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Original poster

AIBU to send kids to nursery?

169 replies

MammyOoo · 22/03/2020 17:57

Wwyd

Kids are 1 and 3. No health conditions. DH is a key worker, I can wfh. I can’t actually work while looking after the kids as they are so little and baby is Velcro. I can’t work when they are asleep as biggest doesn’t nap, baby isn’t a good night sleeper anyway. So if they don’t go to childcare one of us has to stop working. I earn shedloads more and enjoy my job more so no way it would be me.

So do we send them? Or DH quit work and take a key worker out of circulation? (He’s in food not NHS)

OP posts:
Inferiorbeing · 22/03/2020 19:36

You are a Biscuit

Darbs76 · 22/03/2020 19:37

It is not easy to work at home with babies but all employers will have to be more flexible at this time. If you insist on sending them come to an agreement and use it for the minimum amount of time you can. What if your kids catch it? Yes most kids aren’t seriously ill but how would you feel if your kids are sick with CV when you could have kept them at home? If you’re ok with that risk crack on

Blue565 · 22/03/2020 19:37

See we were in a similar situation but the non-keyworker in our family earned too much so the keyworker had to give up work to look after kids.

We would have been on breadline for the non-keyworker to quit.

Confused
mylul · 22/03/2020 19:37

YABU. The kids should stay at home.

VioletCharlotte · 22/03/2020 19:39

You need to speak to your employer and ask for a degree of flexibility. Thousands of people will be in this position, employers will have to be flexible to work around childcare. Two women in my team have young children. We've just said to do what they can when the kids are awake and work in the evenings when the kids are asleep to try and make up their hours the best they can.

Loubylou79 · 22/03/2020 19:46

So many other families have all of the problems you are worried about but they just have to get on with it to protect the nation. For the record I have 3 children under 8 and am a frontline worker, my husband is battling to save his job and we still won’t be sending them to school and will have to make it work.

peacebypeace · 22/03/2020 19:47

I feel for you OP as we are in a similar position but the opposite way around. I am the key worker and am needed to work, DH can work from home. He is a much higher earner than me. When we thought he would have to take unpaid leave as I had to work we felt sick at the thought.
We have managed to negotiate my husband doing two of his days wfh at the weekend, taking two days off in the week to take care of ds and me going into work on those days. I can work from home two days but most of my work will be done in the early morning (setting an alarm for 4.30am), when ds naps and after ds has gone to bed at 7pm. He will not be going to nursery though is allowed to do so. I just want to minimise risks all round.

I hope you find a solution.

TheHonestTruth100 · 22/03/2020 19:48

Can you alter your hours so you work when your partner is home? Can you shorten your hours temporarily while all this is happening? Have you spoken to your employer about this?

I understand it's going to be extremely difficult to wfh with kids and that you earn the most money.

Unfortunately we're talking about saving lives here, however inconvenient it may be for your family. Don't be swayed by all the people you know sending their kids in even though they're wfh, people will die as a result of their actions.

LaurieMarlow · 22/03/2020 19:48

You need to speak to your employer and ask for a degree of flexibility. Thousands of people will be in this position

This is important. People are working on the assumption that ‘normal’ expectations will apply in terms of how you do your job and your outputs.

They won’t. They can’t. The world will have to adapt to that.

Cremebrule · 22/03/2020 19:49

I am really nervous about this. I’m due to come off mat leave soon and the last few days with both of mine have been exhausting enough being stuck in. I just can’t work our how I can do my job without collapsing. It’s all well and good saying make up the hours but it isn’t really sustainable to have people looking after small kids all day and then trying to cram in a full day’s work in the evening. It’ll send everyone literally mad.

AnotherEmma · 22/03/2020 19:50

@Blue565
See in that situation I think it would be preferable for the key worker to continue working and to send the child(ren) to school/nursery.
It does depend just how essential the key worker is, as it really is a very long list!

LouiseTrees · 22/03/2020 19:50

A question to the OP? What is your line of work... can you elaborate?

AnotherEmma · 22/03/2020 19:51

"it isn’t really sustainable to have people looking after small kids all day and then trying to cram in a full day’s work in the evening. It’ll send everyone literally mad."

Completely agree

LaurieMarlow · 22/03/2020 19:54

Completely agree

It’ll have to be tried.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 22/03/2020 19:56

The whole reason there only has to be one key worker parent is to cover this situation. YANBU to send children in when the alternative is to have a key worker stay at home. Realistically you can’t leave your job and you can’t work from home with children that age.

Itsmybirthdaytoday20 · 22/03/2020 19:57

Fuck sake Grin

Blue565 · 22/03/2020 19:58

@AnotherEmma

Completely agree but we've been told we are not eligible because on parent is a non-keyworker Sad

The expectation is the non-keyworker stops work to look after kids, would be financial suicide for us

ichifanny · 22/03/2020 19:58

Everyone just needs to pull together and not use these spaces unless absolutely necessary . My husband I are both frontline workers he son the fire service I’m an ITU nurse . I’ll be nursing horrendously sick Covid patients and going home and taking over from him so he can go to work as well as schooling and all the rest . Getting sick of hearing people moaning about their nice existences being disturbed .

Fladadafada · 22/03/2020 19:59

Op I’m sorry but you are being selfish. The childcare is for people that have no option to WFH.

I can wfh and dh is a key worker- we could use the childcare but won’t. Because I am at home. This is a national emergency that we all need to play our part in resolving.

The advice is very clear- only if you have NO OTHER OPTION. I know it’s hard, but you are in the same boat as so many others. Most of us will be getting next to no work done over the next however long. But if that saves just one life (and it will probably be more) then it is worth it.

Stop only thinking of yourself and how this affects you. It’s not about you Sad

bobisbored · 22/03/2020 20:03

YABVU you're at home. Your kids do f need care. Yes it's hard but suck it up and stop being so entitled. 🙄

Itsarainysunnyday · 22/03/2020 20:06

Please, those of you who are telling her she’s being unreasonable tell me which of you are going to be ft wfh on your own with preschoolers for the next few months please?! Just out of interest. One so far.

Keepcalmanddoyourbit · 22/03/2020 20:08

Why are people who have one parent at home STILL asking these fucking questions [anger]

Keepcalmanddoyourbit · 22/03/2020 20:11

@Itsarainysunnyday Childcare at school IS A LAST RESORT not a fucking option. If you WFH then your kids stay home and you find a way. Nobody said it would be easy.
Why cant people get this into their thick heads

Lizziesbusy · 22/03/2020 20:12

@ChloeDecker
OP says in her update she won’t send them in but her attitude so far has been very ‘me me me’, don’t ya think? Wink

Itsarainysunnyday · 22/03/2020 20:15

@keepcalmanddoyourbit

There is no need to be so fucking rude. I have not said I am sending my child in. I am looking for other parents who ft wfh home as currently I feel totally alone in my position. Irl I know no one, maybe I can find others on here, on a thread about this.

Seriously, don’t be a nob.