One key worker - send them?

[legalseagull]

I have two toddlers that have been offered to keep their nursery place, two days a week, as I am a key worker. My husband is not a keyworker however he earns twice what I do. If he were to stop working to care for the children on those two days we couldn't pay the bills which would mean I would have to leave my key worker job to care for them - which is exactly why the government has said only one parent is required

(For clarity we need nursery on those two days because they are my day shifts when DH is also working. I am not able to change to other shifts and these days make up most of my earnings and are the days work REALLY needs me as they're so busy)

However I feel so stressed about it and can't decide what to do for the best. It could be months and months in which case we wouldn't financially survive. Also if we go on lockdown those two days will be the only social interaction and outside stimulation they get. BUT what if they get ill?????????

WWYD?

I wouldn’t send them. I don’t live in UK so that’s not an option anyway. My dh is in meetings online all day at present, at home. He works in financial services. It is going to be very difficult to work but everyone is in the same situation and concessions will have to be made. I am a HCP so have to go to work. Your children aren’t only exposed to those in the school, they are also exposed to who ever the staff and the children have mixed with. You really don’t know what you are sending them into. I really would avoid it if you can.

I meant to add that almost all my clients with kids are in the same boat, and the ones without kids are often trying to help look after neighbours or elderly relatives.

Your DH can definitely stay home with your kids, he just needs to be proactive and communicate with his clients about the service level he can realistically achieve on a day to day basis.

I’m in the same dilemma, I work in healthcare not in frontline so there is talk of redeployment. I’m widowed with 2 very young children. I don’t want anything to happen to me or them. Have no other available help as family in vulnerable groups. I don’t want to lose my job but when the nursery stays open for keyworkers I have no reason to take leave. It’s a really hard choice.

Op, from the start of this, the seriousness of coronavirus has been underestimated.
It is not a mild illness for every young person. Yesterday videos were doing the rounds of children with Covid-19 and it was not nice. It’s pneumonia and it can leave lasting damage, as you well know if you’re NHS frontline staff.

I would not sent my son into a school/nursery environment come he’ll or high water after seeing those videos.
I have isolated my son for the past week, I will isolate for a further week and if he shows no symptoms, he is going to stay with my parents in isolation over the coming months.
I know everyone can’t do this, but everyone should try to find an alternative and use schools as slats resort.

Your husband's struggles to work at home with 2 toddlers is what we're all facing, and something we are all going to need to deal with. I strongly believe that unless both parents are key workers then children shouldn't be in nursery/school. I'm seriously concerned that the UK are heading into major trouble with the lack lustre efforts to isolate. Your husband's clients will surely understand, this is unprecedented times, no workplace will be business as usual.

“the government has said that schools and nurseries "remain safe"

They also said masks don’t make a difference. Then they told NHS they don’t need proper masks attending to covid patients, surgical ones will do fine. They’re also saying we don’t need a lockdown and everything is fine.

Italy Feb 25: 11 dead. Nine days later March 04: 107 dead. School shut down 05 March. 14 days later on March 09: 463 dead. March 10 total lockdown. March 13: 1,266 dead.

U.K.
March 12: 10 dead. Nine days later March 20: 177 dead. Schools close. Ten days later: 233 dead. At this rate, we’re going to surpass 300 dead by Monday, and 600 dead by next Wednesday 25th.

If our govt does a lockdown on Thursday 26th, we’re still going to have over 2,000 dead by end of this month. And that’s best case scenario.

Sorry not “ten days later”. 233 is one day later, as in yesterday

DH and I are both teachers and have a toddler. Thankfully we are not needed to physically be in school (yet) but will be expected to be teaching remotely for he next 2 weeks so available online to students 8.30-5. We are not sending our child to nursery we are just going to do the best we can. I don’t want colleagues or other teachers to get ill so I can work. I’m really sorry but why should teachers put their health and potentially lives on the line so that your DH can continue his job more easily. We are doing it for essential key workers not everyone. Please please take this message to heart everyone. It is an absolute last resort, not an easy to use option.

This!

@Fivefootoffun I assume that's me you're referring to.

I do not think it is ridiculous to suggest that in OP's situation she should do everything she can to keep her children at home. And yes, I do think that losing a house is less catastrophic than spreading a deadly disease through the population when there are clear alternatives in place. Obviously hopefully it won't come to that for the OP, and also there are many families who genuinely have no choice but to use the childcare as BOTH parents are keyworkers, but the issue here is that OP does have a choice.

The previous suggestion of OP's DH doing as much as he can at the weekend and making up hours in the evenings etc makes the most sense. That way they can protect their finances and not have the guilt (and I'm sorry but it would be guilt in this situation) of knowing they may have aided the spread of the disease, especially when they start to see the death toll rising as it will do in the coming weeks. I know this is a brutal message, but I just can't comprehend how people haven't fully realised the severity of this situation.

This is why utility companies are saying to contact of them if you are in this situation why mortgage breaks are being offered. You husband should use annual leave, wfh if possible. But really, do all you can not yo send your children.

OP - I’m in your situation. Although I’m a hospital doctor and cannot stay at home but DH needs to work too ( financial services and high earned) . My kids are going to school tomorrow and I don’t feel guilty about it.

I bet your husband could figure out a way to make it work.

I really think that in the current situation the nature of what someone is doing is pretty important, regardless of whether or not they are a high earner.

If he is a self-employed psychologist, counsellor, research scientist or some other role where people may ultimately suffer or come to harm if he doesn't get his work done, then perhaps it is more important that he can work undisturbed.

If he is a marketing consultant, accountant, IT consultant or something similar then not so much - the world will keep turning if he has to take a few calls at odd hours, has children's noise in the background or asks to extend a deadline. He needs to just keep things ticking over on those two days. Decent clients - the type of clients that you want to work with for years - will understand this.

This is a change in mindset from the normal run of things where the world lauds and celebrates those in high-flying City, legal and business roles - I know, I am married to one. But frankly their work is fairly useless in the general scheme of things right now!

The Canadian President is managing daily press conferences and working from home while in sole charge of 3 children.

His wife is self-isolating in a separate area of their house.

The Canadian President is managing daily press conferences and working from home while in sole charge of 3 children

That's all lovely, but he doesn't have a big and hugely important job like some MN husbands.

I'm a key worker and my dh is not. I've had some very thoughtless comments on different threads because I chose to send dd to nursery while my dh's work stayed open to prolong the time we could pay our bills/mortgage!

Anyone can catch Coronavirus from anyone, anywhere so intentionally causing my family financial hardship seemed like a silly idea to me.

Dh's work has been shut now anyway so dd will be home with him and I'll be doing all the hours under the sun to hopefully keep our heads above water, whilst also trying desperately not to get ill myself.

Good luck

I know how you feel OP. I'm supposed to be starting a job with the NHS next week but I am now unable to because we are not eligible for childcare. Some people seem to forget that not everyone can WFH. My husband is self employed and cannot work from home. But his income is much more than mine would be so I will not be able to work. Or we will lose our home and not afford food. It is an incredibly difficult decision to make. I am also making it knowing that there is a very high chance it will be the end of me having a chance at a career in what I have been working towards for so long.

Anyone can catch Coronavirus from anyone, anywhere so intentionally causing my family financial hardship seemed like a silly idea to me

The whole point of social isolation is to stop this.

Yes. And the whole point of paying your mortgage is to stop your family from being homeless.

A 3 month mortgage break is a nice gesture but who knows how long covid disruption will last and interest keeps adding on even while you're not paying.

Well this whole thread is now pretty redundant as I'm pretty sure I have CV so we're all self isolating and I'm in bed

Plenty are having to stop working to look after their own children. Resulting in loss of earnings. Doesn’t make you any different because your husband is a high earner. My sister is a key worker in a nursery looking after key workers children, that’s all great but why should she look after children who have another non key worker parent at home?

olympicsrock
Well you should feel guilty

FritataPatate

I'm a 60 yo teacher who has volunteered to help at school in the understanding that the children are vulnerable or whose parents are vital keyworkers.
If it turns out I'm just providing a babysitting service, I will not be willing to risk my life.
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Yeste

100% agree. Well said!!

@legalseagull

Oh dear - I hope you all feel better soon

Glad to see you seem to have also shrugged off some of the awful comments from all the judges, 'I'm alright Jack's' on here.