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Original poster

AIBU to send kids to nursery?

169 replies

MammyOoo · 22/03/2020 17:57

Wwyd

Kids are 1 and 3. No health conditions. DH is a key worker, I can wfh. I can’t actually work while looking after the kids as they are so little and baby is Velcro. I can’t work when they are asleep as biggest doesn’t nap, baby isn’t a good night sleeper anyway. So if they don’t go to childcare one of us has to stop working. I earn shedloads more and enjoy my job more so no way it would be me.

So do we send them? Or DH quit work and take a key worker out of circulation? (He’s in food not NHS)

OP posts:
LisaSimpsonsbff · 22/03/2020 20:18

Please, those of you who are telling her she’s being unreasonable tell me which of you are going to be ft wfh on your own with preschoolers for the next few months please?! Just out of interest. One so far.

Me - and I've been doing it since Tuesday. It's not great but it's actually not been as bad as I thought it might me. I would have totally said beforehand that I couldn't work at all while caring for my 20 month old, but it's been hard but workable.

DisappearingGirl · 22/03/2020 20:21

her attitude so far has been very ‘me me me'

No I think her attitude has been realistic.

It depends so much on age of kids. I have a 5 and 8 year old and can definitely do some (tho limited) work while they are around. But a 3 and 1 year old - no chance.

Itsarainysunnyday · 22/03/2020 20:22

Thank you. That’s what I was hoping for.
Not rudeness.

I’m literally sat here in tears with anxiety (yes I know fifty zillion people have it worse, I’m so lucky etc...) I can’t see how we will survive the next few months and still have a house, presuming we have our lives obviously. It’s not not valid to worry about your future in spite of the awful here and now we are faced with.

Keepcalmanddoyourbit · 22/03/2020 20:24

@tsarainysunnyday My apologies Flowers

Whatafustercluck · 22/03/2020 20:24

The government guidance states that if you are able to work from home and safely care for your child(ren) then that is what you should do. I would argue that you cannot wfh and safely care for a 1 and 3yo at the same time. Appreciate I'm in the minority though. I'm no longer sending the DC to school or nursery (I'm a key worker, but can wfh) but our cm is happy to have ours.

Suze1621 · 22/03/2020 20:25

YABU

LaurieMarlow · 22/03/2020 20:27

I would argue that you cannot wfh and safely care for a 1 and 3yo at the same time.

You really can.

All my social circle are doing that right now.

It’s amazing what you have to do when you need to (we have no choice).

LouiseTrees · 22/03/2020 20:28

If she can’t juggle then she should ask her employer to furlough her and then she’ll get 80 percent of her wage up to an amount of £2500.

Sparrowlegs248 · 22/03/2020 20:31

If you can manage without his wage, I think I'd go with him quitting. Also, I get where you are coming from 're WFH. I have a 3 and 4 yr old. There's no way I can work while they are awake. Not a chance.

elscar · 22/03/2020 20:31

OP I have a nearly 2 year old and a 5 year old. I could wfh somewhat with the 5 year old but not the baby! At that age they need constant attention and my me and hubby are technically key workers (bur not NHS) and our nursery have confirmed they could take the baby 2 days a week (I work 3x9 hour days) so would middle through the other day as his grandma who would usually watch him on this day is in a high risk category

I wouldn't feel comfortable sending the 5 year old into school but when you are paying for nursery I can see the appeal. We are currently in isolation anyway for another 11 days but after that we are considering sending the little one in....

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/03/2020 20:35

No, you keep your child at home. It's not difficult to understand 🙄

Shahira78 · 22/03/2020 20:38

Don't you realise that your kids are still at risk? This virus does not discriminate contrary to what is being said. Money can be made up at a later time. Be safe.

Whatafustercluck · 22/03/2020 21:01

If you could wfh and safely take care of young children then people would do that all the time instead of paying for childcare. It's one of the reasons it's always an absolute no-no whenever anyone on mn ever suggests they can do both. Appreciate these are extraordinary times, but that does not make us any more capable of splitting ourselves in two.

The contribution I am making to the policing response to Covid 19 (albeit not on the front line) would not be as effective if I were looking after young children. It's that simple.

Cremebrule · 22/03/2020 21:05

I agree with Whatafustercluck I don’t think you can do a full day of work and keep children of that age safe. The 3 year old yes but not both at the same time. My 12m old needs a huge amount of attention as she tries to do dangerous things at all times. There is also the potential psychological impact. This isn’t the odd duvet day but months of limited attention or being shoved in front of the tv at that age isn’t going to be good. Obviously needs must etc but I think employers are going to have to relax rules a lot and take a socially responsible view that parents just won’t be able to do what they usually do.

LaPufalina · 22/03/2020 21:06

Oh OP it's shit. I've got a one and three year old and it's so full-on. Eldest will watch a film but the little one is that tricky age with no sense of danger and no vocabulary yet Sad going to work about 25 hours I think and maybe use annual leave to make up the rest.

oblada · 22/03/2020 21:14

You definitely can't WFH with children that age, that's bonkers.
If you don't want to give up your job (fully understandable) ask your DH to take dependant's leave (no need to resign tho it is unpaid leave).
An another option would be to have one of the nursery staff come to your home to look after the children? Not as effective as kids staying home with mum/dad only but better than going to nursery to some extent?

PP and furloughed leave - this is not something you ask for - it's a lay off when the company doesn't need you. Doesn't seem to be relevant here and OP may be earning a lot more than the cap being applied to the scheme.

Tbh I'm not sure what I would do in your shoes. DH is a keyworker (in vaccine) but can work from home so we will do that first with our 3 children (3, 6 and 8). If he needs to go to work (testing and stuff) I'll try to take leave but if not I may use the nursery as I cannot do my job with a 3yrs old around (actually it also depends on my job at the time - lately it's been manic and I couldn't cope with a child at my feet but my normal role is normally much quieter and more managerial than customer focused and that I can work around more easily). I am not planning to take unpaid leave unless I see no other alternative.

BigChocFrenzy · 22/03/2020 21:18

YANBU

He doesn't have childcare, because you have to WFH

Just because you are the mother does not mean you have to stay home:
the one with lowest salary does

BigChocFrenzy · 22/03/2020 21:27

Almost all key workers would quit rather than bankrupt their family and lose their home

Amost anyone here would, in rl

It would be different if the OP were an SAHP, or was being paid to stay home without work

School & nursery for DC of key workers is partly intended to avoid such a decision;
it's not just for SP or with both parents keyworkers.

hardboiledeggs · 22/03/2020 21:29

Don't send them. You're taking up a space that someone who does not have the flexibility to work from home NEEDS.

AnotherEmma · 22/03/2020 21:30

@Blue565 Sad Flowers

Soontobe60 · 22/03/2020 21:32

You clearly think your job is more important than the health of your children, why else would you put them at risk of catching the virus by sending them to childcare?
What would you rather have? A nice income or an ill child?
Your DH could also continue in his job as a key worker and you could do your work at home in the evenings or when your baby is sleeping.

Rosebel · 22/03/2020 21:32

It's highly unlikely your partner will be able to take leave or change hours because his role is key. Could you survive without his wage?
Otherwise it is a case of caring for the children in the day and working in the evening, which is surely what you normally do but the other way round. I think employers are going to have to accept not as much work will be done if you have young children or that it might be done at different times.
I would try the situation as it stands and review it at the end of a week or fortnight and see if you can do it.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 22/03/2020 21:33

Think people are being really judgey. Yeah you should bankrupt yourself OP so your husband can work in a job that, it sounds like, most people could do, and they wont have trouble filling. What good will that do? And whilst employers will be or should be more understanding and not expect parents working from home to be able to do everything as normal, I don't think many will be fine with half an hour completed a day, as that's all I'd have been able to do with my one and 3 year old. The extent that someone can work from home totally depends on your job, on the ages and nature of your children. I have a job where I have to concentrate on small details for long periods of time, I just about get something done with one of my kids there as she has always been able to amuse herself and concentrate for periods with playdoh or crayons or whatever. The other one is too young to understand, and has a completely different personality, she loves destroying anything she can get her hands on. Absolutely no point in me trying to wfh if I was looking after her as well as I couldn't look after her properly (without giving her 100pc attention she will be climbing somewhere she shouldn't, emptying something she shouldn't, eating something she shouldn't) and I'd get no work done as she'd be trying to shut my laptop or press something on it she shouldn't. I'm sure the OP knows her job and her children best and knows whether she could wfh with them there or not

oblada · 22/03/2020 21:35

I don't agree that the OP's situation is different to that of a keyworker + partner who cannot WFH. She cannot WFH with kids that age. The government guidance about 1 key worker is meant for her, to avoid the keyworker leaving his/her job.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 22/03/2020 21:35

And if I did my job in the evening after the kids were in bed (which I can't fully as our systems shut down and this cant be changed) I'd be getting 3 hours sleep a night.