One key worker - send them?

[legalseagull]

I have two toddlers that have been offered to keep their nursery place, two days a week, as I am a key worker. My husband is not a keyworker however he earns twice what I do. If he were to stop working to care for the children on those two days we couldn't pay the bills which would mean I would have to leave my key worker job to care for them - which is exactly why the government has said only one parent is required

(For clarity we need nursery on those two days because they are my day shifts when DH is also working. I am not able to change to other shifts and these days make up most of my earnings and are the days work REALLY needs me as they're so busy)

However I feel so stressed about it and can't decide what to do for the best. It could be months and months in which case we wouldn't financially survive. Also if we go on lockdown those two days will be the only social interaction and outside stimulation they get. BUT what if they get ill?????????

WWYD?

I know I should keep them home and I'm desperately trying to find a way of doing that. Everyone saying "just keep them home" doesn't seem to consider HOW. How will we pay the bills. How can I keep my job. I'm likely to have been exposed already which is just so fucking shit and upsetting. I guess all the kids at nursery will be the same as we're all key workers. (There is only going to be 7 kids) I know the kids could catch it there, but equally they could catch it from me. That is why we're not having contact with anyone else. Like I said , I'm desperately trying to figure out a way to keep them home without loosing our home! Thank you to the posters who understand this isn't easy

Small children don’t suffer too bad from this virus though do they. You and your husband are at greater risk. Neither of you can self isolate so you might as well send them in. There is a risk but it’s probably less than being in a car.

Nurseries and schools will not be safe.

Children can't socially distance.

The families that use them will be exposed to much higher risks than those that don't. The staff working in them and their families will be exposed to much higher risks.

Please do ALL you can to flatten the curve no matter how hard this is.

@cobwebsoncornices I do agree with you on the whole, and the stress that families with two key workers must be under is unthinkable. However OP is not in that situation- if blunt messages mean that one more family chooses not to send their children to nursery unnecessarily then I'm sure most other key workers would be extremely thankful for that.

When we look back on this we won't regret potentially upsetting people if it meant we were able to sway people to do the right (albeit very hard) thing.

Can you quit if you’re not directly working for the nhs?

No way would I send my kids into a nursery, they’re even more dodgy than schools at the moment

@cobwebsoncornices thank you. People who are required to keep the country running really don't need the guilt trip.

@Yester yes I am highly qualified and irreplaceable. We've already gone down from a team of 6 to just three of us due to self isolation. Although to be honest, even if I was a shelf stacker it is still necessary for the country to function.

We're splitting the difference. We're both key workers- of the national government type. I can wfh but DP can't. Eldest (6) will stay with me and I will try my best to homeschool and do my work on the response.

Toddler- who would make it impossible to work- will go to a very small workplace nursery with DP. We won't see anyone else. The alternative is that one of us doesn't work at all which takes a whole skilled person out.

You need to avoid throwing yourself into penury. That's why the rules are there. If you need it, use it. Your kids are very small and it's impossible to wfh with them at that age.

if there is any way at all to keep them at home then do so. sending them in should be a last resort. could you alter your shifts to be working when DH isn't? although you say you couldn't make ends meet if DH worked less - firstly banks are being generally good about mortgage holidays, utility bill companies have v also been directed to help anyone in hardship due to cv, and dh's clients are human beings who know what is going on and will make allowances for him being multitasking their phone call will a bit of ceebeebies just 2 days a week. you can do this. sending your kids into nursery will increase the spread and increase the death rate - not that you as individuals are at risk but every exception had an effect and the strategy of social distancing and minimising contact will only work if enough people make proper efforts to really minimise contact. everyone needs to sacrifice their preferred options and do what is best for everyone.

Can your husband not do flexi time or condensed hours to work around the kids? Employers need to make allowances for parents and understand productivity will be impacted and more flexibility is needed.

Otherwise two days is fine and it should be low risk if you aren’t at risk yourselves and have appropriate protection in work. I guess the greater risk is if you pass it on to a vulnerable person, especially if you are front line care/medical professional.

You have to also consider this could go on for a year and even reoccur every year. The government expect 60% of us to get it just not all at once. If your job is needed you shouldn’t give it up unless you want to.

@ShastaBeast he's self employed so doesn't have much protection at the minute. Likelihood is he'll loose all his work and then this won't be an issue.

There will be thousands of families across the country where they have tiny children to look after and still need to WFH, who don't have the option to use a nursery.This will include single parents who can't work in turns etc. If they can make it work, so can you. Yes it will be awful- but if it requires a lot less sleep, taking a mortgage holiday or even losing your house then it is still better than spreading the disease further.

I really, really feel for you OP. It's awful. But I suspect the fact that you have posted this question on here means that deep down you know what the right (albeit) v v hard thing to do is, you were just hoping that some others would persuade you that sending your kids in is OK.

Maybe start a new thread where the title is just asking people for suggestions on how your DH can care for your children whilst still WFH? Lots of other people will be doing this and therefore may be able to help.

@stairway I'm trying to think long term yes.

Thank you @keentohelp x

I wish I could keep mine home. I'm a key workers and will be looking after key worker's children. I've made the decision to take my two with me and hopefully give them less of a chance of catching it than at their two schools.
I'm scared they'll catch it and I'll catch it. Really scared.

OP I work in a city hospital and have exactly the same situation on my hands. DH gets paid double my salary. I have to pay the nursery in full whatever. My salary barely covers the nursery cost let alone bills.
It's really difficult, me and DH have discussed it at length. If DC stays home our home life will be miserable. I'm anticipating my job being hell soon and I'm dreading it.
I don't think I've got the mental health to work and look after DC solo when I get home, from what's probably going to be the hardest days of my working life, so DH can get his work done.
Do what you feel is right but remember it's important to get some rest too, we could be doing this for months. Look after yourself xxx

Hopefully some more measures for the self employed will be announced next week and you can reassess then- even if you drop half the childcare days that's better than nothing. Take it week by week.

Really, it is completely impossible to work 'around' very small children, especially when there's more than one. Maybe some emails while they watch a bit of TV, but nothing else.

@CaraCrisp yes long term resilience is so important! It's not going to help anyone if all the key workers crash out. The mental strain of everyone at work trying to figure this out while also trying to support the public has been enormous.

Not to sound like a dick, but your children are already at higher risk given their contact with you, presuming you are frontline medical? Nursery’s won’t be safe, that’s total crap, but will you be any safer if you’re going to work?

Can you ring the nursery and find out how many children will be attending?

Yes it's impossible. They're both so full on and nap at different times. We can't work from home with them. @CaraCrisp our nursery has said the same fees to be paid regardless - this means we would have to pull them out. There was a 18 month wait to get in there and they love it, so it would be really sad.
For those asking what I do - I'm front line in the justice system. Crime is still happening and will continue.

@Breadandroses1 if it was a few weeks we would muddle through but right now I can't see an end. I think I'll be asked to go over and above, which I'm ready to do, but I can't be happy mummy at bedtime ever night too.

@puds11 yes they're likely to catch it from me as I work in risky environments but am obviously following all the NHS guidance. There will be 7 kids. I will call them tomorrow and ask what measures they're taking. It's a huge nursery. Usually about 50 kids so they could keep them separate I guess

It’s really difficult, I feel for NHS workers seeing some of these responses. ‘Go save my life but I’ll call you a rubbish parent’

At least the illness is mild for children (for most) we really need to draw up contingency plans for if a virus attacked small children, we would all be acting soo differently and the NHS would collapse

Can your Dh take it up with his employer? there are very few jobs that are so inflexible at this time that they requires 9-5 availability. I know my normally office hours job can be done as well as split shifts or short really intensive bursts interspaced with more distracted working. All of his clients will be in a similar situation. There was a time I felt I couldn't change my hours..... now I am really comfy with receiving emails at 10 at night, and replying when I get up at half 5. One of my stakeholders emails me at 3 am....

Also we are all introducing our kids and partners to our colleagues - again from the top of the organisation to the bottom. I now know one of my board members is more untidy than me. My colleagues now know my kitchen wall paper is so old it is becoming fashionable again. My DD is drawing a picture a day... I get people calling me just to see what it is.

People are getting much more relaxed - it just takes employers to realise that everyone including their clients are in the same position & it doesn't need to be made any harder than it is already. Me and my colleagues are working twice as hard, with better will than we have for years ( we have just come through a really bruising restructure) because our employer is letting us take a view on how best to keep our families safe. If that means we work odd hours so be it.

OP at my sons school they took temps on the way in, could you ask them to do that?