I can’t cope. I feel like my life is over :(

[tollyfeeder]

I had a baby girl 5 weeks ago, and whilst I should be enjoying this special time with her, instead I am absolutely besides myself and struggling to accept the fact that I’m inevitably going to die from this virus.

I’m 34 and I’m asthmatic and although it’s never really caused me any problems (have gone several months without inhalers, but have recently started taking them again because of this) I am classed as the high risk population and should social distance for 12 weeks.

All the lovely things I had planned with my gorgeous girl, baby massage, baby sensory, baby music classes... all are now cancelled, and rightly so.

I haven’t slept a single bit for the last two days. I spend my time Crying and panicking and last night I have been physically sick because I’m that worked and frightened.

My gorgeous girl is so blissfully unaware of all of this. So happy and content.

I can’t bare the thought of what will happen to her when this virus takes my life.

I’ve waited such a long time to be a mummy and now it’s going to get taken from me 😭😭

The chances of you dying from it are extremely low. It’s hard being a mum at first, your hormones are all over the place. I’d get out in the fresh air away from people whilst you still can xx

I’m sorry you are feeling this way 💐 I would be the same if I had just had a baby.

Please try not to worry and spend precious time with your beautiful baby, use YouTube for baby massage, make your own little baby sensory thing, have a coffee with someone over Skype, do some yoga with Adrienne from YouTube and enjoy snuggles with your beautiful baby and stay safe while this all blows over outside. Thinking of you

Understand your feelings but as a mother of older children I just wanted to let you know that my fondest memories of my children’s babyhood is when we were at home snuggling up without any outside distractions. This virus is extremely unlikely to take your life.

I completely understand, you’ve got a tiny baby and your hormones are everywhere at the worst possible time.

It’s very unlikely that this will kill you, even if you do catch it. All you can do is try and make the most of what you have- a happy, healthy, content baby and weeks of snuggles stretching out in front of you.

If your anxiety continues like this maybe speak to your midwife or health visitor over the phone. Some anxiety is normal at this point, especially given the circumstances but it sounds like you are suffering more than normal

It must be very scary as everything feels more so with a new born.

I have 3 DC mainly teens now. I am struggling to remember any thing about the early days other than snuggles at home. My favourite memories are all in the house despite going out lots. It's really tough but try and focus on the little things.

Also l have been told I almost certainly have CV and have asthma (similar sounding to yours). I've been horribly I'll but at no point dangerously so. You are probably younger than me too! Take each day as it comes.

The chances of you dying from this are extremely slim. Have a look online for some mindfulness and worry tools. I really struggled with catastrophising everything when my kids were little and found some cbt techniques really helpful.
Share your worries with people but listen to them when they say the chances of this happening are slim.
Have a chat with your HV too mine was very supportive with my anxiety.

Oh tolly, we are living through something horrible right now but have you considered speaking to your Health Visitor about how you are feeling?

I suffered from extreme anxiety during my pregnancy rather than after, but they were able to help.

It could, quite understandably be hormonal, but if it continues speak to your Doctor.

I think you've got to look at statistical facts. In terms of catching it, it's like chicken pox, we can protect ourselves as long as we follow the guidelines from the last 24 hours.

At your age even if caught, you won't 'inevitably' die. There's people in their 50's onwards with health conditions who are surviving. The account of the Nadine Dorries (64), her Mother, 84, who had it, had it less severe than her, has helped calm me a bit. I'm in the very vulnerable group because of health conditions. So is my Sister and a child that I babysit for.

Life is on hold and it isn't nice to miss out on plans with your first born. But you've got to start to replace emotional thinking with positive, practical thinking.

Hi OP,
It is really normal to feel like this during the first couple of months after giving birth. Your anxiety has latched onto the Coronavirus but mine was swine flu with DS1, a school schooting with DD1 and by the time DD3 came along I was ready for the feelings and got through it much better.

Really take care of yourself whilst you are feeling like this. Talk to lots of people in RL and try and steer the conversation onto other things. I used to have a post-it with nice topics to talk about so I could steer the conversation in a more positive direction.

Give yourself set times to look at social media/watch the news and spend the rest on things in your RL at home.

It doesn't help to say it's normal I am sure but it really is. But if you feel overwhelmed, please call your HV.

I’m really sorry you feel like this. My neighbour has a newborn and they are distressed too. I’m absolutely terrified myself. What you need to remember is that you will very likely get through this and be ok so just keep yourself safe. Stay home if you are able. Hand washing etc. Having a newborn will make this feel worse.

I think you need to speak to someone about this. It's not normal.

If it helps, your chance of dying of it aged 34 is currently something like 0.2%.

My DS is nearly 8 weeks old and im a single mum who lives alone with no RL support or friends my only outlet was doing things like baby classes , shopping and appointments etc and now its all been cancelled my GP has shut down and will only do phone appointments so DS won't be getting his vaccines next week and i haven't had my 6 week check despite me telling them im still in pain from the birth which i dont think is normal . The isolation is starting to drive me into my old depression i haven't spoken to another human in person or on the phone in over 2 weeks its crippling

OP, congrats on your baby! I'm 34 and asthmatic with a baby too - he's a little older than yours at 4 months. As I understand it, the advice is being given to asthmatics to self-isolate because some previous strains of coronavirus have exacerbated asthma. There isn't enough evidence to know if the same is true of this strain, so they're erring on the side of caution. Try and think of it this way: you're young and (I presume) in generally good health apart from what sounds like remarkably well controlled asthma. You're taking sensible precautions. The average fatality rate of the virus is about 3.5% The conditions that most increase your risk of dying from the virus are cardiovascular diseases, with a fatality rate of 10-13%. So even those at the highest risk - and asthmatics are at lower risk than that - are far, far more likely to survive. And all of that's if you even get the virus!
My anxiety was through the roof shortly after having my baby; it's only just starting to settle now. It feels all-consuming sometimes though, doesn't it?
This site has some good data on the coronavirus that might help set your mind at rest: www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/coronavirus-age-sex-demographics/

Oh my darling.
I'm pregnant and I run classes like the ones you were going to attend with your baby.

It's also so so isolating for us. Having a new baby is lonely at times anyway but this is not good for mental health.

Did you go to any antinatal groups? If you did, WhatsApp, FaceTime them.

Look on Facebook for due date groups. Find other mums with newborns and chat online.

Look on Facebook for local parenting groups too... sometimes named things like “(area name) mums”

Lots of the baby groups are doing their absolute best to offer an online alternative. Look at your local baby sensory, sing and sign, baby massage and see if they e got online options.
Use YouTube. Lots of lovely “classes” you can enjoy.
Talk to people. Keep your baby fed and cuddled.

@lucafritz that's really tough for you at the moment but thankfully this is a temporary situation and please God this will be all over soon. Keep chatting here if it makes you feel better

My gorgeous girl is so blissfully unaware of all of this. So happy and content.

Focus on this. Your baby is happy despite everything.
Spend your time focusing on the simple things in life.

If you follow governments guidelines you will be ok -
You may have the baby blues. Can you speak to the midwife or Heath visitor about this.
You will be ok.

All those classes and groups are primarily for the parents sanity rather than the benefit of babies. Be happy you aren’t on the treadmill of measured performance (when you come across the 6 month old that swims, baby signs and sleeps due to head massage you’ll understand).

Get routines going, go out in the fresh air ask for help with nappies etc if needed. This is the best and worse of times. We have neighbours supporting each other, less traffic, work from home as well as a relatively non threatening virus.

OP- I know it’s a different situation but when I had my first- DS a few years ago it was a bitterly cold winter. I’ll never forget basically just hibernating at home with him, snuggled up, the Winter Olympics on tv all day. That early month mainly just me & him at home was so special, bonded us so much. You will not die. LBC last night had an excellent female Dr on and she said we need not to panic. Absolute worst case- even elderly with severe underlying health conditions - 8/10 would get it and not die! Please stay calm & use this craziness as a chance to hibernate with your baby. You’ve got plenty of time for all those classes - 5 weeks is so young! All she wants is you xx

I completely understand why you are so sad and worried. It's such a stressful time. But I just wanted to say, if you need to distance yourself socially, and all the classes you wanted to do with your lovely baby are cancelled, do them yourself at home. I know you won't have that social aspect, but these are strange times. Go on YouTube and find out about baby massage. Go on Pinterest and look for baby sensory stuff. Just enjoy your lovely baby. I hope you feel better soon.

Try to stay calm so that you don’t need to resort to inhalers. Taking the inhaler when you don’t need it could make you more vulnerable to getting the virus (see the recent French news about anti-inflammatories and effect on coronavirus)). You are young and young people are statistically very unlikely to die if they catch the virus. Do try to enjoy your time with your baby and look for online groups for support as well as whatsapp groups of any mums you’ve met. Maybe try skyping other mum friends for company.

Ok, so spin this round. Stop thinking about all the things you can’t do and think of the things you can do. I didn’t take Dd to a single class for a year (I thought it was all for toddlers only and didn’t realise you could take a baby).

So baby massage, you can do this at home. Watch a YouTube video and follow that. Your Dd will love it. Run your own music class for Dd, learn songs, etc, get a few little instruments from amazon posted to you and do it yourself.

Spring is coming, go for a walk every day in the fresh air.

Your Dd won’t know she’s missing out on anything so don’t worry about that.

I think i posted on ur post last night, i have 1 year old and 3 year oldnso slightly older, on cbeebies they have a program called baby club so like baby group but on tv it's very sweet and its obviously not the same as going to a club as u dont have social aspect but id watch that and do same actions wit ur baby if u wanted to of course

Your reaction is abnormal and disproportionate.

If you truly feel like this, you need to see your doctor about post natal anxiety and depression.

Stop using social media immediately and call your doctor.

Step away from social media, any news stories other that basic instructions to follow and hide/be very selective on the coronavirus topic threads you read.

It really does make a difference.