I am sick to the back teeth of people going on and on about how you can manage to WFH with preschool kids in your sole care. Not unless you have a job that requires more than 25 minutes attention at one time (the length of an episode of Paw Patrol), or one that is not affected by a small person banging your laptop keys, or shouting “MUMMY STOP TALKING” during every conference call. Not unless you want your kids to become zombies mainlining Peppa pig through headphones from an iPad for 7 hours a day. Not unless you want them to learn that the new normal is “Mummy’s busy” more often that “of course I’ll play”.
And to all the “work when they are in bed” brigade- you do realise that we need to sleep ourselves? By the time my son is asleep at 8pm I would be far too tired to do my job even in a token way, never mind with basic commitment and competence. All the Mumsnetters who are so so keen to point out on the SAHM threads that “childcare IS a full time job” suddenly think it is physically and mentally possible for someone to do two full time jobs in 24 hours? What planet are you on? Some moron said “do childcare in day and job in evening, after all you’re just swapping round the normal times you do those things”. WTAF? I pick my son up at 6pm and have him in bed by eight- that’s two hours. My working day is 8 hours long - ...and no it’s not worth me even bothering to do my job if I can only do it 2 hours a day, at different hours from the rest of my colleagues, whilst knackered. My employer is not that flexible.

I am in a similar position to OP, except that I earn less than my key worker husband (his job is highly paid but still key) as I am part time. However I have a good job that I do not want to lose and we do need the income.
Our solution is that one of DS’ nursery workers is coming to work for us on my three working days per week. However she will still be going to nursery on a rota to do keyworker shifts from time to time. This is not fully compliant with social distancing but it’s as far as we are prepared to go and we feel it’s a reasonable compromise.

www.theguardian.com/education/2020/mar/22/schools-tell-employers-dont-put-profit-over-people-with-key-worker-lists

thank you @ArgumentativeAardvaark!!!

DH & I are now expected to entertain a toddler & educate a KS1 child, stay on top of household cleaning & hygiene even though we are in the house much more often than usual, cook healthy meals (running low on quick foods like pasta & tinned goods), exercise, stay mentally strong & protect the dc, look out for vulnerable & self isolating mil &
mother & do our day job. I'm exhausted thinking about it!!

Guidance updated yesterday

I think you’re getting a very hard time here OP. The keyworker nursery places are for any family containing ONE key worker. It’s highly likely that those families have another parent who is not a keyworker in which case there will be a parent who is working from home or not working at all. If the rule was that the nursery places were not for families with one parent at home then the places would actually be reserved for families containing TWO key workers, but they are not.

It is assumed that key workers are vital and cannot quit their job. The childcare arrangement exists for this reason. By accepting your nursery place you are allowing your husband to continue to be a keyworker. The only alternative is for him to quit since his job is poorly paid and your household could not survive if you lost your much higher paying job.

And to all of those people saying How will you feel if your child contracts COVID 19 knowing you could have avoided it by keeping them home? - the whole family are already at risk because the husband is going out to work so if the kid gets ill it’s just as likely to have been the father bringing it home with him as the kid contracting something at nursery.

The keyworker nursery places are for any family containing ONE key worker.

WHERE THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER OPTION

My kid's school sent a letter yesterday afternoon saying they need not only id but proof of shift patterns for key workers when they drop kids off in the morning. Skeleton staff for only the most vulnerable kids and key-workers with NO alternative. The guidelines are very very clear. Yabvvvvu op.

If your child picks COVID-19 up at nursery and gives it to your DH and then he goes to work and gives it to other people. Even if his job isn’t frontline he’ll be working with people who’s job is. You are being VVU. Work in the evenings or early mornings, or on your DHs days off. It’s not forever, it means you’re less likely to have to look after a sick DH and sick DCs.

I am astonished that people seem so prepared to increase risk to nursery workers, teachers and Tas. Look outside your own bubble.

In Spain, all schools are completely shut. I have no idea how key workers are managing but they are.

Do not send your children to nursery.

More children in childcare means the virus will infect more people. Some of those people will die.

Don't be so unbelievably selfish.

the whole family are already at risk because the husband is going out to work so if the kid gets ill it’s just as likely to have been the father bringing it home with him as the kid contracting something at nursery.

Why, on earth, would you increase that risk further, unless you’d absolutely no choice?