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Original poster

AIBU to send kids to nursery?

169 replies

MammyOoo · 22/03/2020 17:57

Wwyd

Kids are 1 and 3. No health conditions. DH is a key worker, I can wfh. I can’t actually work while looking after the kids as they are so little and baby is Velcro. I can’t work when they are asleep as biggest doesn’t nap, baby isn’t a good night sleeper anyway. So if they don’t go to childcare one of us has to stop working. I earn shedloads more and enjoy my job more so no way it would be me.

So do we send them? Or DH quit work and take a key worker out of circulation? (He’s in food not NHS)

OP posts:
Waterlemon · 22/03/2020 18:37

You a being very unreasonable!

Schools/nurseries are NOT providing childcare - they are providing a lifeline for critical workers who have absolutely no other choice!

The government have clearly said that children are safest at home! You are compromising the health of not just your children, but the staff and other children at school! Many of whom may also have vulnerable loved ones at home!

Stop being so bloody selfish and take responsibility for your own children!

LaurieMarlow · 22/03/2020 18:37

childcare are basically begging us to send them so that they can survive financially and we have a lot of friends with 1 key worker and they are all sending them in. So it hasn’t felt bad

There is no fucking point to this exercise if everyone is going to ignore it.

In Ireland they shut everything, with 6 hours notice. Harsh as it felt, it was the better way.

shiningstar2 · 22/03/2020 18:38

We all need food. Some of the food supply workers whether in the supermarkets, making the food or delivering will get sick and there will be shortages of staff. Add to this those who will have to self isolate in this group because others in their family home have caused the virus. Your husband is a key worker and needed. Yet if you are the bigger earner you can't afford to stop work for the greater good. You still have your bills to pay ext. Difficult. I can see why you need a nursery space. I don't really know what the answer is but think you have a reasonable case for a nursery space providing you only use it for genuine work that you couldn't do otherwise ...not because it's more convenient for you to have the kids in nursery. Maybe manage with a couple of days at nursery and catch up when you can.

ChloeDecker · 22/03/2020 18:38

Can posters lease read the OP’s update? She is not going to send them in!

shiningstar2 · 22/03/2020 18:39

have the virus ...not caused the virus Grin

SpeedofaSloth · 22/03/2020 18:41

If you can WFH you need to give it a try.

DH is working on his employer this week, I'm a key worker, his employer is slow to shut down/ arrange WFH but we are hoping they'll have it sorted some time this week so the kids aren't in school for many days.

1Morewineplease · 22/03/2020 18:42

If people like you send their children to nursery / school then what is the point of only opening schools to the smallest possible number of children? I appreciate that that working from home is tricky with children but that’s why the government suggested working from home. Employers know full well that working from home will be difficult with small children and will make allowances.
These are difficult times. You can’t just carry on regardless.

anastaisia · 22/03/2020 18:46

YABU (as a family) to send the kids to nursery if it’s not essential

YANBU (as a family) to decide the lower paid worker should be the one to take care of the children so the higher earner can work from home, especially as it will also reduce the overall level of risk to your family.

luckylavender · 22/03/2020 18:46

Reduce social contact or many more people will die - that's the clear message.

AnotherEmma · 22/03/2020 18:46

It's not selfish to want to continue working in order to support your family financially Angry

OP could your DH ask his employer if he can take annual leave and/or unpaid parental leave?

It's unrealistic for you to WFH and look after a 3yo and 1yo at the same time.

You can't stop working if you are the main earner.

So realistically, your kids go to nursery or your DH doesn't work.

Personally I would send them but I know that's a minority opinion on here!

It also depends how many other children are at nursery I think.

SamsMumsCateracts · 22/03/2020 18:55

Spare a thought for us nursery workers. Please don't send your children in unnecessarily, your family could pass it to us and be directly responsible for a needless death. Even those of us with vulnerable conditions are having to work. You are at home. They are your children. Look after them yourself.

Jaxhog · 22/03/2020 19:01

I think he should stay home and look after the kids.

thetoddleratemyhomework · 22/03/2020 19:04

Depends on your employer. It is totally feasible for me to spread my work over 7 days, work during naps/one Disney video plus a few hours in the evening and get close to my total hours for a week. I'm not saying I prefer it. I don't. But needs must - we have to balance jobs, so this is what we have to do right now.

Itsarainysunnyday · 22/03/2020 19:05

OP I asked similar in a different board earlier. I had a smaller but very different response.

I still haven’t decided and don’t think I will sleep tonight thinking about it tbh.

Anyone who thinks they can get a decent amount of work done at home with small kids is deluded. We are in this for the long term. Either we use the options available to us or we end up resigning/unpaid for a long period of time. It’s not selfish to worry about the long term ability of your family to keep a roof over their heads! I doubt that the majority of people posting you are being unreasonable will be trying to juggle preschool (& that is massively different ballgame to school age kids) and a stressful ft job so are in no place to judge.

Itsarainysunnyday · 22/03/2020 19:14

Also, can any of you enlightened people tell me how to work from home (& do a good enough job to still have a job long term) while looking after a very spirited 2 year old and making sure my 6 year old does some school work and doesn’t watch Frozen 2 on repeat? DH is keyworker and out 7-6. I am also the breadwinner but DHs job is more important right now.

Weebitawks · 22/03/2020 19:15

My nursery are open and will take DS2 in working from home and the 2 together are a fucking nightmare. All.they.do.is.fight.

I'm still not sending them in. It'll be hard but this whole thing is bigger than you and me.

AnotherEmma · 22/03/2020 19:15

Of course they can't!

AnotherEmma · 22/03/2020 19:15

(Cross post)

LaurieMarlow · 22/03/2020 19:28

Also, can any of you enlightened people tell me how to work from home

You work before they get up

You work after they go to bed

You work at the weekend

You answer emails while they’re having lunch

You use plenty of screen time

You make good use of bribes

You figure out exactly what’s most critical work wise, you focus on that and you let the rest slide

You manage your employers expectations

None of this is easy, it’s far from ideal, but needs must. In Ireland, ALL schools/childcare closed last Thursday, no exceptions. People are managing.

ChloeDecker · 22/03/2020 19:31

Also, can any of you enlightened people tell me how to work from home (& do a good enough job to still have a job long term) while looking after a very spirited 2 year old and making sure my 6 year old does some school work and doesn’t watch Frozen 2 on repeat? DH is keyworker and out 7-6. I am also the breadwinner but DHs job is more important right now.

Frozen 2 on repeat is a small price to pay to keep them and others safe.
Yes, this is a shit situation and yes it’s bloody hard WFH and looking after two small children but this is a bloody deathly global pandemic and school and nursery staff shouldn’t have to put their lives on the line for those who could keep children safer at home.
They are there as a last resort. Only.

LaurieMarlow · 22/03/2020 19:33

Anyone who thinks they can get a decent amount of work done at home with small kids is deluded.

It’s really fucking difficult, yes.

We are in this for the long term. Either we use the options available to us or we end up resigning/unpaid for a long period of time.

Doing this half arsedly is stupid. It’s going to drag out the situation and not be particularly effective. Much, much better to go at it hard and have that collective responsibility get us out if this as soon possible.

It’s not selfish to worry about the long term ability of your family to keep a roof over their heads!

Most people will be fucked financially regardless. Flattening the curve IS more important. Try to imagine surviving financially in a world where healthcare and essential services are totally overwhelmed. No one will be doing business, trust me.

Buzztothemoon · 22/03/2020 19:35

It’s a hard call because people’s work is very different. I’m a key worker although now at home. I’m already putting in 12+ hour days so am already working when there asleep, at weekends and while bribed (as well as all the hours in between). Right now I’m lucky if I’ve got 2 hours notice of a ‘deadline’. And I really can’t have kids in the room while I’m on the phone - it’s not a question of being ‘so busy and important’ it’s saying that I don’t want my kids exposed to that conversation and you wouldn’t either. Not sure what the solution is. I’m entitled to a place... won’t be using is next week as we have symptoms so are completely isolated at home till next weekend anyway. Will see how it goes. After that, who knows 🤷‍♀️

Itsarainysunnyday · 22/03/2020 19:35

Some good points there Laurie.
I have a non sleeping two year old so to be fair there’s a good chance the first two might break me. I have been working all weekend and that will buy me some time.
The childminder is desparate to have my son as this is her only income now. He will be in her house with her and her kids.

So how many people on here are going to be juggling a full time job with preschoolers please? WFH on their own all day. I don’t know anyone else that works FT. If I was PT this would be doable. Please can someone make me feel a little less alone?

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 22/03/2020 19:36

Option C: me stop working/earning would bankrupt us (and destroy our marriage and my mental health as well as let down the team who depend on me) so it’s not happening

So why ask on here then in the first place if you're not prepared to listen to opinions? Confused
If one of you can work from home, then that's what you should be doing.

LaurieMarlow · 22/03/2020 19:36

I doubt that the majority of people posting you are being unreasonable will be trying to juggle preschool (& that is massively different ballgame to school age kids) and a stressful ft job so are in no place to judge.

Fir the record, I have a 5 year old and a not quite 2 year old. I’ve been WFH for a week and a half now in a very intensive job. It’s shit, but necessary.